Take a Bow
Page 2
For a second, just a second, my stomach drops. I hope Emme gets in. Her audition for the music composition program is in a couple weeks. Although her acceptance (or rejection) won’t really affect my Plan. She’ll still write songs for me. It would just be easier if she would also be at my school. Don’t get me wrong, she’s talented enough to get in, but being center stage really isn’t her thing. She gets nervous.
Not everybody can be a natural.
“Sophie Jenkins.”
I hear my name and enter the auditorium. I can’t wait to show the panel what I’m capable of. I’m ready to move on with my Plan and be the star that I know I am.
This is just one small step.
Check.
I want to get this over with.
My stomach has been in knots all morning. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ve been a wreck since I got the date of this audition. Maybe going to CPA isn’t the best idea. I’ve got it pretty good in Greenwich. I’ve got friends, and even better, I’ve got Kelsey.
Although, I just got a girlfriend and what do I do? I audition for a school in New York City, which means I’ll have to live at my parents’ Park Avenue apartment during the week.
Leave it to me to complicate one of the few good things in my life.
I almost considered backing out of the audition and not going to CPA, but — and I’m fully aware of how corny this sounds — music is my life.
At first I didn’t know that it was unusual for someone to hear a song and be able to play it back instantly on the piano or guitar. Or that not everybody can sit down and write a song. I’ve been playing music, my music, for as long as I can remember. It flows from me with ease.
It’s just the lyrics that I suck at.
I’m a thirteen-year-old kid who lives in a huge house in Connecticut with my investment banker father and stay-at-home mom. What do I have to write about? I don’t know anything about suffering or pain. Or love.
I guess the one good thing going for me is that I don’t have to sing today. I’m doing a couple of instrumental pieces. I hate singing. I hate it when people look at me. I wonder if they’ll let me perform behind a screen?
I try to get my legs to stop shaking, but if they stay still, what will distract me from the bile that is slowly rising in my throat? I go to bite my nails, but there isn’t any nail left.
Dad squeezes my shoulder. I hate him knowing that I’m nervous. Why can’t I just tune out the voices in my head telling me I’m going to mess it up, like I mess everything up? Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I do something without thinking of the fourteen thousand ways that I can mess up?
Actually, there is one thing I can do to quiet the voices. The only thing that I am good at, which is playing music. That I can do well.
It’s everything else that’s the problem.
I thought things would be easier the second time around.
But nothing seems to be going according to Sophie’s Plan. And it’s all my fault.
I don’t think there was ever a doubt that Sophie would get into the vocal music program. How could she not? She’s amazing. She got her acceptance letter right away … on the same day that I got my letter telling me that the admissions department was undecided on my application and I had to audition again.
While the CPA letter explained that the reasoning was that they had an “overwhelming” number of applicants for the music composition program’s inaugural year, I knew the truth: I wasn’t good enough.
I try to hold back the tears that are creeping up. What would the admissions team think if I walked onto the stage in tears? Probably not the best idea.
But I’ve wanted to go to CPA since I was little. I’ve wanted this for so long.
And I don’t want to disappoint Sophie.
Going to CPA together has been our goal since we first met, when we were eight and both performing at a youth talent show in Prospect Park. I played an original song I wrote on the piano. Sophie sang “Over the Rainbow.” But Sophie doesn’t just sing, she Sings with a capital S. She opens her mouth and time stops. I haven’t met a single person who hasn’t been mesmerized by her voice and her stage presence.
She even had it back when we were eight. I’ll never forget her coming up to me afterward with her gold medal around her neck (I got the silver). She didn’t even introduce herself — she didn’t need to; everyone there knew who she was. She simply said, “Hi, I like your song. You should write one with words and I’ll sing it for you.” We’ve been a team ever since.
It’s Sophie who’s been my biggest cheerleader from the very beginning. She was the one who planted the seed years ago about going to CPA. We’d be an unstoppable force, a dynamic duo, the greatest singer-and-songwriter team that CPA has ever seen.
But thanks to me, our team is in serious jeopardy.
“Emme Connelly.”
My name is called and I try to steady myself as I walk onto the stage.
I try to block out all the doubting thoughts in my head.
I can do it.
I can do it.
I can do it.
This isn’t just about me. It’s about Sophie.
And if I’m not sure I can do it for me, I know I can do it for her.
I never in a million years thought I’d be sitting here. Well, truth be told, I think that every time I’m in CPA’s auditorium. Freshman year, sitting with Sophie by my side, I couldn’t believe I’d made it in. Then sophomore year, I was shocked that I’d survived the first year. Junior year was the biggest surprise since I’d almost wanted to sabotage my audition for that semester because I was so tired — tired of the auditions we have to do to be accepted each semester, tired of the extra classes and studios, tired of the concerts, the pressure, the competition. The constant competition.
Not everybody can be a natural.
“Sophie Jenkins.”
I hear my name and enter the auditorium. I can’t wait to show the panel what I’m capable of. I’m ready to move on with my Plan and be the star that I know I am.
This is just one small step.
Check.
I want to get this over with.
My stomach has been in knots all morning. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ve been a wreck since I got the date of this audition. Maybe going to CPA isn’t the best idea. I’ve got it pretty good in Greenwich. I’ve got friends, and even better, I’ve got Kelsey.
Although, I just got a girlfriend and what do I do? I audition for a school in New York City, which means I’ll have to live at my parents’ Park Avenue apartment during the week.
Leave it to me to complicate one of the few good things in my life.
I almost considered backing out of the audition and not going to CPA, but — and I’m fully aware of how corny this sounds — music is my life.
At first I didn’t know that it was unusual for someone to hear a song and be able to play it back instantly on the piano or guitar. Or that not everybody can sit down and write a song. I’ve been playing music, my music, for as long as I can remember. It flows from me with ease.
It’s just the lyrics that I suck at.
I’m a thirteen-year-old kid who lives in a huge house in Connecticut with my investment banker father and stay-at-home mom. What do I have to write about? I don’t know anything about suffering or pain. Or love.
I guess the one good thing going for me is that I don’t have to sing today. I’m doing a couple of instrumental pieces. I hate singing. I hate it when people look at me. I wonder if they’ll let me perform behind a screen?
I try to get my legs to stop shaking, but if they stay still, what will distract me from the bile that is slowly rising in my throat? I go to bite my nails, but there isn’t any nail left.
Dad squeezes my shoulder. I hate him knowing that I’m nervous. Why can’t I just tune out the voices in my head telling me I’m going to mess it up, like I mess everything up? Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I do something without thinking of the fourteen thousand ways that I can mess up?
Actually, there is one thing I can do to quiet the voices. The only thing that I am good at, which is playing music. That I can do well.
It’s everything else that’s the problem.
I thought things would be easier the second time around.
But nothing seems to be going according to Sophie’s Plan. And it’s all my fault.
I don’t think there was ever a doubt that Sophie would get into the vocal music program. How could she not? She’s amazing. She got her acceptance letter right away … on the same day that I got my letter telling me that the admissions department was undecided on my application and I had to audition again.
While the CPA letter explained that the reasoning was that they had an “overwhelming” number of applicants for the music composition program’s inaugural year, I knew the truth: I wasn’t good enough.
I try to hold back the tears that are creeping up. What would the admissions team think if I walked onto the stage in tears? Probably not the best idea.
But I’ve wanted to go to CPA since I was little. I’ve wanted this for so long.
And I don’t want to disappoint Sophie.
Going to CPA together has been our goal since we first met, when we were eight and both performing at a youth talent show in Prospect Park. I played an original song I wrote on the piano. Sophie sang “Over the Rainbow.” But Sophie doesn’t just sing, she Sings with a capital S. She opens her mouth and time stops. I haven’t met a single person who hasn’t been mesmerized by her voice and her stage presence.
She even had it back when we were eight. I’ll never forget her coming up to me afterward with her gold medal around her neck (I got the silver). She didn’t even introduce herself — she didn’t need to; everyone there knew who she was. She simply said, “Hi, I like your song. You should write one with words and I’ll sing it for you.” We’ve been a team ever since.
It’s Sophie who’s been my biggest cheerleader from the very beginning. She was the one who planted the seed years ago about going to CPA. We’d be an unstoppable force, a dynamic duo, the greatest singer-and-songwriter team that CPA has ever seen.
But thanks to me, our team is in serious jeopardy.
“Emme Connelly.”
My name is called and I try to steady myself as I walk onto the stage.
I try to block out all the doubting thoughts in my head.
I can do it.
I can do it.
I can do it.
This isn’t just about me. It’s about Sophie.
And if I’m not sure I can do it for me, I know I can do it for her.
I never in a million years thought I’d be sitting here. Well, truth be told, I think that every time I’m in CPA’s auditorium. Freshman year, sitting with Sophie by my side, I couldn’t believe I’d made it in. Then sophomore year, I was shocked that I’d survived the first year. Junior year was the biggest surprise since I’d almost wanted to sabotage my audition for that semester because I was so tired — tired of the auditions we have to do to be accepted each semester, tired of the extra classes and studios, tired of the concerts, the pressure, the competition. The constant competition.
