Shadowfever
Page 155
Did they believe me dead? Gone? Apathetic? Think I would just stand by and let this happen? Was this unknown enemy responsible for the condition I was currently inhuman and confused?
My power and the queens magic. Who was behind this? One of the dark princes?
Perhaps it had been Darroc all along, and the Book had popped that plan like the grape his head had been. Perhaps Darroc had only been taking advantage of someone elses cunning, riding on the coattails, so to speak, of a more clever and dangerous foe.
I shook my head. The magic wouldnt have gone to him, and hed known it. Eating Fae wasnt enough. The successor to Fae magic had to be Fae.
The concubine had awakened and said a Fae prince shed never seen before, who had called himself Cruce, had entombed her.
According to Vlane, hed brought Cruce to the original Queen of the Seelie (the bitch) and shed killed him in front of my eyes.
Did I possess that memory?
I turned inward, searching.
I clutched my head as images slammed into me. Cruce had not died easily or well. He raged and ranted, was ugly at the end. Denied being the one, denied having betrayed me to the queen. I was ashamed of his death.
But whod faked my concubines death?
How had I been deceived?
Deceived.
Was that the key?
ONLY BY ITS OWN DESIGN WILL IT FALL, the prophecy said.
Limited in form, what was the Books design? How did it get around and accomplish its ends?
Its currency was illusion. It deceived people into seeing what it wanted them to see.
Was that why the fear dorchawho was probably one of my good friends if I had time to pick through all my memorieshad given me the tarot card, pointing me toward the amulet?
The amulet could deceive even me.
Id worried about giving it to the concubine for that very reason. What enormous love, what dangerous trust.
The Book was only a shadow of me.
I was the real thing, the king whod made the Book.
And I had the amulet capable of creating illusions that could deceive us.
It was simple. In a contest of wills, I was the guaranteed victor.
I felt almost giddy with excitement. My deductions had the ring of truth to them. All arrows pointed north. I knew what had to be done. Today, I could put the Book down once and for all. Not inter it to slumber with one eye open, like the first prophecy had said, but defeat the monster. Destroy it.
After Id gotten a spell of unmaking for Barrons. Ironic: Id given all my spells over to a Book to get rid of them, and now I needed one back from it.
Once I had it, I would roust the traitor, kill him or her, restore the concubine to being the Seelie Queen (because I sure didnt want her, and she didnt remember anything, anyway), where she would grow strong enough to lead again. I would walk away, leaving the Fae to their own petty devices.
I would return to Dublin and become just-Mac.
That couldnt happen soon enough for me.
I think I know what to do, Jericho.
What would you want if you were the Book and it was the king?Barrons asked later.
I thought you didnt believe I was the king.
It doesnt matter what I believe. The Book seems to.
KVruck does, too, I reminded him. Then there was the dreamy-eyed guy. When Id asked him if I was the Unseelie King, hed said, No more than I. Was he one of my parts?
Have an identity crisis later. Focus.
I think it wants to be accepted, absolvedprodigal son and all. It wants me to welcome it back into me, say I was wrong, and become one again.
Thats what I think, too.
Im a little worried about the part where it says once the monster within is defeated, so shall be the monster without. What monster within?
I dont know.
You always know.
Not this time. Its your monster. Nobody can know another persons monster, not well enough to cage it. Only you can do that yourself.
Speculate, I demanded.
He smiled faintly. He finds it amusing when I throw his own words back at him. If you are the Unseelie Kingand note the word if there, I remain unconvincedone might speculate that you have a weakness for evil. Once you acquire the Sinsar Dubh, its conceivable that you would feel tempted to do what it wants. Instead of trying to lock it away, you might choose to relinquish human form and restore yourself to your former glorytake all the spells you dumped into it back and become the Unseelie King again.
Never. But Ive learned never to say never. What if I am?
Ill be there, talking you out of it. But I dont think youre the king.
What other possible explanation was there? Occams razor, my daddys criteria for conviction, and my own logic concurred. But with Barrons there to shout me back and my determination to live a normal human life, I could do it. I knew I could. What I wanted was here, in the human world. Not in an icy prison with a pale silvery woman, caught up in eternal court politics.
Im more concerned about what your inner monster might be if youre not the king. Any ideas?
I shook my head. Irrelevant. He might be having a hard time accepting what I was, but he didnt know everything I knew, and there wasnt time to explain. Every day, every hour, that the Sinsar Dubh was free, roaming the streets of Dublin, more people would die. I had no illusions about why it kept going to Chesters. It wanted to take my parents from me. Wanted to strip away everything I cared about, leaving only it and me. As if it could force me to care about it. Force me to welcome its darkness back into my body and be one again. I now believed Ryodan had been right all along: It had been trying to get me to flip. The Book thought if it took enough from me, made me angry and hurt enough, I wouldnt care about the world, only about power. Then it would conveniently appear and say, Here I am, take me, use my power, do whatever you want.
My power and the queens magic. Who was behind this? One of the dark princes?
Perhaps it had been Darroc all along, and the Book had popped that plan like the grape his head had been. Perhaps Darroc had only been taking advantage of someone elses cunning, riding on the coattails, so to speak, of a more clever and dangerous foe.
I shook my head. The magic wouldnt have gone to him, and hed known it. Eating Fae wasnt enough. The successor to Fae magic had to be Fae.
The concubine had awakened and said a Fae prince shed never seen before, who had called himself Cruce, had entombed her.
According to Vlane, hed brought Cruce to the original Queen of the Seelie (the bitch) and shed killed him in front of my eyes.
Did I possess that memory?
I turned inward, searching.
I clutched my head as images slammed into me. Cruce had not died easily or well. He raged and ranted, was ugly at the end. Denied being the one, denied having betrayed me to the queen. I was ashamed of his death.
But whod faked my concubines death?
How had I been deceived?
Deceived.
Was that the key?
ONLY BY ITS OWN DESIGN WILL IT FALL, the prophecy said.
Limited in form, what was the Books design? How did it get around and accomplish its ends?
Its currency was illusion. It deceived people into seeing what it wanted them to see.
Was that why the fear dorchawho was probably one of my good friends if I had time to pick through all my memorieshad given me the tarot card, pointing me toward the amulet?
The amulet could deceive even me.
Id worried about giving it to the concubine for that very reason. What enormous love, what dangerous trust.
The Book was only a shadow of me.
I was the real thing, the king whod made the Book.
And I had the amulet capable of creating illusions that could deceive us.
It was simple. In a contest of wills, I was the guaranteed victor.
I felt almost giddy with excitement. My deductions had the ring of truth to them. All arrows pointed north. I knew what had to be done. Today, I could put the Book down once and for all. Not inter it to slumber with one eye open, like the first prophecy had said, but defeat the monster. Destroy it.
After Id gotten a spell of unmaking for Barrons. Ironic: Id given all my spells over to a Book to get rid of them, and now I needed one back from it.
Once I had it, I would roust the traitor, kill him or her, restore the concubine to being the Seelie Queen (because I sure didnt want her, and she didnt remember anything, anyway), where she would grow strong enough to lead again. I would walk away, leaving the Fae to their own petty devices.
I would return to Dublin and become just-Mac.
That couldnt happen soon enough for me.
I think I know what to do, Jericho.
What would you want if you were the Book and it was the king?Barrons asked later.
I thought you didnt believe I was the king.
It doesnt matter what I believe. The Book seems to.
KVruck does, too, I reminded him. Then there was the dreamy-eyed guy. When Id asked him if I was the Unseelie King, hed said, No more than I. Was he one of my parts?
Have an identity crisis later. Focus.
I think it wants to be accepted, absolvedprodigal son and all. It wants me to welcome it back into me, say I was wrong, and become one again.
Thats what I think, too.
Im a little worried about the part where it says once the monster within is defeated, so shall be the monster without. What monster within?
I dont know.
You always know.
Not this time. Its your monster. Nobody can know another persons monster, not well enough to cage it. Only you can do that yourself.
Speculate, I demanded.
He smiled faintly. He finds it amusing when I throw his own words back at him. If you are the Unseelie Kingand note the word if there, I remain unconvincedone might speculate that you have a weakness for evil. Once you acquire the Sinsar Dubh, its conceivable that you would feel tempted to do what it wants. Instead of trying to lock it away, you might choose to relinquish human form and restore yourself to your former glorytake all the spells you dumped into it back and become the Unseelie King again.
Never. But Ive learned never to say never. What if I am?
Ill be there, talking you out of it. But I dont think youre the king.
What other possible explanation was there? Occams razor, my daddys criteria for conviction, and my own logic concurred. But with Barrons there to shout me back and my determination to live a normal human life, I could do it. I knew I could. What I wanted was here, in the human world. Not in an icy prison with a pale silvery woman, caught up in eternal court politics.
Im more concerned about what your inner monster might be if youre not the king. Any ideas?
I shook my head. Irrelevant. He might be having a hard time accepting what I was, but he didnt know everything I knew, and there wasnt time to explain. Every day, every hour, that the Sinsar Dubh was free, roaming the streets of Dublin, more people would die. I had no illusions about why it kept going to Chesters. It wanted to take my parents from me. Wanted to strip away everything I cared about, leaving only it and me. As if it could force me to care about it. Force me to welcome its darkness back into my body and be one again. I now believed Ryodan had been right all along: It had been trying to get me to flip. The Book thought if it took enough from me, made me angry and hurt enough, I wouldnt care about the world, only about power. Then it would conveniently appear and say, Here I am, take me, use my power, do whatever you want.
