Spiral of Need
Page 38
She, on the other hand, would have been happy to avoid any post-one-night-stand discomfort. As a shifter, she had no hang-ups about casual sex. After all, a girl had to eat. Still, a one-night stand was new territory for her. She didn’t know the morning-after etiquette.
Did she say thanks and hint for him to leave?
Was she supposed to make him breakfast?
Were they meant to discuss it? She didn’t really see the point in postmortems.
Getting it right was important, because she’d have to see this guy every day for the next few months. She didn’t want things to be weird and uncomfortable between them from this point on.
Hoping she didn’t make an idiot out of herself by drowning in an ocean of unnecessary embarrassment, she headed inside the lodge. Fully dressed and looking unfairly presentable for a guy who had spent a huge portion of the night fucking her into oblivion, Derren was in the kitchen. His gaze met hers, filled with heat and awareness, as he offered her a mug of coffee.
“Morning,” he greeted, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. “I’m not good in the kitchen, so I didn’t even bother attempting to cook.”
No awkward vibes, no uneasy silence. Surprised, Ally took the mug. The weight of his intense gaze made a blush unexpectedly stain her cheeks. She felt . . . vulnerable, but she couldn’t explain why. She cleared her throat. “I thought you’d have left.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Did you now?”
As his gaze dropped to her neck, she remembered how he’d bitten her there. “I told you not to mark me.”
“I carry your mark too.” Derren rolled back his shoulder, reminding her how she’d dug her claws so deep in his flesh that she’d drawn blood.
Her face heated even more. “That was my wolf.” The animal had lunged for him, wanted to brand him as he’d branded her.
A smile curved his mouth. “Blaming your wolf? Tut, tut, tut.”
Yeah, that was low. And yeah, okay, it would be fair to say that she hadn’t fought her wolf’s urge to brand him. That simply pissed her off, because, dammit . . . “I’m not a possessive person.”
“Neither am I.” He skimmed his fingers along her collarbone. “But you . . . it’s different with you.”
Seeing the flare of determination in his eyes, she swallowed hard. “We agreed that it would be just one night, Derren.”
“We did. But I’ve changed my mind. I want more.”
She sighed. “Look, I’m not saying last night wasn’t good. It was—”
“Fucking amazing. And it will happen again.”
“We need to forget it ever happened. Cain will flip if he—”
“What have I told you?” He gripped her jaw. “This is about you and me. No one else.” Neither Derren nor his wolf wanted her thinking of any other guy, particularly the one who was her intended mate. Jealousy slithered through Derren every time she even said Cain’s name. “What he’ll think or feel about us makes no fucking difference to me.”
She pulled out of his hold. “It should. He’s your friend, and you’d be risking that friendship.” Cain would be pissed that his friend had “used” the girl he viewed as his little sister—that was how he’d see it.
“Yes, so that has to show you how badly I want you.”
She closed her eyes as she sifted a hand through her hair. The guy was so unbelievably stubborn it drove her crazy.
“Look at me, Ally. Be honest, this isn’t about Cain. You’re hesitating because you don’t want a repeat of what happened with Zeke. I get it. But I’m not him. I would never turn on you like that.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” she conceded. He was too loyal for that. In such a situation, he would claim his mate, yes, but he wouldn’t treat Ally like she was a stranger. He would support and defend Ally if she needed it. “But I have no wish to lose someone else to their mate. To be put aside again.”
Derren laughed, but it had a bitter edge to it. “The likelihood of me recognizing my mate is practically nonexistent.” He’d once heard a mating bond be compared to a frequency. If it were jammed by such things as doubts, fears, or an imprinting bond, the shifters would be unable to pick it up. Derren was too damn messed up inside to be able to sense his mate.
Ally didn’t need to ask why he’d assume that. “You have issues with trust.” Not to mention that he was so preoccupied with serving Nick that he wasn’t fully living his own life. She didn’t bother asking why he felt so indebted to his Alpha. Derren shared only what he chose to share when he chose to share it, and she respected that, because she didn’t like confiding in others either.
“My point is there can’t be a repeat of what happened with Zeke,” said Derren, the latter word a growl.
Maybe, but what he didn’t realize was that it wasn’t just about how she’d lost Zeke to his mate. Ally had also lost her life the way it was. She’d suddenly found herself living alone, was more pitied than respected, and had eventually lost everything—including her status.
“Stop overthinking it, Ally. This doesn’t have to be complicated; we’re not talking permanence here. But we’re not talking some kind of empty fling either. I like you, I respect you.”
In other words, while this would be casual and temporary, it also wouldn’t be meaningless sex to him. That idea made Ally hesitate to rebuff him again. Emotionless flings weren’t something she was capable of; she wasn’t one of those people who could separate sex from feelings. If she hadn’t come to like Derren, she could never have slept with him. She could only agree to this if their temporary relationship wouldn’t be impersonal and cold.
Did she say thanks and hint for him to leave?
Was she supposed to make him breakfast?
Were they meant to discuss it? She didn’t really see the point in postmortems.
Getting it right was important, because she’d have to see this guy every day for the next few months. She didn’t want things to be weird and uncomfortable between them from this point on.
Hoping she didn’t make an idiot out of herself by drowning in an ocean of unnecessary embarrassment, she headed inside the lodge. Fully dressed and looking unfairly presentable for a guy who had spent a huge portion of the night fucking her into oblivion, Derren was in the kitchen. His gaze met hers, filled with heat and awareness, as he offered her a mug of coffee.
“Morning,” he greeted, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. “I’m not good in the kitchen, so I didn’t even bother attempting to cook.”
No awkward vibes, no uneasy silence. Surprised, Ally took the mug. The weight of his intense gaze made a blush unexpectedly stain her cheeks. She felt . . . vulnerable, but she couldn’t explain why. She cleared her throat. “I thought you’d have left.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Did you now?”
As his gaze dropped to her neck, she remembered how he’d bitten her there. “I told you not to mark me.”
“I carry your mark too.” Derren rolled back his shoulder, reminding her how she’d dug her claws so deep in his flesh that she’d drawn blood.
Her face heated even more. “That was my wolf.” The animal had lunged for him, wanted to brand him as he’d branded her.
A smile curved his mouth. “Blaming your wolf? Tut, tut, tut.”
Yeah, that was low. And yeah, okay, it would be fair to say that she hadn’t fought her wolf’s urge to brand him. That simply pissed her off, because, dammit . . . “I’m not a possessive person.”
“Neither am I.” He skimmed his fingers along her collarbone. “But you . . . it’s different with you.”
Seeing the flare of determination in his eyes, she swallowed hard. “We agreed that it would be just one night, Derren.”
“We did. But I’ve changed my mind. I want more.”
She sighed. “Look, I’m not saying last night wasn’t good. It was—”
“Fucking amazing. And it will happen again.”
“We need to forget it ever happened. Cain will flip if he—”
“What have I told you?” He gripped her jaw. “This is about you and me. No one else.” Neither Derren nor his wolf wanted her thinking of any other guy, particularly the one who was her intended mate. Jealousy slithered through Derren every time she even said Cain’s name. “What he’ll think or feel about us makes no fucking difference to me.”
She pulled out of his hold. “It should. He’s your friend, and you’d be risking that friendship.” Cain would be pissed that his friend had “used” the girl he viewed as his little sister—that was how he’d see it.
“Yes, so that has to show you how badly I want you.”
She closed her eyes as she sifted a hand through her hair. The guy was so unbelievably stubborn it drove her crazy.
“Look at me, Ally. Be honest, this isn’t about Cain. You’re hesitating because you don’t want a repeat of what happened with Zeke. I get it. But I’m not him. I would never turn on you like that.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” she conceded. He was too loyal for that. In such a situation, he would claim his mate, yes, but he wouldn’t treat Ally like she was a stranger. He would support and defend Ally if she needed it. “But I have no wish to lose someone else to their mate. To be put aside again.”
Derren laughed, but it had a bitter edge to it. “The likelihood of me recognizing my mate is practically nonexistent.” He’d once heard a mating bond be compared to a frequency. If it were jammed by such things as doubts, fears, or an imprinting bond, the shifters would be unable to pick it up. Derren was too damn messed up inside to be able to sense his mate.
Ally didn’t need to ask why he’d assume that. “You have issues with trust.” Not to mention that he was so preoccupied with serving Nick that he wasn’t fully living his own life. She didn’t bother asking why he felt so indebted to his Alpha. Derren shared only what he chose to share when he chose to share it, and she respected that, because she didn’t like confiding in others either.
“My point is there can’t be a repeat of what happened with Zeke,” said Derren, the latter word a growl.
Maybe, but what he didn’t realize was that it wasn’t just about how she’d lost Zeke to his mate. Ally had also lost her life the way it was. She’d suddenly found herself living alone, was more pitied than respected, and had eventually lost everything—including her status.
“Stop overthinking it, Ally. This doesn’t have to be complicated; we’re not talking permanence here. But we’re not talking some kind of empty fling either. I like you, I respect you.”
In other words, while this would be casual and temporary, it also wouldn’t be meaningless sex to him. That idea made Ally hesitate to rebuff him again. Emotionless flings weren’t something she was capable of; she wasn’t one of those people who could separate sex from feelings. If she hadn’t come to like Derren, she could never have slept with him. She could only agree to this if their temporary relationship wouldn’t be impersonal and cold.
