Shadowfever
Page 86
You havent fucked me since you were Pri-ya. Theres an action for you. Says pretty much all there is to say.
It burned him. Good. It was burning me, too. This is some kind of pissing contest? Darroc got laid but you didnt? Thats the only reason youre mad? What did he think it said? That I would touch him only if I was sex-starved? Or if the alternative was dying a mindless animal?
You couldnt begin to understand.
Try me. If hed ever just admit to one little feeling about me, I might admit to one about him.
Dont push me, Ms. Lane. This place is getting to me. You want the beast on your hands?
I glanced at him. His eyes were sparking crimson and he was breathing hard, but not from exertion. I knew him. He could run for hours. You want me, Jericho. Admit it. A lot more than once or twice. Im under your skin. You think about me all the time. I keep you awake at night. Go ahead, say it.
Fuck you, Ms. Lane.
Is that your way of saying it?
Thats my way of saying grow up, little girl.
I skidded to a halt, slipping and sliding on the black marble floor. The instant I stopped running, he did, too, as if we were bound by the same tether.
If Im a little girl, then that makes you a serious pervert. The things we did together I shot him a graphic reminder with my eyes.
Oh, so youre finally ready to talk about them, his dark gaze mocked. Maybe I dont want to now.
Too bad. You were always slapping me in the face with reminders. Turnabouts fair play. But it sure wasnt a little girl back in that bed, Jericho. Its not a little girl youre messing with now.
I poked him in the chest with my finger. You died in front of my eyes and let me believe it was real, you bastard! I felt like I was being torn in halfpulled toward the boudoir by destiny, rooted in place by the need to air my grievances.
He knocked my finger away. Do you think it was fun for me?
I hated watching you die!
I hated doing it. It hurts every damned time.
I grieved! I shouted. I felt guilty
Guilt isnt grief, he snapped.
And lost
Get a fucking road map. Lost isnt grief, either.
Andandand I broke off. There was no way I was telling him all the things Id really felt. Like destroying the world for him.
And what? What did you feel?
Guilt, I shouted. I punched him, hard.
He shoved me, and I stumbled back against the wall.
I shoved him back. And lost.
Dont tell me yougrieved me when you were really just pissed off about the mess youd gotten yourself into. I died and you felt sorry for yourself. Nothing more. His gaze flickered to my lips. I got that. He was once again furious with me and once again perfectly ready to have sex with me. The conundrum that was Barrons. Apparently it was impossible for him to feel anything as far as I was concerned without getting angry about it. Did anger make him want to have sex with me? Or was it that he always wanted to have sex with me that made him so angry?
I was grieving more than that. You dont know the first thing about me!
And you should have felt guilty.
So should you!
Guilt is wasted. Live, Ms. Lane.
Oh! Ms. Lane! Ms. Frigging Lane! There it is again. You tell me to feel guilty, then you tell me its wasted. Make up your mind! And dont tell me to live. Thats exactly what I was doing that youre so pissed about. I went on!
With the enemy!
Do you care how I went on, as long as I did? Isnt that the lesson youve been trying to teach me? That adaptability is survivability? Dont you think it would have been easier for me to lay down and quit once I thought you were dead? But I didnt. You know why? Because some overbearing prick taught me that it was how you go on that matters.
The word that was supposed to be emphasized there was how. As in honorably.
What place does honor have in the face of death? And, please, did you honorably kill that woman you carried out of the Silver in your study?
You couldnt possibly understand that, either.
Thats your answer for everything, isnt it? I couldnt possibly understand, so youre not going to bother telling me. You know what I think, Jericho? Youre a coward. You wont use words, because you dont want anyone to hold you accountable, I accused. You wont tell the truth, because then somebody might judge you, and God
has nothing to do with this and
forbid you actually get personal with me
I dont give a damn about being judged
and I dont mean try to have sex with me
I wasnt trying to have sex with you
I didnt mean at this precise moment. I meant
and it would have been impossible, anyway, because weve been running. I dont have any bloody idea why weve been running, he said irritably, but youre the one who started it and youre the one that stopped.
It burned him. Good. It was burning me, too. This is some kind of pissing contest? Darroc got laid but you didnt? Thats the only reason youre mad? What did he think it said? That I would touch him only if I was sex-starved? Or if the alternative was dying a mindless animal?
You couldnt begin to understand.
Try me. If hed ever just admit to one little feeling about me, I might admit to one about him.
Dont push me, Ms. Lane. This place is getting to me. You want the beast on your hands?
I glanced at him. His eyes were sparking crimson and he was breathing hard, but not from exertion. I knew him. He could run for hours. You want me, Jericho. Admit it. A lot more than once or twice. Im under your skin. You think about me all the time. I keep you awake at night. Go ahead, say it.
Fuck you, Ms. Lane.
Is that your way of saying it?
Thats my way of saying grow up, little girl.
I skidded to a halt, slipping and sliding on the black marble floor. The instant I stopped running, he did, too, as if we were bound by the same tether.
If Im a little girl, then that makes you a serious pervert. The things we did together I shot him a graphic reminder with my eyes.
Oh, so youre finally ready to talk about them, his dark gaze mocked. Maybe I dont want to now.
Too bad. You were always slapping me in the face with reminders. Turnabouts fair play. But it sure wasnt a little girl back in that bed, Jericho. Its not a little girl youre messing with now.
I poked him in the chest with my finger. You died in front of my eyes and let me believe it was real, you bastard! I felt like I was being torn in halfpulled toward the boudoir by destiny, rooted in place by the need to air my grievances.
He knocked my finger away. Do you think it was fun for me?
I hated watching you die!
I hated doing it. It hurts every damned time.
I grieved! I shouted. I felt guilty
Guilt isnt grief, he snapped.
And lost
Get a fucking road map. Lost isnt grief, either.
Andandand I broke off. There was no way I was telling him all the things Id really felt. Like destroying the world for him.
And what? What did you feel?
Guilt, I shouted. I punched him, hard.
He shoved me, and I stumbled back against the wall.
I shoved him back. And lost.
Dont tell me yougrieved me when you were really just pissed off about the mess youd gotten yourself into. I died and you felt sorry for yourself. Nothing more. His gaze flickered to my lips. I got that. He was once again furious with me and once again perfectly ready to have sex with me. The conundrum that was Barrons. Apparently it was impossible for him to feel anything as far as I was concerned without getting angry about it. Did anger make him want to have sex with me? Or was it that he always wanted to have sex with me that made him so angry?
I was grieving more than that. You dont know the first thing about me!
And you should have felt guilty.
So should you!
Guilt is wasted. Live, Ms. Lane.
Oh! Ms. Lane! Ms. Frigging Lane! There it is again. You tell me to feel guilty, then you tell me its wasted. Make up your mind! And dont tell me to live. Thats exactly what I was doing that youre so pissed about. I went on!
With the enemy!
Do you care how I went on, as long as I did? Isnt that the lesson youve been trying to teach me? That adaptability is survivability? Dont you think it would have been easier for me to lay down and quit once I thought you were dead? But I didnt. You know why? Because some overbearing prick taught me that it was how you go on that matters.
The word that was supposed to be emphasized there was how. As in honorably.
What place does honor have in the face of death? And, please, did you honorably kill that woman you carried out of the Silver in your study?
You couldnt possibly understand that, either.
Thats your answer for everything, isnt it? I couldnt possibly understand, so youre not going to bother telling me. You know what I think, Jericho? Youre a coward. You wont use words, because you dont want anyone to hold you accountable, I accused. You wont tell the truth, because then somebody might judge you, and God
has nothing to do with this and
forbid you actually get personal with me
I dont give a damn about being judged
and I dont mean try to have sex with me
I wasnt trying to have sex with you
I didnt mean at this precise moment. I meant
and it would have been impossible, anyway, because weve been running. I dont have any bloody idea why weve been running, he said irritably, but youre the one who started it and youre the one that stopped.
