Shadow Bound
Page 58
So I put on my work face. My stone-cold-bitch face. Because he was hurting just like I was hurting, and this time, the truth would only make that worse.
“This is a job. You are a job. Nothing more.” It was the most difficult lie I’d ever had to tell. And it wasn’t over. “After you, there will be another job. I don’t know what that job will be, since I’m clearly the world’s worst recruiter. But whatever that next job is, I’ll do it. Just like I’m doing this one. So…” I swallowed and met his gaze, refusing to let mine falter. I could do this. I had no choice. “So just tell me what you want me to do—what it’ll take to get you to sign with Jake—and I’ll do it.”
“I don’t believe you.” He said it softly, but his words were drenched in anger. I closed my eyes, desperately wishing I’d heard him wrong. Wishing I hadn’t seen the pain in his eyes. The denial. “I don’t believe you, Kori. The reason you’re a horrible recruiter is that you’re bad at selling something you don’t believe in, and you don’t believe in what you’re saying right now.”
“Yes, I do.” I turned and reached for the tiny bottle again, but he was there in an instant, pulling it out of my grip.
“No, you don’t. I can tell when you’re lying, and you’re doing it now.”
“Don’t pretend you know me,” I snapped, reaching for the bottle, but he tucked it behind his back. “We just met. You don’t know anything about me.”
“The hell I don’t. I know you love your sister more than you love yourself. I know you hate Jake Tower, even if you can’t ever say that out loud. I know that you cuss like a fish swims, but you haven’t spoken a single profanity in the last seven hours, and as near as I can tell, the only thing stopping you is the fact that you gave your word. I know that he makes you do things that rot your soul, and that you do them because you have to, but that you’ll never really forgive yourself.”
I stared at him, stunned, knowing I should argue. Knowing that for both of our sakes, I should have the courage to lie and tell him he was wrong. That he didn’t know me and he never would. But words had deserted me, for maybe the second time in my entire life.
“And I know they did horrible things to you. Things you never talk about. I know they tried to break you, but they failed, and that’s why Jake talks about you like you’re trash, when we all three know that’s not true. I think he hates you because even though he tried his best, he couldn’t break you. Which means he won’t ever really own you, no matter what he tattoos on your arm or anywhere else.”
His face blurred right in front of me, and it took me several seconds to realize why. To realize there were tears standing in my eyes and that I couldn’t get rid of them without letting them fall.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. He does own me.” And he would, as long as he owned Kenley.
“No one owns you, Kori. People like you can’t be owned. Putting chain links on your arm is like putting a lion in a cage. He may be locked up, but he’ll always be wild, and he’ll eat his handler the first chance he gets. You’re that lion, Kori, and I see you watching. Waiting for your moment. And it will come.”
“No, it won’t, because it’s not just me in that cage, Ian. Kenley’s there with me, and she can’t bite.”
He blinked, and something passed over his expression too fast for me to understand. Something complicated and…conflicted. Then he shook that thought off, whatever it was, and captured my gaze again. “So you bite for her, too. You fight for the people you love, no matter what.”
I shook my head, and to my horror, those tears fell. “I can’t.” I hadn’t cried in the basement. I’d screamed. I’d even begged. But I’d never cried. Yet here I was in no danger whatsoever, and I couldn’t stop the burning in my eyes, the hot trails down my cheeks. “I can’t.”
“So you’re just going to give up? You’re just going to do whatever he tells you to do? Let him pass you around to all his friends like a lit joint, until you’re all used up and worthless?”
A sharp bolt of anger shot through me and I swiped tears from my face with both hands. “That’s not… This is the first time. It’s not a regular thing.”
“And you really believe it won’t be?”
I didn’t have an answer for that. I hadn’t thought beyond getting through this one job, because there was a significant chance that wouldn’t actually happen, and if I was dead, I wouldn’t have to worry about the next assignment.
Ian studied my face, looking for something, and when he didn’t find it, he set the small bottle on top of the minibar. “So, if I’d asked you to stay the night, you would have done it? Not because you wanted to, but because he told you to?”
I sucked in a breath so deep my chest ached. “I wouldn’t have had any choice.”
“And last night, after the party? After knowing me less than eight hours? Would you have slept with me then?”
I could only nod miserably.
“And if I was a real asshole who hurt you and called you names? Would you be allowed to stop me?”
“Stop it. You already know the answer.”
“Yeah, I know it. I’m waiting for you to hear yourself say something awful enough to make you want to fight back.”
“This is a job. You are a job. Nothing more.” It was the most difficult lie I’d ever had to tell. And it wasn’t over. “After you, there will be another job. I don’t know what that job will be, since I’m clearly the world’s worst recruiter. But whatever that next job is, I’ll do it. Just like I’m doing this one. So…” I swallowed and met his gaze, refusing to let mine falter. I could do this. I had no choice. “So just tell me what you want me to do—what it’ll take to get you to sign with Jake—and I’ll do it.”
“I don’t believe you.” He said it softly, but his words were drenched in anger. I closed my eyes, desperately wishing I’d heard him wrong. Wishing I hadn’t seen the pain in his eyes. The denial. “I don’t believe you, Kori. The reason you’re a horrible recruiter is that you’re bad at selling something you don’t believe in, and you don’t believe in what you’re saying right now.”
“Yes, I do.” I turned and reached for the tiny bottle again, but he was there in an instant, pulling it out of my grip.
“No, you don’t. I can tell when you’re lying, and you’re doing it now.”
“Don’t pretend you know me,” I snapped, reaching for the bottle, but he tucked it behind his back. “We just met. You don’t know anything about me.”
“The hell I don’t. I know you love your sister more than you love yourself. I know you hate Jake Tower, even if you can’t ever say that out loud. I know that you cuss like a fish swims, but you haven’t spoken a single profanity in the last seven hours, and as near as I can tell, the only thing stopping you is the fact that you gave your word. I know that he makes you do things that rot your soul, and that you do them because you have to, but that you’ll never really forgive yourself.”
I stared at him, stunned, knowing I should argue. Knowing that for both of our sakes, I should have the courage to lie and tell him he was wrong. That he didn’t know me and he never would. But words had deserted me, for maybe the second time in my entire life.
“And I know they did horrible things to you. Things you never talk about. I know they tried to break you, but they failed, and that’s why Jake talks about you like you’re trash, when we all three know that’s not true. I think he hates you because even though he tried his best, he couldn’t break you. Which means he won’t ever really own you, no matter what he tattoos on your arm or anywhere else.”
His face blurred right in front of me, and it took me several seconds to realize why. To realize there were tears standing in my eyes and that I couldn’t get rid of them without letting them fall.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. He does own me.” And he would, as long as he owned Kenley.
“No one owns you, Kori. People like you can’t be owned. Putting chain links on your arm is like putting a lion in a cage. He may be locked up, but he’ll always be wild, and he’ll eat his handler the first chance he gets. You’re that lion, Kori, and I see you watching. Waiting for your moment. And it will come.”
“No, it won’t, because it’s not just me in that cage, Ian. Kenley’s there with me, and she can’t bite.”
He blinked, and something passed over his expression too fast for me to understand. Something complicated and…conflicted. Then he shook that thought off, whatever it was, and captured my gaze again. “So you bite for her, too. You fight for the people you love, no matter what.”
I shook my head, and to my horror, those tears fell. “I can’t.” I hadn’t cried in the basement. I’d screamed. I’d even begged. But I’d never cried. Yet here I was in no danger whatsoever, and I couldn’t stop the burning in my eyes, the hot trails down my cheeks. “I can’t.”
“So you’re just going to give up? You’re just going to do whatever he tells you to do? Let him pass you around to all his friends like a lit joint, until you’re all used up and worthless?”
A sharp bolt of anger shot through me and I swiped tears from my face with both hands. “That’s not… This is the first time. It’s not a regular thing.”
“And you really believe it won’t be?”
I didn’t have an answer for that. I hadn’t thought beyond getting through this one job, because there was a significant chance that wouldn’t actually happen, and if I was dead, I wouldn’t have to worry about the next assignment.
Ian studied my face, looking for something, and when he didn’t find it, he set the small bottle on top of the minibar. “So, if I’d asked you to stay the night, you would have done it? Not because you wanted to, but because he told you to?”
I sucked in a breath so deep my chest ached. “I wouldn’t have had any choice.”
“And last night, after the party? After knowing me less than eight hours? Would you have slept with me then?”
I could only nod miserably.
“And if I was a real asshole who hurt you and called you names? Would you be allowed to stop me?”
“Stop it. You already know the answer.”
“Yeah, I know it. I’m waiting for you to hear yourself say something awful enough to make you want to fight back.”
