Rock My Bed
Page 59
I mean, I know I feel something for her. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that, but I also know that I’m not ready for something so monumental. Telling someone you love them is huge. It changes things. I don’t want to say it then find myself knee-deep in groupies fucking their brains out a week later because I decide I’m not ready to be committed that fully.
In order to be fair to her, I need to leave her alone while I sort out this fucked up mess in my head. Accepting someone’s love is just as big of a deal as admitting that you love them back. The last thing I want to do in this world is hurt this beautiful creature lying next to me.
I move her arm off my chest and creep across the hardwood floor to my things. I dress quickly and toss all my stuff back into my bag.
Aubrey rolls over in bed and I freeze. A few seconds later she snuggles back into her pillow and I know the coast is clear. I grab my boots and tip toe into the hall.
I know I owe her more than sneaking out like we had a cheap one-night stand, but I can’t face her. I can’t admit that she deserves so much better than me.
I close the door behind me and slip on my boots before riding the elevator to the lobby. Before I leave, I stop and instruct the door man to ring her apartment and let her know that I left her apartment door unlocked. I can’t in good faith leave her without knowing she’s safe.
I slip the doorman a hundred dollar bill and slap on my ball cap before heading out into the rainy night.
****
The calls start around midnight. I assume the doorman woke her up and now she’s freaking because she’s seen all my shits gone. Kitten dials my phone repeatedly and guilt washes through me as I shut the phone off while I wait to board the plane to Kentucky. Trip and Tyke are already at the place we share there while we’re on this break.
I text Trip and tell him I’ll be there about two in the morning.
Trip: What the fuck, dude? Something happen between you and Aubrey?
Riff: Explain later.
I type that in and hit send, knowing full well I have no intentions of explaining anything. Trip doesn’t need to know all my fucking business.
Three hours later, I’m pulling my rental car up to my house. It’s nearly five thousand square foot and plenty big enough for me and the twins to live in. We each have our own wing with separate living rooms and bedrooms, so it’s like apartments with a communal kitchen and living area for parties.
Eve, our grandmotherly, live-in housekeeper opens the front door as I shut off the headlights. She’s the best cook in the world, but the nosiest old woman I know, and we affectionately call her our housemother. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and head into the house.
“Trip says you was comin’ home tonight. Says you’re having problems with some girl?” Eve questions in her thick southern accent as I give her a hug hello.
I kiss the top of her gray head. “It’s nothing.”
“Sounded serious according to Trip. He’s done filled me in all about this Aubrey girl when I made supper last night.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course he did.”
“So tell me, sugar. You think this ‘en is the one?”
I sigh and sling my bag over my shoulder. “I think she is, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt her in the end, so I left before things get to serious.”
Eve frowns, deepening the wrinkles around her mouth. “Baby, you can’t let things like that hold you back from true love. If I’d been afraid of love, I would’ve never had forty long years with my Bernie. God rest his soul.”
I know she’s trying to make me feel better, but right now all I want to do is sleep. I place my hand on her shoulder and give it a gentle pat. “I’m going to hit the hay, Eve. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I walk back to my room and glance around. It’s just as I left it. My king-sized bed sits in the middle with a gray comforter and matching pillows. All my books and records neatly line the bookcase on the far end of the room by my computer. I don’t spend much time in here, so I haven’t really personalized it too much. The only picture I have in here is on my nightstand of Hailey and Mom. Up until now, they were the only people that mattered to me other than my bandmates. Aubrey has done a number of fucking with my head and stirring up emotions in me that I don’t like facing.
I flop onto my bed and close my eyes and let sleep take me away from everything.
****
Trip kicks the edge of my bed. “Get up, jackass. I’m tired of you mopping around her like a lazy alcoholic. Eve’s says she’s not going to bring your meals in here anymore, so you better get up and get ready to be fucking social.”
I toss a pillow at him and pull the blankets over my head. “Fuck you, dude. Leave me alone.”
He yanks my covers off. “You’ve been locked up in here three days now drinking yourself into oblivion. You need to fix this shit.”
“I can’t!” Why doesn’t he let me be?
“You can! Here.” He tosses my cell onto the bed next to me. “Call her.”
“No.”
He folds his arms. “Do it or I’m dragging your ass into the shower myself and hosing that stink off you.”
“God!” I snatch the phone up and search out her number. “You’re annoying as fuck.”
Trip smirks but doesn’t make a move to leave until he hears Aubrey answer.
“Hey,” I say. “It’s me.”
Satisfied with himself, Trip laughs as he shuts my door on his way out and I flip him the finger.
In order to be fair to her, I need to leave her alone while I sort out this fucked up mess in my head. Accepting someone’s love is just as big of a deal as admitting that you love them back. The last thing I want to do in this world is hurt this beautiful creature lying next to me.
I move her arm off my chest and creep across the hardwood floor to my things. I dress quickly and toss all my stuff back into my bag.
Aubrey rolls over in bed and I freeze. A few seconds later she snuggles back into her pillow and I know the coast is clear. I grab my boots and tip toe into the hall.
I know I owe her more than sneaking out like we had a cheap one-night stand, but I can’t face her. I can’t admit that she deserves so much better than me.
I close the door behind me and slip on my boots before riding the elevator to the lobby. Before I leave, I stop and instruct the door man to ring her apartment and let her know that I left her apartment door unlocked. I can’t in good faith leave her without knowing she’s safe.
I slip the doorman a hundred dollar bill and slap on my ball cap before heading out into the rainy night.
****
The calls start around midnight. I assume the doorman woke her up and now she’s freaking because she’s seen all my shits gone. Kitten dials my phone repeatedly and guilt washes through me as I shut the phone off while I wait to board the plane to Kentucky. Trip and Tyke are already at the place we share there while we’re on this break.
I text Trip and tell him I’ll be there about two in the morning.
Trip: What the fuck, dude? Something happen between you and Aubrey?
Riff: Explain later.
I type that in and hit send, knowing full well I have no intentions of explaining anything. Trip doesn’t need to know all my fucking business.
Three hours later, I’m pulling my rental car up to my house. It’s nearly five thousand square foot and plenty big enough for me and the twins to live in. We each have our own wing with separate living rooms and bedrooms, so it’s like apartments with a communal kitchen and living area for parties.
Eve, our grandmotherly, live-in housekeeper opens the front door as I shut off the headlights. She’s the best cook in the world, but the nosiest old woman I know, and we affectionately call her our housemother. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and head into the house.
“Trip says you was comin’ home tonight. Says you’re having problems with some girl?” Eve questions in her thick southern accent as I give her a hug hello.
I kiss the top of her gray head. “It’s nothing.”
“Sounded serious according to Trip. He’s done filled me in all about this Aubrey girl when I made supper last night.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course he did.”
“So tell me, sugar. You think this ‘en is the one?”
I sigh and sling my bag over my shoulder. “I think she is, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt her in the end, so I left before things get to serious.”
Eve frowns, deepening the wrinkles around her mouth. “Baby, you can’t let things like that hold you back from true love. If I’d been afraid of love, I would’ve never had forty long years with my Bernie. God rest his soul.”
I know she’s trying to make me feel better, but right now all I want to do is sleep. I place my hand on her shoulder and give it a gentle pat. “I’m going to hit the hay, Eve. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I walk back to my room and glance around. It’s just as I left it. My king-sized bed sits in the middle with a gray comforter and matching pillows. All my books and records neatly line the bookcase on the far end of the room by my computer. I don’t spend much time in here, so I haven’t really personalized it too much. The only picture I have in here is on my nightstand of Hailey and Mom. Up until now, they were the only people that mattered to me other than my bandmates. Aubrey has done a number of fucking with my head and stirring up emotions in me that I don’t like facing.
I flop onto my bed and close my eyes and let sleep take me away from everything.
****
Trip kicks the edge of my bed. “Get up, jackass. I’m tired of you mopping around her like a lazy alcoholic. Eve’s says she’s not going to bring your meals in here anymore, so you better get up and get ready to be fucking social.”
I toss a pillow at him and pull the blankets over my head. “Fuck you, dude. Leave me alone.”
He yanks my covers off. “You’ve been locked up in here three days now drinking yourself into oblivion. You need to fix this shit.”
“I can’t!” Why doesn’t he let me be?
“You can! Here.” He tosses my cell onto the bed next to me. “Call her.”
“No.”
He folds his arms. “Do it or I’m dragging your ass into the shower myself and hosing that stink off you.”
“God!” I snatch the phone up and search out her number. “You’re annoying as fuck.”
Trip smirks but doesn’t make a move to leave until he hears Aubrey answer.
“Hey,” I say. “It’s me.”
Satisfied with himself, Trip laughs as he shuts my door on his way out and I flip him the finger.
