The Heart's Ashes
Page 139
“I can.” I swallowed again, this time, the lump shifted and lubricated my throat a little. I licked a dry ball of dirt from the copper-tasting slash on my lip. “I really can. Please—we were friends once. You know how I felt about you, right?” My eyes held a plea. “You know I was—” I bit my tongue. He doesn’t deserve to hear those words.
“Say it,” he said through his teeth.
I shook my head, shutting my eyes.
“Say it.”
“I was—” I opened my eyes, “—I was in love with you.” The last words came out as a whisper.
The bulge under Jason’s jaw shifted down his throat as he looked away from me.
I lost myself in the memory of our time together; his touch seemed so real, the way he looked at me; his soft eyes, kind and full of heart. He had stroked my hair and laughed with me, whispered all his secrets. How could he have been lying all that time?
I think that’s what hurts the most—the lies. The betrayal. “I just don’t understand. What did I do to you—what did I do so wrong that made you want to hurt me like this?”
He shot forward and gripped my cheeks between his fingers; “It’s because you are a filthy, dangerous blood hunter. And I will see every last one of you eviscerated and driven to extinction.” He smacked my head back down with a jolt.
“But I’m just a girl, Jason. I didn’t know,” I sobbed.
Jason’s face softened and he stroked my cheek delicately. “I know you are. I know you would never hurt anyone. But these are the laws—and the laws must be followed.” He spoke louder, waving his hand around. “Just ask my brother—he loves his laws. Why, if he were here right now, he might even be the one doing the tests. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time.”
“He could never do this to me.”
Jason smiled, his eyes flashing wider. “You already know about Pepper.”
“Not this? Surely not this?”
“Worse, and for longer—on this very chair.” He tapped the arm with each word.
Like the past had scampered up the aged wood of this chair, when I looked at Jason’s face, so like his brother’s, I felt the tight pull of history—able to feel what Pepper would’ve felt to be tortured by someone who loved her—or who she thought loved her.
My leg tingled; the shards of agony deep in my muscle, scraping my bone, eased, and my lungs loosened, followed by my fingertips and toes. I let out a long, deep breath—feeling other parts of my body exist for the first time in what felt like forever.
“You said…” I needed another breath to speak. “In the cell, the other day, you said you loved me as the human.”
Jason’s eyes narrowed and he looked up to the corner of the room. “I never said any such thing.”
My jaw fell open and my brow folded. Yes, you did.
“Stop talking.” He turned away.
“I didn’t talk.” But you did say that—you said you loved me, as the girl.
“Ready for more pain then, are we?” he asked.
“Why’d you wait ‘til now?” I asked, ignoring his question. “If you knew what I was, why didn’t you take me earlier?”
“Because I had to decide what I was going to do with you,” he answered quickly. “I had this knowledge, but needed to make sure I used it to its full potential.”
“What do you mean?”
“David would never’ve come back if you were dead. I had to wait for him to return, so he could stand trial and suffer the same fate as you.”
“Did—” I took a breath. “Did you mean any of what you said to me, ever?”
“No.”
“What about what you told me, you know, on the night of Karnivale?”
Jason pressed his lips together and scrunched up his nose. “No. Karnivale was just a trap—for me to gain your trust.”
My eyes watered while I studied his. “You’re lying,” I whispered. “I can tell.”
“What makes you so sure?” He smiled conceitedly.
“You’re like David,” I said, rolling my face away, gasping heavily. “His eyes shift to one side when he lies—you do the same.”
“You know nothing!”
“I know that you—” I looked back at him; he was gone. My eyes darted around the empty, dark room. “Jason?”
No one answered.
In the far corner, a tiny green light blinked at me, and I felt the eyes of all those watching somewhere out there in some room, probably laughing and drinking gin, maybe laying down wagers as to how long I’d last. If I could roll my wrists, I’d salute them with my middle finger. But I poked my tongue out instead, then flopped back heavily as a tingling numbness set in over my entire body. It felt like floating, drifting away on the surface of the lake. I could still feel pain, but it was in the background of my mind—like a song you’ve had in your head all day. And so, a song came to my mind—a melody I walked down the aisle to on the happiest day of my life. David’s song.
I smiled, feeling the weight of exhaustion lift my face, my shoulders, my arms, and travel down the rest of my body, until it lowered me into the warm, blissful pool of sleep.
Chapter 23
“Amara?”
I thought I heard a whisper, but it was so faint and my head hurt so badly, I just wanted it to go away.
“Amara?”
“Just…just let me sleep,” I mumbled, turning my face away.
“Ara? Beautiful girl. Can you hear me?”
My brows rose, trying to force my sandy eyes open. “Dad?”
“No, it’s…” I heard shuffling. “It’s me. It’s Eric.”
“Eric?”
“Yes, beautiful, it’s me.”
My eyes flashed open and spilled with tears. “Oh. Thank God. Get me out of here. He’s coming back.”
“I can’t. Amara.” He pulled my dress down over my underwear.
“What? Why?”
“I’m sorry, I—” Eric’s head whipped up suddenly and he looked toward the stairs. “Sleep.” His lips touched my brow; I closed my eyes. “He won’t hurt you while you sleep.”
“Eric, my good man. Right on time,” Jason said, his tone spirited, almost busy.
“Say it,” he said through his teeth.
I shook my head, shutting my eyes.
“Say it.”
“I was—” I opened my eyes, “—I was in love with you.” The last words came out as a whisper.
The bulge under Jason’s jaw shifted down his throat as he looked away from me.
I lost myself in the memory of our time together; his touch seemed so real, the way he looked at me; his soft eyes, kind and full of heart. He had stroked my hair and laughed with me, whispered all his secrets. How could he have been lying all that time?
I think that’s what hurts the most—the lies. The betrayal. “I just don’t understand. What did I do to you—what did I do so wrong that made you want to hurt me like this?”
He shot forward and gripped my cheeks between his fingers; “It’s because you are a filthy, dangerous blood hunter. And I will see every last one of you eviscerated and driven to extinction.” He smacked my head back down with a jolt.
“But I’m just a girl, Jason. I didn’t know,” I sobbed.
Jason’s face softened and he stroked my cheek delicately. “I know you are. I know you would never hurt anyone. But these are the laws—and the laws must be followed.” He spoke louder, waving his hand around. “Just ask my brother—he loves his laws. Why, if he were here right now, he might even be the one doing the tests. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time.”
“He could never do this to me.”
Jason smiled, his eyes flashing wider. “You already know about Pepper.”
“Not this? Surely not this?”
“Worse, and for longer—on this very chair.” He tapped the arm with each word.
Like the past had scampered up the aged wood of this chair, when I looked at Jason’s face, so like his brother’s, I felt the tight pull of history—able to feel what Pepper would’ve felt to be tortured by someone who loved her—or who she thought loved her.
My leg tingled; the shards of agony deep in my muscle, scraping my bone, eased, and my lungs loosened, followed by my fingertips and toes. I let out a long, deep breath—feeling other parts of my body exist for the first time in what felt like forever.
“You said…” I needed another breath to speak. “In the cell, the other day, you said you loved me as the human.”
Jason’s eyes narrowed and he looked up to the corner of the room. “I never said any such thing.”
My jaw fell open and my brow folded. Yes, you did.
“Stop talking.” He turned away.
“I didn’t talk.” But you did say that—you said you loved me, as the girl.
“Ready for more pain then, are we?” he asked.
“Why’d you wait ‘til now?” I asked, ignoring his question. “If you knew what I was, why didn’t you take me earlier?”
“Because I had to decide what I was going to do with you,” he answered quickly. “I had this knowledge, but needed to make sure I used it to its full potential.”
“What do you mean?”
“David would never’ve come back if you were dead. I had to wait for him to return, so he could stand trial and suffer the same fate as you.”
“Did—” I took a breath. “Did you mean any of what you said to me, ever?”
“No.”
“What about what you told me, you know, on the night of Karnivale?”
Jason pressed his lips together and scrunched up his nose. “No. Karnivale was just a trap—for me to gain your trust.”
My eyes watered while I studied his. “You’re lying,” I whispered. “I can tell.”
“What makes you so sure?” He smiled conceitedly.
“You’re like David,” I said, rolling my face away, gasping heavily. “His eyes shift to one side when he lies—you do the same.”
“You know nothing!”
“I know that you—” I looked back at him; he was gone. My eyes darted around the empty, dark room. “Jason?”
No one answered.
In the far corner, a tiny green light blinked at me, and I felt the eyes of all those watching somewhere out there in some room, probably laughing and drinking gin, maybe laying down wagers as to how long I’d last. If I could roll my wrists, I’d salute them with my middle finger. But I poked my tongue out instead, then flopped back heavily as a tingling numbness set in over my entire body. It felt like floating, drifting away on the surface of the lake. I could still feel pain, but it was in the background of my mind—like a song you’ve had in your head all day. And so, a song came to my mind—a melody I walked down the aisle to on the happiest day of my life. David’s song.
I smiled, feeling the weight of exhaustion lift my face, my shoulders, my arms, and travel down the rest of my body, until it lowered me into the warm, blissful pool of sleep.
Chapter 23
“Amara?”
I thought I heard a whisper, but it was so faint and my head hurt so badly, I just wanted it to go away.
“Amara?”
“Just…just let me sleep,” I mumbled, turning my face away.
“Ara? Beautiful girl. Can you hear me?”
My brows rose, trying to force my sandy eyes open. “Dad?”
“No, it’s…” I heard shuffling. “It’s me. It’s Eric.”
“Eric?”
“Yes, beautiful, it’s me.”
My eyes flashed open and spilled with tears. “Oh. Thank God. Get me out of here. He’s coming back.”
“I can’t. Amara.” He pulled my dress down over my underwear.
“What? Why?”
“I’m sorry, I—” Eric’s head whipped up suddenly and he looked toward the stairs. “Sleep.” His lips touched my brow; I closed my eyes. “He won’t hurt you while you sleep.”
“Eric, my good man. Right on time,” Jason said, his tone spirited, almost busy.
