Take a Bow
Page 55
For a second, a look of worry crosses Ethan’s face, but he quickly disguises it.
“Emme, I think they only have those interviews to make sure you can string a few words together. Please don’t let this ruin the day. We are finished with our auditions. Flippin’ Juilliard!”
He’s right. It’s over. There’s nothing I can do now. The chances of me getting in are … well, eight percent. But I had the opportunity. I’ve got my other schools, I’ve got the guys. All will be well.
I hear a rumbling coming from my stomach.
“I’m starving.”
Ethan puts his arm around me and leads me out of the building. “It’s about time. Let’s get some food in you.”
I may have annoyed the waitress this morning with my repeated refills of water, but the older gentleman who is waiting on us at the Italian restaurant seems impressed by the amount of food I just packed away.
“Such a skinny girl. You eat more?”
“I think I’m done.” I push away my empty plate of chicken parm (which joined my empty plates of bruschetta, mozzarella sticks, and penne alla vodka).
Ethan smiles at me. “That was impressive.”
“Ugh. I’m so full. Why did you let me keep ordering?”
“Because you haven’t eaten a full meal in weeks.”
I rub my belly. “Can we walk through the park? I need to digest this food.”
“I think we’d have to walk around the entire isle of Manhattan for that.”
I throw my napkin at him. We get up and head east to Central Park. I wrap my scarf around me since all the blood has rushed to my stomach.
We head to the Imagine mosaic near Strawberry Fields. Ethan reassures me for the third time that my Lennon/McCartney answer was good.
“Thanks.”
“Of course.”
I look over at Ethan and realize that he’s been there with me through everything. He’s gone above and beyond more times than I deserve. I haven’t even missed Sophie at all, because once she went away, I realized that she didn’t ever really have an impact on me as a friend. Because she wasn’t a friend. Not like Ethan.
I study the Imagine mosaic. The small white and black stones together form a beautiful tribute to one of the greatest songwriters of all time. I see Ethan looking down as well. He’s a huge part of my life. If my world was a mosaic, Ethan would be one of the most significant pieces in it.
“Ethan.” He looks at me. “I know I say this a lot, but thank you. Truly thank you.” I feel a lump in my throat. “You have been so kind and generous to me since the day we met. I hope you know that I realize how much you do for me. You really mean the world to me. Seeing you there today made everything better. I couldn’t have done this, or a lot of things, without you.”
Ethan’s leg has been shaking since I began talking. He crosses his arms and takes a deep breath.
“Ethan? Are you okay?”
He looks at me with a serious look that I’ve never seen before.
“I have to tell you something.”
I don’t know if it is the food I ate, but I feel sick to my stomach. I’m not sure I can handle Ethan making another confession to me about girls or drinking or even worse. I, more than anything, want to believe that he’s stopped with his self-destructive antics.
“Emme, I am deeply and madly in love with you.”
I finally find the courage to say the words that have been stuck in my throat for four years. And once they’re out there, I realize that I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.
“From the moment I saw you on our first day, I thought you were the most beautiful living creature that has ever graced this planet. When you came up to me in the cafeteria, I couldn’t believe that you would even speak to me. And every single second since, I have been in shock to have the fortune for you to be in my life.
“I never in a million years could ever think that you would see me as anything but the nerdy songwriter, so I’ve never said anything to you. I really cared about Kelsey, but she was a consolation prize because I couldn’t have you. And I know that sounds cruel, but it’s true. And all those girls at the show … I wanted you to see that some people found me attractive so that maybe you’d see me a different way. But I knew I was just making things worse. I knew you were so disappointed in me when I messed up. But part of me thought that if I kept messing up, it would give me a reason that you wouldn’t be with me. Not that I would ever have a chance. But then after you yelled at me, I had this feeling that you cared about me and, if you could be so passionate about me being an idiot, that if I could be a better person and not try to sabotage everything good in my life, you could see I’m just a guy who wants to do nothing but be in your presence.
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship and what we have, but I cannot for another minute stand in front of you without you knowing exactly how I feel. Because I can’t see past you. You are everything to me.”
I pause for a second. I try to swallow back some of the words. Emme’s eyes are wide. I have no idea what is going through her mind. But I need to tell her. I know that if I had to keep this charade up any longer, I would go mad.
I decide to go for broke. “Do you think you can trust me that I’ve changed, that I can be the person you need in your life and be with me? Emme?”
She blinks a few times and I feel dizzy when I see her bite her lip.
“Ethan … I didn’t know….”
“Emme, I think they only have those interviews to make sure you can string a few words together. Please don’t let this ruin the day. We are finished with our auditions. Flippin’ Juilliard!”
He’s right. It’s over. There’s nothing I can do now. The chances of me getting in are … well, eight percent. But I had the opportunity. I’ve got my other schools, I’ve got the guys. All will be well.
I hear a rumbling coming from my stomach.
“I’m starving.”
Ethan puts his arm around me and leads me out of the building. “It’s about time. Let’s get some food in you.”
I may have annoyed the waitress this morning with my repeated refills of water, but the older gentleman who is waiting on us at the Italian restaurant seems impressed by the amount of food I just packed away.
“Such a skinny girl. You eat more?”
“I think I’m done.” I push away my empty plate of chicken parm (which joined my empty plates of bruschetta, mozzarella sticks, and penne alla vodka).
Ethan smiles at me. “That was impressive.”
“Ugh. I’m so full. Why did you let me keep ordering?”
“Because you haven’t eaten a full meal in weeks.”
I rub my belly. “Can we walk through the park? I need to digest this food.”
“I think we’d have to walk around the entire isle of Manhattan for that.”
I throw my napkin at him. We get up and head east to Central Park. I wrap my scarf around me since all the blood has rushed to my stomach.
We head to the Imagine mosaic near Strawberry Fields. Ethan reassures me for the third time that my Lennon/McCartney answer was good.
“Thanks.”
“Of course.”
I look over at Ethan and realize that he’s been there with me through everything. He’s gone above and beyond more times than I deserve. I haven’t even missed Sophie at all, because once she went away, I realized that she didn’t ever really have an impact on me as a friend. Because she wasn’t a friend. Not like Ethan.
I study the Imagine mosaic. The small white and black stones together form a beautiful tribute to one of the greatest songwriters of all time. I see Ethan looking down as well. He’s a huge part of my life. If my world was a mosaic, Ethan would be one of the most significant pieces in it.
“Ethan.” He looks at me. “I know I say this a lot, but thank you. Truly thank you.” I feel a lump in my throat. “You have been so kind and generous to me since the day we met. I hope you know that I realize how much you do for me. You really mean the world to me. Seeing you there today made everything better. I couldn’t have done this, or a lot of things, without you.”
Ethan’s leg has been shaking since I began talking. He crosses his arms and takes a deep breath.
“Ethan? Are you okay?”
He looks at me with a serious look that I’ve never seen before.
“I have to tell you something.”
I don’t know if it is the food I ate, but I feel sick to my stomach. I’m not sure I can handle Ethan making another confession to me about girls or drinking or even worse. I, more than anything, want to believe that he’s stopped with his self-destructive antics.
“Emme, I am deeply and madly in love with you.”
I finally find the courage to say the words that have been stuck in my throat for four years. And once they’re out there, I realize that I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.
“From the moment I saw you on our first day, I thought you were the most beautiful living creature that has ever graced this planet. When you came up to me in the cafeteria, I couldn’t believe that you would even speak to me. And every single second since, I have been in shock to have the fortune for you to be in my life.
“I never in a million years could ever think that you would see me as anything but the nerdy songwriter, so I’ve never said anything to you. I really cared about Kelsey, but she was a consolation prize because I couldn’t have you. And I know that sounds cruel, but it’s true. And all those girls at the show … I wanted you to see that some people found me attractive so that maybe you’d see me a different way. But I knew I was just making things worse. I knew you were so disappointed in me when I messed up. But part of me thought that if I kept messing up, it would give me a reason that you wouldn’t be with me. Not that I would ever have a chance. But then after you yelled at me, I had this feeling that you cared about me and, if you could be so passionate about me being an idiot, that if I could be a better person and not try to sabotage everything good in my life, you could see I’m just a guy who wants to do nothing but be in your presence.
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship and what we have, but I cannot for another minute stand in front of you without you knowing exactly how I feel. Because I can’t see past you. You are everything to me.”
I pause for a second. I try to swallow back some of the words. Emme’s eyes are wide. I have no idea what is going through her mind. But I need to tell her. I know that if I had to keep this charade up any longer, I would go mad.
I decide to go for broke. “Do you think you can trust me that I’ve changed, that I can be the person you need in your life and be with me? Emme?”
She blinks a few times and I feel dizzy when I see her bite her lip.
“Ethan … I didn’t know….”
