The Best Goodbye
Page 26
Franny concentrated on not spilling the milk, and I finished the pancakes. Once we had the table set, I glanced over at the clock, while Franny covered up a yawn and sank into a chair.
“Today we’re going to hang out, just you and me. No school. How’s that sound?” I said a little too brightly.
Franny studied me a moment. “Are we moving again?” she asked, with dread in her voice.
I shook my head no and smiled. “No, but I have something I want to talk to you about. A good thing. So let’s eat, and then we can talk all you want.”
She didn’t pick up her fork. “What good thing?”
I shouldn’t have mentioned it yet. She was an impatient kid. She liked knowing the ending before she read a book or watched a movie. It figured she’d want to know what the talk was about before we had it. “You eat first, then we’ll talk,” I replied, before taking a bite.
Franny looked down at her pancakes and gave in. She couldn’t resist her favorite treat. I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed time to focus and prepare before I told my daughter that she had met her father for the first time yesterday.
Captain
I hadn’t slept at all last night. When I’d gotten back to the boat, I’d grabbed a bottle of whiskey and taken several long swigs, before putting my fist through a wall. Then I’d thrown a chair and broken the leg. I’d leaned back and cradled my head in my hands while the emotions raging inside me destroyed me.
Addy is alive. We have a daughter. I’d lost all those years with both of them. I’d killed men and lost every piece of my fucking soul except for the one that still held on to the love I had for that girl. A girl who I wasn’t even sure liked me anymore. Who the fuck could blame her?
I’d been an ass to her. I had fucking acted annoyed when her kid—no, our kid—was sick, and she had taken care of her alone. Holy fucking hell! My kid. She’d been taking care of my kid, and I had made her feel as if it were a problem. The sick knot in my stomach twisted as I remembered every conversation I’d had with her since she’d walked back into my life.
Looking into her eyes last night had been my undoing. I’d had to get the hell out of that house. Get some distance. I’d been so close to dropping to my knees and begging her to forgive me. Which might have been the best thing I could have done. But I’d been so emotionally raw I hadn’t been sure I could say much more.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket again to look at the simple text she’d sent, just so I could see her name on my screen. Addy. My chest constricted, and I took a shallow breath. She was here. This was real.
I had lain awake so many nights, imagining what our life would be like now if I’d only been there to protect her. She was my ultimate reason in life for fighting. Every battle I fought, every wrong I righted, had been for her.
But for what? She had withdrawn from me. I had let her down. I’d killed the guy she once knew. This was me now. It was all I had left. And I’d never be enough for her. She deserved so much more.
I had been out seeking justice for others while the one person in the world I’d ever loved or cared about was struggling to make it.
I wasn’t going into work until Addy called. I couldn’t. Standing on my boat, holding my phone close to me, waiting for her next text, was all I could do.
Eleven years ago
My parents had been screaming at each other for more than an hour. I held Addy in my arms as we lay on her bed, quietly listening. We both wanted my dad to do something, but he never did. It didn’t stop us from hoping, though.
When the door slammed, my mother’s sobs grew louder, and I thought we would be in for a fight, but then she screamed, and the door slammed again as she went after him. We were alone now. The silence in the house was as peaceful as it got around here.
“Do you think she should be driving?” Addy whispered, even though no one was in the house to hear us.
“No, but I can’t stop her,” I replied. I probably could, but that meant bringing her back into the house and making Addy a target. I wasn’t willing to do that.
“He’s not coming back, is he?” she asked, and there was fear in her tone. We both knew that if this went to court, Addy would be taken out of our home and sent somewhere else. I wouldn’t let them take her from me. Who knew what kind of situation she’d land in next? At least here, she had me.
“No, but I’m not letting anyone take you,” I assured her.
She snuggled closer to me and tilted her head up to press a kiss to my jawline. “I love you,” she said softly.
“I love you, too. Always,” I replied. And I meant it. I’d love her forever.
“Promise?” she asked
“Swear to God.”
That made her smile, and I loved making her smile. “Will you sleep in here with me?”
My answer was always yes. “Yeah, nowhere else I’d rather be.”
She moved her hands up to squeeze my arms tightly. “Kiss me, please.”
Again, another request I’d never turn down.
Her lips were so soft it made me want to be careful with them, but she always pressed harder, deepening our kisses, until I forgot to treat her like she was fragile. Her hands slid up my chest, as she grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and arched her body against me. Every curve pressed against me. The plumpness of her breasts teased me, because I hadn’t touched her there yet. Not really. But God, I wanted to, and the way she was rubbing against me, I knew she wanted it, too. She was ready.
“Today we’re going to hang out, just you and me. No school. How’s that sound?” I said a little too brightly.
Franny studied me a moment. “Are we moving again?” she asked, with dread in her voice.
I shook my head no and smiled. “No, but I have something I want to talk to you about. A good thing. So let’s eat, and then we can talk all you want.”
She didn’t pick up her fork. “What good thing?”
I shouldn’t have mentioned it yet. She was an impatient kid. She liked knowing the ending before she read a book or watched a movie. It figured she’d want to know what the talk was about before we had it. “You eat first, then we’ll talk,” I replied, before taking a bite.
Franny looked down at her pancakes and gave in. She couldn’t resist her favorite treat. I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed time to focus and prepare before I told my daughter that she had met her father for the first time yesterday.
Captain
I hadn’t slept at all last night. When I’d gotten back to the boat, I’d grabbed a bottle of whiskey and taken several long swigs, before putting my fist through a wall. Then I’d thrown a chair and broken the leg. I’d leaned back and cradled my head in my hands while the emotions raging inside me destroyed me.
Addy is alive. We have a daughter. I’d lost all those years with both of them. I’d killed men and lost every piece of my fucking soul except for the one that still held on to the love I had for that girl. A girl who I wasn’t even sure liked me anymore. Who the fuck could blame her?
I’d been an ass to her. I had fucking acted annoyed when her kid—no, our kid—was sick, and she had taken care of her alone. Holy fucking hell! My kid. She’d been taking care of my kid, and I had made her feel as if it were a problem. The sick knot in my stomach twisted as I remembered every conversation I’d had with her since she’d walked back into my life.
Looking into her eyes last night had been my undoing. I’d had to get the hell out of that house. Get some distance. I’d been so close to dropping to my knees and begging her to forgive me. Which might have been the best thing I could have done. But I’d been so emotionally raw I hadn’t been sure I could say much more.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket again to look at the simple text she’d sent, just so I could see her name on my screen. Addy. My chest constricted, and I took a shallow breath. She was here. This was real.
I had lain awake so many nights, imagining what our life would be like now if I’d only been there to protect her. She was my ultimate reason in life for fighting. Every battle I fought, every wrong I righted, had been for her.
But for what? She had withdrawn from me. I had let her down. I’d killed the guy she once knew. This was me now. It was all I had left. And I’d never be enough for her. She deserved so much more.
I had been out seeking justice for others while the one person in the world I’d ever loved or cared about was struggling to make it.
I wasn’t going into work until Addy called. I couldn’t. Standing on my boat, holding my phone close to me, waiting for her next text, was all I could do.
Eleven years ago
My parents had been screaming at each other for more than an hour. I held Addy in my arms as we lay on her bed, quietly listening. We both wanted my dad to do something, but he never did. It didn’t stop us from hoping, though.
When the door slammed, my mother’s sobs grew louder, and I thought we would be in for a fight, but then she screamed, and the door slammed again as she went after him. We were alone now. The silence in the house was as peaceful as it got around here.
“Do you think she should be driving?” Addy whispered, even though no one was in the house to hear us.
“No, but I can’t stop her,” I replied. I probably could, but that meant bringing her back into the house and making Addy a target. I wasn’t willing to do that.
“He’s not coming back, is he?” she asked, and there was fear in her tone. We both knew that if this went to court, Addy would be taken out of our home and sent somewhere else. I wouldn’t let them take her from me. Who knew what kind of situation she’d land in next? At least here, she had me.
“No, but I’m not letting anyone take you,” I assured her.
She snuggled closer to me and tilted her head up to press a kiss to my jawline. “I love you,” she said softly.
“I love you, too. Always,” I replied. And I meant it. I’d love her forever.
“Promise?” she asked
“Swear to God.”
That made her smile, and I loved making her smile. “Will you sleep in here with me?”
My answer was always yes. “Yeah, nowhere else I’d rather be.”
She moved her hands up to squeeze my arms tightly. “Kiss me, please.”
Again, another request I’d never turn down.
Her lips were so soft it made me want to be careful with them, but she always pressed harder, deepening our kisses, until I forgot to treat her like she was fragile. Her hands slid up my chest, as she grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and arched her body against me. Every curve pressed against me. The plumpness of her breasts teased me, because I hadn’t touched her there yet. Not really. But God, I wanted to, and the way she was rubbing against me, I knew she wanted it, too. She was ready.
