Shadowfever
Page 87
like knock down a few walls between us and see what happens. No, youre such a coward that the only time you can call me by my name is when youre either pretty sure Im dying or you think Im so out of my mind that I wont notice. Seems like a hell of a wall to erect between yourself and someone you dont like.
Its not a wall. I merely endeavor to help you keep our boundaries straight. And I didnt say I didnt like you. Like is such a puerile word. Mediocre people like things. The only question of any significant emotive content is: Can you live without it?
I knew the answer to that question where he was concerned, and I didnt like it one bit. You think I need help understanding where our boundaries are? Do you understand where our boundaries are? Because they seemed pretty damned mysterious and movable to me!
Youre the one arguing about the names we call each other.
What do you call Fiona? Fio! How charming. Oh, and what about that twit at Casa Blanc the night I met that bizarre man McCabe? Marilyn!
I cant believe you remember her name, he muttered.
You called her by her full first name, and you didnt even like her. But not me. Oh, no. Im Ms. Lane. In bloody frigging perpetuity.
I had no idea you had such a hang-up about your name, Mac, he snarled.
Jericho, I snarled back, and pushed him.
He manacled both my wrists with one hand so I couldnt hit him again. It infuriated me. I head-butted him.
I thought you died for me!
He shoved me against the wall and braced his forearm across my throat so I couldnt head butt him again. For fucks sake, is that what this is about?
You didnt die. You lied to me. You took a little nap and left me on that cliff thinking Id killed you!
He searched my face, dark eyes slitted. Ah, I see. You thought it meant something that I died for you. Did you dress it up in romance? Compose sonnets memorializing my great sacrifice? Did it make you like me better? Did I have to be dead to get you to see me? Wake the fuck up, Ms. Lane. Dying is overrated. Human sentimentality has twisted it into the ultimate act of love. Biggest load of bullshit in the world. Dying for someone isnt the hard thing. The man that dies escapes. Plain and simple. Game over. End of pain. Alina was the lucky one. Try living for someone. Through it allgood, bad, thick, thin, joy, suffering. Thats the hard thing.
Alina was the lucky one. Id thought that, too, and had been ashamed of myself for thinking it. I punched him so hard, he stumbled on the slick black floor, and as he went down, I felt sudden horror at seeing him stumble. I never wanted to see him stumble, so I grabbed him andwe both went down to our knees on the black floors. Damn you, Jericho!
Too late, Rainbow Girl. He grabbed a fist of my hair. Somebody beat you to it. He laughed, and when he opened his mouth over mine, fangs grazed my teeth.
Yes, this was what I needed, what Id needed since the day I woke up in that basement and left his bed. His tongue in my mouth, his hands on my skin. The burn of his body against mine. I grabbed his head with both hands and ground my mouth against his. I tasted my own blood from a nick on his teeth. I didnt care. I couldnt get close enough. I needed rough, hard, fast sex, followed by hours and hours of slow and intimately thorough fucking. I needed weeks in bed with him. Maybe if I had willing, cognizant sex with him long enough, Id get over him already.
Somehow I doubted that.
He hissed. Fucking fairy in your mouth. You have me in your mouth, you dont get anybody else. Or you dont get me. He sucked on my tongue, hard, and I could feel Vlanes name unraveling from the center of it. He spat it out like an unfastened piercing. I didnt care. There hadnt been enough room in my mouth for them both anyway. I pressed into his body, rubbing desperately against him. How long had it been since Id had him inside me? Too long. I grabbed the sides of his shirt and ripped, sent buttons flying. I needed skin to skin.
Another of my favorite shirts. What is it with you and my wardrobe? He pushed his hands up my shirt and unhooked my bra. When his hands rasped over my nipples, I jerked.
Come, you must hurry
Shut up, I snarled silently. Id left that voice back in Dublin, where it had been torturing me in my bedroom.
All will be lost. It must be you. Come.
I growled. Couldnt she leave me alone? She hadnt spoken in my head for the past forty-five minutes. Why now? I wasnt asleep. I was awake, wide awake, and I needed this. I needed him. Go away, I willed. Please, I groaned.
Please what, Mac? Youll have to ask for it this time, spell it out in graphic detail. Im done giving you everything you want without making you ask for it.
Right. Words mean nothing to you, but now you insist on them, I said against his mouth. You are such a hypocrite.
And youre bipolar. You want me. You always do. You think I cant smell it?
Im not bipolar. Sometimes he struck way too close to home. I popped the button on his pants, unzipped them, and shoved my hands inside. He was rock hard. God, he felt good.
He stiffened, air hissing between clenched teeth.
Make haste He comes.
Leave me alone, I snapped.
Its not a wall. I merely endeavor to help you keep our boundaries straight. And I didnt say I didnt like you. Like is such a puerile word. Mediocre people like things. The only question of any significant emotive content is: Can you live without it?
I knew the answer to that question where he was concerned, and I didnt like it one bit. You think I need help understanding where our boundaries are? Do you understand where our boundaries are? Because they seemed pretty damned mysterious and movable to me!
Youre the one arguing about the names we call each other.
What do you call Fiona? Fio! How charming. Oh, and what about that twit at Casa Blanc the night I met that bizarre man McCabe? Marilyn!
I cant believe you remember her name, he muttered.
You called her by her full first name, and you didnt even like her. But not me. Oh, no. Im Ms. Lane. In bloody frigging perpetuity.
I had no idea you had such a hang-up about your name, Mac, he snarled.
Jericho, I snarled back, and pushed him.
He manacled both my wrists with one hand so I couldnt hit him again. It infuriated me. I head-butted him.
I thought you died for me!
He shoved me against the wall and braced his forearm across my throat so I couldnt head butt him again. For fucks sake, is that what this is about?
You didnt die. You lied to me. You took a little nap and left me on that cliff thinking Id killed you!
He searched my face, dark eyes slitted. Ah, I see. You thought it meant something that I died for you. Did you dress it up in romance? Compose sonnets memorializing my great sacrifice? Did it make you like me better? Did I have to be dead to get you to see me? Wake the fuck up, Ms. Lane. Dying is overrated. Human sentimentality has twisted it into the ultimate act of love. Biggest load of bullshit in the world. Dying for someone isnt the hard thing. The man that dies escapes. Plain and simple. Game over. End of pain. Alina was the lucky one. Try living for someone. Through it allgood, bad, thick, thin, joy, suffering. Thats the hard thing.
Alina was the lucky one. Id thought that, too, and had been ashamed of myself for thinking it. I punched him so hard, he stumbled on the slick black floor, and as he went down, I felt sudden horror at seeing him stumble. I never wanted to see him stumble, so I grabbed him andwe both went down to our knees on the black floors. Damn you, Jericho!
Too late, Rainbow Girl. He grabbed a fist of my hair. Somebody beat you to it. He laughed, and when he opened his mouth over mine, fangs grazed my teeth.
Yes, this was what I needed, what Id needed since the day I woke up in that basement and left his bed. His tongue in my mouth, his hands on my skin. The burn of his body against mine. I grabbed his head with both hands and ground my mouth against his. I tasted my own blood from a nick on his teeth. I didnt care. I couldnt get close enough. I needed rough, hard, fast sex, followed by hours and hours of slow and intimately thorough fucking. I needed weeks in bed with him. Maybe if I had willing, cognizant sex with him long enough, Id get over him already.
Somehow I doubted that.
He hissed. Fucking fairy in your mouth. You have me in your mouth, you dont get anybody else. Or you dont get me. He sucked on my tongue, hard, and I could feel Vlanes name unraveling from the center of it. He spat it out like an unfastened piercing. I didnt care. There hadnt been enough room in my mouth for them both anyway. I pressed into his body, rubbing desperately against him. How long had it been since Id had him inside me? Too long. I grabbed the sides of his shirt and ripped, sent buttons flying. I needed skin to skin.
Another of my favorite shirts. What is it with you and my wardrobe? He pushed his hands up my shirt and unhooked my bra. When his hands rasped over my nipples, I jerked.
Come, you must hurry
Shut up, I snarled silently. Id left that voice back in Dublin, where it had been torturing me in my bedroom.
All will be lost. It must be you. Come.
I growled. Couldnt she leave me alone? She hadnt spoken in my head for the past forty-five minutes. Why now? I wasnt asleep. I was awake, wide awake, and I needed this. I needed him. Go away, I willed. Please, I groaned.
Please what, Mac? Youll have to ask for it this time, spell it out in graphic detail. Im done giving you everything you want without making you ask for it.
Right. Words mean nothing to you, but now you insist on them, I said against his mouth. You are such a hypocrite.
And youre bipolar. You want me. You always do. You think I cant smell it?
Im not bipolar. Sometimes he struck way too close to home. I popped the button on his pants, unzipped them, and shoved my hands inside. He was rock hard. God, he felt good.
He stiffened, air hissing between clenched teeth.
Make haste He comes.
Leave me alone, I snapped.
