Shadows of Yesterday
Page 47
Hadn’t he said that, softly chiding her on her foolishness even as he helped her? You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever met. He’d said that, too, flashing her a brilliant smile, white against the tanned, weather-roughened face. Beard-stubbled. Blue-eyed. Eyes that laughed. Eyes that sympathized. A bandanna tied around his forehead like a renegade Apache. Thick dark hair falling over it. He’d never worn a bandanna like that since then. She’d have to tell him how much she’d liked it. Maybe someday when they played tennis or—
There might not be a someday. God, what had she done?
On that lonely stretch of highway on that summer day, racked with pain and fear, she had trusted him. Stranger that he was then, she had put her life in his hands. Why, now that she was his wife, did she mistrust him? Now that she knew the man he was, now that she loved him, why had she let fear creep in? Wasn’t love stronger than fear?
You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever met. Your husband is going to be so proud of you.
No, he couldn’t be. He couldn’t be proud of a wife who had sent him off with no word of comfort, no touch, no kiss. He certainly wouldn’t think that she loved him, not with the unselfish, self-sacrificing kind of love that each knew was essential to the survival of a marriage true to its vows of taking each other for better or worse. What if he didn’t know how much she loved him? What if something happened to him and he never knew
“Turn around,” she said suddenly.
Lois’s strident lecture on how foolish Leigh had been abruptly ceased, and she stared over the back of the seat at her daughter. “What?”
Ignoring her mother’s incredulous look, Leigh repeated, “Father, please turn the car around. I’m going back.”
“Don’t you dare, Harve, she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Dar” Lois started sympathetically.
“Either turn the car around or let me out here. I’ll walk back with Sarah if necessary. I’m going to stay with Chad’s parents while he’s away.”
“Harve, you can’t,” Lois said. When the turning car told her that he could, she gave up on him and turned again to Leigh. “Leigh, it’s better this way. If you stay with him, you’ll be miserable the rest of your life.”
“I’ll be more miserable without him. Right, Sarah?” Leigh asked of her daughter, who was looking up at her with what appeared to be an approving smile. “We’d be miserable and lost without him, wouldn’t we?”
“Then I wash my hands of the whole affair,” Lois said. “Don’t expect me”
“No one expects anything out of you, Lois. Now shut up.”
Lois gawked at her husband, her mouth working with mute wrath. She cast another venomous look toward her daughter, who met her gaze levelly until Lois looked away. Finally she sat straight forward in her seat, perfectly erect, righteously indignant.
“Thank you, Father,” Leigh said, scrambling out of the back seat as soon as he pulled the car to a stop.
Harve Jackson retrieved her luggage from the trunk of the car and set it on the front steps of the house. “Leigh, for better or worse, Chad’s your husband. You’re doing the right thing.”
“Yes, I know.” She kissed her father on the cheek. Leaning forward, she spoke through the window. “Goodbye, Mother.” She got no answer, but then she hadn’t expected one. Her mother would come around. Lois’s fits of sulking seldom lasted long.
When Leigh turned away after waving her parents off, the Dillons were waiting at the door for her. Amelia was smiling broadly and came to relieve Leigh of Sarah. Stewart apologized for not being able to help her with her bags. His trouser leg was empty as he leaned upon his crutch. She hastened to get inside.
Over Amelia’s protests, Leigh helped her clear away what the caterer hadn’t done. “I told them all—caterer, florist, everyone—to come back tomorrow,” Amelia said. “Because of Chad’s leaving, they all understood.”
They were rinsing out punch glasses in the kitchen. Stewart was watching the last of the New Year’s Day football games and entertaining Sarah on his lap.
“I let Chad down, Amelia,” Leigh said quietly. “When he needed my support the most, I didn’t give it. He must be so disappointed in me.”
“He understands and he loves you, Leigh, and despite how you acted before he left, he knows you love him.”
Wanting so badly to believe that, Leigh turned to her mother-in-law with anxious eyes. “Do you think so?”
Amelia patted her on the hand. “I know so. I won’t be a meddlesome in-law and butt in where I’m not wanted, but I’m a good listener if you want to talk about it.”
* * *
The courage she had found within herself was tested when Leigh saw the news reports of the fire in Venezuela on network television. It was such a horrendous inferno, such a rapacious drain on the fuel supply it was consuming, that it had made headlines worldwide.
Thankfully Leigh was able to busy herself at the mall for several days, taking down the Christmas decorations and overseeing their storage. The person she had recruited to take care of her work while she was away on her honeymoon had been called out of town the day after New Year’s. The pots of flowers used to replace the now-wilting poinsettias were delivered and had to be arranged in the beds.
The residents of Saddle Club Estates were each responsible for taking down and storing their own decorations. Leigh hired two students to help her with those at Chad’s house. Using her key, she showed them where to store them in a closet inside the garage. While she waited for them, she stood beside the pickup parked inside, running her hands over the faded, chipped paint, remembering.
The evenings were the hardest. Amelia was delighted that she was getting to watch Sarah throughout the day, though Leigh had offered to take her to the sitter she used in town. Such a suggestion was met with a deluge of protests. Stewart seemed not at all disconcerted to have two new females under his roof, but went about his business of running the cattle ranch seemingly unaffected.
Feeding his vast herd became a challenge when a blizzard blew in from New Mexico and left frigid temperatures and twelve inches of snow behind. Not prepared to handle more than a few inches of snow at a time, the west Texas community came to a standstill. Highways were closed; schools and businesses got an unexpected holiday; anybody with common sense stayed indoors.
There might not be a someday. God, what had she done?
On that lonely stretch of highway on that summer day, racked with pain and fear, she had trusted him. Stranger that he was then, she had put her life in his hands. Why, now that she was his wife, did she mistrust him? Now that she knew the man he was, now that she loved him, why had she let fear creep in? Wasn’t love stronger than fear?
You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever met. Your husband is going to be so proud of you.
No, he couldn’t be. He couldn’t be proud of a wife who had sent him off with no word of comfort, no touch, no kiss. He certainly wouldn’t think that she loved him, not with the unselfish, self-sacrificing kind of love that each knew was essential to the survival of a marriage true to its vows of taking each other for better or worse. What if he didn’t know how much she loved him? What if something happened to him and he never knew
“Turn around,” she said suddenly.
Lois’s strident lecture on how foolish Leigh had been abruptly ceased, and she stared over the back of the seat at her daughter. “What?”
Ignoring her mother’s incredulous look, Leigh repeated, “Father, please turn the car around. I’m going back.”
“Don’t you dare, Harve, she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Dar” Lois started sympathetically.
“Either turn the car around or let me out here. I’ll walk back with Sarah if necessary. I’m going to stay with Chad’s parents while he’s away.”
“Harve, you can’t,” Lois said. When the turning car told her that he could, she gave up on him and turned again to Leigh. “Leigh, it’s better this way. If you stay with him, you’ll be miserable the rest of your life.”
“I’ll be more miserable without him. Right, Sarah?” Leigh asked of her daughter, who was looking up at her with what appeared to be an approving smile. “We’d be miserable and lost without him, wouldn’t we?”
“Then I wash my hands of the whole affair,” Lois said. “Don’t expect me”
“No one expects anything out of you, Lois. Now shut up.”
Lois gawked at her husband, her mouth working with mute wrath. She cast another venomous look toward her daughter, who met her gaze levelly until Lois looked away. Finally she sat straight forward in her seat, perfectly erect, righteously indignant.
“Thank you, Father,” Leigh said, scrambling out of the back seat as soon as he pulled the car to a stop.
Harve Jackson retrieved her luggage from the trunk of the car and set it on the front steps of the house. “Leigh, for better or worse, Chad’s your husband. You’re doing the right thing.”
“Yes, I know.” She kissed her father on the cheek. Leaning forward, she spoke through the window. “Goodbye, Mother.” She got no answer, but then she hadn’t expected one. Her mother would come around. Lois’s fits of sulking seldom lasted long.
When Leigh turned away after waving her parents off, the Dillons were waiting at the door for her. Amelia was smiling broadly and came to relieve Leigh of Sarah. Stewart apologized for not being able to help her with her bags. His trouser leg was empty as he leaned upon his crutch. She hastened to get inside.
Over Amelia’s protests, Leigh helped her clear away what the caterer hadn’t done. “I told them all—caterer, florist, everyone—to come back tomorrow,” Amelia said. “Because of Chad’s leaving, they all understood.”
They were rinsing out punch glasses in the kitchen. Stewart was watching the last of the New Year’s Day football games and entertaining Sarah on his lap.
“I let Chad down, Amelia,” Leigh said quietly. “When he needed my support the most, I didn’t give it. He must be so disappointed in me.”
“He understands and he loves you, Leigh, and despite how you acted before he left, he knows you love him.”
Wanting so badly to believe that, Leigh turned to her mother-in-law with anxious eyes. “Do you think so?”
Amelia patted her on the hand. “I know so. I won’t be a meddlesome in-law and butt in where I’m not wanted, but I’m a good listener if you want to talk about it.”
* * *
The courage she had found within herself was tested when Leigh saw the news reports of the fire in Venezuela on network television. It was such a horrendous inferno, such a rapacious drain on the fuel supply it was consuming, that it had made headlines worldwide.
Thankfully Leigh was able to busy herself at the mall for several days, taking down the Christmas decorations and overseeing their storage. The person she had recruited to take care of her work while she was away on her honeymoon had been called out of town the day after New Year’s. The pots of flowers used to replace the now-wilting poinsettias were delivered and had to be arranged in the beds.
The residents of Saddle Club Estates were each responsible for taking down and storing their own decorations. Leigh hired two students to help her with those at Chad’s house. Using her key, she showed them where to store them in a closet inside the garage. While she waited for them, she stood beside the pickup parked inside, running her hands over the faded, chipped paint, remembering.
The evenings were the hardest. Amelia was delighted that she was getting to watch Sarah throughout the day, though Leigh had offered to take her to the sitter she used in town. Such a suggestion was met with a deluge of protests. Stewart seemed not at all disconcerted to have two new females under his roof, but went about his business of running the cattle ranch seemingly unaffected.
Feeding his vast herd became a challenge when a blizzard blew in from New Mexico and left frigid temperatures and twelve inches of snow behind. Not prepared to handle more than a few inches of snow at a time, the west Texas community came to a standstill. Highways were closed; schools and businesses got an unexpected holiday; anybody with common sense stayed indoors.
