The Heart's Ashes
Page 102
“But we’re not doing anything. And now David’s here, for me, he’s not advocating for their release or proper care. They’re just children, Emily.”
She hugged me to her. “That’s not what I’ve been told. Apparently they’re locked away because they’re not fit for society. They’re vile and cruel and have no restraint.”
“Couldn’t they be trained?”
Emily shook her head. “Vampires aren’t cruel by nature, Ara. I’m sure they explored those avenues.”
“But—”
“I know,” she said. “I know, and I’d give anything in the world, even Mike, to see them freed, Ara—any of us would, but—” her voice, though she kept talking, trailed off in my thoughts as I stared out the window.
She’d give up Mike for their freedom? David tortured his own girlfriend for creating one?
The realisation hit me so hard I was glad there were already tears in my eyes.
I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t give up David, my love for him, our eternity, Lilithians—Paris. I wouldn’t give any of it up to save the Immortal Damned. What sort of person does that make me?
“What is it Ara?” Emily asked.
“I—” My nightmare left me feeling weak and hollow, but the darkness those children suffer must be far greater. Only they can truly understand what fear, desolation and darkness is.
I looked to the lake, hoping to see signs of life, the children, the families that usually brought me back down to the safety of normality, but I was offered only the pain of a lifeless, empty park—cold and brittle, devoid of the magic it had in the summer—the magic that made me buy this house in the first place. The absence of joy felt sudden, making the solitude and loneliness wider, deeper, more damaging to my already saddened heart.
I wonder if that’s what it was like for those children; if they had birthday parties planned or family holidays, only to have them stolen when they were dragged from their beds in the middle of the night, promised eternal life, then locked away for that which they did not choose.
The soft ringing of the piano in the other room stopped; I hugged my knees to my chest and closed my diary.
I don’t want to think of them anymore.
“Look—” Emily stroked my hair. “In a few months, you’ll be in Paris and all this will be behind you.”
“I know.” I nodded and smiled. But there’s a connection I feel to the Immortal Damned, one I can’t explain, one I can’t deny. I feel them screaming in my heart, and the truth is, all I want is to get away. That’s the depth of my selfishness, and I hate myself for feeling that way, but I can’t lie to myself either, and I will never admit the truth to David—or in his eyes, I’d not be worthy of life.
“Come on, sulky.” David extended his hand, cutting through the sudden dusky-darkness in the house. I looked around for Emily, vaguely remembering her leaving with Mike a few hours ago. “Come on,” he said again.
“Where are we going?” I stood up and David slid my beanie over my hair then handed me a pair of skates.
“We’re going across to that lake you keep staring at.”
The unruly cold meant no one else came out tonight. The quiet lake, that looked desolate from my window, suddenly seemed so open, so welcoming; our own private little place to be. The houses, trees and power lines all turned black against the backdrop of the setting sun, while the snow glowed almost pink along the banks.
“So, you don’t have the co-ordination to play video games, but you can skate like an Olympian?” I grinned at David, who landed perfectly from a pirouette.
“Like you can talk—” He took my hand and tucked me in his arms. “You were a ballet dancer. Bet you skate better than I.”
I’ll rise to that challenge.
David flashed a winning smile, then bent his knees and twirled me out from his body; I angled my feet to swerve into the spin.
“See?” he said, “I knew you could dance on ice.”
“Dance?” I scoffed. “That wasn’t dancing.”
“Then, by all means, ma belle amie, do demonstrate.” He posed in offering of the floor.
“It would be my pleasure, he-who-cannot-speak-English-when-he-speaks-from-his-heart.”
Before he could object, I crouched low to skate fast over the lake. As the wind brushed my face and neck, splaying my beanie-covered hair out behind me, I pressed off one foot, heaved my shoulders to the right and spun through the air, the world becoming dizzying lines around me. Beneath me, glass-like ice scraped noisily as the blade of my skate cut the surface and I swivelled into a turn—my leg high behind me, my arms spread wide, like an eagle’s wings.
“Very nice.” David tucked his beanie under his arm and clapped loudly. “Is there anything you can’t do?”
“Yes,” I muttered, skating past him. “Figure my own head out.”
“Hm, but I like you that way.” He pressed his hands behind his back, skating alongside me. “So, don’t change that, okay.”
“Sure.” I nodded.
“Hey, Ara?”
“Yes, David?” I responded with same playful tone.
The air became light then, a flirtatious energy charging us both. “You love me, right—for eternity?”
“Yes.”
“And, you know I love you, too.”
I said nothing, just smiled to myself—my own secret smile. He laughed, zooming past, making circles around me as I skated in a straight line.
“You have to answer me. It’s part of the game.”
“The game?”
“Yes.” His cheeks looked almost pink, as if the frost made him cold. But it was just the orange glow from the sun. He looked so young and free and vibrant—human David.
“You know I love you forever. Why do you ask?”
“I was thinking.”
“Mm.” I shook my head, my warm breath mingling at our chins as he took me in his arms. “You shouldn’t do that. Thinking isn’t safe.”
“Some of us can’t help ourselves.”
“Some of us don’t want to help it.” I looked right into his eyes; the sunset reflected off the green for a flash moment before we circled again, angling away from it, but in that second, they looked so clear, almost a lighter, pale green.
She hugged me to her. “That’s not what I’ve been told. Apparently they’re locked away because they’re not fit for society. They’re vile and cruel and have no restraint.”
“Couldn’t they be trained?”
Emily shook her head. “Vampires aren’t cruel by nature, Ara. I’m sure they explored those avenues.”
“But—”
“I know,” she said. “I know, and I’d give anything in the world, even Mike, to see them freed, Ara—any of us would, but—” her voice, though she kept talking, trailed off in my thoughts as I stared out the window.
She’d give up Mike for their freedom? David tortured his own girlfriend for creating one?
The realisation hit me so hard I was glad there were already tears in my eyes.
I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t give up David, my love for him, our eternity, Lilithians—Paris. I wouldn’t give any of it up to save the Immortal Damned. What sort of person does that make me?
“What is it Ara?” Emily asked.
“I—” My nightmare left me feeling weak and hollow, but the darkness those children suffer must be far greater. Only they can truly understand what fear, desolation and darkness is.
I looked to the lake, hoping to see signs of life, the children, the families that usually brought me back down to the safety of normality, but I was offered only the pain of a lifeless, empty park—cold and brittle, devoid of the magic it had in the summer—the magic that made me buy this house in the first place. The absence of joy felt sudden, making the solitude and loneliness wider, deeper, more damaging to my already saddened heart.
I wonder if that’s what it was like for those children; if they had birthday parties planned or family holidays, only to have them stolen when they were dragged from their beds in the middle of the night, promised eternal life, then locked away for that which they did not choose.
The soft ringing of the piano in the other room stopped; I hugged my knees to my chest and closed my diary.
I don’t want to think of them anymore.
“Look—” Emily stroked my hair. “In a few months, you’ll be in Paris and all this will be behind you.”
“I know.” I nodded and smiled. But there’s a connection I feel to the Immortal Damned, one I can’t explain, one I can’t deny. I feel them screaming in my heart, and the truth is, all I want is to get away. That’s the depth of my selfishness, and I hate myself for feeling that way, but I can’t lie to myself either, and I will never admit the truth to David—or in his eyes, I’d not be worthy of life.
“Come on, sulky.” David extended his hand, cutting through the sudden dusky-darkness in the house. I looked around for Emily, vaguely remembering her leaving with Mike a few hours ago. “Come on,” he said again.
“Where are we going?” I stood up and David slid my beanie over my hair then handed me a pair of skates.
“We’re going across to that lake you keep staring at.”
The unruly cold meant no one else came out tonight. The quiet lake, that looked desolate from my window, suddenly seemed so open, so welcoming; our own private little place to be. The houses, trees and power lines all turned black against the backdrop of the setting sun, while the snow glowed almost pink along the banks.
“So, you don’t have the co-ordination to play video games, but you can skate like an Olympian?” I grinned at David, who landed perfectly from a pirouette.
“Like you can talk—” He took my hand and tucked me in his arms. “You were a ballet dancer. Bet you skate better than I.”
I’ll rise to that challenge.
David flashed a winning smile, then bent his knees and twirled me out from his body; I angled my feet to swerve into the spin.
“See?” he said, “I knew you could dance on ice.”
“Dance?” I scoffed. “That wasn’t dancing.”
“Then, by all means, ma belle amie, do demonstrate.” He posed in offering of the floor.
“It would be my pleasure, he-who-cannot-speak-English-when-he-speaks-from-his-heart.”
Before he could object, I crouched low to skate fast over the lake. As the wind brushed my face and neck, splaying my beanie-covered hair out behind me, I pressed off one foot, heaved my shoulders to the right and spun through the air, the world becoming dizzying lines around me. Beneath me, glass-like ice scraped noisily as the blade of my skate cut the surface and I swivelled into a turn—my leg high behind me, my arms spread wide, like an eagle’s wings.
“Very nice.” David tucked his beanie under his arm and clapped loudly. “Is there anything you can’t do?”
“Yes,” I muttered, skating past him. “Figure my own head out.”
“Hm, but I like you that way.” He pressed his hands behind his back, skating alongside me. “So, don’t change that, okay.”
“Sure.” I nodded.
“Hey, Ara?”
“Yes, David?” I responded with same playful tone.
The air became light then, a flirtatious energy charging us both. “You love me, right—for eternity?”
“Yes.”
“And, you know I love you, too.”
I said nothing, just smiled to myself—my own secret smile. He laughed, zooming past, making circles around me as I skated in a straight line.
“You have to answer me. It’s part of the game.”
“The game?”
“Yes.” His cheeks looked almost pink, as if the frost made him cold. But it was just the orange glow from the sun. He looked so young and free and vibrant—human David.
“You know I love you forever. Why do you ask?”
“I was thinking.”
“Mm.” I shook my head, my warm breath mingling at our chins as he took me in his arms. “You shouldn’t do that. Thinking isn’t safe.”
“Some of us can’t help ourselves.”
“Some of us don’t want to help it.” I looked right into his eyes; the sunset reflected off the green for a flash moment before we circled again, angling away from it, but in that second, they looked so clear, almost a lighter, pale green.
