Sweet Hope
Page 47
Aliyana’s eyes misted over and she shifted so she was fully lying on top of me, her legs in between mine. “You’ve never known how to be pain free, have you? Have you ever been happy?”
Hating the sympathy in her gaze, I turned my head, fire burning in my gut. “Don’t,” I hissed.
But she kept going. “You were brought up fighting your whole life, joined a gang because that’s what kids did where you came from, then you spent your time caring for your sick mamma, Aust and Lev. And then…”
Swallowing my pride, I finished, “Then I got locked up.”
“Axel… You’ve never known true happiness…” A tear fell from Aliyana’s eyes. I dried it with the pad of my thumb. I couldn’t believe that she was crying for me. I couldn’t believe those tears were for me. Ain’t no one but my mamma ever cried for me before. But mamma cried for the state of my soul, for the parents of the men I’d killed… but not Aliyana, she cried for the fucked up man that never knew happiness.
Unable to see Aliyana breaking, and for once, speaking without guard, I hushed out, “Sono felice insieme a te.”
Aliyana stilled and her brown eyes met mine, her mouth slightly open in shock. “ Axel… did you…?”
I shrugged and Aliyana pressed her hand over my racing heart. A smile twitched on her full lips clearly feeling it race and she asked, “You’re… you’re happy with me?”
Exhaling a pent up breath, I confessed, “Si.”
“Axel,” she cried and her eye lashes fluttered fast as she fought back tears. Lifting her body higher, her finger ran over my lips, and she said, “Bésame.” Before I even knew what she’d said, she crushed her mouth to mine.
Holding Aliyana to my mouth, we kissed lazily as I ran my fingers up her spine, loving the feeling of her shivering at my touch. There should be a sculpture created for her. She was perfect.
As Aliyana slid her lips from mine, I rolled us until we were facing each other and her hands ran over the nape of my neck.
Her expression changed and I could feel her fingers tracing my scar. “Axel?” I grunted in reply, my chest tightening at what I knew she was gonna ask. “How did you get this scar?”
She must have felt me tense. She pulled me closer and whispered, “Please, tell me… stop keeping everything hidden. You can trust me.”
Laying my head back against the pillow, Aliyana shuffled closer. “I got it in prison,” I said vaguely.
Aliyana’s eyes widened. “How? What happened?”
Closing my eyes, I thought of that day and without opening my lids, stayed in the darkness and said, “My old crew brothers that were inside got me alone and came at me. I knew the day would come when they’d get their revenge on me. No one turns on a crew brother, but I did, and they wanted blood for blood.”
I could hear Aliyana’s breathing quicken. But like a damn fountain, this shit just began pouring outta me. “We were in the yard, them over one side and I was keeping my head down. I’d managed to steer clear of them, for ‘bout two years, but when Alessio, the old Heighter leader’s brother got put away for life, I knew it was only a matter of time before they came to take me out. That fucker was evil, and he wanted me dead for what happened to his little brother, Gio—”
“What happened to his brother?”
My eyes snapped open and my hands started shaking. Fuck, why were my hands shaking?
Aliyana noticed my hands and clasped them in hers. Losing the color from her face, she pushed, “Axel? What happened to Gio?”
I didn’t want to tell her, but she needed to know what I’d done in my past. She needed to know what fucked up guy she was laying beside.
“I had him killed,” I whispered. Aliyana’s hands gripped mine so tight it started to stop the blood flow.
“You… you…”
“Had him killed,” I confessed.
“Axel, why?” she whispered in disbelief. I could hear the shock in her voice. The truth was, she’d never fully understand how I could take lives. Only folks brought up in crew life ever would. How could people brought up in a sweet ass home with healthy legit parents ever understand how a kid has to fight—sometimes ‘til the death—for survival?
I stared out of the windows at the dark night, the stars bright in the sky and my stomach dropped as I thought of my best friend, everything we went through together.
“To save my brothers,” I rasped. “I had to have him killed to give my brothers the chance of a better life. Gio was my best friend, my brother in arms. He was the closest person to me, but I knew that when I went inside, he’d go after Austin and Levi. He was obsessed with having the Carillo’s by his side. And once you’d got the stidda, you were crew. You were Heighter for life. Only way out was death. If you tried to leave, you were—”
“Killed…” she interrupted and, meeting her eyes, I nodded my head.
“Yeah. Levi and Austin were fully initiated, full members, stidda’s inked on their left cheeks, bound to the crew for life. I knew the only way they could be free was to take Gio out. So I called our rival’s leader. The King crew I’d dedicated my whole life to fighting and told him when and where to find Gio. My best friend and crew brother was killed exactly when and where I’d said the Kings could find him. Gio was shot dead at my hands, but Austin and Levi were free.” I sighed. “It was the best thing I’ve ever done for them. The blood on my hands ain’t ever gonna wash away, but at least my brothers are out and living good lives… lives I could never have given them. I’d dragged them into that gang, it was only right I got them the fuck out. It just took me too damn long to see the fucking light.”
Hating the sympathy in her gaze, I turned my head, fire burning in my gut. “Don’t,” I hissed.
But she kept going. “You were brought up fighting your whole life, joined a gang because that’s what kids did where you came from, then you spent your time caring for your sick mamma, Aust and Lev. And then…”
Swallowing my pride, I finished, “Then I got locked up.”
“Axel… You’ve never known true happiness…” A tear fell from Aliyana’s eyes. I dried it with the pad of my thumb. I couldn’t believe that she was crying for me. I couldn’t believe those tears were for me. Ain’t no one but my mamma ever cried for me before. But mamma cried for the state of my soul, for the parents of the men I’d killed… but not Aliyana, she cried for the fucked up man that never knew happiness.
Unable to see Aliyana breaking, and for once, speaking without guard, I hushed out, “Sono felice insieme a te.”
Aliyana stilled and her brown eyes met mine, her mouth slightly open in shock. “ Axel… did you…?”
I shrugged and Aliyana pressed her hand over my racing heart. A smile twitched on her full lips clearly feeling it race and she asked, “You’re… you’re happy with me?”
Exhaling a pent up breath, I confessed, “Si.”
“Axel,” she cried and her eye lashes fluttered fast as she fought back tears. Lifting her body higher, her finger ran over my lips, and she said, “Bésame.” Before I even knew what she’d said, she crushed her mouth to mine.
Holding Aliyana to my mouth, we kissed lazily as I ran my fingers up her spine, loving the feeling of her shivering at my touch. There should be a sculpture created for her. She was perfect.
As Aliyana slid her lips from mine, I rolled us until we were facing each other and her hands ran over the nape of my neck.
Her expression changed and I could feel her fingers tracing my scar. “Axel?” I grunted in reply, my chest tightening at what I knew she was gonna ask. “How did you get this scar?”
She must have felt me tense. She pulled me closer and whispered, “Please, tell me… stop keeping everything hidden. You can trust me.”
Laying my head back against the pillow, Aliyana shuffled closer. “I got it in prison,” I said vaguely.
Aliyana’s eyes widened. “How? What happened?”
Closing my eyes, I thought of that day and without opening my lids, stayed in the darkness and said, “My old crew brothers that were inside got me alone and came at me. I knew the day would come when they’d get their revenge on me. No one turns on a crew brother, but I did, and they wanted blood for blood.”
I could hear Aliyana’s breathing quicken. But like a damn fountain, this shit just began pouring outta me. “We were in the yard, them over one side and I was keeping my head down. I’d managed to steer clear of them, for ‘bout two years, but when Alessio, the old Heighter leader’s brother got put away for life, I knew it was only a matter of time before they came to take me out. That fucker was evil, and he wanted me dead for what happened to his little brother, Gio—”
“What happened to his brother?”
My eyes snapped open and my hands started shaking. Fuck, why were my hands shaking?
Aliyana noticed my hands and clasped them in hers. Losing the color from her face, she pushed, “Axel? What happened to Gio?”
I didn’t want to tell her, but she needed to know what I’d done in my past. She needed to know what fucked up guy she was laying beside.
“I had him killed,” I whispered. Aliyana’s hands gripped mine so tight it started to stop the blood flow.
“You… you…”
“Had him killed,” I confessed.
“Axel, why?” she whispered in disbelief. I could hear the shock in her voice. The truth was, she’d never fully understand how I could take lives. Only folks brought up in crew life ever would. How could people brought up in a sweet ass home with healthy legit parents ever understand how a kid has to fight—sometimes ‘til the death—for survival?
I stared out of the windows at the dark night, the stars bright in the sky and my stomach dropped as I thought of my best friend, everything we went through together.
“To save my brothers,” I rasped. “I had to have him killed to give my brothers the chance of a better life. Gio was my best friend, my brother in arms. He was the closest person to me, but I knew that when I went inside, he’d go after Austin and Levi. He was obsessed with having the Carillo’s by his side. And once you’d got the stidda, you were crew. You were Heighter for life. Only way out was death. If you tried to leave, you were—”
“Killed…” she interrupted and, meeting her eyes, I nodded my head.
“Yeah. Levi and Austin were fully initiated, full members, stidda’s inked on their left cheeks, bound to the crew for life. I knew the only way they could be free was to take Gio out. So I called our rival’s leader. The King crew I’d dedicated my whole life to fighting and told him when and where to find Gio. My best friend and crew brother was killed exactly when and where I’d said the Kings could find him. Gio was shot dead at my hands, but Austin and Levi were free.” I sighed. “It was the best thing I’ve ever done for them. The blood on my hands ain’t ever gonna wash away, but at least my brothers are out and living good lives… lives I could never have given them. I’d dragged them into that gang, it was only right I got them the fuck out. It just took me too damn long to see the fucking light.”
