Ruin Me
Page 33
“I don’t know what to say.” I expected him to flip out and now that he hasn’t, I don’t know what to do with myself.
“Don’t say anything right now. Just think about it for a while.” He slides back toward the headboard and stretches his legs out. “Go take a shower and I’ll go get the snacks. I think I’ll try to find a little more information on Marcus, but if we haven’t found any information by Saturday morning, we’re going to have to take off. We need to have time for you to go up to the Tetons on our way home.”
“We don’t have to do that if there’s not time.” I scoot to the edge of the bed and lower my feet onto the floor. “We should spend all the time we need looking for your mom. That’s what the trip is for.”
“Just stop. We’re going to scatter your father’s ashes and you’re going to get to say your goodbye. I’ll even hold your hand the entire time.”
“Wow, I feel so honored.” I manage to crack a small joke.
“There’s my girl,” he says with pride.
My heart leaps in my chest. After telling him what I just did, I’m surprised it can still beat at all. After Mack, it broke, but somehow, Jax has made it feel more whole.
Chapter Eleven
Jax
We spend most of the next day asking about my mother and Marcus around town. The problem is most of the people who know them aren’t the most reliable sources.
“I feel like I’m on crackhead/prostitute overload.” A shiver courses through Clara’s body as we sit in the car, eating ice cream and taking a much needed break from our search.
“I completely agree.” I suck the vanilla ice cream off the spoon, noting from my peripheral vision that Clara is observing my every movement.
“Want to tell me what’s on your mind?” I ask, scooping up another spoonful of vanilla goodness.
She shrugs with her eyes still glued on me. “I was just thinking… about us.”
“How did you go from talking about crackheads and prostitutes to us?”
“I don’t know. I think I’ve been thinking about us the entire day. My head’s only really been half into finding your mom.”
“I wish mine was.” I set down the cup of ice cream and lay my arm on the back of her seat. “So, what exactly are you thinking about?”
She shrugs, stuffing her mouth with a bite of chocolate ice cream. “I was just wondering how things were going to go when we got back home.”
I tangle my fingers through her hair and try not to smile when she doesn’t pull away. After she opened up to me last night, she seems to be a bit more affectionate. “That’s really up to you. I’ve always been pretty clear on what I want.”
“But you still want that?” She seems so positive I’ve somehow changed my mind about wanting her, just because she told me about her family.
I still can’t believe she was so worried over telling me about her mother. That she thought I’d leave her like her ex-boyfriend did. Seriously, what a fucking asshole. Clearly, he’s never experienced the pain of life before.
“Of course I do.” I resist an eye roll at her silliness. “I should probably tell you something, though. Something you might freak out over.”
She stirs her ice cream with the spoon, growing anxious. “Okay.”
I cross my fingers she doesn’t freak out, but I feel like I need to tell her.
“I’m going to be living really close to you soon,” I divulge then hold my breath and wait for her response.
“How close?”
“Right next door close.”
Her brows dip. “You mean…”
“I mean, I rented a place in your apartment complex. The place right next door to yours, actually.”
Her lips part but no sound comes out. She shovels up a spoonful of ice cream and stuffs it into her mouth.
“Are you okay?” I slip my fingers from her hair to the back of her neck and trace circles on her skin.
“I’m fine. I just… you’ve looked at the place, right? I mean, they’re not nice apartments.”
“You’ve seen where I grew up, right?” I remind her. “And yes, I have looked at the places. They look fine to me. Cheap but livable. And affordable, which is the best part.”
“And right next to where I live.” She doesn’t sound as upset as I expected her to be.
“Another added bonus.”
She absentmindedly stirs her ice cream. “When do you move in?”
“A few weeks after we get back.” I move my hand away from her neck to pick up my ice cream cup. “Are you going to be okay with that?”
She shrugs, licking a drop of ice cream off the spoon. “What would you do if I said I wasn’t?” She locks gazes with me. “Would you not move there?”
I feel like I’m walking into a trap. “I don’t know… probably not. There’s no place else I can afford, and I’m really ready to move out of Avery’s.”
She considers what I’ve said. “Well, if you need to live there then you need to live there.”
“So, you’re okay with me being so close?”
“I’m sure having you so close will have some perks.”
“Are you being dirty right now?” I question.
“Maybe,” she replies vaguely.
I smile and relax, feeling a weight lift off my chest. But the pressure builds right back up when I spot one of my mother’s old friends, Melinda, ducking behind the ice cream shop.
“Don’t say anything right now. Just think about it for a while.” He slides back toward the headboard and stretches his legs out. “Go take a shower and I’ll go get the snacks. I think I’ll try to find a little more information on Marcus, but if we haven’t found any information by Saturday morning, we’re going to have to take off. We need to have time for you to go up to the Tetons on our way home.”
“We don’t have to do that if there’s not time.” I scoot to the edge of the bed and lower my feet onto the floor. “We should spend all the time we need looking for your mom. That’s what the trip is for.”
“Just stop. We’re going to scatter your father’s ashes and you’re going to get to say your goodbye. I’ll even hold your hand the entire time.”
“Wow, I feel so honored.” I manage to crack a small joke.
“There’s my girl,” he says with pride.
My heart leaps in my chest. After telling him what I just did, I’m surprised it can still beat at all. After Mack, it broke, but somehow, Jax has made it feel more whole.
Chapter Eleven
Jax
We spend most of the next day asking about my mother and Marcus around town. The problem is most of the people who know them aren’t the most reliable sources.
“I feel like I’m on crackhead/prostitute overload.” A shiver courses through Clara’s body as we sit in the car, eating ice cream and taking a much needed break from our search.
“I completely agree.” I suck the vanilla ice cream off the spoon, noting from my peripheral vision that Clara is observing my every movement.
“Want to tell me what’s on your mind?” I ask, scooping up another spoonful of vanilla goodness.
She shrugs with her eyes still glued on me. “I was just thinking… about us.”
“How did you go from talking about crackheads and prostitutes to us?”
“I don’t know. I think I’ve been thinking about us the entire day. My head’s only really been half into finding your mom.”
“I wish mine was.” I set down the cup of ice cream and lay my arm on the back of her seat. “So, what exactly are you thinking about?”
She shrugs, stuffing her mouth with a bite of chocolate ice cream. “I was just wondering how things were going to go when we got back home.”
I tangle my fingers through her hair and try not to smile when she doesn’t pull away. After she opened up to me last night, she seems to be a bit more affectionate. “That’s really up to you. I’ve always been pretty clear on what I want.”
“But you still want that?” She seems so positive I’ve somehow changed my mind about wanting her, just because she told me about her family.
I still can’t believe she was so worried over telling me about her mother. That she thought I’d leave her like her ex-boyfriend did. Seriously, what a fucking asshole. Clearly, he’s never experienced the pain of life before.
“Of course I do.” I resist an eye roll at her silliness. “I should probably tell you something, though. Something you might freak out over.”
She stirs her ice cream with the spoon, growing anxious. “Okay.”
I cross my fingers she doesn’t freak out, but I feel like I need to tell her.
“I’m going to be living really close to you soon,” I divulge then hold my breath and wait for her response.
“How close?”
“Right next door close.”
Her brows dip. “You mean…”
“I mean, I rented a place in your apartment complex. The place right next door to yours, actually.”
Her lips part but no sound comes out. She shovels up a spoonful of ice cream and stuffs it into her mouth.
“Are you okay?” I slip my fingers from her hair to the back of her neck and trace circles on her skin.
“I’m fine. I just… you’ve looked at the place, right? I mean, they’re not nice apartments.”
“You’ve seen where I grew up, right?” I remind her. “And yes, I have looked at the places. They look fine to me. Cheap but livable. And affordable, which is the best part.”
“And right next to where I live.” She doesn’t sound as upset as I expected her to be.
“Another added bonus.”
She absentmindedly stirs her ice cream. “When do you move in?”
“A few weeks after we get back.” I move my hand away from her neck to pick up my ice cream cup. “Are you going to be okay with that?”
She shrugs, licking a drop of ice cream off the spoon. “What would you do if I said I wasn’t?” She locks gazes with me. “Would you not move there?”
I feel like I’m walking into a trap. “I don’t know… probably not. There’s no place else I can afford, and I’m really ready to move out of Avery’s.”
She considers what I’ve said. “Well, if you need to live there then you need to live there.”
“So, you’re okay with me being so close?”
“I’m sure having you so close will have some perks.”
“Are you being dirty right now?” I question.
“Maybe,” she replies vaguely.
I smile and relax, feeling a weight lift off my chest. But the pressure builds right back up when I spot one of my mother’s old friends, Melinda, ducking behind the ice cream shop.
