The Gravity of Us
Page 56
“We are throwing her a party? We? Don’t you see how that’s weird? Lucy, she’s not your daughter.”
“I know that. I’m just helping Graham—”
“You’re living with him.”
“You kicked me out!”
She shook her head. “I didn’t kick you out exactly, and I definitely didn’t push you into his home. Your heart did that.”
“Stop,” I said, my voice growing low as a knot formed in my stomach.
Mari gave me her knowing stare. “Lucy, I know you’re falling for him.”
I blinked away some tears that were trying to fall. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“You’re making a mistake. He was with Lyric. She’s your sister,” Mari exclaimed. “I know you live by your emotions, but this isn’t right.”
I bit my bottom lip, feeling my anger building. “Oh, right, because you are the world’s most knowledgeable on what a relationship should look like.”
“A relationship?” she hissed. “Lucy, you’re not in a relationship with Graham Russell. I know this will hurt to hear, but I get Lyric when it comes to you. You’re too much like Mama. You’re too free, and freedom can be suffocating. If you settle down, don’t settle for him. He’s not yours to love.”
I didn’t know what to do. The burning in my chest was so painful. I parted my lips to speak, but no sound came out. I couldn’t think of the words I needed to say, so I turned around and left.
It didn’t take long for me to find myself in nature. I headed to my favorite running trail, took a deep breath in, and let a heavy breath out before I started to run. I ran through the trees, allowing the air to slap against my skin as I ran faster and faster, trying to rid myself of the hurt and confusion.
Part of me hated Mari for the words she spoke, but another part wondered how right she was.
In my mind, I played out the fairy tale of what Graham and I would be. Selfishly, I thought how it could be if maybe someday our love led to forever. Selfishly, I allowed myself to feel completely.
I was a dreamer, like my mother, and while I’d always adored that fact, I was slowly beginning to see her flaws. She floated more than she walked, skipped more than she stood, and no matter what, she never faced reality.
So, whenever reality came for her, she was always alone.
That terrified me—being alone.
But not being with Graham and Talon terrified me more than anything.
When I arrived at Graham’s house, I didn’t have the nerve to walk inside. Even the run hadn’t cleared my mind, so instead, I went and sat in the backyard near Ollie’s tree. I sat with my legs crossed, staring at the tiny tree that had so many years of growth to go. I stayed there for seconds, minutes, hours. It wasn’t until the sun started setting that Graham joined me outside. He was dressed in a perfectly fitted suit and looked out of this world amazing. I felt awful missing our date, but I knew due to my emotions I wouldn’t have been ready to go out with him. Mari put more guilt in my heart than I knew I could hold. Maybe I was being naïve about the way Graham made me feel…maybe I was being foolish.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I replied.
He sat.
He stared.
He spoke.
“You’re sad.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“You’ve been here for four hours.”
“I know.”
“I wanted to give you space.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded. “I think you’ve had enough space, though. You can only be alone for so long before you start convincing yourself you deserve to be that way—trust me, I know—and you, Lucille Hope Palmer, do not deserve to be alone.”
No more words were exchanged, but the feeling of wholeness was loud and clear. If only the world could feel the way our hearts beat as one, then maybe they wouldn’t be so harsh to judge our connection.
“This is a terrible first date.” I laughed, nerves shaking my vocals.
He reached into his suit pocket, pulled out a pack of licorice, and handed it to me. “Better?” he asked.
I sighed and nodded once before opening the package. “Better.” Being beside him always felt right to me. Like home.
In that way, I was different than Mama. While she always wanted to float away, my heart craved to stay beside Graham Russell.
For the first time in my life, I desperately wanted to stand on solid ground.
“You should call her,” I told Lucy as she went around the house, making up reasons to keep distracted. For months, she and her sister Mari hadn’t talked about anything but work-related issues, but apparently they’d had a big falling out over something a few days before. I could tell the issues were eating her alive, but she tried her best not to talk about it.
“It’s fine. We’re fine,” she replied.
“Liar.”
She turned to me and cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t you have a book to finish or something?”
I smiled at her sassiness.
I loved that side of her.
I loved all sides of her.
“I’m just saying, you miss her.”
“I don’t,” she said, her poker face communicating the complete opposite of her words. She bit her bottom lip. “Do you think she’s happy? I don’t think she’s happy. Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Lucil—”
“I mean, he literally left her during the worst days of her life. Who does that?! Whatever, it’s her life. I’m done talking about it.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“I mean, he’s a monster! And he’s not even a cute monster! I just hate him, and I’m so angry with her for choosing him over me, over us. And now this afternoon is Talon’s first birthday party, and Mari won’t even be here for it! I can’t believe—oh crap!” she screamed, running into the kitchen. I followed right behind her to witness her pulling out Talon’s chocolate cake, which was badly burned. “No, no, no,” she said, placing it on the countertop.
“Breathe,” I told her, walking behind her and placing my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes watered over and I laughed. “It’s just a cake, Lucille. It’s okay.”
“I know that. I’m just helping Graham—”
“You’re living with him.”
“You kicked me out!”
She shook her head. “I didn’t kick you out exactly, and I definitely didn’t push you into his home. Your heart did that.”
“Stop,” I said, my voice growing low as a knot formed in my stomach.
Mari gave me her knowing stare. “Lucy, I know you’re falling for him.”
I blinked away some tears that were trying to fall. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“You’re making a mistake. He was with Lyric. She’s your sister,” Mari exclaimed. “I know you live by your emotions, but this isn’t right.”
I bit my bottom lip, feeling my anger building. “Oh, right, because you are the world’s most knowledgeable on what a relationship should look like.”
“A relationship?” she hissed. “Lucy, you’re not in a relationship with Graham Russell. I know this will hurt to hear, but I get Lyric when it comes to you. You’re too much like Mama. You’re too free, and freedom can be suffocating. If you settle down, don’t settle for him. He’s not yours to love.”
I didn’t know what to do. The burning in my chest was so painful. I parted my lips to speak, but no sound came out. I couldn’t think of the words I needed to say, so I turned around and left.
It didn’t take long for me to find myself in nature. I headed to my favorite running trail, took a deep breath in, and let a heavy breath out before I started to run. I ran through the trees, allowing the air to slap against my skin as I ran faster and faster, trying to rid myself of the hurt and confusion.
Part of me hated Mari for the words she spoke, but another part wondered how right she was.
In my mind, I played out the fairy tale of what Graham and I would be. Selfishly, I thought how it could be if maybe someday our love led to forever. Selfishly, I allowed myself to feel completely.
I was a dreamer, like my mother, and while I’d always adored that fact, I was slowly beginning to see her flaws. She floated more than she walked, skipped more than she stood, and no matter what, she never faced reality.
So, whenever reality came for her, she was always alone.
That terrified me—being alone.
But not being with Graham and Talon terrified me more than anything.
When I arrived at Graham’s house, I didn’t have the nerve to walk inside. Even the run hadn’t cleared my mind, so instead, I went and sat in the backyard near Ollie’s tree. I sat with my legs crossed, staring at the tiny tree that had so many years of growth to go. I stayed there for seconds, minutes, hours. It wasn’t until the sun started setting that Graham joined me outside. He was dressed in a perfectly fitted suit and looked out of this world amazing. I felt awful missing our date, but I knew due to my emotions I wouldn’t have been ready to go out with him. Mari put more guilt in my heart than I knew I could hold. Maybe I was being naïve about the way Graham made me feel…maybe I was being foolish.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I replied.
He sat.
He stared.
He spoke.
“You’re sad.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“You’ve been here for four hours.”
“I know.”
“I wanted to give you space.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded. “I think you’ve had enough space, though. You can only be alone for so long before you start convincing yourself you deserve to be that way—trust me, I know—and you, Lucille Hope Palmer, do not deserve to be alone.”
No more words were exchanged, but the feeling of wholeness was loud and clear. If only the world could feel the way our hearts beat as one, then maybe they wouldn’t be so harsh to judge our connection.
“This is a terrible first date.” I laughed, nerves shaking my vocals.
He reached into his suit pocket, pulled out a pack of licorice, and handed it to me. “Better?” he asked.
I sighed and nodded once before opening the package. “Better.” Being beside him always felt right to me. Like home.
In that way, I was different than Mama. While she always wanted to float away, my heart craved to stay beside Graham Russell.
For the first time in my life, I desperately wanted to stand on solid ground.
“You should call her,” I told Lucy as she went around the house, making up reasons to keep distracted. For months, she and her sister Mari hadn’t talked about anything but work-related issues, but apparently they’d had a big falling out over something a few days before. I could tell the issues were eating her alive, but she tried her best not to talk about it.
“It’s fine. We’re fine,” she replied.
“Liar.”
She turned to me and cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t you have a book to finish or something?”
I smiled at her sassiness.
I loved that side of her.
I loved all sides of her.
“I’m just saying, you miss her.”
“I don’t,” she said, her poker face communicating the complete opposite of her words. She bit her bottom lip. “Do you think she’s happy? I don’t think she’s happy. Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Lucil—”
“I mean, he literally left her during the worst days of her life. Who does that?! Whatever, it’s her life. I’m done talking about it.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“I mean, he’s a monster! And he’s not even a cute monster! I just hate him, and I’m so angry with her for choosing him over me, over us. And now this afternoon is Talon’s first birthday party, and Mari won’t even be here for it! I can’t believe—oh crap!” she screamed, running into the kitchen. I followed right behind her to witness her pulling out Talon’s chocolate cake, which was badly burned. “No, no, no,” she said, placing it on the countertop.
“Breathe,” I told her, walking behind her and placing my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes watered over and I laughed. “It’s just a cake, Lucille. It’s okay.”
