Taking Chances
Page 92
“Oh Brandon.” I whispered. “God I’ve been so selfish, he needs to go live his life. I need to make him leave.”
“No, you’ve been stupid. I’m sorry,” his hands went back in surrender as he looked at Mom, “but someone needs to say it to her. Harper,” he waited until I was looking in his eyes, “you love him, and you want to be with him. He loves you and GB and would give anything to be with you. So stop fighting it, this is like ten times worse than you not telling Chase you were pregnant. And yeah, I knew then too.” Bree, Mom and I all stared at him in shock, “I was with you and Bree all the time, it was obvious right away what was going on.”
There was a knock on the door and the three of them turned to me with smirks on their faces.
“Konrad’s right friend. If you really want this, then tell Brandon. You’re the only one who’s been stopping it.”
I blushed and went to the door, heart fluttering. Brandon's gray eyes and wide smile were all I could look at when I opened the door. He hugged me quickly and crouched down to tell my gummy bear about how he'd gotten his ass handed to him by one of the guys at the gym because he'd been so distracted all morning. An elbow jabbed me and Brandon kissed where he'd felt it, then stood up and searched my eyes. If Konrad was right, and honestly I had no doubt that he was, then I was being stupid for trying to stop this. I loved him and the thought of not being with him for even another moment felt like the purest form of torture. I needed to change this. Fix it. Now.
“Morning.” His warm voice was soft and unsure.
“I'm glad you're here, I was worried after last night you wouldn't come by again.”
“Of course I'm here. Are you okay? After what happened, I mean. If I pushed you too much, you can tell me and I'll back off.”
I smiled and grabbed his arm, “I seem to remember being the one who started it.” Pulling him closer in, I leaned up on my toes and kissed him soundly.
“Harper,” he rested his forehead against mine after we pulled away, “I need you to tell me what you're wanting from this. It would probably be a bad idea for me to just assume what’s happening between us.”
I took a deep breath and ran my fingers across the back of his neck, “I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I'll take that any way I can because I don't deserve you, but –” I huffed out a frustrated laugh, my earlier fears threatening to stop me, “It's not fair to even ask anything from you.”
“Let me be the judge of that.” He kissed my nose then rested his forehead against mine again.
He wants this too. He wants this too. And you’re stopping it. I took another deep breath in and out before talking, “Even though I messed up before, I never stopped loving you, and I want to be with you in every way possible. The way you talk to him, and take care of us even though there's no reason for you to, well, I get flashes of you helping me raise him, as a family. And I want that. I want it bad. But I feel horrible for even telling you this. He's not yours, and what led to me getting pregnant is what broke your heart. So I can't ask you to do that. No matter how much I want it, I can't ask for a future with you because of what I did, it would be selfish.”
“I tried to live without you Harper, I tried to let you go and I couldn't. To me, there is no one else, it's only been you since the day I met you. I love you, which means I love him too. Those flashes you get? I have them all the time.” He cupped my face gently and leaned back to look in my eyes, “It doesn't matter to me that he isn't mine. If you let me, I'll raise him like he is, I'll take care of both of you for the rest of my life, and I promise I'll be right there with you to tell him about Chase, and how great his dad was.”
Tears filled my eyes and eventually pooled over, I don't know what I ever did to deserve men like Chase and Brandon, and their families, but I was thanking God for putting all of them in my life. “If we do this,” I warned, “you won't be able to get rid of me again.” I laughed and kissed him softly, “I'm in this forever if you are.” I whispered against his mouth.
“Forever.” He agreed and scooped me into his arms, carrying me to the living room, our lips never parting.
When he sat on the couch, I pulled back slightly to smile at him, and caught a glimpse of my family still sitting at the table. I looked closer to see the three of them smiling at us, Bree and Mom had tear-streaked faces. I remembered how much the entryway echoed and knew they'd heard everything. Having them support me and being happy for us meant the world to me, as I'm sure it did for Brandon.
Brandon had been looking at them as well, and turned to smile at me, “I love you Harper.”
If my heart could sing, it would be now. We'd told each other in discussions that we still loved each other, but hearing him say it right now, like this, was like the world was finally right again. “I love you too.” I trailed my fingertips down his hard jaw, and reached up to kiss him again. “You're sure you want to do this? Be a dad, early morning feedings, school and sports, teenage years...be with me for the next sixty years?”
“I think we could try for seventy.” He whispered, hovering over my lips. Now that we’d had a taste of each other again, it seemed like having our mouths apart from each other would physically cause us pain. “And yes, to all of the above.”
***
“Is everything okay Brandon?” I asked him a few hours later as we sat near the pool after lunch. He'd gotten oddly quiet all of a sudden.
“No, you’ve been stupid. I’m sorry,” his hands went back in surrender as he looked at Mom, “but someone needs to say it to her. Harper,” he waited until I was looking in his eyes, “you love him, and you want to be with him. He loves you and GB and would give anything to be with you. So stop fighting it, this is like ten times worse than you not telling Chase you were pregnant. And yeah, I knew then too.” Bree, Mom and I all stared at him in shock, “I was with you and Bree all the time, it was obvious right away what was going on.”
There was a knock on the door and the three of them turned to me with smirks on their faces.
“Konrad’s right friend. If you really want this, then tell Brandon. You’re the only one who’s been stopping it.”
I blushed and went to the door, heart fluttering. Brandon's gray eyes and wide smile were all I could look at when I opened the door. He hugged me quickly and crouched down to tell my gummy bear about how he'd gotten his ass handed to him by one of the guys at the gym because he'd been so distracted all morning. An elbow jabbed me and Brandon kissed where he'd felt it, then stood up and searched my eyes. If Konrad was right, and honestly I had no doubt that he was, then I was being stupid for trying to stop this. I loved him and the thought of not being with him for even another moment felt like the purest form of torture. I needed to change this. Fix it. Now.
“Morning.” His warm voice was soft and unsure.
“I'm glad you're here, I was worried after last night you wouldn't come by again.”
“Of course I'm here. Are you okay? After what happened, I mean. If I pushed you too much, you can tell me and I'll back off.”
I smiled and grabbed his arm, “I seem to remember being the one who started it.” Pulling him closer in, I leaned up on my toes and kissed him soundly.
“Harper,” he rested his forehead against mine after we pulled away, “I need you to tell me what you're wanting from this. It would probably be a bad idea for me to just assume what’s happening between us.”
I took a deep breath and ran my fingers across the back of his neck, “I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I'll take that any way I can because I don't deserve you, but –” I huffed out a frustrated laugh, my earlier fears threatening to stop me, “It's not fair to even ask anything from you.”
“Let me be the judge of that.” He kissed my nose then rested his forehead against mine again.
He wants this too. He wants this too. And you’re stopping it. I took another deep breath in and out before talking, “Even though I messed up before, I never stopped loving you, and I want to be with you in every way possible. The way you talk to him, and take care of us even though there's no reason for you to, well, I get flashes of you helping me raise him, as a family. And I want that. I want it bad. But I feel horrible for even telling you this. He's not yours, and what led to me getting pregnant is what broke your heart. So I can't ask you to do that. No matter how much I want it, I can't ask for a future with you because of what I did, it would be selfish.”
“I tried to live without you Harper, I tried to let you go and I couldn't. To me, there is no one else, it's only been you since the day I met you. I love you, which means I love him too. Those flashes you get? I have them all the time.” He cupped my face gently and leaned back to look in my eyes, “It doesn't matter to me that he isn't mine. If you let me, I'll raise him like he is, I'll take care of both of you for the rest of my life, and I promise I'll be right there with you to tell him about Chase, and how great his dad was.”
Tears filled my eyes and eventually pooled over, I don't know what I ever did to deserve men like Chase and Brandon, and their families, but I was thanking God for putting all of them in my life. “If we do this,” I warned, “you won't be able to get rid of me again.” I laughed and kissed him softly, “I'm in this forever if you are.” I whispered against his mouth.
“Forever.” He agreed and scooped me into his arms, carrying me to the living room, our lips never parting.
When he sat on the couch, I pulled back slightly to smile at him, and caught a glimpse of my family still sitting at the table. I looked closer to see the three of them smiling at us, Bree and Mom had tear-streaked faces. I remembered how much the entryway echoed and knew they'd heard everything. Having them support me and being happy for us meant the world to me, as I'm sure it did for Brandon.
Brandon had been looking at them as well, and turned to smile at me, “I love you Harper.”
If my heart could sing, it would be now. We'd told each other in discussions that we still loved each other, but hearing him say it right now, like this, was like the world was finally right again. “I love you too.” I trailed my fingertips down his hard jaw, and reached up to kiss him again. “You're sure you want to do this? Be a dad, early morning feedings, school and sports, teenage years...be with me for the next sixty years?”
“I think we could try for seventy.” He whispered, hovering over my lips. Now that we’d had a taste of each other again, it seemed like having our mouths apart from each other would physically cause us pain. “And yes, to all of the above.”
***
“Is everything okay Brandon?” I asked him a few hours later as we sat near the pool after lunch. He'd gotten oddly quiet all of a sudden.
