The Ending I Want
Page 93
“Maybe I am sorry.”
Sorry. What was she sorry for? The tattoo—back then, I thought that was what it was. But, now, I’m not so sure.
“I’m sorry. I…I can’t stay with you.”
“Two weeks. Two weeks, and that was supposed to be it.”
“You weren’t supposed to fall in love.”
“Don’t talk about you dying so flippantly. Someone like you is meant to live forever.”
She wrote a list.
A list of things to do before she dies.
Jesus. No.
Why didn’t you tell me, Taylor? Why?
She’s sick. She’s dy—
The thought is like a hole being punched through my chest.
No, I can’t—I won’t accept this.
I won’t lose her. Not my Boston.
Why didn’t I see it before now? I should’ve paid more attention.
I hate myself in this moment. Really and truly hate myself.
The pain I’m feeling is like nothing I have ever felt before. It’s unbearable.
Heartbreakingly fucking unbearable.
I can’t lose Taylor. I won’t survive it if I do.
Then, the paramedics are here, and they’re taking her from my arms, laying her flat on the floor. One is checking her over. The other is asking me questions, but I can’t speak. Eddie takes over, answering the questions.
And then she’s being moved. Put on a stretcher and taken out of the bar.
Away from me.
No!
I try to go with her, but they won’t let me.
“We’ll follow in my car,” Cam says, pulling me back.
Then, he and Eddie are guiding me out of the bar and into Cam’s car. We’re following the ambulance where the only woman I’ve ever truly loved lies inside, and she might be dying.
Dying.
I shut my eyes.
Don’t die, Taylor.
Please don’t die.
“Taylor Shaw’s family?”
I’m on my feet and walking over to the doctor who just called out Taylor’s name.
She looks young, about the same age as Taylor. I know she isn’t though. Because of Eddie, I know how long doctors have to train.
The doctor looks similar to Taylor. Small, petite, blonde hair—well, except Taylor’s hair is pink now.
But she could be Taylor.
Only she couldn’t be. Because there is no one like Taylor.
She’s one of a kind.
My one of a kind.
“How is she?”
“You’re Taylor’s family?”
“He’s her brother.” Eddie’s voice comes from behind me, his hand pressing down on my shoulder.
Immediately, it clicks in my head why he’s said that. They won’t tell me anything unless I’m family.
She doesn’t have a family anymore.
But she has me…whether she wants me or not.
“I’m her brother,” I confirm. “How is she?” The urgency is clear in my voice.
“I’m Dr. March. I’ve been caring for Taylor since she arrived.”
“I don’t fucking care what your name is. I want to know how Taylor is.”
“Liam…” Eddie’s voice is a gentle warning.
I scrub my hands over my face. “I’m sorry.” I blow out a breath. “I just need to know that she’s okay.”
I’ve been here for hours with no news at all. With the waiting, fear has built up inside me to the point of explosion.
“Let’s talk in here.” Dr. March gestures to the door.
I follow her through, my heart beating. Cam and Eddie are with me.
She looks at them with unease.
“You can talk in front of them.” My tone is impatient. I’ve waited long enough now.
“I’m a doctor here at the hospital—Dr. Breckon, Cardiology,” Eddie tells her.
That seems to ease her mind.
She looks back to me. “Okay, so Taylor is stable at the moment. She did have a seizure in the ambulance on the way here. And then another one when she was taken to get a scan.”
The thought of her having seizures, and I wasn’t there…pain slices through my chest. I press my hand to it.
“We stabilized Taylor and went ahead with the MRI.” Dr. March pauses, taking a breath. “There is no easy way to say this…but the scan shows that there is a definite significant growth on Taylor’s brain.”
“Significant growth?” Cam says.
“A large tumor,” Dr. March clarifies. “Malignant and aggressive in form.”
I suck in air, closing my eyes. My heart feels like it’s bleeding out in my chest, flooding my lungs.
I feel Cam’s hand press against my back.
“I would normally recommend surgery immediately,” Dr. March continues, like I’m not dying inside. “And then bouts of radiation therapy shortly afterward to offer a chance of survival.”
Would?
I flick open my eyes. “Would?” My word echoes my thought.
“Mr. Shaw—” She thinks my name is Shaw because of Taylor. Because she thinks I’m her brother.
“Liam.”
“Liam…there is something I need to ask you.” Dr. March shifts on her feet, folding her arms over her chest. “Did you know that Taylor has been aware for some time that she has a tumor and that she hasn’t sought medical treatment for it?”
She knew.
Deep down, I knew she knew. But it still hurts like hell to know for sure.
All this time, and she never said a word.
How did I not see it?
I shake my numb head, answering the doctor.
“Well, we’re not exactly sure how Taylor knew about the tumor with her not seeing a doctor prior to today—”
Sorry. What was she sorry for? The tattoo—back then, I thought that was what it was. But, now, I’m not so sure.
“I’m sorry. I…I can’t stay with you.”
“Two weeks. Two weeks, and that was supposed to be it.”
“You weren’t supposed to fall in love.”
“Don’t talk about you dying so flippantly. Someone like you is meant to live forever.”
She wrote a list.
A list of things to do before she dies.
Jesus. No.
Why didn’t you tell me, Taylor? Why?
She’s sick. She’s dy—
The thought is like a hole being punched through my chest.
No, I can’t—I won’t accept this.
I won’t lose her. Not my Boston.
Why didn’t I see it before now? I should’ve paid more attention.
I hate myself in this moment. Really and truly hate myself.
The pain I’m feeling is like nothing I have ever felt before. It’s unbearable.
Heartbreakingly fucking unbearable.
I can’t lose Taylor. I won’t survive it if I do.
Then, the paramedics are here, and they’re taking her from my arms, laying her flat on the floor. One is checking her over. The other is asking me questions, but I can’t speak. Eddie takes over, answering the questions.
And then she’s being moved. Put on a stretcher and taken out of the bar.
Away from me.
No!
I try to go with her, but they won’t let me.
“We’ll follow in my car,” Cam says, pulling me back.
Then, he and Eddie are guiding me out of the bar and into Cam’s car. We’re following the ambulance where the only woman I’ve ever truly loved lies inside, and she might be dying.
Dying.
I shut my eyes.
Don’t die, Taylor.
Please don’t die.
“Taylor Shaw’s family?”
I’m on my feet and walking over to the doctor who just called out Taylor’s name.
She looks young, about the same age as Taylor. I know she isn’t though. Because of Eddie, I know how long doctors have to train.
The doctor looks similar to Taylor. Small, petite, blonde hair—well, except Taylor’s hair is pink now.
But she could be Taylor.
Only she couldn’t be. Because there is no one like Taylor.
She’s one of a kind.
My one of a kind.
“How is she?”
“You’re Taylor’s family?”
“He’s her brother.” Eddie’s voice comes from behind me, his hand pressing down on my shoulder.
Immediately, it clicks in my head why he’s said that. They won’t tell me anything unless I’m family.
She doesn’t have a family anymore.
But she has me…whether she wants me or not.
“I’m her brother,” I confirm. “How is she?” The urgency is clear in my voice.
“I’m Dr. March. I’ve been caring for Taylor since she arrived.”
“I don’t fucking care what your name is. I want to know how Taylor is.”
“Liam…” Eddie’s voice is a gentle warning.
I scrub my hands over my face. “I’m sorry.” I blow out a breath. “I just need to know that she’s okay.”
I’ve been here for hours with no news at all. With the waiting, fear has built up inside me to the point of explosion.
“Let’s talk in here.” Dr. March gestures to the door.
I follow her through, my heart beating. Cam and Eddie are with me.
She looks at them with unease.
“You can talk in front of them.” My tone is impatient. I’ve waited long enough now.
“I’m a doctor here at the hospital—Dr. Breckon, Cardiology,” Eddie tells her.
That seems to ease her mind.
She looks back to me. “Okay, so Taylor is stable at the moment. She did have a seizure in the ambulance on the way here. And then another one when she was taken to get a scan.”
The thought of her having seizures, and I wasn’t there…pain slices through my chest. I press my hand to it.
“We stabilized Taylor and went ahead with the MRI.” Dr. March pauses, taking a breath. “There is no easy way to say this…but the scan shows that there is a definite significant growth on Taylor’s brain.”
“Significant growth?” Cam says.
“A large tumor,” Dr. March clarifies. “Malignant and aggressive in form.”
I suck in air, closing my eyes. My heart feels like it’s bleeding out in my chest, flooding my lungs.
I feel Cam’s hand press against my back.
“I would normally recommend surgery immediately,” Dr. March continues, like I’m not dying inside. “And then bouts of radiation therapy shortly afterward to offer a chance of survival.”
Would?
I flick open my eyes. “Would?” My word echoes my thought.
“Mr. Shaw—” She thinks my name is Shaw because of Taylor. Because she thinks I’m her brother.
“Liam.”
“Liam…there is something I need to ask you.” Dr. March shifts on her feet, folding her arms over her chest. “Did you know that Taylor has been aware for some time that she has a tumor and that she hasn’t sought medical treatment for it?”
She knew.
Deep down, I knew she knew. But it still hurts like hell to know for sure.
All this time, and she never said a word.
How did I not see it?
I shake my numb head, answering the doctor.
“Well, we’re not exactly sure how Taylor knew about the tumor with her not seeing a doctor prior to today—”
