Sweetest Venom
Page 79
“I think you should go,” I say numbly.
When he’s by the door, his back to me, I hear myself say, “Wait.”
He looks back, raising an eyebrow, appearing bored. “Yes?”
“I wish with all of my heart that I could stop loving you.”
Suddenly, a long forgotten memory of another good-bye similar to this, with another man, and a much younger girl flashes through the eyes of my mind. Matthew Callahan’s voice telling me that one day I would fall in love with a man, and he hoped he would break my heart. Then I would know what kind of pain I was able to inflict.
“If that is all …” he drawls.
I turn to the side and close my eyes, waiting for him to leave. The moment I hear the click of the door, I bite down hard on my lip to stop a sob from escaping, as burning tears streak down my face.
Ronan
I DECIDED LONG AGO that I would rise in a world that had no place for the likes of me and conquer it with my hands, watching them lose their poor, pathetic minds over a nobody like me—their diamond in the rough. I sold my soul and surrounded myself with people who once spurned me just so I could forget Blaire.
Last night when I took her in my arms and sunk in the wonderful abyss of her body, I felt my resolution waver for the first time in a very long time. I thought that maybe we could start all over again, leaving all the bullshit behind, allowing my love—my madness—for her to be the bread to sustain us and give us life. But even as my heart urged me to give into her siren song, a voice so loud, so jarring, told me not to be a fool and fall for her lies again.
She was with me because Lawrence didn’t want her in his life. She wanted me now because I had something to give her that I didn’t before. That same voice told me I’d come too far to just throw it all away for a brief yet alluring dream that was just that—a dream. So as I stared at Blaire, my emotions at war, I woke up and came to my senses. I stop packing my bag momentarily to look out the window as an image of Blaire flashes through my mind. The raw pain in her eyes as I threw the money at her. Clenching my jaw, I tell myself that it was only an act, just like her false admission of love. A new wave of hate and repulsion washes over me, clearing my mind. Once upon a time, I would have given anything to hear her say those words, but they mean nothing to me now. They are empty. Useless. She doesn’t love me. She loves no one but herself. Shortly after I’m done packing, there’s a knock on the door. Opening it, I find Elly waiting for me on the other side.
“I hope you’re happy with yourself,” she says.
I cock an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“She’s gone.” Elly shakes her head, placing her hands on her hips.
“Ran back to Lawrence, didn’t she?” I sneer, willing myself to not feel one fucking thing. “Well, that didn’t take her long.”
“You’re such an asshole.” Elly takes a step forward, closing the gap between us, unafraid of me. “She broke things off with Lawrence.”
“Did she now?”
“Yes, she’s not going back to him.”
“I highly doubt it happened that way. Lawrence probably got bored of her and dumped her.” I turn on my heel to walk toward my suitcase lying on the bed. “But I don’t give a fuck anymore. She can do whatever she wants.”
“My God, you’re blind. And I’m so stupid … I thought that maybe—”
I glance back, our eyes locking. “What? That we would make up and live happily ever after? Please, Elly, don’t be so fucking naïve. That ship sailed a long, long time ago.”
“You know what? Maybe it’s better this way. You’re not the man she fell in love with—you can’t be. I barely know you, but I’m sure that she doesn’t need you in her life.”
When he’s by the door, his back to me, I hear myself say, “Wait.”
He looks back, raising an eyebrow, appearing bored. “Yes?”
“I wish with all of my heart that I could stop loving you.”
Suddenly, a long forgotten memory of another good-bye similar to this, with another man, and a much younger girl flashes through the eyes of my mind. Matthew Callahan’s voice telling me that one day I would fall in love with a man, and he hoped he would break my heart. Then I would know what kind of pain I was able to inflict.
“If that is all …” he drawls.
I turn to the side and close my eyes, waiting for him to leave. The moment I hear the click of the door, I bite down hard on my lip to stop a sob from escaping, as burning tears streak down my face.
Ronan
I DECIDED LONG AGO that I would rise in a world that had no place for the likes of me and conquer it with my hands, watching them lose their poor, pathetic minds over a nobody like me—their diamond in the rough. I sold my soul and surrounded myself with people who once spurned me just so I could forget Blaire.
Last night when I took her in my arms and sunk in the wonderful abyss of her body, I felt my resolution waver for the first time in a very long time. I thought that maybe we could start all over again, leaving all the bullshit behind, allowing my love—my madness—for her to be the bread to sustain us and give us life. But even as my heart urged me to give into her siren song, a voice so loud, so jarring, told me not to be a fool and fall for her lies again.
She was with me because Lawrence didn’t want her in his life. She wanted me now because I had something to give her that I didn’t before. That same voice told me I’d come too far to just throw it all away for a brief yet alluring dream that was just that—a dream. So as I stared at Blaire, my emotions at war, I woke up and came to my senses. I stop packing my bag momentarily to look out the window as an image of Blaire flashes through my mind. The raw pain in her eyes as I threw the money at her. Clenching my jaw, I tell myself that it was only an act, just like her false admission of love. A new wave of hate and repulsion washes over me, clearing my mind. Once upon a time, I would have given anything to hear her say those words, but they mean nothing to me now. They are empty. Useless. She doesn’t love me. She loves no one but herself. Shortly after I’m done packing, there’s a knock on the door. Opening it, I find Elly waiting for me on the other side.
“I hope you’re happy with yourself,” she says.
I cock an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“She’s gone.” Elly shakes her head, placing her hands on her hips.
“Ran back to Lawrence, didn’t she?” I sneer, willing myself to not feel one fucking thing. “Well, that didn’t take her long.”
“You’re such an asshole.” Elly takes a step forward, closing the gap between us, unafraid of me. “She broke things off with Lawrence.”
“Did she now?”
“Yes, she’s not going back to him.”
“I highly doubt it happened that way. Lawrence probably got bored of her and dumped her.” I turn on my heel to walk toward my suitcase lying on the bed. “But I don’t give a fuck anymore. She can do whatever she wants.”
“My God, you’re blind. And I’m so stupid … I thought that maybe—”
I glance back, our eyes locking. “What? That we would make up and live happily ever after? Please, Elly, don’t be so fucking naïve. That ship sailed a long, long time ago.”
“You know what? Maybe it’s better this way. You’re not the man she fell in love with—you can’t be. I barely know you, but I’m sure that she doesn’t need you in her life.”
