The Ending I Want
Page 89
I wasn’t. That’s the problem. I let my heart get the better of me.
I let my heart go after what he wanted.
Stupid fucking heart.
Fuck, I can’t stay here, stuck in my own head, all night. I’ll go insane. I need to go out.
Pushing off the railing, I go back inside my apartment.
I grab my wallet, phone, and keys, and then I head out.
Downstairs on the street, I flag a cab to Cam’s Bar.
I walk in. Adele is wailing “All I Ask” in the background. Guess I can torture myself with depressing songs here, too.
Cam’s behind the bar, serving a customer. Eddie’s here, too, sitting at the end of the bar, nursing a pint.
I haven’t seen either of them since I lost my temper with them last week.
They’ve both texted me, but being the wanker that I am, I haven’t replied.
Stupid because, aside from my grandpa, they’re all I have.
I sit on the stool next to Eddie. His eyes come to me. I see the flicker of surprise in them.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
He gives me a nod, and then he picks up his pint and takes a drink of it.
“Look, man, I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I was being—”
“A prick,” Eddie inserts.
I let out a laugh. “Yeah, I was being a prick.”
He looks at me again. Then, he turns his eyes to Cam, who’s just spotted me and is walking toward us.
The look on Cam’s face is contrite. He doesn’t look mad at me. He looks…sorry.
“Liam,” Cam says, “I’m sorry about last week. What I said—”
“Nothing to be sorry for,” I cut him off. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA this past week.”
His eyes meet mine in a slow understanding. Then, he nods. “It’s okay.”
“You’ve probably had Taylor keeping you busy, so we won’t take complete offense,” Eddie says. His tone is a little lighter, so I know he’s forgiven me.
I snort out a laugh through my nose. “Yeah, I’ve been busy with Taylor.”
“Where is she?” Cam asks. “Has she gone back to America?”
“Not yet. A few days to go.” I’m pretty sure she won’t be spending her remaining time with me after I declared my love and sent her running.
“So, where is she?” Eddie asks. “She saw sense and dumped your sorry arse?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
There’s a pause, and then Eddie says, “For real?”
I glance at him. “Yeah.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, man. I was just kidding when I said that.”
“I know.” It’s nothing I wouldn’t have said to him.
“Sucks, man,” Cam says. “I know you liked her.”
I love her. I don’t say that though.
“So, what happened?” Eddie asks me. “You seemed really into each other.”
“Apparently, she wasn’t as into me as I was her.” I take a deep breath, readying myself to tell them what happened. Might as well go all in. “I asked her to stay with me permanently in London. She said no. That was last night, and I haven’t heard from her since. Don’t reckon I will again, to be honest.”
Both of them are staring at me, mouths agape.
I’ve silenced Cam and Eddie.
It must be bad.
Cam clears his throat. “I’ll get you a pint.” He reaches for a glass and starts pulling me a beer.
“Wow. Fuck. So…you like her a lot then,” Eddie says.
“Yeah.” I let out a tragic-sounding laugh. “Unfortunately, the feeling isn’t mutual.”
“That might not be the case,” Eddie goes on. “I mean, you did ask her to leave her home and family and move in with you after knowing her for, like, a week.”
A week and a half, but I don’t correct him.
“It’s a big deal, Hunter, asking someone to leave their home like that. It would definitely take some thinking.”
I don’t tell him that she has no family back home. That there is no one there for her to go back to…that I know of.
Maybe that’s it.
Maybe that’s why she won’t stay. Because someone is waiting at home for her.
Pain slams into my chest. I grit my teeth, grinding them.
“She’s not thinking on it, Eddie. She said no.”
“Could’ve just been a knee-jerk reaction,” Eddie suggests.
I know he’s trying to make me feel better, but it’s not working. Because my mind is now on overtime, wondering if there’s someone else. If she has a boyfriend waiting at home for her…
“Why don’t you call her?” Cam puts my beer down in front of me. “See where her head’s at today.”
I could, but the truth is, I’m afraid. Not that I’d tell these two that.
So, I just shake my head.
“You asked her to stay,” Eddie says. “That took some balls, Hunter. If you can do that, you can call her. I mean, you put yourself out there. You haven’t shown an interest in a woman to that degree since Kate, so that means something.”
I slice a look at him.
He holds his hands up. “I know there’s that unspoken rule where we don’t talk about her in front of you. But it’s true, man. Since Kate died…there’s been no one of substance for you.”
I stare down into my beer and think about Kate…and Jeremy.
I never thought I would trust another woman again after her.
But I trusted Taylor. Still do.
And Taylor means so much more to me, even in the short space of knowing her, than Kate ever did in the six years we were together.
I let my heart go after what he wanted.
Stupid fucking heart.
Fuck, I can’t stay here, stuck in my own head, all night. I’ll go insane. I need to go out.
Pushing off the railing, I go back inside my apartment.
I grab my wallet, phone, and keys, and then I head out.
Downstairs on the street, I flag a cab to Cam’s Bar.
I walk in. Adele is wailing “All I Ask” in the background. Guess I can torture myself with depressing songs here, too.
Cam’s behind the bar, serving a customer. Eddie’s here, too, sitting at the end of the bar, nursing a pint.
I haven’t seen either of them since I lost my temper with them last week.
They’ve both texted me, but being the wanker that I am, I haven’t replied.
Stupid because, aside from my grandpa, they’re all I have.
I sit on the stool next to Eddie. His eyes come to me. I see the flicker of surprise in them.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
He gives me a nod, and then he picks up his pint and takes a drink of it.
“Look, man, I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I was being—”
“A prick,” Eddie inserts.
I let out a laugh. “Yeah, I was being a prick.”
He looks at me again. Then, he turns his eyes to Cam, who’s just spotted me and is walking toward us.
The look on Cam’s face is contrite. He doesn’t look mad at me. He looks…sorry.
“Liam,” Cam says, “I’m sorry about last week. What I said—”
“Nothing to be sorry for,” I cut him off. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA this past week.”
His eyes meet mine in a slow understanding. Then, he nods. “It’s okay.”
“You’ve probably had Taylor keeping you busy, so we won’t take complete offense,” Eddie says. His tone is a little lighter, so I know he’s forgiven me.
I snort out a laugh through my nose. “Yeah, I’ve been busy with Taylor.”
“Where is she?” Cam asks. “Has she gone back to America?”
“Not yet. A few days to go.” I’m pretty sure she won’t be spending her remaining time with me after I declared my love and sent her running.
“So, where is she?” Eddie asks. “She saw sense and dumped your sorry arse?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
There’s a pause, and then Eddie says, “For real?”
I glance at him. “Yeah.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, man. I was just kidding when I said that.”
“I know.” It’s nothing I wouldn’t have said to him.
“Sucks, man,” Cam says. “I know you liked her.”
I love her. I don’t say that though.
“So, what happened?” Eddie asks me. “You seemed really into each other.”
“Apparently, she wasn’t as into me as I was her.” I take a deep breath, readying myself to tell them what happened. Might as well go all in. “I asked her to stay with me permanently in London. She said no. That was last night, and I haven’t heard from her since. Don’t reckon I will again, to be honest.”
Both of them are staring at me, mouths agape.
I’ve silenced Cam and Eddie.
It must be bad.
Cam clears his throat. “I’ll get you a pint.” He reaches for a glass and starts pulling me a beer.
“Wow. Fuck. So…you like her a lot then,” Eddie says.
“Yeah.” I let out a tragic-sounding laugh. “Unfortunately, the feeling isn’t mutual.”
“That might not be the case,” Eddie goes on. “I mean, you did ask her to leave her home and family and move in with you after knowing her for, like, a week.”
A week and a half, but I don’t correct him.
“It’s a big deal, Hunter, asking someone to leave their home like that. It would definitely take some thinking.”
I don’t tell him that she has no family back home. That there is no one there for her to go back to…that I know of.
Maybe that’s it.
Maybe that’s why she won’t stay. Because someone is waiting at home for her.
Pain slams into my chest. I grit my teeth, grinding them.
“She’s not thinking on it, Eddie. She said no.”
“Could’ve just been a knee-jerk reaction,” Eddie suggests.
I know he’s trying to make me feel better, but it’s not working. Because my mind is now on overtime, wondering if there’s someone else. If she has a boyfriend waiting at home for her…
“Why don’t you call her?” Cam puts my beer down in front of me. “See where her head’s at today.”
I could, but the truth is, I’m afraid. Not that I’d tell these two that.
So, I just shake my head.
“You asked her to stay,” Eddie says. “That took some balls, Hunter. If you can do that, you can call her. I mean, you put yourself out there. You haven’t shown an interest in a woman to that degree since Kate, so that means something.”
I slice a look at him.
He holds his hands up. “I know there’s that unspoken rule where we don’t talk about her in front of you. But it’s true, man. Since Kate died…there’s been no one of substance for you.”
I stare down into my beer and think about Kate…and Jeremy.
I never thought I would trust another woman again after her.
But I trusted Taylor. Still do.
And Taylor means so much more to me, even in the short space of knowing her, than Kate ever did in the six years we were together.
