The Heart's Ashes
Page 113
“No. God, Mike, you know that, you know I—”
“Do I? I can’t hear your heart. For all I know, when that demon bit you, he—”
“Nothing happened. Look!” I grabbed his hand and placed it to my breast; he tensed, but stayed there. “See—heartbeat.”
“Okay. Fine. So you’re human.” He dropped his hand. “So what’s the deal then?”
“We don’t know. If I have the gene, there’s no reason for the venom to poison me.”
“And if you do, why haven’t you changed?”
“Because you can’t just bite someone to change them. You know that.”
“That’s all Jason did to Emily.” Mike pointed to her room.
“Are you sure? He locked you out. Are you sure he didn’t do something else?”
Mike went to speak but stopped, seeming to change emotional tactic. “I don’t know.”
“Look, David and I will figure this out, okay. When we go to Paris, we’ll talk to his friend—see what she knows.”
Mike nodded, raising his palms. “Okay. Fine. Okay. I’ll stay out of it. Just...in the meantime, please promise me you won’t let him bite you.”
“Mike. Stop it. You can’t protect me all the time. I’m going to get hurt, I’m going to get bitten—and pretty soon, bite. It’s a part of it. If you want to be my friend, you just have to accept that.”
“I do accept it, Ara.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do.” He softened. “I just...I just got scared, is all.”
“I know.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest, listening to the strange sound of his heart, thudding under his breath. He still smelled like home, like Mike—familiar and constant. Despite his broken heart, I knew he’d always be here, always side with me, always want me, and I knew the smell of him would always make me feel safe and loved. Even my attempt to bind myself to David hadn’t changed that.
“Ha!” He looked down at me. “It’s funny. You’re still just as short as you’ve always been. You really weren’t gifted with height, were you?”
“No. Nor luck.” I sighed.
“What’s luck got to do with it?”
“Can’t you feel it?” I leaned back and looked up at him. “The way you make me feel? It’s like I forget I’m with David when I’m in your arms.”
“Yeah. I know.” He sighed heavily, his coffee-scented breath warm and kind of sugary; I wanted to wrap my lips around his, knowing too well how they’d taste.
“Earth to Ara?” He clicked his fingers in front of my face a few times.
“Oh, uh sorry.” I scratched my head, taking a step away.
“You gotta stop phasing out, Ar.”
“I know.” I cleared my throat. “So, I think you need to talk to Emily. She may be supportive of your feelings for me, but she’s still human. Okay, well, not human, but she still feels things like a human. You being mad about this, it’s hurt her. I can tell.”
“I know.” Mike breathed out. “I just…I don’t really know what to say.”
“Yes, you do.” I took another step back. “Mike you’re good with words. Just tell her the truth—from the heart.”
“I’m not sure I know what the truth is.” He combed his hand through his hair.
“Mike, she loves you. All she wants is for you to love her back.”
“I do—I do love her.”
“Then tell her. You haven’t even said it yet, have you?”
“No.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“I don’t know.” But his tone said otherwise.
“I think you do know.”
His eyes smiled, though his lips didn’t. “I guess it’s...it’s just because I told you I loved you, and then I lost you.”
Guilt. “Then tell her that. Tell her you love her but you’re afraid she’s going to leave you—like I did.”
“I can’t tell her that, can I?”
“Yes. Nothing beats the truth.”
Mike leaned on the bench and folded his arms. “So, what are we going to do, then?”
“Secret love affair?” I said, with a grin.
“Don’t joke.” He wiped the corner of my smile with his thumb. “You think for a second I wouldn’t?”
“Then why are you with Em? If that’s how you really feel?”
“Why are you with David? You still love me.”
I nodded with a smile. “Touché.”
Mike stared at me, motionless. “I hate it that you slept with him.”
“I belong to him, Mike. I’m his to love.”
“You belong to you.”
“Yes, but that’s not what I mean, and you know it.” I leaned on the bench, too. “I’m David’s girl. It’s only right for us to make love.”
“Love, huh? So that’s what you’re calling it.” He turned away and opened the fridge, then stopped. “I’m sorry, Ara. I didn’t mean that.”
I swallowed my infuriation, biting the inside of my lip to stop from crying. “You have to move on, Mike. This is getting ridiculous.”
“I know,” he said, closing his eyes.
Before he had a chance to add anything else, I stormed from the room, leaving him alone with his pain, hearing only a sigh as I reached the front door.
The morning burst through the clouds above, opening up over the tree at the far side of the field. In the daylight, this dream looked different; the wide plains of golden knee-high grass whispered tales untold, and in the distance a lighthouse sat proudly, marking the edge of a cliff I couldn’t see. I folded my arms across my chest, wrapping the long cream cardigan closer to my body, and let my hair whip out behind me in the wind. Somewhere nearby, soft giggles lilted among the warmth of day, becoming louder with each step I took.
“Hello?” I called, but no one answered.
I stopped beneath the bows of the tree, staring down at a girl; her hair soft and wavy, dark brown, like mine, falling over the back of her canary yellow dress.
“I missed you today,” a boy said, landing beside her, appearing out of nowhere.
“Do I? I can’t hear your heart. For all I know, when that demon bit you, he—”
“Nothing happened. Look!” I grabbed his hand and placed it to my breast; he tensed, but stayed there. “See—heartbeat.”
“Okay. Fine. So you’re human.” He dropped his hand. “So what’s the deal then?”
“We don’t know. If I have the gene, there’s no reason for the venom to poison me.”
“And if you do, why haven’t you changed?”
“Because you can’t just bite someone to change them. You know that.”
“That’s all Jason did to Emily.” Mike pointed to her room.
“Are you sure? He locked you out. Are you sure he didn’t do something else?”
Mike went to speak but stopped, seeming to change emotional tactic. “I don’t know.”
“Look, David and I will figure this out, okay. When we go to Paris, we’ll talk to his friend—see what she knows.”
Mike nodded, raising his palms. “Okay. Fine. Okay. I’ll stay out of it. Just...in the meantime, please promise me you won’t let him bite you.”
“Mike. Stop it. You can’t protect me all the time. I’m going to get hurt, I’m going to get bitten—and pretty soon, bite. It’s a part of it. If you want to be my friend, you just have to accept that.”
“I do accept it, Ara.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do.” He softened. “I just...I just got scared, is all.”
“I know.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest, listening to the strange sound of his heart, thudding under his breath. He still smelled like home, like Mike—familiar and constant. Despite his broken heart, I knew he’d always be here, always side with me, always want me, and I knew the smell of him would always make me feel safe and loved. Even my attempt to bind myself to David hadn’t changed that.
“Ha!” He looked down at me. “It’s funny. You’re still just as short as you’ve always been. You really weren’t gifted with height, were you?”
“No. Nor luck.” I sighed.
“What’s luck got to do with it?”
“Can’t you feel it?” I leaned back and looked up at him. “The way you make me feel? It’s like I forget I’m with David when I’m in your arms.”
“Yeah. I know.” He sighed heavily, his coffee-scented breath warm and kind of sugary; I wanted to wrap my lips around his, knowing too well how they’d taste.
“Earth to Ara?” He clicked his fingers in front of my face a few times.
“Oh, uh sorry.” I scratched my head, taking a step away.
“You gotta stop phasing out, Ar.”
“I know.” I cleared my throat. “So, I think you need to talk to Emily. She may be supportive of your feelings for me, but she’s still human. Okay, well, not human, but she still feels things like a human. You being mad about this, it’s hurt her. I can tell.”
“I know.” Mike breathed out. “I just…I don’t really know what to say.”
“Yes, you do.” I took another step back. “Mike you’re good with words. Just tell her the truth—from the heart.”
“I’m not sure I know what the truth is.” He combed his hand through his hair.
“Mike, she loves you. All she wants is for you to love her back.”
“I do—I do love her.”
“Then tell her. You haven’t even said it yet, have you?”
“No.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“I don’t know.” But his tone said otherwise.
“I think you do know.”
His eyes smiled, though his lips didn’t. “I guess it’s...it’s just because I told you I loved you, and then I lost you.”
Guilt. “Then tell her that. Tell her you love her but you’re afraid she’s going to leave you—like I did.”
“I can’t tell her that, can I?”
“Yes. Nothing beats the truth.”
Mike leaned on the bench and folded his arms. “So, what are we going to do, then?”
“Secret love affair?” I said, with a grin.
“Don’t joke.” He wiped the corner of my smile with his thumb. “You think for a second I wouldn’t?”
“Then why are you with Em? If that’s how you really feel?”
“Why are you with David? You still love me.”
I nodded with a smile. “Touché.”
Mike stared at me, motionless. “I hate it that you slept with him.”
“I belong to him, Mike. I’m his to love.”
“You belong to you.”
“Yes, but that’s not what I mean, and you know it.” I leaned on the bench, too. “I’m David’s girl. It’s only right for us to make love.”
“Love, huh? So that’s what you’re calling it.” He turned away and opened the fridge, then stopped. “I’m sorry, Ara. I didn’t mean that.”
I swallowed my infuriation, biting the inside of my lip to stop from crying. “You have to move on, Mike. This is getting ridiculous.”
“I know,” he said, closing his eyes.
Before he had a chance to add anything else, I stormed from the room, leaving him alone with his pain, hearing only a sigh as I reached the front door.
The morning burst through the clouds above, opening up over the tree at the far side of the field. In the daylight, this dream looked different; the wide plains of golden knee-high grass whispered tales untold, and in the distance a lighthouse sat proudly, marking the edge of a cliff I couldn’t see. I folded my arms across my chest, wrapping the long cream cardigan closer to my body, and let my hair whip out behind me in the wind. Somewhere nearby, soft giggles lilted among the warmth of day, becoming louder with each step I took.
“Hello?” I called, but no one answered.
I stopped beneath the bows of the tree, staring down at a girl; her hair soft and wavy, dark brown, like mine, falling over the back of her canary yellow dress.
“I missed you today,” a boy said, landing beside her, appearing out of nowhere.
