Say You Love Me
Page 30
It could have been much, much worse, their minds as damaged as their bodies, if they hadn't already been accustomed to the brutality of men before Ashford found them and used to selling their favors for a living. Fully clothed, there would be nothing to show for their ordeal there. But they would know, and they would never forget.
And James was giving them their revenge. Anthony had fetched clothes for them from that room upstairs, old to be sure, but serviceable for the time being. They had declined wearing them yet.
The oldest among them explained, "He always stripped down before the whippin's. Blood splatters, ye know."
An excellent point, since James and Anthony had strapped Ashford to that same bed that Kelsey had occupied before they woke him. The whips were there. The knife was there. And they left the women there with him. "They may kill him," Anthony pointed out as he closed the cellar door to block out the screams that were already coming from below.
James nodded. "If they do, then we'll give him a nice burial."
Anthony chuckled. "You don't think they will?" "I think they'll want to pay him back in kind, and that, dear boy, is what the chap deserves. I expect he'll be ready for Bedlam when they're done with him. If not, I'll have to take care of him myself, to keep Derek from doing it." "Hmmm, I agree, the lad's too young to go around killing chaps. Wouldn't want anyone to say he's taking after his uncles." "Put a lid on it, puppy."
AFTER HER ORDEAL WITH LORD ASHFORD, KELSEY ALmost forgot that her Aunt Elizabeth and sister were in town and expecting to see her the next morning. She sent an excuse to postpone their visit until later in the week.
That visit was going to be a trying, emotional meeting as it was, endeavoring to keep the lies straight, undoubtedly having to come up with new ones-and missing them both as much as she did. She couldn't face that after the trial she had just gone through. Besides, Derek refused to leave her side, and she'd have a hard time visiting her relatives, whom he didn't know existed, with him tagging along.
In fact, it took nearly all week, and a great number of assurances that she was all right, to get him to relax his guard and go about his normal business. And even then, he wouldn't stop pampering her and treating her nearly like an invalid, until she agreed to speak about the incident. She supposed he felt that if she couldn't talk about it openly she would never really get over it.
There might be something to that, because it wasn't easy to begii, telling him everything that had happened to her that day, but it grew easier. Afterward she did actually feel better. And he'd had other things to relate to her as well, things that she hadn't been aware of.
She hadn't known the caretaker had broken his neck, hadn't seen his body lying there in the cellar, because Derek had kept her head turned away from him when they'd passed him. The other man who had been bludgeoned and left in the stable with Henry had been her driver, who was going to be all right. He'd tried to help her, and for that Derek had added a huge bonus to his salary. The man would probably be devoted to Kelsey for life.
As for those poor women who hadn't been as fortunate, Derek's uncles had settled enough money on them so they wouldn't have to return to their previous occupations, wouldn't have to work again at all if they didn't want to. The Malory brothers didn't have to do that. It had been very nice of them that they did.
And Lord Ashford, well, she wasn't a bit surprised to hear that he was totally insane, since he'd already been very close to it. But what had pushed him beyond the brink did surprise her. "He's been admitted to Bedlam, where he won't be leaving, now that his mind is completely gone," Derek had told her several days later. "My Uncle James turned those women loose on him, you see, and well, they gave him back what he'd given them-and then some."
Kelsey didn't mention that she'd probably have turned him into a eunuch as well, if she'd been one of those women. Derek didn't mention that one of the women had thought of that.
And then the morning came when she couldn't delay visiting her aunt and sister any longer. And it was as emotionally exhausting and upsetting as she had suspected it would be. The hardest part, which she hadn't expected at all, had been keeping Derek out of her conversation. Amazingly, his name kept coming to the tip of her tongue quite naturally, and she kept having to bite it back each time.
She got through the visit without making any mistakes. However, she went home quite upset over the whole affair and stayed upset all day. And unfortunately, that night was when Derek asked her to marry him.
They were having dinner. She had just taken a sip of red wine. It was fortunate the tablecloth was dark blue. It wouldn't show the stain too much. "Sorry." Derek grinned sheepishly. "Didn't mean to startle vou like that."
Startle her? Shock was more like it. "That isn't something to jest about," she admonished, frowning at him. "That isn't something I would jest about." "But you can't be serious!" "Why not?" "Don't be obtuse, Derek. You know why. I'm your mistress. A lord in your position doesn't marry his mistress. It simply isn't done." "It'll be done if I want it to be done."
That was such a ridiculously ... stubborn statement, she almost rolled her eyes. But she was too upset by the subject to find anything amusing about it.
Of course, she'd love to marry him. She couldn't think of anything she'd like to do, more. But she knew as well as he did that it was impossible. And that he'd brought it up to begin with made her angry. How dare he tempt her?
It didn't matter that she was a quite suitable match for him, or at least she had been before she'd sold herself in a house of ill repute in a room full of London lords. Selling herself had made her utterly unsuitable for marriage, even if he was the one who'd bought her.
"I won't marry you, Derek," she said in a stiff voice. "And I won't thank you for asking me." "You don't want to marry me?" "I didn't say that, I said I won't marry you. I won't cause you and your family yet another scandal." "Kelsey, let me worry about my fam-" "My answer is no, Derek, and it won't change. And I would appreciate it if you don't stay tonight. I would like to be alone."
He stared after her incredulously. She'd walked out on him. And she was furious. He recognized the signs. She contained it well, but she was bloody furious with him-because he'd asked her to marry him. And here he'd thought she'd be pleased by the notion, delighted even-he'd at least thought she'd say yes.
Derek sighed. He hadn't even gotten used to the idea himself yet, had only just figured out that he wanted to marry her, and that after a long week of fretting over some very strange feelings. What had started it was when it had occurred to him that with Lonny dead, and Kelsey aware of it, there was nothing keeping her with him other than her own honor. There would be no fear now that Lonny would enforce the bargain she had made. And she had to know Derek well enough by then to know that he wouldn't hold that bill of sale against her. She could leave at any time, just like a normal mistress. That he'd paid a lot of money for her no longer mattered.
And that put him into a bit of a panic. When he'd realized that he was panicked, he'd tried to figure out why. And the answer had come to him readily enough. He'd gone and fallen in love with his mistress.
It was a bloody stupid thing to do. Even he knew that. But he'd done it anyway. And he knew he didn't have to marry her. They could go on perfectly well just as they were-as long as she was willing to stay with him. But he didn't like that "as long as." He wanted permanence. He wanted to move her into his own house. He wanted her to bear his children. He didn't want to hide her anymore.
But she'd said no. And she'd said her answer wouldn't change.
By God, it would change-maybe not that night, though, DEREK STAYED AWAY FOR THREE DAYS. WISELY, AS IT happened. It had taken that long for Kelsey to calm down. She finally determined that his marriage proposal had possibly come as a result of the Ashford incident, because of how extremely worried he'd been over her during it. The proposal had probably been impulsive, too. And now that he'd had more time to think about it, he'd realized what a fool notion it had been.
He didn't mention the proposal again when he showed up three days later, so Kelsey decided to leave the subject alone as well. Besides, after her anger over it had subsided, she'd actually taken it as a good sign, or at least as a sign that he was growing fonder of her than she'd realized. When a man didn't tell you how he felt, it was nice to get clues that gave some indication, and a proposal of marriage was a pretty strong clue.
They made up, as it were, though they hadn't actually had a fight. And making love with him that night was a little more heated than normal, was quite explosive actually, and so prolonged that they both overslept the next morning.
Kelsey arose first. Dressing quickly, she went down to see what Alicia had prepared for breakfast, with the thought of ,ringing a tray up to Derek. She didn't have a butler as that was one servant she didn't feel she needed in her small household, especially since she [idn't receive any callers. And her footman usually saw to ihose duties. But when he wasn't around, whoever was downstairs and nearest the door answered it if someone knocked on it.
This morning that was Kelsey, since someone was knocking on the door just as she came downstairs. The surprise she received upon opening it, though, was quite unpleasant for that early in the morning. "I make quite a good detective, don't IT' Regina Eden said, beaming at her.
Kelsey drew a total blank as far as any responses were concerned. Situations like this were not supposed to occur.
Hadn't Derek promised her she wouldn't have to deal with his family anymore? And Reggie walked right in, as if she didn't doubt for a moment that she would be welcome. And she wouldn't doubt it. They were fast friends, after all-at least as far as Reggie was concerned.
Kelsey groaned inwardly. And all she could think to finally say was, "How did you find me?" "Well, I went by Percy's house first, of course. Not this morning. This was last week." "Why?" "To see if you were still in town, since I was. Nicholas had some business that came up, so we've ended up staying longer than I thought we would. Anyway, I went by Percy's and the dear wasn't in, but his butler said he had no cousin staying there with him, nor had he had one any time recently. I left a message for him to come by and see me, but he never did. And I'm not known for my patience. So then I checked the hotels nearby, and I don't mind telling you, I made a complete ass of myself, showing up at one hotel that had a Langton registered. It wasn't you, of course, but some lady and her niece. And she even had another niece named Kelsey, too." "Imagine that," Kelsey croaked out. "My sentiments exactly. But they'd never even heard of Percy, so, of course, her Kelsey couldn't have been you. And after I exhausted the hotels, I checked with the better rental agencies, and they had no record of dealing with you or Percy. But then-and I don't know why I thought of it, except that Derek has frequently attended to business matters for Percy in the past-I mentioned his name, and sure enough, he had just leased this house recently. So here I am."
Yes, here she was, and Kelsey didn't know what the devil to do. She couldn't very well ask Reggie to stay for tea when Derek might come downstairs at any moment. She had left him sleeping, but he tended to wake up pretty quickly once she was gone, as if he could sense her absence even in sleep.
And damned if a door didn't open upstairs and Derek's voice could be heard calling out, "Where did you go, luv? You could have at least wakened me. Kelsey?"
He must have assumed she was in the back of the house and couldn't hear him, because the door closed again. Kelsey was about ready to expire on the spot.
Reggie had looked up, of course, at the sound of his voice, had no trouble recognizing it, and said now, "What's he doing here-and up there?"
Kelsey was blushing furiously by then, and when Reggie.. glanced at her and saw it, she said "Oh" and started blushingl herself. But then the whole picture must have formed in her mind, at least a picture resulting from her own conclusions" because she added indignantly, "Why, that bounder! How dare he take advantage of you like this?"
Kelsey groaned again, quite loudly this time. "It's not what you think-I mean, it is-but the circumstances aren't ... please, Reggie, just, before he comes down. I'll explain later.” "When later? This isn't something that I can just ignore, you know."
Kelsey didn't know why it wasn't, but she could see she wasn't going to get out of explaining. "I'll come by your house this afternoon." "You promise?" "Yes." "Very well," Reggie allowed, though she was still bristling somewhat. "But I certainly hope there is a good explanation for this, because it would be my duty to inform my Uncle Jason about it otherwise. Derek knows better than to go around seducing innocent girls of good breeding. Even our ra e ell uncles drew the line at that."
DILEMMA-NO, ANOTHER DILEMMA-THAT KELSEY was not looking forward to facing. Horrid lies. Once started they escalated, one leading to another, and she was so tangled in them she could barely keep track of them. And this particular dilemma she couldn't forestall. She'd promised Regina an explanation.
But which explanation to give her? The real truth? Or the truth as Derek knew it, which was just another set of lies? And she was so sick of the lies ...
She arrived at the house on Park Lane at around three o'clock that afternoon. She was expected, and was shown directly to a sitting room upstairs. A maid brought in tea. Reggie showed up right behind her. "I want to apologize for how snippy I sounded earlier," Reggie said right off, as soon as the maid left. "It was just such a surprise and-well, I'm sure you understand. And I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation. Why, I wouldn't even be surprised if Derek's asked you to marry him. That would put a whole different face on it, now,,' wouldn't it? I mean, Nicholas and I-well, goodness, listen to me go on, not giving you a chance to say anything. By the by, we won't be disturbed here-or overheard."
And James was giving them their revenge. Anthony had fetched clothes for them from that room upstairs, old to be sure, but serviceable for the time being. They had declined wearing them yet.
The oldest among them explained, "He always stripped down before the whippin's. Blood splatters, ye know."
An excellent point, since James and Anthony had strapped Ashford to that same bed that Kelsey had occupied before they woke him. The whips were there. The knife was there. And they left the women there with him. "They may kill him," Anthony pointed out as he closed the cellar door to block out the screams that were already coming from below.
James nodded. "If they do, then we'll give him a nice burial."
Anthony chuckled. "You don't think they will?" "I think they'll want to pay him back in kind, and that, dear boy, is what the chap deserves. I expect he'll be ready for Bedlam when they're done with him. If not, I'll have to take care of him myself, to keep Derek from doing it." "Hmmm, I agree, the lad's too young to go around killing chaps. Wouldn't want anyone to say he's taking after his uncles." "Put a lid on it, puppy."
AFTER HER ORDEAL WITH LORD ASHFORD, KELSEY ALmost forgot that her Aunt Elizabeth and sister were in town and expecting to see her the next morning. She sent an excuse to postpone their visit until later in the week.
That visit was going to be a trying, emotional meeting as it was, endeavoring to keep the lies straight, undoubtedly having to come up with new ones-and missing them both as much as she did. She couldn't face that after the trial she had just gone through. Besides, Derek refused to leave her side, and she'd have a hard time visiting her relatives, whom he didn't know existed, with him tagging along.
In fact, it took nearly all week, and a great number of assurances that she was all right, to get him to relax his guard and go about his normal business. And even then, he wouldn't stop pampering her and treating her nearly like an invalid, until she agreed to speak about the incident. She supposed he felt that if she couldn't talk about it openly she would never really get over it.
There might be something to that, because it wasn't easy to begii, telling him everything that had happened to her that day, but it grew easier. Afterward she did actually feel better. And he'd had other things to relate to her as well, things that she hadn't been aware of.
She hadn't known the caretaker had broken his neck, hadn't seen his body lying there in the cellar, because Derek had kept her head turned away from him when they'd passed him. The other man who had been bludgeoned and left in the stable with Henry had been her driver, who was going to be all right. He'd tried to help her, and for that Derek had added a huge bonus to his salary. The man would probably be devoted to Kelsey for life.
As for those poor women who hadn't been as fortunate, Derek's uncles had settled enough money on them so they wouldn't have to return to their previous occupations, wouldn't have to work again at all if they didn't want to. The Malory brothers didn't have to do that. It had been very nice of them that they did.
And Lord Ashford, well, she wasn't a bit surprised to hear that he was totally insane, since he'd already been very close to it. But what had pushed him beyond the brink did surprise her. "He's been admitted to Bedlam, where he won't be leaving, now that his mind is completely gone," Derek had told her several days later. "My Uncle James turned those women loose on him, you see, and well, they gave him back what he'd given them-and then some."
Kelsey didn't mention that she'd probably have turned him into a eunuch as well, if she'd been one of those women. Derek didn't mention that one of the women had thought of that.
And then the morning came when she couldn't delay visiting her aunt and sister any longer. And it was as emotionally exhausting and upsetting as she had suspected it would be. The hardest part, which she hadn't expected at all, had been keeping Derek out of her conversation. Amazingly, his name kept coming to the tip of her tongue quite naturally, and she kept having to bite it back each time.
She got through the visit without making any mistakes. However, she went home quite upset over the whole affair and stayed upset all day. And unfortunately, that night was when Derek asked her to marry him.
They were having dinner. She had just taken a sip of red wine. It was fortunate the tablecloth was dark blue. It wouldn't show the stain too much. "Sorry." Derek grinned sheepishly. "Didn't mean to startle vou like that."
Startle her? Shock was more like it. "That isn't something to jest about," she admonished, frowning at him. "That isn't something I would jest about." "But you can't be serious!" "Why not?" "Don't be obtuse, Derek. You know why. I'm your mistress. A lord in your position doesn't marry his mistress. It simply isn't done." "It'll be done if I want it to be done."
That was such a ridiculously ... stubborn statement, she almost rolled her eyes. But she was too upset by the subject to find anything amusing about it.
Of course, she'd love to marry him. She couldn't think of anything she'd like to do, more. But she knew as well as he did that it was impossible. And that he'd brought it up to begin with made her angry. How dare he tempt her?
It didn't matter that she was a quite suitable match for him, or at least she had been before she'd sold herself in a house of ill repute in a room full of London lords. Selling herself had made her utterly unsuitable for marriage, even if he was the one who'd bought her.
"I won't marry you, Derek," she said in a stiff voice. "And I won't thank you for asking me." "You don't want to marry me?" "I didn't say that, I said I won't marry you. I won't cause you and your family yet another scandal." "Kelsey, let me worry about my fam-" "My answer is no, Derek, and it won't change. And I would appreciate it if you don't stay tonight. I would like to be alone."
He stared after her incredulously. She'd walked out on him. And she was furious. He recognized the signs. She contained it well, but she was bloody furious with him-because he'd asked her to marry him. And here he'd thought she'd be pleased by the notion, delighted even-he'd at least thought she'd say yes.
Derek sighed. He hadn't even gotten used to the idea himself yet, had only just figured out that he wanted to marry her, and that after a long week of fretting over some very strange feelings. What had started it was when it had occurred to him that with Lonny dead, and Kelsey aware of it, there was nothing keeping her with him other than her own honor. There would be no fear now that Lonny would enforce the bargain she had made. And she had to know Derek well enough by then to know that he wouldn't hold that bill of sale against her. She could leave at any time, just like a normal mistress. That he'd paid a lot of money for her no longer mattered.
And that put him into a bit of a panic. When he'd realized that he was panicked, he'd tried to figure out why. And the answer had come to him readily enough. He'd gone and fallen in love with his mistress.
It was a bloody stupid thing to do. Even he knew that. But he'd done it anyway. And he knew he didn't have to marry her. They could go on perfectly well just as they were-as long as she was willing to stay with him. But he didn't like that "as long as." He wanted permanence. He wanted to move her into his own house. He wanted her to bear his children. He didn't want to hide her anymore.
But she'd said no. And she'd said her answer wouldn't change.
By God, it would change-maybe not that night, though, DEREK STAYED AWAY FOR THREE DAYS. WISELY, AS IT happened. It had taken that long for Kelsey to calm down. She finally determined that his marriage proposal had possibly come as a result of the Ashford incident, because of how extremely worried he'd been over her during it. The proposal had probably been impulsive, too. And now that he'd had more time to think about it, he'd realized what a fool notion it had been.
He didn't mention the proposal again when he showed up three days later, so Kelsey decided to leave the subject alone as well. Besides, after her anger over it had subsided, she'd actually taken it as a good sign, or at least as a sign that he was growing fonder of her than she'd realized. When a man didn't tell you how he felt, it was nice to get clues that gave some indication, and a proposal of marriage was a pretty strong clue.
They made up, as it were, though they hadn't actually had a fight. And making love with him that night was a little more heated than normal, was quite explosive actually, and so prolonged that they both overslept the next morning.
Kelsey arose first. Dressing quickly, she went down to see what Alicia had prepared for breakfast, with the thought of ,ringing a tray up to Derek. She didn't have a butler as that was one servant she didn't feel she needed in her small household, especially since she [idn't receive any callers. And her footman usually saw to ihose duties. But when he wasn't around, whoever was downstairs and nearest the door answered it if someone knocked on it.
This morning that was Kelsey, since someone was knocking on the door just as she came downstairs. The surprise she received upon opening it, though, was quite unpleasant for that early in the morning. "I make quite a good detective, don't IT' Regina Eden said, beaming at her.
Kelsey drew a total blank as far as any responses were concerned. Situations like this were not supposed to occur.
Hadn't Derek promised her she wouldn't have to deal with his family anymore? And Reggie walked right in, as if she didn't doubt for a moment that she would be welcome. And she wouldn't doubt it. They were fast friends, after all-at least as far as Reggie was concerned.
Kelsey groaned inwardly. And all she could think to finally say was, "How did you find me?" "Well, I went by Percy's house first, of course. Not this morning. This was last week." "Why?" "To see if you were still in town, since I was. Nicholas had some business that came up, so we've ended up staying longer than I thought we would. Anyway, I went by Percy's and the dear wasn't in, but his butler said he had no cousin staying there with him, nor had he had one any time recently. I left a message for him to come by and see me, but he never did. And I'm not known for my patience. So then I checked the hotels nearby, and I don't mind telling you, I made a complete ass of myself, showing up at one hotel that had a Langton registered. It wasn't you, of course, but some lady and her niece. And she even had another niece named Kelsey, too." "Imagine that," Kelsey croaked out. "My sentiments exactly. But they'd never even heard of Percy, so, of course, her Kelsey couldn't have been you. And after I exhausted the hotels, I checked with the better rental agencies, and they had no record of dealing with you or Percy. But then-and I don't know why I thought of it, except that Derek has frequently attended to business matters for Percy in the past-I mentioned his name, and sure enough, he had just leased this house recently. So here I am."
Yes, here she was, and Kelsey didn't know what the devil to do. She couldn't very well ask Reggie to stay for tea when Derek might come downstairs at any moment. She had left him sleeping, but he tended to wake up pretty quickly once she was gone, as if he could sense her absence even in sleep.
And damned if a door didn't open upstairs and Derek's voice could be heard calling out, "Where did you go, luv? You could have at least wakened me. Kelsey?"
He must have assumed she was in the back of the house and couldn't hear him, because the door closed again. Kelsey was about ready to expire on the spot.
Reggie had looked up, of course, at the sound of his voice, had no trouble recognizing it, and said now, "What's he doing here-and up there?"
Kelsey was blushing furiously by then, and when Reggie.. glanced at her and saw it, she said "Oh" and started blushingl herself. But then the whole picture must have formed in her mind, at least a picture resulting from her own conclusions" because she added indignantly, "Why, that bounder! How dare he take advantage of you like this?"
Kelsey groaned again, quite loudly this time. "It's not what you think-I mean, it is-but the circumstances aren't ... please, Reggie, just, before he comes down. I'll explain later.” "When later? This isn't something that I can just ignore, you know."
Kelsey didn't know why it wasn't, but she could see she wasn't going to get out of explaining. "I'll come by your house this afternoon." "You promise?" "Yes." "Very well," Reggie allowed, though she was still bristling somewhat. "But I certainly hope there is a good explanation for this, because it would be my duty to inform my Uncle Jason about it otherwise. Derek knows better than to go around seducing innocent girls of good breeding. Even our ra e ell uncles drew the line at that."
DILEMMA-NO, ANOTHER DILEMMA-THAT KELSEY was not looking forward to facing. Horrid lies. Once started they escalated, one leading to another, and she was so tangled in them she could barely keep track of them. And this particular dilemma she couldn't forestall. She'd promised Regina an explanation.
But which explanation to give her? The real truth? Or the truth as Derek knew it, which was just another set of lies? And she was so sick of the lies ...
She arrived at the house on Park Lane at around three o'clock that afternoon. She was expected, and was shown directly to a sitting room upstairs. A maid brought in tea. Reggie showed up right behind her. "I want to apologize for how snippy I sounded earlier," Reggie said right off, as soon as the maid left. "It was just such a surprise and-well, I'm sure you understand. And I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation. Why, I wouldn't even be surprised if Derek's asked you to marry him. That would put a whole different face on it, now,,' wouldn't it? I mean, Nicholas and I-well, goodness, listen to me go on, not giving you a chance to say anything. By the by, we won't be disturbed here-or overheard."
