Revealed: The Missing Years
Page 93
Her lids fluttered open. “So that you’d know… I have faced our past—multiple times. Even knowing that past, I wanted a future.”
Analyzing each word, the erratic beat of his heart stopped, perhaps all together because if what she said were true, there would no longer be a reason for his heart to continue to beat. “Wanted? Past tense?” he asked.
Though he still held her chin, the beautiful woman in his grasp morphed into the bold woman he’d grown to love. Her volume rose with each phrase. “You don’t want me! You left me in the Iowa jail! You told me two weeks ago you wanted a divorce! I can’t live in a fantasy! You don’t want me… or a future with me! Let go of my chin and stop pretending!”
He obeyed her demand and released her chin; however, relinquishing his hold wasn’t even feasible. Tony’s actions weren’t planned: they were visceral and carnal. He slid his hand to the back of her neck and intertwined his fingers through her hair, forcing her to keep her face tilted toward his. With his other hand, he pulled her petite body against him as his lips seized hers.
For two weeks, Tony had tried to let Claire go. He’d wanted to give her the freedom she deserved, the freedom he’d taken away. However, each day, each hour, each minute, and each second had been agony. With his lips against hers, he no longer wanted to fight his desire. He couldn’t. Step by step, he pushed her backward until they were flush with the wall. Her initial resistance faded as his need intensified. Unapologetically, he tasted her sweetness as his tongue parted her lips. As he pulled her hips against his, everything came at him, more emotion than he’d allowed in years. Colorful fireworks exploded in his mind as his fist pounded the wall above her head. With his voice resonating throughout the suite sounding more like a growl, he said, “I told you before. I’ve never pretended to love you! I do love you! That’s present tense!”
She didn’t respond verbally, yet their kiss deepened, and their ragged breaths filled the large room. With each caress, her body responded to his touch. His want became more apparent and difficult to deny. When her sensual moans echoed in his ears, he could no longer resist. Tony led his wife to the bed and without hesitation, followed her onto the mattress. Her fanned hair behind her flushed face and slightly swollen lips was the most beautiful and erotic sight Tony had seen in years. Pushing her blouse upward, he searched to touch the softness of her skin.
The pulsating of the blood rushing through his veins deafened him to the outside world. He barely heard her voice the first time she told him to stop. The command didn’t even compute. Then he heard her speak louder.
“I said, stop!”
His mind was a blur. What had happened? She was willing just seconds ago. The pain of his need ached as he lifted his body from hers, and she rolled out from under him.
Claire’s voice was strong and determined. “You need to go. I can’t do this. I won’t let you hurt me again.”
Damn, she was right. He was no good for her. “Claire,” Tony pleaded as he stood and began to pace. “Don’t you understand? That’s why I wanted a divorce. I don’t want to hurt you and—and I can’t take it again, either. You talk about my leaving you at the jail, and this divorce.” He stammered, “W-what about you?”
Claire stood and stared incredulously. “Me? What about me?”
Running his hand through his hair, he explained the obvious. “You left me. You drove away from me—twice! You think I don’t remember that every damn time you drive away from this estate? The other day when you were gone for over three hours and driving around Bettendorf, of all places, I was scared to death that you’re considering doing it again.”
Claire’s eyes widened as she asked, “What do you mean… the other day? How did you know that I was in Bettendorf?”
He didn’t want to tell her that he’d had her followed; just like Jim, she wouldn’t understand. “Claire, they say we’re no good for one another, but in your notebooks you said you still loved me after everything. Is that still true?”
She moved closer. “Answer me. What do you know about my comings and goings?”
Tony closed his eyes and exhaled. “The reason I didn’t want Roach working for you was…” Damn, he owed her honesty, even if it would upset her. “…he’d been working for me. He’s been watching you since the day you came home.”
Claire’s eyes filled with tears, yet her voice wasn’t angry. In barely a whisper, she asked, “Why? Tell me why you’ve had Phil following me.”
He gripped her shoulders. “You have every right to be angry. That’s fine, but I’m not sorry. I worry. I’ll always worry. I don’t want anything to happen to you ever again.” His words came fast. “I don’t really care that you go. I just need to know that you’re safe.”
She sank back to the bed, and he knelt before her.
“Please,” he begged. “Please, tell me what you’re thinking.”
Her words were painful and beautiful. “I don’t know. There are so many things.” She shook her head. “I-I’ve been asked over and over, why I didn’t try to escape from you in 2010 when I had opportunities. When I tell the story about us, and talk about shopping or the symphony they tell me I should have run or told someone.”
God, he hated that she had those memories—that they both did.
Analyzing each word, the erratic beat of his heart stopped, perhaps all together because if what she said were true, there would no longer be a reason for his heart to continue to beat. “Wanted? Past tense?” he asked.
Though he still held her chin, the beautiful woman in his grasp morphed into the bold woman he’d grown to love. Her volume rose with each phrase. “You don’t want me! You left me in the Iowa jail! You told me two weeks ago you wanted a divorce! I can’t live in a fantasy! You don’t want me… or a future with me! Let go of my chin and stop pretending!”
He obeyed her demand and released her chin; however, relinquishing his hold wasn’t even feasible. Tony’s actions weren’t planned: they were visceral and carnal. He slid his hand to the back of her neck and intertwined his fingers through her hair, forcing her to keep her face tilted toward his. With his other hand, he pulled her petite body against him as his lips seized hers.
For two weeks, Tony had tried to let Claire go. He’d wanted to give her the freedom she deserved, the freedom he’d taken away. However, each day, each hour, each minute, and each second had been agony. With his lips against hers, he no longer wanted to fight his desire. He couldn’t. Step by step, he pushed her backward until they were flush with the wall. Her initial resistance faded as his need intensified. Unapologetically, he tasted her sweetness as his tongue parted her lips. As he pulled her hips against his, everything came at him, more emotion than he’d allowed in years. Colorful fireworks exploded in his mind as his fist pounded the wall above her head. With his voice resonating throughout the suite sounding more like a growl, he said, “I told you before. I’ve never pretended to love you! I do love you! That’s present tense!”
She didn’t respond verbally, yet their kiss deepened, and their ragged breaths filled the large room. With each caress, her body responded to his touch. His want became more apparent and difficult to deny. When her sensual moans echoed in his ears, he could no longer resist. Tony led his wife to the bed and without hesitation, followed her onto the mattress. Her fanned hair behind her flushed face and slightly swollen lips was the most beautiful and erotic sight Tony had seen in years. Pushing her blouse upward, he searched to touch the softness of her skin.
The pulsating of the blood rushing through his veins deafened him to the outside world. He barely heard her voice the first time she told him to stop. The command didn’t even compute. Then he heard her speak louder.
“I said, stop!”
His mind was a blur. What had happened? She was willing just seconds ago. The pain of his need ached as he lifted his body from hers, and she rolled out from under him.
Claire’s voice was strong and determined. “You need to go. I can’t do this. I won’t let you hurt me again.”
Damn, she was right. He was no good for her. “Claire,” Tony pleaded as he stood and began to pace. “Don’t you understand? That’s why I wanted a divorce. I don’t want to hurt you and—and I can’t take it again, either. You talk about my leaving you at the jail, and this divorce.” He stammered, “W-what about you?”
Claire stood and stared incredulously. “Me? What about me?”
Running his hand through his hair, he explained the obvious. “You left me. You drove away from me—twice! You think I don’t remember that every damn time you drive away from this estate? The other day when you were gone for over three hours and driving around Bettendorf, of all places, I was scared to death that you’re considering doing it again.”
Claire’s eyes widened as she asked, “What do you mean… the other day? How did you know that I was in Bettendorf?”
He didn’t want to tell her that he’d had her followed; just like Jim, she wouldn’t understand. “Claire, they say we’re no good for one another, but in your notebooks you said you still loved me after everything. Is that still true?”
She moved closer. “Answer me. What do you know about my comings and goings?”
Tony closed his eyes and exhaled. “The reason I didn’t want Roach working for you was…” Damn, he owed her honesty, even if it would upset her. “…he’d been working for me. He’s been watching you since the day you came home.”
Claire’s eyes filled with tears, yet her voice wasn’t angry. In barely a whisper, she asked, “Why? Tell me why you’ve had Phil following me.”
He gripped her shoulders. “You have every right to be angry. That’s fine, but I’m not sorry. I worry. I’ll always worry. I don’t want anything to happen to you ever again.” His words came fast. “I don’t really care that you go. I just need to know that you’re safe.”
She sank back to the bed, and he knelt before her.
“Please,” he begged. “Please, tell me what you’re thinking.”
Her words were painful and beautiful. “I don’t know. There are so many things.” She shook her head. “I-I’ve been asked over and over, why I didn’t try to escape from you in 2010 when I had opportunities. When I tell the story about us, and talk about shopping or the symphony they tell me I should have run or told someone.”
God, he hated that she had those memories—that they both did.
