Still Jaded
Page 64
"Yes?" I leaned close. "What do you need?"
He patted my hand. "Go and get yourself some coffee."
"What?"
"Go. Get coffee. Don't come back for awhile."
"You want me to leave? Are you serious?"
Bryce cleared his throat, looking away.
"What? You want me to leave because of…" I gestured to the three of us and then stopped talking. I didn't know what to say.
Corrigan closed his eyes and cringed again.
Bryce broke out, "Of course he wants you to leave because of this. You think this is fun, Sheldon? You think I enjoy seeing you two—you think—"
"You started this! You left!" I shot to my feet and cried out.
Bryce squared off with me. "I did not. I did not ask to see my two best friends have…" He choked off and then turned towards the windows. His shoulders were tense and shaking.
I closed my mouth as I watched him. I had no idea how to sort out my feelings, much less figure out what he was thinking. He was right about one thing, though. The trio wasn't the same. I looked at Corrigan and saw him watching me. His eyes seemed concerned, but there was something else there. I couldn't figure it out. I didn't want to so I murmured, "I'm going to go get coffee. I'll be back."
When I got into the hallway, I didn't go any further. I rested my back against the wall and stayed put. It was going to break my heart, but I knew I needed to hear whatever they were going to say. Then I heard Corrigan ask, his voice still strained, "I want to deal with this. I don't want it hanging out over my head. She admitted her feelings—she knows. It's what you wanted, right?"
Bryce laughed, and it sounded horrible to my ears. Ugly. "Yeah, right. You think I enjoy this? Are you crazy? You know this is killing me and you love it."
"Yeah." Corrigan groaned. "I enjoy being in the hospital too. Being in car accidents. Being in surgery. It's all part of the plan."
"Oh hell. I'm sorry. You okay? We don't have to talk about this now. You can, you know, heal."
"I'm in f**king pain, but I'll deal. I don't want to put this off."
"I'm sorry. Hell." I heard Bryce slump into a chair. "I'm sorry. We need to figure out who's after her."
Hearing movement in the bed, I strained my ears, but Corrigan didn't say anything for a little while. When he did, he sounded out of breath. "Yeah—you get to it, buddy."
"Like hell," Bryce barked back with a laugh in his voice.
Corrigan laughed too, before he started coughing. When the coughing continued, I balled my hands into fists and tried to keep myself in place. It'd all be for nothing if I didn't.
After a few moments more of coughing, Bryce spoke up, "In every other way, you and I should be at each other's throats. But with this, with her, she has to know what she feels. She has to figure it out and then—"
"And then we're all f**ked." Corrigan's voice sounded a little stronger, clearer.
"…yeah…"
"You wanted this. You said everything would be better. We'd know. She'd know. You didn't think it all through, did you? You're an ass**le, Bryce. You were thinking about yourself, and you didn't think about the consequence where you don't get the girl and I do. Then what? Then you and I are f**ked? What if she goes back to you? What do I do? I can't be the sidekick anymore. Or did you do this for that reason? You want me gone? You're a dick. You want us to go at it?"
"I didn't want any of this, but I couldn't handle seeing you two anymore. You don't know what it's like."
"Yes. I do." Corrigan's voice sounded rough.
I closed my eyes. He'd always been there. He'd always been on the sidelines, watching…God. My mouth went dry at the thought—he'd always been there. I felt ashamed. I should've known, I should've…
"Sheldon?"
Carolina stood in front of me. She looked like she wasn't sure what to say next so she pressed her lips together.
The anger kicked in, a small ball.
They had talked about me. They had planned about me. They made decisions for me that I should've made. The ball was now a flame.
They'd gone behind my back.
The flame burst into a fire.
They set me up.
I smiled, but I knew the sight was painful. "Have you ever been betrayed?"
Her eyes narrowed, and she frowned but looked thoughtful. "Yes. Who betrayed you?"
"My family," I bit out.
The tears were there. I just needed to keep them at bay for a little longer.
"Did they mean well by it?"
"Does it matter?" I shot back. "A betrayal is a betrayal."
"Not always." She still frowned.
"If they make the decision to play with your heart, to play with your mind, to play with your world, how is that okay?" I closed my eyes. "If you got hurt because of what they did? What then?"
Something changed in her face and she sobered. Standing at her fullest height, Carolina looked at me like she was looking through me. "And if you were hurting them?"
"Does it matter?"
She narrowed her eyes, seeming to choose her words with caution. "Then I would ask myself, really ask myself, whose pain was the worst? Who was hurting the worst? Because that's the person that's in the right."
I sucked in my breath. "You're not helping me."
"I think I am." She gave me a soft smile before she leaned next to me. "What'd they do?"
"Who?"
"You know who."
"They set it all up."
"Did they do it to hurt you?"
This girl was starting to annoy me. "No."
She hesitated, but then asked, "Were they hurting?"
Really annoying me. "Yes."
Then she took a deep breath. "Maybe, just maybe, you should shut up and think about them. Because it sounds like you're being self-centered. Think past yourself and think of them."
"I don't really like you right now." I flashed a crooked grin.
She smiled back. "If we're going to be friends, I'm not going to kiss your ass. I'm not like that, but I will always tell you the truth and even though I don't know you that well, I like you. I like you a lot." She paused. "I only tell my friends the truth."
He patted my hand. "Go and get yourself some coffee."
"What?"
"Go. Get coffee. Don't come back for awhile."
"You want me to leave? Are you serious?"
Bryce cleared his throat, looking away.
"What? You want me to leave because of…" I gestured to the three of us and then stopped talking. I didn't know what to say.
Corrigan closed his eyes and cringed again.
Bryce broke out, "Of course he wants you to leave because of this. You think this is fun, Sheldon? You think I enjoy seeing you two—you think—"
"You started this! You left!" I shot to my feet and cried out.
Bryce squared off with me. "I did not. I did not ask to see my two best friends have…" He choked off and then turned towards the windows. His shoulders were tense and shaking.
I closed my mouth as I watched him. I had no idea how to sort out my feelings, much less figure out what he was thinking. He was right about one thing, though. The trio wasn't the same. I looked at Corrigan and saw him watching me. His eyes seemed concerned, but there was something else there. I couldn't figure it out. I didn't want to so I murmured, "I'm going to go get coffee. I'll be back."
When I got into the hallway, I didn't go any further. I rested my back against the wall and stayed put. It was going to break my heart, but I knew I needed to hear whatever they were going to say. Then I heard Corrigan ask, his voice still strained, "I want to deal with this. I don't want it hanging out over my head. She admitted her feelings—she knows. It's what you wanted, right?"
Bryce laughed, and it sounded horrible to my ears. Ugly. "Yeah, right. You think I enjoy this? Are you crazy? You know this is killing me and you love it."
"Yeah." Corrigan groaned. "I enjoy being in the hospital too. Being in car accidents. Being in surgery. It's all part of the plan."
"Oh hell. I'm sorry. You okay? We don't have to talk about this now. You can, you know, heal."
"I'm in f**king pain, but I'll deal. I don't want to put this off."
"I'm sorry. Hell." I heard Bryce slump into a chair. "I'm sorry. We need to figure out who's after her."
Hearing movement in the bed, I strained my ears, but Corrigan didn't say anything for a little while. When he did, he sounded out of breath. "Yeah—you get to it, buddy."
"Like hell," Bryce barked back with a laugh in his voice.
Corrigan laughed too, before he started coughing. When the coughing continued, I balled my hands into fists and tried to keep myself in place. It'd all be for nothing if I didn't.
After a few moments more of coughing, Bryce spoke up, "In every other way, you and I should be at each other's throats. But with this, with her, she has to know what she feels. She has to figure it out and then—"
"And then we're all f**ked." Corrigan's voice sounded a little stronger, clearer.
"…yeah…"
"You wanted this. You said everything would be better. We'd know. She'd know. You didn't think it all through, did you? You're an ass**le, Bryce. You were thinking about yourself, and you didn't think about the consequence where you don't get the girl and I do. Then what? Then you and I are f**ked? What if she goes back to you? What do I do? I can't be the sidekick anymore. Or did you do this for that reason? You want me gone? You're a dick. You want us to go at it?"
"I didn't want any of this, but I couldn't handle seeing you two anymore. You don't know what it's like."
"Yes. I do." Corrigan's voice sounded rough.
I closed my eyes. He'd always been there. He'd always been on the sidelines, watching…God. My mouth went dry at the thought—he'd always been there. I felt ashamed. I should've known, I should've…
"Sheldon?"
Carolina stood in front of me. She looked like she wasn't sure what to say next so she pressed her lips together.
The anger kicked in, a small ball.
They had talked about me. They had planned about me. They made decisions for me that I should've made. The ball was now a flame.
They'd gone behind my back.
The flame burst into a fire.
They set me up.
I smiled, but I knew the sight was painful. "Have you ever been betrayed?"
Her eyes narrowed, and she frowned but looked thoughtful. "Yes. Who betrayed you?"
"My family," I bit out.
The tears were there. I just needed to keep them at bay for a little longer.
"Did they mean well by it?"
"Does it matter?" I shot back. "A betrayal is a betrayal."
"Not always." She still frowned.
"If they make the decision to play with your heart, to play with your mind, to play with your world, how is that okay?" I closed my eyes. "If you got hurt because of what they did? What then?"
Something changed in her face and she sobered. Standing at her fullest height, Carolina looked at me like she was looking through me. "And if you were hurting them?"
"Does it matter?"
She narrowed her eyes, seeming to choose her words with caution. "Then I would ask myself, really ask myself, whose pain was the worst? Who was hurting the worst? Because that's the person that's in the right."
I sucked in my breath. "You're not helping me."
"I think I am." She gave me a soft smile before she leaned next to me. "What'd they do?"
"Who?"
"You know who."
"They set it all up."
"Did they do it to hurt you?"
This girl was starting to annoy me. "No."
She hesitated, but then asked, "Were they hurting?"
Really annoying me. "Yes."
Then she took a deep breath. "Maybe, just maybe, you should shut up and think about them. Because it sounds like you're being self-centered. Think past yourself and think of them."
"I don't really like you right now." I flashed a crooked grin.
She smiled back. "If we're going to be friends, I'm not going to kiss your ass. I'm not like that, but I will always tell you the truth and even though I don't know you that well, I like you. I like you a lot." She paused. "I only tell my friends the truth."
