Riding the Night
Page 11
TERESA HADN’T INTENDED TO SPILL HER STORY TO AJ AND PAX. She never liked talking about it. Talking about it was like reliving it, and she’d rather have a hot poker stuck in her eye than experience that night again.
Yet as soon as Pax and AJ had come into the room, the story had spilled out. It was as if she’d needed them to hear it. She’d wanted them to know why she’d run out of the room. It was important for them to understand they’d done nothing wrong. It hadn’t been them; it had been all her fault—her issues. It was important they know.
And maybe she’d wanted to throw down the challenge, see if they’d run like the others had. She’d told a couple guys about the rape before, guys she’d dated for a while and had tried to get close to.
They couldn’t handle it, had closed up on her, pulled away, and she hadn’t seen them again.
She supposed she understood why. A woman who’d been raped and hadn’t been sexually active since was more trouble than she was worth, especially a woman a guy was just starting to date. She was a mess of emotional scars, terrified of being touched again, yet craving that closeness with a man. That was one hell of a commitment most guys weren’t the least bit interested in making.
A man would have to be crazy in love with a woman to make that kind of sacrifice, and no man had gotten close enough to her to fall in love with her. She hadn’t allowed it. All the guys in the Thorns knew about the rape, but dating them wasn’t an option. They had circled around her after it happened and become family to her. They treated her like a sister, someone to protect. She valued them and loved them all, but she couldn’t f**k any of them. And she doubted any of them saw her that way, either.
But she would have never made it through without the Thorns. Their anger and need for retribution for what had happened had allowed her to pull herself together. Then she had been the one trying to calm them down.
But they told her she was one of theirs and men protect their women.
But not all men. Which was why five years later she was still dateless and sexless.
And yet AJ and Pax were still camped out in her house, hadn’t turned tail and run when she’d spilled her guts about that ugly night. Instead, they’d pulled her against them, not afraid to touch her or get close to her. They hadn’t treated her like she was fragile—or damaged. They’d held her when she’d needed it most.
Even Joey was afraid to touch her most days. She wasn’t the easiest to understand or get along with; she knew she ran hot and cold.
And still, AJ and Pax hadn’t walked out yet.
But it was still early in . . . whatever it was going on between her and . . . them? She couldn’t choose one or the other. She had a history with AJ, had been friends with him, had a teenage love affair with him. And he’d come back all grown-up and so very masculine and sure of himself. To see how he’d changed and grown was damn appealing. His stormy gray eyes had always mesmerized her, his coal black hair so thick and soft she could spend hours just kissing him and sinking her fingers into his hair. And now he had a man’s body, held himself with confidence and pride and the knowledge that comes with having gone through what he had with his family, all the odds against him, and having survived it. She’d always admired his survival skills as a kid, and she did so even more now that she’d seen what he’d done with his life. The fact that they had unfinished business only added to the attraction between them. They’d only gotten started when he’d disappeared from her life. Teresa had always felt there should have been more between them. She’d wanted so much more with him.
Oh sure, she could have held a grudge at the way he dumped her that night all those years ago, but it was him being noble in the only way he knew how. At the time she couldn’t see it, but years later she realized that had been his way to keep her safe. She knew what kind of trouble he’d gotten into after that. He’d wanted to distance her from what he was getting himself into. It had only made her miss him more.
Seeing him walk into the bar a few days ago had shocked her female senses into awareness for the first time in . . . years. It was a shock she’d needed, reminding her that she was still a woman—a woman with desires.
Pax was the unknown, someone new and exciting and oh so self-confident. He owned whatever room he occupied. And when he paid attention to you—whoa. He was the kind of man who could get a woman’s libido soaring in a hurry because he had charisma, that slight touch of arrogance that wasn’t too much, but just enough to be attractive. She found herself craving being near him, wanting to touch him, smell him, get close to him. There was something elementally sexy about the man, and she wanted more of whatever that special magic was he created in her body whenever he touched her.
Either one of these men could give her what she needed.
How was she going to choose? And if she did, would she finally be able to follow through?
“I’D LIKE TO KILL THE SONS OF BITCHES WHO DID THAT TO HER,” AJ said, pacing the floor in Teresa’s living room.
It had been hours since she’d gone to her room to sleep, hours since she’d revealed what had happened to her five years ago. And still, AJ couldn’t calm the rage that boiled inside him.
“You and me both, AJ. And if we were still on the other side of the law and we had a chance to find them, we probably could do something to those guys.”
AJ turned his gaze on Pax. “We’re in a better position now to have something happen to them.”
Pax’s lips lifted. “Yeah, we have the connections now that we wouldn’t have had before. But you know as well as I do that we can’t do that.”
AJ slumped into the chair. “I know. But it makes me feel better to think we can. I’d like to make the assholes suffer for what they did to her.”
“So would I. But we’d have to find them first. And the chances of that are pretty slim.”
AJ turned to Pax. “It had to be the Fists who did that to Teresa.”
Pax nodded. “I thought the same thing. The guys dressed all in black, they wore condoms, didn’t take off their helmets? And they just happened to come by when her bike broke down? What are the odds that was random?”
AJ didn’t like it at all. “I don’t think it was random. I think she was targeted. Like someone tried to send a message to Joey and the Thorns, and that message didn’t get across to them.”
“Or maybe it did, and Joey just didn’t want Teresa to know.”
“Shit,” AJ said. “I need to talk to Joey.”
“If he doesn’t know about a connection to the Fists, are you sure you want to bring it up?”
AJ shrugged. “Either way, he needs to know, and we need to find out what he knows about that night. I don’t like what happened to Teresa, and I really don’t like that no one’s ever paid for it. Someone needs to. The more we know, the better chance we have of finding the guys who did this to her.”
“Man, this could fall outside of what we’re allowed to do, legally.”
AJ looked Pax straight in the eye. “Are you down with that?”
Pax didn’t even flinch. “Hell yeah. I hate motherfuckers who hurt women. We need to find them and take them down.”
“Good.” AJ knew he could count on Pax. And in this they’d always been in agreement. No man took anything from a woman that she didn’t give freely. There was no sex involved in an act like that. It was simple brutality and violation at that point.
He and Pax had their fun with women—plenty of fun with a lot of different women. And every single one of those women had been more than willing and always consented. That was one of their rules—no coercion. A woman was either into it or she wasn’t. If she wasn’t, then game off. There was no fun in ha**g s*x with a woman who didn’t want to be there. AJ couldn’t understand guys who got off on power trips like that. He didn’t even want to analyze the whys of a man raping a woman. He only knew the guy should have his dick and balls cut off. There was nothing weaker than a man who forced his strength on a woman. Those were the true pussies in life. And AJ would like to make them all disappear by throwing them off a tall bridge somewhere.
Starting with the two who had hurt Teresa.
NINE
A FEW DAYS LATER THEY HAD NOTHING MORE TO HELP JOEY. Tests had concluded beyond a doubt that it was Larks’s blood on Joey’s clothes. The absence of a murder weapon hadn’t seemed to dissuade the DA from filing murder charges against Joey. Witnesses had pointed to Joey doing the deed.
Teresa was devastated. Joey was resigned. This was unacceptable.
The only interesting find was in the autopsy report, which indicated that the knife blade used to stab Larks was atypical, had an unusually patterned edge with distinctive markings, as if it had been custom made. The coroner said the edges didn’t match any standard knife edges in their database.
Which meant if they could find the guy who owned that knife and match it to the wound pattern on Larks’s body, they would have their killer.
Teresa made the suggestion to Pax and AJ after she closed the bar that night. She’d finally been able to reopen the bar, and had figured Pax and AJ would take off, head back to doing whatever it was they did for the government. But they hadn’t left. They’d come with her to the bar and helped her and the girls clean it up. Then whenever she went for updates on Joey’s case, they’d hung out at the police station with her, talked to Joey’s lawyer, spent some time huddled on their cell phones talking to their boss. And when she opened the bar in the late afternoon, they’d go with her, one on either side of her like two imposing bodyguards.
She had to admit she didn’t mind that part at all. Even Heather and Shelley were giving her raised brows and elbow nudges, though she told them both nothing was going on with AJ and Pax. They didn’t believe her.
“I like those guys, Teresa,” Heather said as they stood hip to hip in the storeroom doing liquor inventory.
Teresa inhaled and let it out. “I like them, too.”
“One tall, dark and handsome, the other tall, light and handsome. And both have eyes only for you. Goddamn, Teresa, it’s every woman’s dream.”
She ticked off the whiskey list. “Yeah, it is.”
Heather put her clipboard down. “Okay, spill. What is it?”
Teresa turned to her and smiled. Heather was beautiful, popular and changed men as often as most women changed nail polish. “You know what it is.”
“You’re gonna tell me again that you’re not ready yet.”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I mean it’s been five years. And these guys . . . they make me feel, Heather. I haven’t felt in so damn long. And I want to. You know how much I really want to.”
“Do they know?”
She nodded.
Heather’s lips curled up. “And they’re still here.”
Teresa’s smile matched Heather’s. “Yes, they are.”
“Most men wouldn’t be. Many haven’t been, as you well know,” she added, wagging her finger at her. “None of the guys you’ve told have stuck around long enough to help you through it.”
“I know. And they warm me in ways I can’t even explain. More than physically. Their presence—the way they watch over me—”
“They care. They’re protective. I can see it. They’re nothing like those guys who hurt you.”
“Logically I know that.”
“At some point you’re going to have to stop letting logic lead you and let a man touch you again. And I mean all the way touch you. You’re going to have to have sex again. You have the need, don’t you?”
She never talked about these things with anyone but Heather. “Of course I do. I get . . . urges, just like any other woman.”
Heather crossed her arms. “Let me guess. You’re taking care of those ... urges, on your own, instead of letting a guy take care of them for you.”
“Yes. But at least I can touch myself again. Sex is sexy to me again. At least I’m actually thinking about a man touching me again. That’s progress, isn’t it?”
“Well good for you. After five years you finally want sex again. Get going, Teresa. Otherwise, those assholes who hurt you win. You lose. You know damn well what they did to you wasn’t at all about sex.”
She shuddered a breath. “I know. You’re right.” Heather had never coddled her. That’s why they were best friends. When she needed a good kick in the butt, she knew where to go. Heather had been there for her five years ago when her world had shattered. She’d held her, comforted her, let her cry for days, weeks, months, had held her hand when she didn’t think she’d ever be whole again. And when the time had come for her to pick up the pieces and go on, Heather had been the one to shove a boot in her ass and make her start living again. She owed Heather everything.
“Look, Teresa. You have two hot men who want to take it slow and easy with you and help you get back in the real world. Honey, I’m surprised you aren’t coming at the mere thought of it.”
Teresa snorted out a laugh. “Believe me, my body is fully aware of them. It’s a big step.”
Heather laid a hand on her shoulder. “It’s a big step that’s been a long time coming. Do something about it. Let them help you get past this. If you trust them, they’ll back off if it gets too intense.” Heather peeked around the corner of the doorway, then looked at Teresa. “Besides, you could always start with doing them one at a time. Then graduate to both.”
“Oh, God.” Teresa leaned against the wall, the cool brick taking her rocketing temperature down. “One at a time would be more than enough, I think.”
Yet as soon as Pax and AJ had come into the room, the story had spilled out. It was as if she’d needed them to hear it. She’d wanted them to know why she’d run out of the room. It was important for them to understand they’d done nothing wrong. It hadn’t been them; it had been all her fault—her issues. It was important they know.
And maybe she’d wanted to throw down the challenge, see if they’d run like the others had. She’d told a couple guys about the rape before, guys she’d dated for a while and had tried to get close to.
They couldn’t handle it, had closed up on her, pulled away, and she hadn’t seen them again.
She supposed she understood why. A woman who’d been raped and hadn’t been sexually active since was more trouble than she was worth, especially a woman a guy was just starting to date. She was a mess of emotional scars, terrified of being touched again, yet craving that closeness with a man. That was one hell of a commitment most guys weren’t the least bit interested in making.
A man would have to be crazy in love with a woman to make that kind of sacrifice, and no man had gotten close enough to her to fall in love with her. She hadn’t allowed it. All the guys in the Thorns knew about the rape, but dating them wasn’t an option. They had circled around her after it happened and become family to her. They treated her like a sister, someone to protect. She valued them and loved them all, but she couldn’t f**k any of them. And she doubted any of them saw her that way, either.
But she would have never made it through without the Thorns. Their anger and need for retribution for what had happened had allowed her to pull herself together. Then she had been the one trying to calm them down.
But they told her she was one of theirs and men protect their women.
But not all men. Which was why five years later she was still dateless and sexless.
And yet AJ and Pax were still camped out in her house, hadn’t turned tail and run when she’d spilled her guts about that ugly night. Instead, they’d pulled her against them, not afraid to touch her or get close to her. They hadn’t treated her like she was fragile—or damaged. They’d held her when she’d needed it most.
Even Joey was afraid to touch her most days. She wasn’t the easiest to understand or get along with; she knew she ran hot and cold.
And still, AJ and Pax hadn’t walked out yet.
But it was still early in . . . whatever it was going on between her and . . . them? She couldn’t choose one or the other. She had a history with AJ, had been friends with him, had a teenage love affair with him. And he’d come back all grown-up and so very masculine and sure of himself. To see how he’d changed and grown was damn appealing. His stormy gray eyes had always mesmerized her, his coal black hair so thick and soft she could spend hours just kissing him and sinking her fingers into his hair. And now he had a man’s body, held himself with confidence and pride and the knowledge that comes with having gone through what he had with his family, all the odds against him, and having survived it. She’d always admired his survival skills as a kid, and she did so even more now that she’d seen what he’d done with his life. The fact that they had unfinished business only added to the attraction between them. They’d only gotten started when he’d disappeared from her life. Teresa had always felt there should have been more between them. She’d wanted so much more with him.
Oh sure, she could have held a grudge at the way he dumped her that night all those years ago, but it was him being noble in the only way he knew how. At the time she couldn’t see it, but years later she realized that had been his way to keep her safe. She knew what kind of trouble he’d gotten into after that. He’d wanted to distance her from what he was getting himself into. It had only made her miss him more.
Seeing him walk into the bar a few days ago had shocked her female senses into awareness for the first time in . . . years. It was a shock she’d needed, reminding her that she was still a woman—a woman with desires.
Pax was the unknown, someone new and exciting and oh so self-confident. He owned whatever room he occupied. And when he paid attention to you—whoa. He was the kind of man who could get a woman’s libido soaring in a hurry because he had charisma, that slight touch of arrogance that wasn’t too much, but just enough to be attractive. She found herself craving being near him, wanting to touch him, smell him, get close to him. There was something elementally sexy about the man, and she wanted more of whatever that special magic was he created in her body whenever he touched her.
Either one of these men could give her what she needed.
How was she going to choose? And if she did, would she finally be able to follow through?
“I’D LIKE TO KILL THE SONS OF BITCHES WHO DID THAT TO HER,” AJ said, pacing the floor in Teresa’s living room.
It had been hours since she’d gone to her room to sleep, hours since she’d revealed what had happened to her five years ago. And still, AJ couldn’t calm the rage that boiled inside him.
“You and me both, AJ. And if we were still on the other side of the law and we had a chance to find them, we probably could do something to those guys.”
AJ turned his gaze on Pax. “We’re in a better position now to have something happen to them.”
Pax’s lips lifted. “Yeah, we have the connections now that we wouldn’t have had before. But you know as well as I do that we can’t do that.”
AJ slumped into the chair. “I know. But it makes me feel better to think we can. I’d like to make the assholes suffer for what they did to her.”
“So would I. But we’d have to find them first. And the chances of that are pretty slim.”
AJ turned to Pax. “It had to be the Fists who did that to Teresa.”
Pax nodded. “I thought the same thing. The guys dressed all in black, they wore condoms, didn’t take off their helmets? And they just happened to come by when her bike broke down? What are the odds that was random?”
AJ didn’t like it at all. “I don’t think it was random. I think she was targeted. Like someone tried to send a message to Joey and the Thorns, and that message didn’t get across to them.”
“Or maybe it did, and Joey just didn’t want Teresa to know.”
“Shit,” AJ said. “I need to talk to Joey.”
“If he doesn’t know about a connection to the Fists, are you sure you want to bring it up?”
AJ shrugged. “Either way, he needs to know, and we need to find out what he knows about that night. I don’t like what happened to Teresa, and I really don’t like that no one’s ever paid for it. Someone needs to. The more we know, the better chance we have of finding the guys who did this to her.”
“Man, this could fall outside of what we’re allowed to do, legally.”
AJ looked Pax straight in the eye. “Are you down with that?”
Pax didn’t even flinch. “Hell yeah. I hate motherfuckers who hurt women. We need to find them and take them down.”
“Good.” AJ knew he could count on Pax. And in this they’d always been in agreement. No man took anything from a woman that she didn’t give freely. There was no sex involved in an act like that. It was simple brutality and violation at that point.
He and Pax had their fun with women—plenty of fun with a lot of different women. And every single one of those women had been more than willing and always consented. That was one of their rules—no coercion. A woman was either into it or she wasn’t. If she wasn’t, then game off. There was no fun in ha**g s*x with a woman who didn’t want to be there. AJ couldn’t understand guys who got off on power trips like that. He didn’t even want to analyze the whys of a man raping a woman. He only knew the guy should have his dick and balls cut off. There was nothing weaker than a man who forced his strength on a woman. Those were the true pussies in life. And AJ would like to make them all disappear by throwing them off a tall bridge somewhere.
Starting with the two who had hurt Teresa.
NINE
A FEW DAYS LATER THEY HAD NOTHING MORE TO HELP JOEY. Tests had concluded beyond a doubt that it was Larks’s blood on Joey’s clothes. The absence of a murder weapon hadn’t seemed to dissuade the DA from filing murder charges against Joey. Witnesses had pointed to Joey doing the deed.
Teresa was devastated. Joey was resigned. This was unacceptable.
The only interesting find was in the autopsy report, which indicated that the knife blade used to stab Larks was atypical, had an unusually patterned edge with distinctive markings, as if it had been custom made. The coroner said the edges didn’t match any standard knife edges in their database.
Which meant if they could find the guy who owned that knife and match it to the wound pattern on Larks’s body, they would have their killer.
Teresa made the suggestion to Pax and AJ after she closed the bar that night. She’d finally been able to reopen the bar, and had figured Pax and AJ would take off, head back to doing whatever it was they did for the government. But they hadn’t left. They’d come with her to the bar and helped her and the girls clean it up. Then whenever she went for updates on Joey’s case, they’d hung out at the police station with her, talked to Joey’s lawyer, spent some time huddled on their cell phones talking to their boss. And when she opened the bar in the late afternoon, they’d go with her, one on either side of her like two imposing bodyguards.
She had to admit she didn’t mind that part at all. Even Heather and Shelley were giving her raised brows and elbow nudges, though she told them both nothing was going on with AJ and Pax. They didn’t believe her.
“I like those guys, Teresa,” Heather said as they stood hip to hip in the storeroom doing liquor inventory.
Teresa inhaled and let it out. “I like them, too.”
“One tall, dark and handsome, the other tall, light and handsome. And both have eyes only for you. Goddamn, Teresa, it’s every woman’s dream.”
She ticked off the whiskey list. “Yeah, it is.”
Heather put her clipboard down. “Okay, spill. What is it?”
Teresa turned to her and smiled. Heather was beautiful, popular and changed men as often as most women changed nail polish. “You know what it is.”
“You’re gonna tell me again that you’re not ready yet.”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I mean it’s been five years. And these guys . . . they make me feel, Heather. I haven’t felt in so damn long. And I want to. You know how much I really want to.”
“Do they know?”
She nodded.
Heather’s lips curled up. “And they’re still here.”
Teresa’s smile matched Heather’s. “Yes, they are.”
“Most men wouldn’t be. Many haven’t been, as you well know,” she added, wagging her finger at her. “None of the guys you’ve told have stuck around long enough to help you through it.”
“I know. And they warm me in ways I can’t even explain. More than physically. Their presence—the way they watch over me—”
“They care. They’re protective. I can see it. They’re nothing like those guys who hurt you.”
“Logically I know that.”
“At some point you’re going to have to stop letting logic lead you and let a man touch you again. And I mean all the way touch you. You’re going to have to have sex again. You have the need, don’t you?”
She never talked about these things with anyone but Heather. “Of course I do. I get . . . urges, just like any other woman.”
Heather crossed her arms. “Let me guess. You’re taking care of those ... urges, on your own, instead of letting a guy take care of them for you.”
“Yes. But at least I can touch myself again. Sex is sexy to me again. At least I’m actually thinking about a man touching me again. That’s progress, isn’t it?”
“Well good for you. After five years you finally want sex again. Get going, Teresa. Otherwise, those assholes who hurt you win. You lose. You know damn well what they did to you wasn’t at all about sex.”
She shuddered a breath. “I know. You’re right.” Heather had never coddled her. That’s why they were best friends. When she needed a good kick in the butt, she knew where to go. Heather had been there for her five years ago when her world had shattered. She’d held her, comforted her, let her cry for days, weeks, months, had held her hand when she didn’t think she’d ever be whole again. And when the time had come for her to pick up the pieces and go on, Heather had been the one to shove a boot in her ass and make her start living again. She owed Heather everything.
“Look, Teresa. You have two hot men who want to take it slow and easy with you and help you get back in the real world. Honey, I’m surprised you aren’t coming at the mere thought of it.”
Teresa snorted out a laugh. “Believe me, my body is fully aware of them. It’s a big step.”
Heather laid a hand on her shoulder. “It’s a big step that’s been a long time coming. Do something about it. Let them help you get past this. If you trust them, they’ll back off if it gets too intense.” Heather peeked around the corner of the doorway, then looked at Teresa. “Besides, you could always start with doing them one at a time. Then graduate to both.”
“Oh, God.” Teresa leaned against the wall, the cool brick taking her rocketing temperature down. “One at a time would be more than enough, I think.”
