Shadows of Yesterday
Page 41
“Because I wanted to get in some”
“Serious kissing,” she finished for him.
“Don’t forget the heavy petting.”
“Well, I’m going to watch the movie. You can console yourself with your junk food.”
“Junk, schmunk, it’s dee-licious,” he countered, tossing a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
Leigh settled into her seat and stared at the screen that looked to her like an animated postage stamp at the end of a dark tunnel. She curtly refused Chad’s offer of some popcorn, a slurp of his Coke, or a handful of his candied almonds.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him finish each morsel and place his empty boxes neatly under his seat. He was right. The movie wasn’t very good, but she shot him a quelling look when he surreptitiously slid his arm along the back of her seat.
With a lazy finger, he lifted a strand of hair away from her ear. “Wanna neck?” he asked with an exaggerated Texas twang.
She wriggled away from him. “No! Now behave yourself.”
“Oh, okay,” he sighed. “For decency’s sake, we’d better leave the serious kissing for when we’re alone. What about nonserious kissing?”
“Nonserious kissing we can do.” She relented. He kissed her chastely on the cheek. “Now let’s watch the movie… What’s it about?”
He whispered the muddled plot into her ear until he caught up with the scene currently on the screen. They watched the rest of the movie, though neither was really interested. When the female lead sat up in a satin-sheeted bed and the sheet slipped to beguilingly expose one rosy breast, Chad whispered out of the corner of his mouth, “Not nearly as good as these.” His fingertips slid up to her left breast and caressed it seductively.
She slapped him playfully on the arm and said, “Unchivalrous creature!” They laughed softly at their private joke.
Returning to Chad’s house seething with sexual tension, they found the Jacksons being enchanted by a well-behaved Sarah. Lois had made herself at home in Chad’s kitchen and had a supper of cold sandwiches and canned soup waiting for them.
“Pass the salt, please.”
“Leigh, you eat too much salt,” Lois chided. “You acquired that habit when you were pregnant.”
“Too much salt is bad for a pregnant woman, isn’t it?” Chad asked.
“I thought you only specialized in delivery,” Leigh teased. “How would you know anything about pregnant women?”
For a moment his hands stilled and his expression became blank. Then he shrugged and replied, “Common knowledge.” He switched subjects quickly. “These sandwiches are delicious, Mrs. Jackson. Thank you.”
During the rest of the meal the conversation flowed around her, but Leigh couldn’t shake off an unaccountable uneasiness. Did it have anything to do with Chad’s strange expression when the topic of pregnancy came up?
The Jacksons left as soon as Lois and Leigh had cleared up the dishes. Chad’s arm was settled around her shoulders as they waved them off, but she felt there was an invisible barrier between them, a restraint that had never been there before. What had happened between the time they arrived home and now to cause a breach she couldn’t even understand?
He was as awkward as she as they closed the front door and Leigh began gathering up Sarah’s and her belongings to take home. She was stuffing articles into Sarah’s diaper bag when he sat down beside her on the sofa and took both her hands.
“Leave that for a minute. I want to talk to you before I take you home.”
Reflexively she swallowed. “All right,” she said as steadily as she could. Her heart was pounding with dread. Instinctively she knew that she didn’t want to have this discussion with him.
“Leigh,” he said, glancing away, then forcing himself to look into her inquiring eyes. “Sharon was pregnant when she… died.”
She sucked in her breath sharply, started to utter a small exclamation, but bit it off just in time. For long moments she held her breath as she stared at him wordlessly. When her breath was released, it was on a long sigh. “I see,” she said weakly.
Wanting to put distance between them so she could think more easily, she stood up and went to the window. She looked at the decorated lawn with unseeing eyes. Behind her she felt a great chasm opening between them. She longed to turn around, to reach for his hand to pull her back across to him, but the gap became wider. He was on one side, she the other.
“I don’t think you do see,” he said quietly.
She didn’t. Her mind was screaming hysterically. Since Chad had first told her of Sharon’s reluctance in romantic regards, she hadn’t thought of them as loving physically. Selfish and insane as it was, knowing that Sharon had conceived his child filled her with enraged jealousy. It was a juvenile sentiment under the circumstances, but she couldn’t help the bitter emotions that boiled in her throat and left a metallic taste in her mouth.
“You see, Sharon—”
“I don’t want to know,” she said harshly, spinning around. Her body was rigid, her eyes cold and brittle. “Please, spare me the details.”
Chad was off the sofa in a heartbeat. “Dammit, it’s a no-win situation with you, isn’t it? I wanted to tell you so you wouldn’t find out accidentally like you—”
“Like I have about everything else. Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Yes,” he said tightly. “I’m trying to be honest with you, Leigh. You’ve accused me of keeping secrets, and I don’t want to have any secrets between us. I could have taken the easy way out, kept my mouth shut and hoped you’d never find out about this. Few people knew Sharon was pregnant besides me and my parents. It was bad enough having a wife committing suicide. I didn’t announce to the world that she’d killed my baby, too.”
She saw his anguish, his pain, and was filled with remorse. She ducked her head and closed a hand over her eyes. Her fingers trailed down her face to her lips as she lifted her head. “I’m sorry, Chad. I’m sorry.” Ashamed of her reaction to his honesty, she wanted to make amends.
She covered the space between them and led him back to the sofa. “What happened?” she asked gently.
“We didn’t plan on having any children for a while. She was… the thought of birth, motherhood, terrified her. But she was no more responsible than a child herself and…” He raked a hand through his hair. Leigh longed to reach up and pat it back into place, but she remained still. “Anyway, when she found out she was pregnant, she panicked. That may have contributed to her suicide.” He sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Serious kissing,” she finished for him.
“Don’t forget the heavy petting.”
“Well, I’m going to watch the movie. You can console yourself with your junk food.”
“Junk, schmunk, it’s dee-licious,” he countered, tossing a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
Leigh settled into her seat and stared at the screen that looked to her like an animated postage stamp at the end of a dark tunnel. She curtly refused Chad’s offer of some popcorn, a slurp of his Coke, or a handful of his candied almonds.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him finish each morsel and place his empty boxes neatly under his seat. He was right. The movie wasn’t very good, but she shot him a quelling look when he surreptitiously slid his arm along the back of her seat.
With a lazy finger, he lifted a strand of hair away from her ear. “Wanna neck?” he asked with an exaggerated Texas twang.
She wriggled away from him. “No! Now behave yourself.”
“Oh, okay,” he sighed. “For decency’s sake, we’d better leave the serious kissing for when we’re alone. What about nonserious kissing?”
“Nonserious kissing we can do.” She relented. He kissed her chastely on the cheek. “Now let’s watch the movie… What’s it about?”
He whispered the muddled plot into her ear until he caught up with the scene currently on the screen. They watched the rest of the movie, though neither was really interested. When the female lead sat up in a satin-sheeted bed and the sheet slipped to beguilingly expose one rosy breast, Chad whispered out of the corner of his mouth, “Not nearly as good as these.” His fingertips slid up to her left breast and caressed it seductively.
She slapped him playfully on the arm and said, “Unchivalrous creature!” They laughed softly at their private joke.
Returning to Chad’s house seething with sexual tension, they found the Jacksons being enchanted by a well-behaved Sarah. Lois had made herself at home in Chad’s kitchen and had a supper of cold sandwiches and canned soup waiting for them.
“Pass the salt, please.”
“Leigh, you eat too much salt,” Lois chided. “You acquired that habit when you were pregnant.”
“Too much salt is bad for a pregnant woman, isn’t it?” Chad asked.
“I thought you only specialized in delivery,” Leigh teased. “How would you know anything about pregnant women?”
For a moment his hands stilled and his expression became blank. Then he shrugged and replied, “Common knowledge.” He switched subjects quickly. “These sandwiches are delicious, Mrs. Jackson. Thank you.”
During the rest of the meal the conversation flowed around her, but Leigh couldn’t shake off an unaccountable uneasiness. Did it have anything to do with Chad’s strange expression when the topic of pregnancy came up?
The Jacksons left as soon as Lois and Leigh had cleared up the dishes. Chad’s arm was settled around her shoulders as they waved them off, but she felt there was an invisible barrier between them, a restraint that had never been there before. What had happened between the time they arrived home and now to cause a breach she couldn’t even understand?
He was as awkward as she as they closed the front door and Leigh began gathering up Sarah’s and her belongings to take home. She was stuffing articles into Sarah’s diaper bag when he sat down beside her on the sofa and took both her hands.
“Leave that for a minute. I want to talk to you before I take you home.”
Reflexively she swallowed. “All right,” she said as steadily as she could. Her heart was pounding with dread. Instinctively she knew that she didn’t want to have this discussion with him.
“Leigh,” he said, glancing away, then forcing himself to look into her inquiring eyes. “Sharon was pregnant when she… died.”
She sucked in her breath sharply, started to utter a small exclamation, but bit it off just in time. For long moments she held her breath as she stared at him wordlessly. When her breath was released, it was on a long sigh. “I see,” she said weakly.
Wanting to put distance between them so she could think more easily, she stood up and went to the window. She looked at the decorated lawn with unseeing eyes. Behind her she felt a great chasm opening between them. She longed to turn around, to reach for his hand to pull her back across to him, but the gap became wider. He was on one side, she the other.
“I don’t think you do see,” he said quietly.
She didn’t. Her mind was screaming hysterically. Since Chad had first told her of Sharon’s reluctance in romantic regards, she hadn’t thought of them as loving physically. Selfish and insane as it was, knowing that Sharon had conceived his child filled her with enraged jealousy. It was a juvenile sentiment under the circumstances, but she couldn’t help the bitter emotions that boiled in her throat and left a metallic taste in her mouth.
“You see, Sharon—”
“I don’t want to know,” she said harshly, spinning around. Her body was rigid, her eyes cold and brittle. “Please, spare me the details.”
Chad was off the sofa in a heartbeat. “Dammit, it’s a no-win situation with you, isn’t it? I wanted to tell you so you wouldn’t find out accidentally like you—”
“Like I have about everything else. Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Yes,” he said tightly. “I’m trying to be honest with you, Leigh. You’ve accused me of keeping secrets, and I don’t want to have any secrets between us. I could have taken the easy way out, kept my mouth shut and hoped you’d never find out about this. Few people knew Sharon was pregnant besides me and my parents. It was bad enough having a wife committing suicide. I didn’t announce to the world that she’d killed my baby, too.”
She saw his anguish, his pain, and was filled with remorse. She ducked her head and closed a hand over her eyes. Her fingers trailed down her face to her lips as she lifted her head. “I’m sorry, Chad. I’m sorry.” Ashamed of her reaction to his honesty, she wanted to make amends.
She covered the space between them and led him back to the sofa. “What happened?” she asked gently.
“We didn’t plan on having any children for a while. She was… the thought of birth, motherhood, terrified her. But she was no more responsible than a child herself and…” He raked a hand through his hair. Leigh longed to reach up and pat it back into place, but she remained still. “Anyway, when she found out she was pregnant, she panicked. That may have contributed to her suicide.” He sighed. “I don’t know.”
