Still Jaded
Page 38
Oh God.
Everything she said gave me hope, but then the pain came back. It was suffocating me. I took a deep breath and grabbed all the wine paraphernalia. The hallways were dark, but I let them be. Enough moonlight shone through the windows that I could see where I was going. A chill came over me as I entered the kitchen, but it felt refreshing. I'd been so heated about Bryce earlier and then from the wine later. I had cooled down since then, but it never bothered me to be a little cold. The kitchen windows overlooked a lake tucked in a valley. I sat in a chair and watched the water glisten under the moon. Denton's home was peaceful and exactly what I needed. I needed something to refresh me, help me look at things differently.
I stayed there the whole night, moving only once for the bathroom. I returned with a blanket and drew my knees against my chest. I rested my chin on my knees and studied how the lake seemed to change color while the sun rose. The doctor came in after sunrise, frowned at me, and grunted once. She made coffee and then left.
Sometime in the afternoon, I collapsed on my bed, but I still turned so I could look out the window. It was like I needed to watch the outdoors, like I was starving for it, but it wasn't long before I found myself woken up.
I grunted and rolled over. The doc smiled in an apology. She looked refreshed, like she'd taken a shower. "I need to change your dressings. You can go back to sleep after that."
I groaned but moved how she wanted me to. When she was done, I didn't register her departure or that she turned the lights off. It was night again…but I'd fallen asleep once more.
That became the pattern for a while. I'd sleep at random times and wake for a time when I'd look out the windows. Sometimes I watched television. I couldn't turn the channel when Bryce's team played. My eyes were glued to the screen. The doctor joined once, but she only noted how handsome Bryce looked. "No wonder you've got the hoot-n-nanny for him. He's lethal to the loins." Then she laughed, sipped some more wine, and snuggled underneath her blanket. Her snores kept me company for the rest of the game.
I turned the television off an hour later and stayed in my seat.
"I was at an awards show not long ago."
Denton spoke from behind me and dropped a bag in my lap.
I screamed and then clamped a hand over my mouth. "Holy shit! Can you announce your presence next time? I think I crapped my pants just now."
Denton smirked and fell in the chair beside mine. He indicated the bag. "Look in there. I got goodies for you."
A movie, a book, and a scarf were in the bag. I pulled each out and flashed a smile. "Thanks, Denton. How'd you know this is what I always wanted?"
He stood and crossed the room. When he pushed a button, a portion of the wall slid away and a bar extended out towards us. My eyes went wide. How hadn't I found that nice little invention?
Denton poured a drink for himself and a second one that he offered to me when he resumed his seat beside me. "As I was saying before, I went to an awards show last week and, lo and behold, guess who sat in the two seats beside me."
I already knew where this was going. The same headache threatened to spill over me again. "Please don't."
"That enticing Spanish model who's hoping to become the next big thing in America. Guess who her date was. Guess, Sheldon."
I already knew. "Lance Armstrong."
Denton chuckled and sipped his drink. "No, no, no. Your one and only love." He finished his drink and gritted his teeth, as if it was sour. A hard look came over his eyes. "You didn't tell me he was cheating on you."
I closed my eyes. It was worse than I thought. "Because he still says that it's a lie to stir up buzz."
He should know a thing or two about that business, but when I looked, I saw that Denton was a frozen statue in his chair. Anger simmered in his eyes as he shoved out of the chair to pace in front of the television screen. "I don't know if it's a lie, but I don't care. Are you together now? Do you love him?"
I felt whipped by his words, no—I felt whipped by the unspoken words. He didn't ask if Bryce loved me. That was the real question for me.
I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't. The answer wasn't that simple, but maybe it was. Maybe I didn't want to hear what he was going to say because I knew what it would mean.
Denton stopped in front of my chair and gripped the sides as he trapped me. His eyes bore into mine, and I felt his breath on me. "You gave your heart to him a long time ago. I was there. I saw it. Did you take it back?"
I looked away, but Denton caught my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes demanded an answer. "I…" I couldn't finish it. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to be any part of this. Then I cried out, "We broke up in Spain."
"And now? I saw you with him on those gossip shows. You were together then; I know you've seen him since. Right? You have, haven't you? Are you together now?"
I opened my mouth, but I had nothing to say.
That was happening a lot to me now.
Denton held my chin firm. I couldn't look anywhere but at him. "Love is love, Sheldon. I haven't committed to anyone for a long time. I'm only going to do it when I know she's the one. I thought, for a split second, a long time ago that I found that girl, but it only took one look at you, and I knew you weren't her. The reason why I'm so heated is because if I had you, there's no way in hell I'd be caught dead with someone else. Now, I saw Bryce's look. I saw it in his eyes. He was playing the part, and my guess is it's because his agent got him to do it like you said. But you hear me—no agent would make me do anything that would hurt the woman I loved. I wouldn't let them. A job is a job. A lot of people put their jobs first, but the relationship should always be first. When a job is gone, that woman is going to stay with you. The job won't do that."
"So you think he's with her because of his job?" Hope blossomed…
I felt faint and my heart was beating so fast, but I couldn't look away from his eyes.
Denton let go of my chin and straightened as he raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know. I'll be honest. He did look confused."
A whimper choked out of me. What did that mean?
Denton turned striking eyes to me. "Don't get me wrong. Confused or not, he shouldn't be where he is. He needs to get his priorities straight, and if he doesn't…"
Everything she said gave me hope, but then the pain came back. It was suffocating me. I took a deep breath and grabbed all the wine paraphernalia. The hallways were dark, but I let them be. Enough moonlight shone through the windows that I could see where I was going. A chill came over me as I entered the kitchen, but it felt refreshing. I'd been so heated about Bryce earlier and then from the wine later. I had cooled down since then, but it never bothered me to be a little cold. The kitchen windows overlooked a lake tucked in a valley. I sat in a chair and watched the water glisten under the moon. Denton's home was peaceful and exactly what I needed. I needed something to refresh me, help me look at things differently.
I stayed there the whole night, moving only once for the bathroom. I returned with a blanket and drew my knees against my chest. I rested my chin on my knees and studied how the lake seemed to change color while the sun rose. The doctor came in after sunrise, frowned at me, and grunted once. She made coffee and then left.
Sometime in the afternoon, I collapsed on my bed, but I still turned so I could look out the window. It was like I needed to watch the outdoors, like I was starving for it, but it wasn't long before I found myself woken up.
I grunted and rolled over. The doc smiled in an apology. She looked refreshed, like she'd taken a shower. "I need to change your dressings. You can go back to sleep after that."
I groaned but moved how she wanted me to. When she was done, I didn't register her departure or that she turned the lights off. It was night again…but I'd fallen asleep once more.
That became the pattern for a while. I'd sleep at random times and wake for a time when I'd look out the windows. Sometimes I watched television. I couldn't turn the channel when Bryce's team played. My eyes were glued to the screen. The doctor joined once, but she only noted how handsome Bryce looked. "No wonder you've got the hoot-n-nanny for him. He's lethal to the loins." Then she laughed, sipped some more wine, and snuggled underneath her blanket. Her snores kept me company for the rest of the game.
I turned the television off an hour later and stayed in my seat.
"I was at an awards show not long ago."
Denton spoke from behind me and dropped a bag in my lap.
I screamed and then clamped a hand over my mouth. "Holy shit! Can you announce your presence next time? I think I crapped my pants just now."
Denton smirked and fell in the chair beside mine. He indicated the bag. "Look in there. I got goodies for you."
A movie, a book, and a scarf were in the bag. I pulled each out and flashed a smile. "Thanks, Denton. How'd you know this is what I always wanted?"
He stood and crossed the room. When he pushed a button, a portion of the wall slid away and a bar extended out towards us. My eyes went wide. How hadn't I found that nice little invention?
Denton poured a drink for himself and a second one that he offered to me when he resumed his seat beside me. "As I was saying before, I went to an awards show last week and, lo and behold, guess who sat in the two seats beside me."
I already knew where this was going. The same headache threatened to spill over me again. "Please don't."
"That enticing Spanish model who's hoping to become the next big thing in America. Guess who her date was. Guess, Sheldon."
I already knew. "Lance Armstrong."
Denton chuckled and sipped his drink. "No, no, no. Your one and only love." He finished his drink and gritted his teeth, as if it was sour. A hard look came over his eyes. "You didn't tell me he was cheating on you."
I closed my eyes. It was worse than I thought. "Because he still says that it's a lie to stir up buzz."
He should know a thing or two about that business, but when I looked, I saw that Denton was a frozen statue in his chair. Anger simmered in his eyes as he shoved out of the chair to pace in front of the television screen. "I don't know if it's a lie, but I don't care. Are you together now? Do you love him?"
I felt whipped by his words, no—I felt whipped by the unspoken words. He didn't ask if Bryce loved me. That was the real question for me.
I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't. The answer wasn't that simple, but maybe it was. Maybe I didn't want to hear what he was going to say because I knew what it would mean.
Denton stopped in front of my chair and gripped the sides as he trapped me. His eyes bore into mine, and I felt his breath on me. "You gave your heart to him a long time ago. I was there. I saw it. Did you take it back?"
I looked away, but Denton caught my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes demanded an answer. "I…" I couldn't finish it. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to be any part of this. Then I cried out, "We broke up in Spain."
"And now? I saw you with him on those gossip shows. You were together then; I know you've seen him since. Right? You have, haven't you? Are you together now?"
I opened my mouth, but I had nothing to say.
That was happening a lot to me now.
Denton held my chin firm. I couldn't look anywhere but at him. "Love is love, Sheldon. I haven't committed to anyone for a long time. I'm only going to do it when I know she's the one. I thought, for a split second, a long time ago that I found that girl, but it only took one look at you, and I knew you weren't her. The reason why I'm so heated is because if I had you, there's no way in hell I'd be caught dead with someone else. Now, I saw Bryce's look. I saw it in his eyes. He was playing the part, and my guess is it's because his agent got him to do it like you said. But you hear me—no agent would make me do anything that would hurt the woman I loved. I wouldn't let them. A job is a job. A lot of people put their jobs first, but the relationship should always be first. When a job is gone, that woman is going to stay with you. The job won't do that."
"So you think he's with her because of his job?" Hope blossomed…
I felt faint and my heart was beating so fast, but I couldn't look away from his eyes.
Denton let go of my chin and straightened as he raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know. I'll be honest. He did look confused."
A whimper choked out of me. What did that mean?
Denton turned striking eyes to me. "Don't get me wrong. Confused or not, he shouldn't be where he is. He needs to get his priorities straight, and if he doesn't…"
