The Fire Between High & Lo
Page 36
“Can you blame me? It’s like the ghost of Christmas past showing up and saying, ‘Oh? Are you under some stress? Well, let me come screw things up a little more for you.’”
“How many plates have you broken so far?”
“Only one, thankfully,” she sighed. “I had extras in the storage closet though.” Of course she did. She was always ready for almost any kind of incident. “He was smoking and leaving ashes on my saucer, Alyssa! Who does that?”
I snickered. “Better than on your five hundred dollar coffee table.”
“Do you think that’s funny?”
A little.
“No, it’s not funny. Sorry. Look, I’m sure after a few days, things will get back to normal. You probably won’t even know that Logan’s there.”
“Do you think he’s still using?” she whispered through the phone. “Kellan’s in denial, but I don’t know. I think this is a terrible, terrible idea. The timing couldn’t be worse.”
“He looked good,” I said, walking to my bathroom, staring in the mirror at my messy lips with too much ruby red color to them. I picked up a wet wipe and started wiping the lipstick away, thinking about Logan’s eyes that reminded me so much of yesterday. “He actually looked really great. Healthy.”
“You don’t worry, though? That he’ll relapse? Being back in this place where all of his trouble started can’t be good.”
“I think that we shouldn’t overthink everything. One day at a time. One broken plate at a time, Erika.”
She snickered. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over to join us for dinner? Mom will be here to greet Logan.”
Oh no. Poor Logan.
My mom was far from his biggest fan. And the last time Logan saw her, he called her a belittling monster.
“As much as I would love to be a part of that train wreck, I think I’ll have to pass.” Seeing Logan earlier made my mind dizzy. I wasn’t certain that I could’ve handled seeing him again. Even if a big part of my heart wanted to stare at him, just to make sure he was real. “Anyway, have fun tonight, and text me all of the disastrous details.”
“Will do. And Alyssa?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t fall back down the Logan rabbit hole. No good comes from that.”
“I won’t. And Erika?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t break a freaking lamp.”
“Deal.”
***
I pulled out the box.
The box that was supposed to be destroyed years ago. The box that Erika thought I got rid of because I let him go after the million voice messages I’d left him. But it was packed under my mattress, with all of our memories inside.
I took off the lid and went through all of the photos of us from when we were younger. I lifted the pressed daisy from when he first kissed me. I pulled out the teddy bear he stole from the amusement park when the guy cheated me out of the main prize.
The ticket stubs from the movies we went to.
The birthday cards he always handmade me.
His lighter.
“Why did you have to do this to me?” I whispered, lifting the red hoodie that he gave to me the first time we hung out. I smelled it, and could almost still smell the cigarette smoke traces that he left in the fabric. “Why did you have to come back?”
In the bottom of the box was a framed silver fork. I closed my eyes as I held it in my hands. I sat in the pile of memories until it was time to pack up the box and put it back under my bed.
I’d get rid of them one day, I was certain of it.
Just not today.
Chapter Nineteen
Logan
I was amazed when we walked into Jacob’s restaurant, Bro’s Bistro. It was so cool to see how Jacob turned his life around. When we were younger, we used to smoke weed and joke about how we both wanted to be chefs and to own restaurants. It was cool to see his dream live in action.
“Well I’ll be damned! Look what the cat dragged in,” Jacob exclaimed from behind the large bar. “Logan Silverstone. I didn’t ever think I’d see you back in these parts of town.” His hair was buzzed short and he had that same big, goofy smile that he always showcased in the past.
I smiled. “It’s been a long time, man, that’s for sure.”
“You look good,” he said, hurrying over to me, giving me a bear hug. “Healthy.”
“Trying man. Trying. This place is amazing, Jacob.”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s still early,” he said. “I’ll get a bit of a rush closer to seven or eight. And tomorrow is open mic night, where you’ll find your brother performing.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously? I haven’t heard you play the guitar and sing in a long ass time, Kellan.”
“Yeah. I’m trying to go back to the things I love, ya know? Life is too short to not do what makes you happy.”
“That’s the truth. This place is real cool though, Jacob. It’s not every day that someone has a dream and makes it come true,” I said as he walked me through the whole place, showing me everything. “You’re doing it, though. You’re living your dream.”
“Trying to,” he laughed. “Turns out running your own restaurant is really fucking hard.”
“Just thinking about it is tiring.”
“Rumor has it you got your culinary degree while you’ve been in Iowa?” he asked, leading Kellan and I to the bar.
“I did indeed. I didn’t think I could, but…” Alyssa always knew. “But I did it.”
He smiled wide. “Shit. That’s awesome man. Who would’ve thought two fucked up kids like us would’ve made it to college? What can I get you two? Beer? Girly martinis?” Jacob asked, wiping down the bar.
“I’ll have a water,” Kellan said.
I laughed. “Still the wild party animal that I knew you to be, brother. I’ll have a Bud Light,” I told Jacob.
Kellan arched a brow. “I see you’re just as wild and crazy as I am.”
Jacob grabbed the drinks and set them in front of us before he placed his elbows on the countertop. He clasped his fingers together, resting his head on his fists. “So, Iowa, huh? What the hell is there to do in Iowa?”
“Absolutely what you think there would be to do. Nothing. Work, sleep, women, and weed. Wash, rinse, repeat.”
“How many plates have you broken so far?”
“Only one, thankfully,” she sighed. “I had extras in the storage closet though.” Of course she did. She was always ready for almost any kind of incident. “He was smoking and leaving ashes on my saucer, Alyssa! Who does that?”
I snickered. “Better than on your five hundred dollar coffee table.”
“Do you think that’s funny?”
A little.
“No, it’s not funny. Sorry. Look, I’m sure after a few days, things will get back to normal. You probably won’t even know that Logan’s there.”
“Do you think he’s still using?” she whispered through the phone. “Kellan’s in denial, but I don’t know. I think this is a terrible, terrible idea. The timing couldn’t be worse.”
“He looked good,” I said, walking to my bathroom, staring in the mirror at my messy lips with too much ruby red color to them. I picked up a wet wipe and started wiping the lipstick away, thinking about Logan’s eyes that reminded me so much of yesterday. “He actually looked really great. Healthy.”
“You don’t worry, though? That he’ll relapse? Being back in this place where all of his trouble started can’t be good.”
“I think that we shouldn’t overthink everything. One day at a time. One broken plate at a time, Erika.”
She snickered. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over to join us for dinner? Mom will be here to greet Logan.”
Oh no. Poor Logan.
My mom was far from his biggest fan. And the last time Logan saw her, he called her a belittling monster.
“As much as I would love to be a part of that train wreck, I think I’ll have to pass.” Seeing Logan earlier made my mind dizzy. I wasn’t certain that I could’ve handled seeing him again. Even if a big part of my heart wanted to stare at him, just to make sure he was real. “Anyway, have fun tonight, and text me all of the disastrous details.”
“Will do. And Alyssa?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t fall back down the Logan rabbit hole. No good comes from that.”
“I won’t. And Erika?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t break a freaking lamp.”
“Deal.”
***
I pulled out the box.
The box that was supposed to be destroyed years ago. The box that Erika thought I got rid of because I let him go after the million voice messages I’d left him. But it was packed under my mattress, with all of our memories inside.
I took off the lid and went through all of the photos of us from when we were younger. I lifted the pressed daisy from when he first kissed me. I pulled out the teddy bear he stole from the amusement park when the guy cheated me out of the main prize.
The ticket stubs from the movies we went to.
The birthday cards he always handmade me.
His lighter.
“Why did you have to do this to me?” I whispered, lifting the red hoodie that he gave to me the first time we hung out. I smelled it, and could almost still smell the cigarette smoke traces that he left in the fabric. “Why did you have to come back?”
In the bottom of the box was a framed silver fork. I closed my eyes as I held it in my hands. I sat in the pile of memories until it was time to pack up the box and put it back under my bed.
I’d get rid of them one day, I was certain of it.
Just not today.
Chapter Nineteen
Logan
I was amazed when we walked into Jacob’s restaurant, Bro’s Bistro. It was so cool to see how Jacob turned his life around. When we were younger, we used to smoke weed and joke about how we both wanted to be chefs and to own restaurants. It was cool to see his dream live in action.
“Well I’ll be damned! Look what the cat dragged in,” Jacob exclaimed from behind the large bar. “Logan Silverstone. I didn’t ever think I’d see you back in these parts of town.” His hair was buzzed short and he had that same big, goofy smile that he always showcased in the past.
I smiled. “It’s been a long time, man, that’s for sure.”
“You look good,” he said, hurrying over to me, giving me a bear hug. “Healthy.”
“Trying man. Trying. This place is amazing, Jacob.”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s still early,” he said. “I’ll get a bit of a rush closer to seven or eight. And tomorrow is open mic night, where you’ll find your brother performing.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously? I haven’t heard you play the guitar and sing in a long ass time, Kellan.”
“Yeah. I’m trying to go back to the things I love, ya know? Life is too short to not do what makes you happy.”
“That’s the truth. This place is real cool though, Jacob. It’s not every day that someone has a dream and makes it come true,” I said as he walked me through the whole place, showing me everything. “You’re doing it, though. You’re living your dream.”
“Trying to,” he laughed. “Turns out running your own restaurant is really fucking hard.”
“Just thinking about it is tiring.”
“Rumor has it you got your culinary degree while you’ve been in Iowa?” he asked, leading Kellan and I to the bar.
“I did indeed. I didn’t think I could, but…” Alyssa always knew. “But I did it.”
He smiled wide. “Shit. That’s awesome man. Who would’ve thought two fucked up kids like us would’ve made it to college? What can I get you two? Beer? Girly martinis?” Jacob asked, wiping down the bar.
“I’ll have a water,” Kellan said.
I laughed. “Still the wild party animal that I knew you to be, brother. I’ll have a Bud Light,” I told Jacob.
Kellan arched a brow. “I see you’re just as wild and crazy as I am.”
Jacob grabbed the drinks and set them in front of us before he placed his elbows on the countertop. He clasped his fingers together, resting his head on his fists. “So, Iowa, huh? What the hell is there to do in Iowa?”
“Absolutely what you think there would be to do. Nothing. Work, sleep, women, and weed. Wash, rinse, repeat.”
