Riding the Night
Page 10
Heat settled between her legs, a pounding ache and awareness and need that hadn’t been there in far too long. Her br**sts felt full and her ni**les tingled. She blinked and looked in the direction of the men of her fantasies, and found both of them staring right at her.
They knew. Somehow they knew what she’d been thinking about. It reflected back to her as they looked at her. AJ’s eyes had gone even darker, a storm on the horizon as his gaze locked with hers. Pax’s gaze was molten heat, all directed at her in a blast as hot as this August summer.
She should look away, move, get out of the room. But she was melted to the chair, unable to break the spell that tied her to these two men. And when Pax stood and moved toward her, her heart knocked against her chest, but it wasn’t fear shaking her—it was desire, curiosity, the need to continue to experience the sensations and emotions she was feeling.
Instead of looming over her, he dropped to his knees at the side of her chair. Teresa inhaled the scent of leather, of sweat, of man. She wanted to reach out and trace her fingertips over his goatee, but she didn’t, her hands gripping the chair arms so tight her muscles protested from the effort.
Pax smoothed his hand over her head, down along her hair, gently reaching the ponytail holder and drawing it down, releasing her hair. He didn’t say anything, just slid his fingers through her hair, draping some of it over her shoulder. She didn’t consider anything he did to be out of bounds or dangerous. Except the look in his eyes, the deliberate sensuality she saw there—which he let her see—screamed danger at the highest decibel level.
She heard AJ rise from the couch. From the corner of her eye she saw him move toward her—toward them. He slid to his knees in front of her chair and laid his hands ever so lightly on her legs, pressing in just enough so she knew he was there.
Oh, she knew he was there. She was surrounded by two men who had awakened her libido to a screaming frenzy.
But could she do anything about it? Did she dare?
“There’s something you want that you’re denying yourself.”
Teresa shifted her gaze to Pax. She swallowed, her throat so dry she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to speak.
AJ slid his hand to her knee. Easy, a nonthreatening touch. “You’re skittish. Do we scare you?”
She turned her focus to AJ, forcing the words out. “No. You two don’t scare me at all.”
She felt the movement of Pax’s hand against her neck, lightly teasing her hair, massaging the tight muscles there. He leaned in and his breath caressed her ear. Her chest tightened as he pressed a kiss to her neck. She closed her eyes as desire flooded her.
AJ moved his hands further along her legs, light and easy movements, his fingers dancing along the denim to her ankles. He pulled her feet out from under her and let her legs drape over him, rubbing her calves with his strong fingers while Pax slid his tongue along her throat. Her br**sts strained against her bra, her ni**les tight with agonized pleasure. She fought for breath as delicious sensation danced along her nerve endings.
She wanted this so much, yet even as she did, the images assaulted her. She was on the ground and someone was spreading her legs, holding her down, tearing at her clothes. She fought to get away.
The heat and delicious sensation shattered as cold fear took hold of her.
Anger battered her, that even now, five years later, it still haunted her.
“I can’t do this. Not yet.” She pushed, and AJ released her as Pax backed away. Teresa stood and turned to them. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She couldn’t even look at them, had to get away. She went to her bedroom and shut the door, felt foolish even as she locked it, but couldn’t help herself. She still needed that barrier of safety between her and them.
Between her and men.
EIGHT
AJ WATCHED, STUNNED, AS TERESA LEFT THE ROOM. HE WENT to the hall to follow her, but she shut the door and he heard the snick of the lock, effectively shutting him out.
He walked back into the living room and stood there.
“Damn” was all Pax said.
“Yeah.” AJ sat on the sofa and grabbed his beer, finishing it off in two swallows. “You want another?”
Pax nodded, and AJ went to the fridge and grabbed a couple bottles, handed one off to Pax. “I don’t get it.”
Pax shook his head. “She was fine one minute. I felt her, man. Her body was hot, liquid relaxed and responding to us. The next second she froze up, went stiff and pale and shot out of here like she was spooked.”
“A lot of women can’t handle two men.”
“True enough. But it was more than that. Way more than that.”
AJ knew Pax was right. The problem was, what were they going to do about it?
“You need to talk to her.”
AJ’s brows lifted. “Me? Why me?”
“You have the past with her. You know her better than I do. She might be more comfortable talking to you.”
“I don’t think so. Leave it alone.”
“There’s something wrong. This went way beyond a simple ‘Hey, I just don’t want to be with two guys’ kind of thing. She’s afraid and I don’t want to leave it alone.”
AJ took a few swallows and pointed his beer at Pax. “That’s your problem and always has been. You push when you shouldn’t.”
“You lay back because you don’t want to confront. Some things are better out in the open.”
“And some things are better left alone.”
“We aren’t talking about how f**ked up you are, AJ. We’re talking about Teresa.”
“You’re the one who wants to psychoanalyze everyone, Pax. So you go talk to her.”
“Fine. I will.” Pax disappeared down the hall. It took AJ a few seconds of fuming, just like it always did when he and Pax got into it. Then he stood and met Pax at Teresa’s door.
Pax was leaning against the wall, his lips lifted in a knowing smile. “I waited for you,” he whispered.
“Asshole.” AJ knocked on the door, light and easy, not wanting to make her think he was demanding to be let in. “Teresa? Can we talk to you?”
No answer for a minute or so. AJ was about to knock again.
“It’s not locked anymore. You can come in.”
He cringed at the softness in her voice, sensed her reluctance. He didn’t want to do this, but Pax was right—they needed to know if there was something they’d done wrong. AJ turned the knob and pushed the door. It opened. The room was dark. Teresa sat in the window seat, the moonlight casting a silver glow over her. Her knees were drawn to her chest, her arms wrapped around them.
“It is okay if Pax and I come in?”
She nodded, still looking out the window. AJ came into the room, Pax behind him. He circled around the bed but stopped there, not wanting to make her feel cornered.
“Five years ago I was riding my bike home after I closed down the bar. It was . . . two-thirty, three A.M., something like that,” she said, not looking at them. Obviously she was ready to talk, though. AJ took a seat on the corner of the mattress. Pax leaned against the wall.
“Front tire went down midway home. I tried calling Joey, but didn’t get an answer. He was out riding, so he didn’t get the call. I didn’t want to leave the bike on a deserted stretch of road, but I didn’t have much choice. I called for a taxi and waited. Meanwhile, a couple of bikers came by. I was hoping it was some of the Thorns. It wasn’t.”
AJ wanted to ask questions, wanted to say something, but this was Teresa’s story to tell.
“I don’t know who they were. They wore full face helmets with dark face shields and were dressed all in black. They pulled over and I told them my tire was shot.”
Her face had gone a pale silver, and he knew what it cost her to tell this story. He also knew he wasn’t going to like what he was going to hear next.
“They didn’t care about the bike, or my tire, or about helping me. They didn’t want to hear the word ‘no.’”
“Son of a bitch,” Pax mumbled from the darkened corner of the room. AJ agreed. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to go to Teresa and fold her in his arms.
“I prayed the taxi would show up, but you know how it is in this town. And it was a game night. Every taxi was in the city. I knew it was going to be a long wait. I told the guys someone was on the way to pick me up, but they didn’t listen . . . didn’t care. And I had broken down near this deserted shopping center, lots of nooks and crannies and places to hide ...”
She sucked in a shuddering breath, then continued. “They dragged me over there, behind the buildings, threw me on the ground. They tied a foul-smelling rag around my eyes so I couldn’t see. One held me down while the other pulled off my jeans and boots, tore my panties . . .”
Her lips trembled and silvery tears slid down her cheeks. “I kept saying no. Over and over again, I said no. They never responded, never said a word. They took turns violating me.” She pulled her legs tighter to her chest. “At least it was over fast. Then they left me lying there, half-naked and sobbing.”
She finally turned her tear-streaked gaze to AJ. “I said no. I pleaded with them. But they didn’t stop.”
Rage tore at AJ. He wanted someone dead for hurting her. But now wasn’t the time for that emotion. And it wasn’t the time for her to feel alone. He went to her, pulled her off the window seat and wrapped his arms around her.
Then Pax was there, too, on the other side of her, holding her, caressing her hair.
“We’re not going to hurt you, Teresa,” he said. “Not like that. Not ever.”
She buried her face against his chest and shuddered. “I know that. Logically, I know that. Getting my psyche to understand it is something different.”
“We aren’t going to hurt you,” Pax reiterated. “You have a right to say no. Every woman does.”
AJ drew her back and cupped her face in his hands. “Did you go to the police?”
She nodded. “Of course. It did no good. Whoever did it, they wore condoms. Never took their helmets off. Their bikes were nondescript and I didn’t get license tag numbers. I have no idea who they were. Still don’t.”
“Christ, Teresa. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
She managed a smile. “I’m angry it happened to me. I’m furious at them for thinking it was okay to take what wasn’t offered to them.”
“So the case is still open?”
She shrugged. “Not that it does much good. They’ll never be caught. No DNA. No repeat rapes before or after mine. It was an isolated incident. Cops said maybe they were drunk or high and it was just a one-time thing.”
“So no one pays for that crime except you,” Pax said.
Teresa’s gaze lifted to his.
“You’ve been in a kind of prison, haven’t you?” he asked.
She leaned against him. “Yes. I guess I still am. You saw that tonight.” She pushed past him and sat on the window seat again, lifted her gaze to him. “I’m not . . . normal anymore.”
Pax took a seat in the chair next to her. “It could take a long time. Have you had counseling?”
“Plenty. And it helped me a lot, especially in the beginning. But it can only help me so much. At some point I have to let a man, or men, touch me again.”
“The right man. Or men,” AJ said. “Ones who’ll be patient with you. Ones who’ll understand what you’ve been through, who know you need time to take this slow. Baby steps, Teresa.”
She tilted her head to the side. “You understand.”
“That you were violated? That your body still rebels against being touched?” AJ nodded. “Yeah, we understand. We may be guys, but we’re not dense, Teresa. Any man should understand that what you need most is time, patience and TLC. You have to do this on your own timetable, and in your own way.”
“I want to be whole again,” she said. “You have no idea how much I want that. But the guys around here . . . they know what happened and treat me differently because of it. They think I’m some china doll who’s going to break if touched. They give me a wide berth. They’re afraid, which in turn makes me feel damaged.”
Pax smoothed his knuckles over her cheek. “We’re not afraid of you, Teresa. Or of your reactions to us. Good or bad. And we sure as hell don’t think of you as damaged. What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause it.”
She inhaled, let it out on a shaky sigh. “Don’t I know it. I’d like an hour in a room with those two sons of bitches who did this to me.”
“Me, too,” Pax said, smoothing his hand over her hair. “The easiest way to get past this is to be with someone you trust. When you’re ready.”
The way she looked at Pax, her gaze so trusting, was like a gut punch to AJ. “I am ready.”
Pax smiled at her. “I think tonight proved you’re not ready yet.”
She sighed. “Well, goddammit, I want to be ready.”
Pax took her hands between his. “Give yourself a break, honey. There’s no hurry. Or timetable.”
“Most men—”
“We’re not most men.” AJ sat next to her. “You need to understand that. We’re not going to pressure you. Ever. You want one of us, both of us, that’s your call. On your timetable. You don’t, we’re still here for you.”
Pax lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “We’re on vacation. We’ll be hanging around for a while. You can count on us, Teresa, no matter what you need. If all you want is a couple of friends, that’s what we’ll be for you.”
They knew. Somehow they knew what she’d been thinking about. It reflected back to her as they looked at her. AJ’s eyes had gone even darker, a storm on the horizon as his gaze locked with hers. Pax’s gaze was molten heat, all directed at her in a blast as hot as this August summer.
She should look away, move, get out of the room. But she was melted to the chair, unable to break the spell that tied her to these two men. And when Pax stood and moved toward her, her heart knocked against her chest, but it wasn’t fear shaking her—it was desire, curiosity, the need to continue to experience the sensations and emotions she was feeling.
Instead of looming over her, he dropped to his knees at the side of her chair. Teresa inhaled the scent of leather, of sweat, of man. She wanted to reach out and trace her fingertips over his goatee, but she didn’t, her hands gripping the chair arms so tight her muscles protested from the effort.
Pax smoothed his hand over her head, down along her hair, gently reaching the ponytail holder and drawing it down, releasing her hair. He didn’t say anything, just slid his fingers through her hair, draping some of it over her shoulder. She didn’t consider anything he did to be out of bounds or dangerous. Except the look in his eyes, the deliberate sensuality she saw there—which he let her see—screamed danger at the highest decibel level.
She heard AJ rise from the couch. From the corner of her eye she saw him move toward her—toward them. He slid to his knees in front of her chair and laid his hands ever so lightly on her legs, pressing in just enough so she knew he was there.
Oh, she knew he was there. She was surrounded by two men who had awakened her libido to a screaming frenzy.
But could she do anything about it? Did she dare?
“There’s something you want that you’re denying yourself.”
Teresa shifted her gaze to Pax. She swallowed, her throat so dry she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to speak.
AJ slid his hand to her knee. Easy, a nonthreatening touch. “You’re skittish. Do we scare you?”
She turned her focus to AJ, forcing the words out. “No. You two don’t scare me at all.”
She felt the movement of Pax’s hand against her neck, lightly teasing her hair, massaging the tight muscles there. He leaned in and his breath caressed her ear. Her chest tightened as he pressed a kiss to her neck. She closed her eyes as desire flooded her.
AJ moved his hands further along her legs, light and easy movements, his fingers dancing along the denim to her ankles. He pulled her feet out from under her and let her legs drape over him, rubbing her calves with his strong fingers while Pax slid his tongue along her throat. Her br**sts strained against her bra, her ni**les tight with agonized pleasure. She fought for breath as delicious sensation danced along her nerve endings.
She wanted this so much, yet even as she did, the images assaulted her. She was on the ground and someone was spreading her legs, holding her down, tearing at her clothes. She fought to get away.
The heat and delicious sensation shattered as cold fear took hold of her.
Anger battered her, that even now, five years later, it still haunted her.
“I can’t do this. Not yet.” She pushed, and AJ released her as Pax backed away. Teresa stood and turned to them. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She couldn’t even look at them, had to get away. She went to her bedroom and shut the door, felt foolish even as she locked it, but couldn’t help herself. She still needed that barrier of safety between her and them.
Between her and men.
EIGHT
AJ WATCHED, STUNNED, AS TERESA LEFT THE ROOM. HE WENT to the hall to follow her, but she shut the door and he heard the snick of the lock, effectively shutting him out.
He walked back into the living room and stood there.
“Damn” was all Pax said.
“Yeah.” AJ sat on the sofa and grabbed his beer, finishing it off in two swallows. “You want another?”
Pax nodded, and AJ went to the fridge and grabbed a couple bottles, handed one off to Pax. “I don’t get it.”
Pax shook his head. “She was fine one minute. I felt her, man. Her body was hot, liquid relaxed and responding to us. The next second she froze up, went stiff and pale and shot out of here like she was spooked.”
“A lot of women can’t handle two men.”
“True enough. But it was more than that. Way more than that.”
AJ knew Pax was right. The problem was, what were they going to do about it?
“You need to talk to her.”
AJ’s brows lifted. “Me? Why me?”
“You have the past with her. You know her better than I do. She might be more comfortable talking to you.”
“I don’t think so. Leave it alone.”
“There’s something wrong. This went way beyond a simple ‘Hey, I just don’t want to be with two guys’ kind of thing. She’s afraid and I don’t want to leave it alone.”
AJ took a few swallows and pointed his beer at Pax. “That’s your problem and always has been. You push when you shouldn’t.”
“You lay back because you don’t want to confront. Some things are better out in the open.”
“And some things are better left alone.”
“We aren’t talking about how f**ked up you are, AJ. We’re talking about Teresa.”
“You’re the one who wants to psychoanalyze everyone, Pax. So you go talk to her.”
“Fine. I will.” Pax disappeared down the hall. It took AJ a few seconds of fuming, just like it always did when he and Pax got into it. Then he stood and met Pax at Teresa’s door.
Pax was leaning against the wall, his lips lifted in a knowing smile. “I waited for you,” he whispered.
“Asshole.” AJ knocked on the door, light and easy, not wanting to make her think he was demanding to be let in. “Teresa? Can we talk to you?”
No answer for a minute or so. AJ was about to knock again.
“It’s not locked anymore. You can come in.”
He cringed at the softness in her voice, sensed her reluctance. He didn’t want to do this, but Pax was right—they needed to know if there was something they’d done wrong. AJ turned the knob and pushed the door. It opened. The room was dark. Teresa sat in the window seat, the moonlight casting a silver glow over her. Her knees were drawn to her chest, her arms wrapped around them.
“It is okay if Pax and I come in?”
She nodded, still looking out the window. AJ came into the room, Pax behind him. He circled around the bed but stopped there, not wanting to make her feel cornered.
“Five years ago I was riding my bike home after I closed down the bar. It was . . . two-thirty, three A.M., something like that,” she said, not looking at them. Obviously she was ready to talk, though. AJ took a seat on the corner of the mattress. Pax leaned against the wall.
“Front tire went down midway home. I tried calling Joey, but didn’t get an answer. He was out riding, so he didn’t get the call. I didn’t want to leave the bike on a deserted stretch of road, but I didn’t have much choice. I called for a taxi and waited. Meanwhile, a couple of bikers came by. I was hoping it was some of the Thorns. It wasn’t.”
AJ wanted to ask questions, wanted to say something, but this was Teresa’s story to tell.
“I don’t know who they were. They wore full face helmets with dark face shields and were dressed all in black. They pulled over and I told them my tire was shot.”
Her face had gone a pale silver, and he knew what it cost her to tell this story. He also knew he wasn’t going to like what he was going to hear next.
“They didn’t care about the bike, or my tire, or about helping me. They didn’t want to hear the word ‘no.’”
“Son of a bitch,” Pax mumbled from the darkened corner of the room. AJ agreed. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to go to Teresa and fold her in his arms.
“I prayed the taxi would show up, but you know how it is in this town. And it was a game night. Every taxi was in the city. I knew it was going to be a long wait. I told the guys someone was on the way to pick me up, but they didn’t listen . . . didn’t care. And I had broken down near this deserted shopping center, lots of nooks and crannies and places to hide ...”
She sucked in a shuddering breath, then continued. “They dragged me over there, behind the buildings, threw me on the ground. They tied a foul-smelling rag around my eyes so I couldn’t see. One held me down while the other pulled off my jeans and boots, tore my panties . . .”
Her lips trembled and silvery tears slid down her cheeks. “I kept saying no. Over and over again, I said no. They never responded, never said a word. They took turns violating me.” She pulled her legs tighter to her chest. “At least it was over fast. Then they left me lying there, half-naked and sobbing.”
She finally turned her tear-streaked gaze to AJ. “I said no. I pleaded with them. But they didn’t stop.”
Rage tore at AJ. He wanted someone dead for hurting her. But now wasn’t the time for that emotion. And it wasn’t the time for her to feel alone. He went to her, pulled her off the window seat and wrapped his arms around her.
Then Pax was there, too, on the other side of her, holding her, caressing her hair.
“We’re not going to hurt you, Teresa,” he said. “Not like that. Not ever.”
She buried her face against his chest and shuddered. “I know that. Logically, I know that. Getting my psyche to understand it is something different.”
“We aren’t going to hurt you,” Pax reiterated. “You have a right to say no. Every woman does.”
AJ drew her back and cupped her face in his hands. “Did you go to the police?”
She nodded. “Of course. It did no good. Whoever did it, they wore condoms. Never took their helmets off. Their bikes were nondescript and I didn’t get license tag numbers. I have no idea who they were. Still don’t.”
“Christ, Teresa. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
She managed a smile. “I’m angry it happened to me. I’m furious at them for thinking it was okay to take what wasn’t offered to them.”
“So the case is still open?”
She shrugged. “Not that it does much good. They’ll never be caught. No DNA. No repeat rapes before or after mine. It was an isolated incident. Cops said maybe they were drunk or high and it was just a one-time thing.”
“So no one pays for that crime except you,” Pax said.
Teresa’s gaze lifted to his.
“You’ve been in a kind of prison, haven’t you?” he asked.
She leaned against him. “Yes. I guess I still am. You saw that tonight.” She pushed past him and sat on the window seat again, lifted her gaze to him. “I’m not . . . normal anymore.”
Pax took a seat in the chair next to her. “It could take a long time. Have you had counseling?”
“Plenty. And it helped me a lot, especially in the beginning. But it can only help me so much. At some point I have to let a man, or men, touch me again.”
“The right man. Or men,” AJ said. “Ones who’ll be patient with you. Ones who’ll understand what you’ve been through, who know you need time to take this slow. Baby steps, Teresa.”
She tilted her head to the side. “You understand.”
“That you were violated? That your body still rebels against being touched?” AJ nodded. “Yeah, we understand. We may be guys, but we’re not dense, Teresa. Any man should understand that what you need most is time, patience and TLC. You have to do this on your own timetable, and in your own way.”
“I want to be whole again,” she said. “You have no idea how much I want that. But the guys around here . . . they know what happened and treat me differently because of it. They think I’m some china doll who’s going to break if touched. They give me a wide berth. They’re afraid, which in turn makes me feel damaged.”
Pax smoothed his knuckles over her cheek. “We’re not afraid of you, Teresa. Or of your reactions to us. Good or bad. And we sure as hell don’t think of you as damaged. What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause it.”
She inhaled, let it out on a shaky sigh. “Don’t I know it. I’d like an hour in a room with those two sons of bitches who did this to me.”
“Me, too,” Pax said, smoothing his hand over her hair. “The easiest way to get past this is to be with someone you trust. When you’re ready.”
The way she looked at Pax, her gaze so trusting, was like a gut punch to AJ. “I am ready.”
Pax smiled at her. “I think tonight proved you’re not ready yet.”
She sighed. “Well, goddammit, I want to be ready.”
Pax took her hands between his. “Give yourself a break, honey. There’s no hurry. Or timetable.”
“Most men—”
“We’re not most men.” AJ sat next to her. “You need to understand that. We’re not going to pressure you. Ever. You want one of us, both of us, that’s your call. On your timetable. You don’t, we’re still here for you.”
Pax lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “We’re on vacation. We’ll be hanging around for a while. You can count on us, Teresa, no matter what you need. If all you want is a couple of friends, that’s what we’ll be for you.”
