Spiral of Need
Page 66
Shaya crossed one leg over the other. “How do you feel about Derren?”
“Look, I’m a very self-aware person. I know I have plenty of flaws. I know I’m not very forthcoming when it comes to feelings or my past. I have constant nightmares and prefer sleeping outside in my hammock. I cook when I’m stressed—even if I’m not hungry or it’s three o’clock in the morning. Being a Seer, feeling people’s emotions all the time, means I sometimes get struck by a sensory overload, and so I’ll have my days when I need space, time, and privacy.
“Derren is a very dominant, forceful, intrusive male who thinks my business is his and who is determined to have his own way all the time. But even though he pushes me to tell him things, he never pushes too hard—he shares with me so that I’ll share with him. Even though he doesn’t like any distance between us, he lets me have my space and privacy when I need it. And even though he very rarely gets a peaceful night’s sleep because of me, he never complains or sleeps anywhere but beside me. How can I not care about the fucker?”
Shaya smiled. “It annoys you that he’s dug deep and made a place for himself in your life, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, because I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t think I even had the ability to let someone get that close to me again. Not after what happened with Zeke. But Derren wormed his way in.”
“Derren can be sneaky and subtle in working to get what he wants.”
Ally handed Willow one of her plush bears. “When Zeke set me aside, it stung even though I respected his mating. I think the worst part of it was that the rest of the pack set me aside too. I lost everything all at once. But I know that if Derren set me aside, it would hurt me more than all of that did. I don’t think I’d recover.”
“Aw, sweetie, you don’t see it, do you?” Shaya came to sit next to Ally on the rug. “Derren’s typically a hard person to understand. I’m not sure that anyone other than Nick and you can claim to really know him. But I do know that trusting others is something Derren finds extremely difficult to do. Trust is a lot more important to him than any other feelings. And he trusts you. That’s huge for him. You’ve become important to him. Important enough that he’s chosen you over his true mate. Don’t run from that. Hold tight to it.”
Shaya’s advice stayed with Ally all day. And as Ally ate her evening meal she had to admit, even if only to herself, that she couldn’t run from this thing she had with Derren. She didn’t even want to. She cared too much for this person who trusted, respected, protected—though she didn’t need it—and accepted her despite all her faults.
Walking away from him, pissing all over what they had, would not only hurt both of them but make her a coward. She’d never been a coward. Just because he might not care for her now didn’t mean he couldn’t grow to feel that way, did it?
“Where are you, baby?”
Pulled out of her thoughts by Derren’s voice, Ally blinked at him. “Woolgathering.”
His expression called her a liar. “Ready to leave?”
She blinked. “Already?” They hadn’t had dessert yet.
“Yes, already.”
Figuring he must want to talk about something without an audience, she rose from her seat. Having said their good-byes, they walked out into the warm evening. Without breaking stride he gripped her wrist, twirled her to face him, and yanked her against his body—forcing her to walk backward. “What’s wrong?” she asked. He seemed surprised by the question.
“Nothing at all.”
Ally slipped her arms under his and grabbed the back of his shoulders. “Then why did you want to get me out of there so fast?”
“I’ve hardly seen you today. I wanted to be alone with you. And I was close to hitting Bracken for flirting with you.” Of course Derren knew that the enforcer would never poach. Unlike Dominic, he didn’t take the flirting too far. But it was still irritating at times. “I don’t share.”
“Really? But you’re not in the least bit possessive,” she mocked.
“Such a little smart-ass.”
A very un-Ally-like squeal left her as he abruptly slung her over his shoulder. “Hey! Put me down!”
Derren spanked her ass before giving it a firm squeeze. “No.”
“Stop spanking my ass!”
“It’s my ass. You should know that by now.” He’d bitten and marked it enough times.
“I mean it!” It was impossible to sound firm and outraged when she was laughing. She smacked his own ass, but he didn’t seem to care. “Derren, put me down!”
“I don’t want to.” Hearing a familiar chime, he dug his cell out of his pocket. “Shush, baby, while I take this call.” Seeing “Unknown Number” flashing on the screen, Derren frowned. “Hello.”
“Derren, it’s me.”
Derren halted abruptly. Cain. Not a voice Derren wanted to hear. His good humor literally fled his body, and his wolf snarled—as far as the animal was concerned, Cain was a rival. “Hey.” The word came out guttural.
“I heard your pack’s still having trouble.” Danger dripped from every syllable.
Putting Ally on her feet, Derren met her knowing gaze—her shifter hearing had obviously picked up Cain’s voice. “We know who the culprit is. It’s only a matter of time before we have them.”
“Look, I’m a very self-aware person. I know I have plenty of flaws. I know I’m not very forthcoming when it comes to feelings or my past. I have constant nightmares and prefer sleeping outside in my hammock. I cook when I’m stressed—even if I’m not hungry or it’s three o’clock in the morning. Being a Seer, feeling people’s emotions all the time, means I sometimes get struck by a sensory overload, and so I’ll have my days when I need space, time, and privacy.
“Derren is a very dominant, forceful, intrusive male who thinks my business is his and who is determined to have his own way all the time. But even though he pushes me to tell him things, he never pushes too hard—he shares with me so that I’ll share with him. Even though he doesn’t like any distance between us, he lets me have my space and privacy when I need it. And even though he very rarely gets a peaceful night’s sleep because of me, he never complains or sleeps anywhere but beside me. How can I not care about the fucker?”
Shaya smiled. “It annoys you that he’s dug deep and made a place for himself in your life, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, because I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t think I even had the ability to let someone get that close to me again. Not after what happened with Zeke. But Derren wormed his way in.”
“Derren can be sneaky and subtle in working to get what he wants.”
Ally handed Willow one of her plush bears. “When Zeke set me aside, it stung even though I respected his mating. I think the worst part of it was that the rest of the pack set me aside too. I lost everything all at once. But I know that if Derren set me aside, it would hurt me more than all of that did. I don’t think I’d recover.”
“Aw, sweetie, you don’t see it, do you?” Shaya came to sit next to Ally on the rug. “Derren’s typically a hard person to understand. I’m not sure that anyone other than Nick and you can claim to really know him. But I do know that trusting others is something Derren finds extremely difficult to do. Trust is a lot more important to him than any other feelings. And he trusts you. That’s huge for him. You’ve become important to him. Important enough that he’s chosen you over his true mate. Don’t run from that. Hold tight to it.”
Shaya’s advice stayed with Ally all day. And as Ally ate her evening meal she had to admit, even if only to herself, that she couldn’t run from this thing she had with Derren. She didn’t even want to. She cared too much for this person who trusted, respected, protected—though she didn’t need it—and accepted her despite all her faults.
Walking away from him, pissing all over what they had, would not only hurt both of them but make her a coward. She’d never been a coward. Just because he might not care for her now didn’t mean he couldn’t grow to feel that way, did it?
“Where are you, baby?”
Pulled out of her thoughts by Derren’s voice, Ally blinked at him. “Woolgathering.”
His expression called her a liar. “Ready to leave?”
She blinked. “Already?” They hadn’t had dessert yet.
“Yes, already.”
Figuring he must want to talk about something without an audience, she rose from her seat. Having said their good-byes, they walked out into the warm evening. Without breaking stride he gripped her wrist, twirled her to face him, and yanked her against his body—forcing her to walk backward. “What’s wrong?” she asked. He seemed surprised by the question.
“Nothing at all.”
Ally slipped her arms under his and grabbed the back of his shoulders. “Then why did you want to get me out of there so fast?”
“I’ve hardly seen you today. I wanted to be alone with you. And I was close to hitting Bracken for flirting with you.” Of course Derren knew that the enforcer would never poach. Unlike Dominic, he didn’t take the flirting too far. But it was still irritating at times. “I don’t share.”
“Really? But you’re not in the least bit possessive,” she mocked.
“Such a little smart-ass.”
A very un-Ally-like squeal left her as he abruptly slung her over his shoulder. “Hey! Put me down!”
Derren spanked her ass before giving it a firm squeeze. “No.”
“Stop spanking my ass!”
“It’s my ass. You should know that by now.” He’d bitten and marked it enough times.
“I mean it!” It was impossible to sound firm and outraged when she was laughing. She smacked his own ass, but he didn’t seem to care. “Derren, put me down!”
“I don’t want to.” Hearing a familiar chime, he dug his cell out of his pocket. “Shush, baby, while I take this call.” Seeing “Unknown Number” flashing on the screen, Derren frowned. “Hello.”
“Derren, it’s me.”
Derren halted abruptly. Cain. Not a voice Derren wanted to hear. His good humor literally fled his body, and his wolf snarled—as far as the animal was concerned, Cain was a rival. “Hey.” The word came out guttural.
“I heard your pack’s still having trouble.” Danger dripped from every syllable.
Putting Ally on her feet, Derren met her knowing gaze—her shifter hearing had obviously picked up Cain’s voice. “We know who the culprit is. It’s only a matter of time before we have them.”
