Sweetest Venom
Page 80
I throw my head back and laugh, though the sound is empty just like everything inside me. Hollow without her. “No, that man is gone. She never loved me, Elly.”
“But she did!”
“Oh, yeah? Then why did she run? Why did she break my fucking heart when all I wanted was to love her, to be with her? I didn’t want for much. All I wanted was Blaire. You know why she’s back? She’s back because I’m no longer a poor nobody.”
“Wait, no,” she interrupts, stunned. “You got it all wrong. All wrong, Ronan. Didn’t she tell you? Damn it, Blaire. Why didn’t you—” Elly says outwardly talking to herself. Focusing on me once more, she closes the space between us in a hurry, placing an entreating hand on my arm. “You got it all wrong, Ronan. So wrong.”
Pushing her hand away, I turn away from her and the deceiving light in her eye. “Save it, Elly. We’re done. I think you should go. Or better yet, I’m out.”
She reaches for me once again, making me look at her. “No. You’re going to listen to what I have to say once and for all. I’m done watching both of you waste your time and hurt each other for nothing. Blaire left you the first time because she didn’t think that she was good enough for you.”
“Please. She broke up with me because I didn’t have any money. She chose Lawrence over me because of his deep pockets. She’s a fucking gold digger,” I spit the words like venom.
“No. She fell in love with you, Ronan. Head over heels in love. You were the first man to make her want it all. Everything. Love. A relationship. Forever. During that summer, Blaire glowed. She was happy for the first time in her life. I didn’t know your name, but I knew it was because of you.”
I shake my head, sitting down on the bed as her words fight to get past the wall inside me. “That can’t be.” I raise my gaze to meet hers. “You’re lying to me.”
“No, I’m not. And you know it. Deep down you must know it’s true. But what did you expect from a girl who all her life thought she was unworthy of love, who was uncomfortable with a simple hug? It was too much for her, Ronan. Listen, I’m not excusing her behavior. She should’ve spoken to you. But she did the only thing that she knew. She ran. She lied to you because she knew that if she made you hate her, she could walk away from you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to leave you.”
My heart begins to pump hard. Images of our short summer together, the masquerade, and of last night—especially last night—come crashing down on me. They were real.
Real.
“It wasn’t a lie then,” I mutter hoarsely, shaken to the core. “Last night when she …” Closing my eyes tightly, I feel sick to my stomach. “What have I done?”
She wasn’t only offering her body to me. She was offering her love to me. And I knew it. I’d felt it. But I let my thirst for vengeance get in the way.
“You’ve let your pride get in the way, Ronan. Besides, I saw you with Rachel and I’ve read the articles about your career. You’re the last person who should judge her.”
Defeated, I open my eyes and focus on Elly. “I’ve been a fucking fool.”
“Both of you have. But listen to what I’m saying. She loves you. It’s always been you. So why the fuck are you still here? Go after her.”
I was brought into this world but I never understood why. Why me and not someone else? Why was I here when there was nothing special about me? I was just another guy trying to get by. But as Elly’s words smash the walls around me, leaving me naked—defenseless—giving me a new hope that pulsates with every beating of my undeserving heart, I realize why.
“But she did!”
“Oh, yeah? Then why did she run? Why did she break my fucking heart when all I wanted was to love her, to be with her? I didn’t want for much. All I wanted was Blaire. You know why she’s back? She’s back because I’m no longer a poor nobody.”
“Wait, no,” she interrupts, stunned. “You got it all wrong. All wrong, Ronan. Didn’t she tell you? Damn it, Blaire. Why didn’t you—” Elly says outwardly talking to herself. Focusing on me once more, she closes the space between us in a hurry, placing an entreating hand on my arm. “You got it all wrong, Ronan. So wrong.”
Pushing her hand away, I turn away from her and the deceiving light in her eye. “Save it, Elly. We’re done. I think you should go. Or better yet, I’m out.”
She reaches for me once again, making me look at her. “No. You’re going to listen to what I have to say once and for all. I’m done watching both of you waste your time and hurt each other for nothing. Blaire left you the first time because she didn’t think that she was good enough for you.”
“Please. She broke up with me because I didn’t have any money. She chose Lawrence over me because of his deep pockets. She’s a fucking gold digger,” I spit the words like venom.
“No. She fell in love with you, Ronan. Head over heels in love. You were the first man to make her want it all. Everything. Love. A relationship. Forever. During that summer, Blaire glowed. She was happy for the first time in her life. I didn’t know your name, but I knew it was because of you.”
I shake my head, sitting down on the bed as her words fight to get past the wall inside me. “That can’t be.” I raise my gaze to meet hers. “You’re lying to me.”
“No, I’m not. And you know it. Deep down you must know it’s true. But what did you expect from a girl who all her life thought she was unworthy of love, who was uncomfortable with a simple hug? It was too much for her, Ronan. Listen, I’m not excusing her behavior. She should’ve spoken to you. But she did the only thing that she knew. She ran. She lied to you because she knew that if she made you hate her, she could walk away from you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to leave you.”
My heart begins to pump hard. Images of our short summer together, the masquerade, and of last night—especially last night—come crashing down on me. They were real.
Real.
“It wasn’t a lie then,” I mutter hoarsely, shaken to the core. “Last night when she …” Closing my eyes tightly, I feel sick to my stomach. “What have I done?”
She wasn’t only offering her body to me. She was offering her love to me. And I knew it. I’d felt it. But I let my thirst for vengeance get in the way.
“You’ve let your pride get in the way, Ronan. Besides, I saw you with Rachel and I’ve read the articles about your career. You’re the last person who should judge her.”
Defeated, I open my eyes and focus on Elly. “I’ve been a fucking fool.”
“Both of you have. But listen to what I’m saying. She loves you. It’s always been you. So why the fuck are you still here? Go after her.”
I was brought into this world but I never understood why. Why me and not someone else? Why was I here when there was nothing special about me? I was just another guy trying to get by. But as Elly’s words smash the walls around me, leaving me naked—defenseless—giving me a new hope that pulsates with every beating of my undeserving heart, I realize why.
