Pushing the Limits

Page 48

No wonder I hated sleep.
I blew my nose again. “So, can I go home?”
The psychiatrist leaned forward and patted my knee. “Yes. I recommend that you continue private therapy to deal with any residual feelings now that you’ve remembered the incident. I hear Mrs. Collins has kept a few private clients on. Maybe she’d be willing to help.”
Mrs. Collins all but wagged her tail and panted. “My door is always open.”
“I think I’d like that.” Who knew? The woman I’d assumed was dead-set on making my life a living hell had actually delivered me from it.
IN TYPICAL GLINDA THE Good Witch fashion, Lila brought me stuff from home. Once I had something to change into other than puke-covered clothes or a hospital gown, I enjoyed a long, hot shower. When I left the bathroom, I found Noah standing by the window.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey.” Noah flashed his wicked grin. “I hear they’re springing you.”
“Yeah.” I walked over to the small bag Lila had left and shoved my stuff back in, trying to think of anything else to do to keep myself busy.
He’d witnessed me lose it. But he also stayed with me the entire time. Maybe he felt bad for me. Yet he broke into Mrs. Collins’s office to get my file because, according to Beth, he wanted me back.
“Noah.” But he said my name at the exact same time. He hitched his thumbs in his pockets as I drummed my fingers against the nightstand.
“How are you?” he asked.
Was he asking because he was buying himself time before he dumped me? Who would want to stay with a crazy girl? I shrugged and watched my fingers continue to tap. “Fine.”
In an uncharacteristic movement, Noah scratched the back of his head. He looked almost … unsure. Crap, I’d freaked him out so badly he was terrified to be in the same room as me.
“You scared the shit out of me last night, so forgive me if I don’t want to hear fine as an answer.”
I rubbed my eyes, hoping it would keep the burning tears away. The warm water of the shower had finally calmed the tears, but the thought of Noah walking away brought them back. “What do you want to hear? That I’m exhausted? Terrified? Confused? That all I want to do is rest my head on your chest and sleep for hours, but that’s not going to happen because you’re leaving me?”
“Yes,” he said quickly, then just as quick said, “No. Everything but the last part.” He paused. “Echo, how could you think I would leave you? How can you doubt how I feel?”
“Because,” I said as I felt the familiar twisting in my stomach. “You saw me lose it. You saw me almost go insane.”
The muscles in his shoulders visibly tensed. “I watched you battle against the worst memory of your life and I watched you win. Make no mistake, Echo. I battled right beside you. You need to find some trust in me … in us.”
Noah inhaled and slowly let the air out. His stance softened and so did his voice. “If you’re scared, tell me. If you need to cry and scream, then do it. And you sure as hell don’t walk away from us because you think it would be better for me. Here’s the reality, Echo: I want to be by your side. If you want to go to the mall stark naked so you can show the world your scars, then let me hold your hand. If you want to see your mom, then tell me that, too. I may not always understand, but damn, baby, I’ll try.”
I stared at him and he stared at me. The air between us grew heavy with the weight of our next unsaid words.
“Okay,” I said.
He closed his eyes for a second, the tension draining from his face. “Okay.”
My heart pounded in my chest. Did this mean we were back together? I wanted it to mean that, but the ground beneath me felt unstable. Maybe we’d be okay if we could just be us again. “Stark naked?”
“We all have dreams, Echo.” The right side of his mouth tipped up. “You know, there’s a bed here and the door’s already closed. It’d be a damn shame not to take advantage of the situation.”
I laughed and the action took me off guard, but, oh, it felt good.
Noah didn’t walk, he stalked and I loved the mischievous glint in his eye when he stalked me. He placed his hands on my hips and nuzzled my hair. “I love the way you smell.”
“Thanks.” Heat flushed my cheeks and I blew out a breath. So much had changed in twenty-four hours. “Why did you give up your brothers?”
Noah stroked his fingers through my curls, gently pulling on them in tantalizing movements. “Because they love Carrie and Joe and living with them is what’s best.”
Unable to stop myself, I caressed the rough stubble on his cheeks. “But you love them.”
His smile became forced and a muscle clenched in his jaw. “I’ll still be a part of their lives. A big part. I’m not going to lie, it hurts like hell, but I’m honestly relieved. I can go to college. I can decide my own future.”
I swallowed and tried to reign in the mutant pterodactyls having a roller derby in my stomach as I dared to think about a future for the two of us. The moment Aires’ car rumbled beneath me, I’d known that I needed Noah in my life. Aires’ death had left a gaping hole in my heart. I thought all I needed was that car to run. Wrong. A car would never fill the emptiness, but love could. “I hope your future includes me. I mean, someone has to continue to kick your butt in pool.”
Noah laughed as he snagged his fingers around my belt loops and dragged me closer. “I was letting you win.”
“Please.” His eyes had about fallen out of his head when I’d sunk a couple of balls off the break. “You were losing. Badly.” I wondered if he also reveled in the warmth of being this close again.
“Then I guess I’ll have to keep you around. For good. You’ll be useful during a hustle.” He lowered his forehead to mine and his brown eyes, which had been laughing seconds ago, darkened as he got serious. “I have a lot I want to say to you. A lot I want to apologize for.”
“Me, too.” And I touched his cheek again, this time letting my fingers take their time. Noah wanted me, for good. “But can we hash it all out some other time? I’m sort of talked out and I’ve still gotta go see my dad. Do you think we can just take it on faith right now that I want you, you want me, and we’ll figure out the happy ending part later?”
His lips curved into a sexy smile and I became lost in him. “I love you, Echo Emerson.”
I whispered the words as he brought his lips to mine. “Forever.”
Echo
Noah held my hand and my bag as he escorted me to the third floor—the Women’s Pavilion. The elevator bell rang and the doors opened.
“Jesus, Echo, circulation in my hand would be a good thing,” said Noah.
“Sorry.” I tried to let go, but Noah kept his fingers linked with mine.
We walked down the hallway and passed women strolling slowly with their husbands, balloon- and flower-filled rooms, and the nurse’s station. At the end of the hall, I paused right outside the room I’d been told was Ashley’s.
“Do you want me to come in?” he asked.
I shook my head. “She might be breast-feeding.” Plus I didn’t need an audience for this.
Noah tensed. “Too much information. I’ll be in the waiting room.”
“All right.”
He kissed my lips softly. “Text me and I’ll be here in a heartbeat, breast-feeding or not.”
“Thanks.”
Noah waited until I stepped into the room before he retreated. No ordinary room for Ashley. My father had upgraded to the private room with full spa bathroom, leather couches, wood floors and flat-screen television. He and Ashley were giggling over something when I stepped inside. “Hi.”
Ashley stretched out on the inclined hospital bed with my father right beside her. His arm was draped over her shoulder. There was no sign of the constant worry lines on my father’s face. His gray eyes shone as he looked down at the bundled baby she held in her arms.
They stopped laughing and Dad sat up on the bed. “Echo. Are you okay? Do you need me?”
My foot tapped against the floor. Nausea roiled deep inside. I’d had no idea how badly seeing the replacement child would hurt. “I’m fine. Am I interrupting something? Because if so I could go, because I know that you just had a baby and all …”
“No.” Ashley’s blue eyes softened. “You’re not interrupting anything, Echo. Please come in. I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you last night, but … well … I was sort of preoccupied.”
“Yeah. It’s fine. You had a baby. I think that sort of trumps—” Watching me have a breakdown.
I took the seat next to the bed and tried to peek at the baby without seeming like it. “Is he okay? I mean, he was born early and stuff.”
Not that I should care or anything. This thing was my and Aires’ replacement. But still, it was a small, defenseless baby and it should have been cooking in Ashley’s belly, not out too soon in this horrible world.
My dad gave me an honest-to-God smile. “He’s perfect.”
“Good.” I crossed my ankles and my foot rocked in rhythm to the finger tapping on my knee.
“Would you like to hold him?” Ashley asked.
Um … no. “Okay?”
My father retrieved the swaddled baby from Ashley’s arms and handed him to me. Becoming the queen of awkward, I moved my hands three times before I finally accepted him.
“Support his head and hold him close,” my father said. “That’s right. See, you’re a natural.”
“Sure.” People naturally wanted to run screaming when they held a baby. My heart rate rose when the little pink thing yawned and opened his eyes. He blinked three times and let them close again. When I blinked like that, a lie typically followed. I wondered how closely related we were.
“Would you like to know his name?” Ashley asked.
“Yeah. What’s his name?” Because people named their children and I was supposed to want to know.
My father caressed Ashley’s hand and answered, “Alexander Aires Emerson.”
A shiver ran through me until the name settled in my heart. Alexander’s little hand broke free from the blanket and grasped my finger. Aires. They named the baby after Aires.
Aires would have loved this baby, regardless of who his mother was, regardless of how our father treated him. Why? Because that’s the way he’d loved me. Aires loved me unconditionally. He loved me when I was a scared child. He loved me when I was a bratty preteen. He loved me as a hormonal teenager. When nobody else in this world could love me for being an unsure, self-absorbed, timid scaredy-cat, he loved me.
More than once, Aires had sucked up his pride for me. He took crap from my father, my mother and from Ashley to stick up for me. Aires did only one selfish thing in his life and that was to fulfill his dream of becoming a Marine, but even then, he fought for me. He wrote my father and Ashley letters, telling them to lay off. He called and wrote me all the time. He sacrificed his free time in order to be up-to-date on every detail of my life.