Shadow Bound
Page 29
“Like I just did. I’m not untrained in unarmed combat, and I can use any weapons I gain. But I can’t carry them once the fight’s over.”
Ian scowled like he had more questions, but he wasn’t going to ask them, and I knew why. He didn’t want to force me to answer any more forbidden questions. I could see it in his eyes. In the way he watched me in pity and concern, and I had the sudden, irrational urge to punch him, just so I wouldn’t have to see either of them anymore.
I didn’t need his pity or his concern, and I didn’t want either. So I pushed off against the wall and started walking, and Ian fell into step behind me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Fine,” I snapped. “I’m not some delicate flower that’s going to dry up and blow away at the first sign of pain.”
“I never thought you were. In fact, you almost seem to be looking for a fight. Was all that really necessary, back in the alley?”
“That was a mercy,” I insisted. “If I’d reported the incident, Jake would have told me to kill them both. But then there would have been no one to deliver my message.”
“Your message daring Cavazos to bring his A game next time?”
“That’s the one.”
“And you really think throwing down the gauntlet was a smart move?”
I shrugged. “Couldn’t let him think those clowns were a challenge. What is a gauntlet, anyway?”
“It’s like a glove—” Ian shook his head, like he could jar loose all unnecessary thoughts. “That doesn’t matter. My point is—”
“My point is that Cavazos will do anything to get you, and he won’t be the only one. Why should we wear ourselves out swatting flies all day, so that we’re too tired to fight when the eagle finally lands? With any luck, that message will piss Cavazos off enough that he’ll skip the preliminaries and bring on the main event.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to report this to Tower? Aren’t you under some kind of contractual obligation to?”
“Nope. Jake’s doesn’t do much micromanaging through direct orders. Sometimes that comes back to bite him on the ass—those are my favorite times—but usually that approach avoids much bigger messes.”
“How’s that?”
“Each command given is like a string that can’t be broken. Give too many to one person, and you’re eventually just going to tie that person in knots, and when that happens, nothing gets done. And sometimes people get hurt.” Not that Jake gave a damn about hurting people. “Instead Jake saves direct orders for things he really, truly means, and everything else is guided by a set of standard expectations. For instance, I’m expected to report any trouble we run into. But I’m not obligated to. If I get caught, I’ll be in trouble, but I won’t suffer resistance pain from defying an expectation, whereas I would from defying a direct order. And if I don’t get caught…” I shrugged. “No harm, no foul.”
“And you’re willing to take that risk?” Ian sounded surprised, no doubt thinking of the resistance pain I’d just suffered.
“What’s life without risks?” But the truth was that defying Jake’s expectations where and when I could was the only way I had of striking back. Of showing him that he might own my body, but he’d never own the rest of me.
“Long,” Ian said. “Life without risks is long. And hopefully peaceful.”
“And a long, peaceful life is what you’re looking for, Mr. Systems Analyst?”
“Who says I’m looking for anything? You people called me, remember? You’re the ones who’re looking for something, and we both know that gives me the advantage.”
“Yeah. That’d be believable if I didn’t already know you need something from Jake, too. If he finds that out, you’ve lost your advantage, and you may as well drop your pants and bend over for him.”
Ian flinched. “That’s a rather indelicate metaphor.” His frown deepened. “It is a metaphor, right?”
“Yeah. And it’s only as ‘indelicate’ as the point it makes. If you don’t thoroughly understand that Jake will fuck you over eventually, you need to turn around right now and start running.”
Not that I could let him get very far. If he refused to sign, I’d have to take him in to be harvested.
Ian blinked, his green eyes narrowing. “You’re right. You’re a horrible recruiter. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you were working for the competition… .”
“I’m working for myself.” And for Kenley. “Ultimately we’re all working for ourselves, no matter who we’re bound to.”
“That sounds a little…mercenary.”
I shook my head. “Simple self-preservation. No one’s going to look out for you the way you look out for yourself. That’s no different than in corporate America. Right?”
Ian blinked, like my question had caught him off guard. “I don’t think that’s a fair comparison. No one in corporate America has tried to kidnap me at knifepoint.”
“And no one in the Tower syndicate has tried to bore you to death with spreadsheets and casual Fridays. What’s your point?”
He laughed, and I was startled to realize I liked the sound. A lot. I hadn’t heard real laughter—the nervous kind didn’t count—in a long time.
Ian scowled like he had more questions, but he wasn’t going to ask them, and I knew why. He didn’t want to force me to answer any more forbidden questions. I could see it in his eyes. In the way he watched me in pity and concern, and I had the sudden, irrational urge to punch him, just so I wouldn’t have to see either of them anymore.
I didn’t need his pity or his concern, and I didn’t want either. So I pushed off against the wall and started walking, and Ian fell into step behind me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Fine,” I snapped. “I’m not some delicate flower that’s going to dry up and blow away at the first sign of pain.”
“I never thought you were. In fact, you almost seem to be looking for a fight. Was all that really necessary, back in the alley?”
“That was a mercy,” I insisted. “If I’d reported the incident, Jake would have told me to kill them both. But then there would have been no one to deliver my message.”
“Your message daring Cavazos to bring his A game next time?”
“That’s the one.”
“And you really think throwing down the gauntlet was a smart move?”
I shrugged. “Couldn’t let him think those clowns were a challenge. What is a gauntlet, anyway?”
“It’s like a glove—” Ian shook his head, like he could jar loose all unnecessary thoughts. “That doesn’t matter. My point is—”
“My point is that Cavazos will do anything to get you, and he won’t be the only one. Why should we wear ourselves out swatting flies all day, so that we’re too tired to fight when the eagle finally lands? With any luck, that message will piss Cavazos off enough that he’ll skip the preliminaries and bring on the main event.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to report this to Tower? Aren’t you under some kind of contractual obligation to?”
“Nope. Jake’s doesn’t do much micromanaging through direct orders. Sometimes that comes back to bite him on the ass—those are my favorite times—but usually that approach avoids much bigger messes.”
“How’s that?”
“Each command given is like a string that can’t be broken. Give too many to one person, and you’re eventually just going to tie that person in knots, and when that happens, nothing gets done. And sometimes people get hurt.” Not that Jake gave a damn about hurting people. “Instead Jake saves direct orders for things he really, truly means, and everything else is guided by a set of standard expectations. For instance, I’m expected to report any trouble we run into. But I’m not obligated to. If I get caught, I’ll be in trouble, but I won’t suffer resistance pain from defying an expectation, whereas I would from defying a direct order. And if I don’t get caught…” I shrugged. “No harm, no foul.”
“And you’re willing to take that risk?” Ian sounded surprised, no doubt thinking of the resistance pain I’d just suffered.
“What’s life without risks?” But the truth was that defying Jake’s expectations where and when I could was the only way I had of striking back. Of showing him that he might own my body, but he’d never own the rest of me.
“Long,” Ian said. “Life without risks is long. And hopefully peaceful.”
“And a long, peaceful life is what you’re looking for, Mr. Systems Analyst?”
“Who says I’m looking for anything? You people called me, remember? You’re the ones who’re looking for something, and we both know that gives me the advantage.”
“Yeah. That’d be believable if I didn’t already know you need something from Jake, too. If he finds that out, you’ve lost your advantage, and you may as well drop your pants and bend over for him.”
Ian flinched. “That’s a rather indelicate metaphor.” His frown deepened. “It is a metaphor, right?”
“Yeah. And it’s only as ‘indelicate’ as the point it makes. If you don’t thoroughly understand that Jake will fuck you over eventually, you need to turn around right now and start running.”
Not that I could let him get very far. If he refused to sign, I’d have to take him in to be harvested.
Ian blinked, his green eyes narrowing. “You’re right. You’re a horrible recruiter. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you were working for the competition… .”
“I’m working for myself.” And for Kenley. “Ultimately we’re all working for ourselves, no matter who we’re bound to.”
“That sounds a little…mercenary.”
I shook my head. “Simple self-preservation. No one’s going to look out for you the way you look out for yourself. That’s no different than in corporate America. Right?”
Ian blinked, like my question had caught him off guard. “I don’t think that’s a fair comparison. No one in corporate America has tried to kidnap me at knifepoint.”
“And no one in the Tower syndicate has tried to bore you to death with spreadsheets and casual Fridays. What’s your point?”
He laughed, and I was startled to realize I liked the sound. A lot. I hadn’t heard real laughter—the nervous kind didn’t count—in a long time.
