The Heart's Ashes
Page 155
“I don’t care. I’m sorry. I know that’s harsh, but I just want to be dead.”
“Well, I know it matters to you that Mike needs you. He cannot live without you. I’ve seen it in his soul. He loves you.”
“No, he’s caught up in how I feel for him, because of the spirit bind. He—”
“Does Mike know, yet—about the bind?”
“No.” I looked down. Poor Mike.
“It’ll break his heart.”
“I know.”
“He’s a good guy. I really like him. I’m glad he’s Lilithian and not vampire.”
“So you picked it? When you met him, you knew?”
“Yeah.” She smiled warmly at the memory. “But…straight after I told him, all the sudden joy of the proof of your existence slipped away; Mike grabbed my arms, looked deep into my eyes and said, ‘Show me how to save her.’” She even put on his deep, husky tone; I smiled.
“He’s always been my knight, you know.”
“I know. I felt that, too; felt the love, felt his desperation to be with you—to protect you.”
“If only I hadn’t let myself love Jason in that dream, maybe everything would’ve turned out different.”
“That was just so evil of him—of Jason. If he wanted to hurt David, that was the—”
“Morgaine. Please?” I shook my head. “Don’t say things like that. What happened to David was horrible—and that’s without adding the weight of his emotional torture to it.”
Morgaine frowned, pressing her lip between her teeth. “Amara? What happened in that room—with David?”
“He—” My throat constricted, blocking the air from gasping down with my sobs. “I—Jason made me bite him, and I did, and I thought only of the blood—nothing of David.” I looked down at my hands. “I had to watch him burn. I had to watch him melt under those flames with no way to save him. Jason just…he just picked him up and…he was just gone. Like that.” I clicked my fingers.
Morgaine held me close and stroked my hair.
“I just don’t know how to go on. I don’t want to be alive, I don’t want to be a royal, I don’t care about your people, Morgaine. Everything I cared about died in that fire.”
“Oh.” She sat up and looked at me. “Oh. Oh, my God. I—” She stood up.
“What? What is it?” I looked around, feeling the crawl of fear over my spine.
“Stay here.” She pointed at me, backing over to the door. “Mike,” she called as she opened it. “Mike!” she yelled again, desperation shaking her voice.
“What?” He sprung up, going a little too fast, and smacked into the wall with his forearm.
Morgaine smiled, chuckling in the back of her throat.
“Yeah, sorry, not used to the speed thing yet—what’s up, Morg?”
“I know what’s wrong with Amara.”
“What?” He looked at her, then at me.
“She doesn’t want to live…now that David’s dead.” Her eyes widened.
Mike paled. “Oh, shit. I never even—” He covered his mouth and landed on his knees in front of me. “Baby, I gotta tell you something. I’m such an idiot. Shit.” He looked at Morgaine, his shoulders lifting slightly; “What do I say?”
“Amara—David’s not dead.”
“What?”
“He’s not dead,” Morgaine said again.
A shaking breath from my ultra-still chest left my lips in a whimper.
“Oh, jeeze, girl, I’m sorry.” Mike’s wide eyes bore into mine; his hands clasped my arms tightly. “We thought you were upset about the fire.”
“He’s alive?”
“I didn’t realise you thought he was dead, baby, he’s immune to Lilithian venom. I thought you’d realise that—you’ve bitten him before.”
“You…” My words came out laced with white shock. “You…thought I was that upset because he burned?”
“Yes, because he burned—alive.”
Chills encased my soulless carcass, my eyes growing larger with every breath of fight that grew in me. Like a rocket had been tied to my feet, I launched from the bed.
Mike grabbed my waist as I reached the door, then pinned me to the wall. “Ara, baby, listen to me.”
“No! Let me go!” I yelled, pushing his big confining hands away. “Let me go to him. I have to see him, Mike. Let me go.”
“Baby, I’ll let you go, just calm down, okay, I just need you to calm down.”
“No, he’s alive. He’s alive.” I took a jagged breath, which slowed my heart as my eyes widened again. “He’s—he burned. He felt that! He felt that when…when…”
“Yes.” Mike closed his eyes.
“Oh God.” My knees buckled and I slid down the wall; Mike held me up by the hips. “Oh, Mike. I was there. I was right in front of him, and I—” I replayed the image of his fingers on the tiles—just out of reach. “I could’ve helped him. I—”
“No. Ara, you couldn’t, baby.” He bundled me into his arms, squeezing me against his chest. “There’s no way you could’ve helped him. Jason was too strong—he would’ve hurt you more.”
“You—” I looked up at him. “How could you do this to me? How could you let me believe I killed my husband?”
“We didn’t know, Amara,” Morgaine piped up. “We thought you were—”
“You should’ve known.” I pointed at her. “You—with all you’re ‘getting people’ bull crap. You should have felt it in my soul. How can you have been so ignorant? Do you know what I’ve been suffering? You’re monsters,” I yelled. “All of you. I hate you.”
Mike squeezed me tighter, whispering something in my ear as I screamed—pushing out from his chest.
“I hate you. I hate you. Get off me. Let me go to him. Let me—”
“What’s going on!” Emily burst through the door and covered her mouth. “Ara. What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Ara thought David was dead all this time, Em,” Mike said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind as I folded over and kicked against him. “She just found out he’s alive.”
“Well, I know it matters to you that Mike needs you. He cannot live without you. I’ve seen it in his soul. He loves you.”
“No, he’s caught up in how I feel for him, because of the spirit bind. He—”
“Does Mike know, yet—about the bind?”
“No.” I looked down. Poor Mike.
“It’ll break his heart.”
“I know.”
“He’s a good guy. I really like him. I’m glad he’s Lilithian and not vampire.”
“So you picked it? When you met him, you knew?”
“Yeah.” She smiled warmly at the memory. “But…straight after I told him, all the sudden joy of the proof of your existence slipped away; Mike grabbed my arms, looked deep into my eyes and said, ‘Show me how to save her.’” She even put on his deep, husky tone; I smiled.
“He’s always been my knight, you know.”
“I know. I felt that, too; felt the love, felt his desperation to be with you—to protect you.”
“If only I hadn’t let myself love Jason in that dream, maybe everything would’ve turned out different.”
“That was just so evil of him—of Jason. If he wanted to hurt David, that was the—”
“Morgaine. Please?” I shook my head. “Don’t say things like that. What happened to David was horrible—and that’s without adding the weight of his emotional torture to it.”
Morgaine frowned, pressing her lip between her teeth. “Amara? What happened in that room—with David?”
“He—” My throat constricted, blocking the air from gasping down with my sobs. “I—Jason made me bite him, and I did, and I thought only of the blood—nothing of David.” I looked down at my hands. “I had to watch him burn. I had to watch him melt under those flames with no way to save him. Jason just…he just picked him up and…he was just gone. Like that.” I clicked my fingers.
Morgaine held me close and stroked my hair.
“I just don’t know how to go on. I don’t want to be alive, I don’t want to be a royal, I don’t care about your people, Morgaine. Everything I cared about died in that fire.”
“Oh.” She sat up and looked at me. “Oh. Oh, my God. I—” She stood up.
“What? What is it?” I looked around, feeling the crawl of fear over my spine.
“Stay here.” She pointed at me, backing over to the door. “Mike,” she called as she opened it. “Mike!” she yelled again, desperation shaking her voice.
“What?” He sprung up, going a little too fast, and smacked into the wall with his forearm.
Morgaine smiled, chuckling in the back of her throat.
“Yeah, sorry, not used to the speed thing yet—what’s up, Morg?”
“I know what’s wrong with Amara.”
“What?” He looked at her, then at me.
“She doesn’t want to live…now that David’s dead.” Her eyes widened.
Mike paled. “Oh, shit. I never even—” He covered his mouth and landed on his knees in front of me. “Baby, I gotta tell you something. I’m such an idiot. Shit.” He looked at Morgaine, his shoulders lifting slightly; “What do I say?”
“Amara—David’s not dead.”
“What?”
“He’s not dead,” Morgaine said again.
A shaking breath from my ultra-still chest left my lips in a whimper.
“Oh, jeeze, girl, I’m sorry.” Mike’s wide eyes bore into mine; his hands clasped my arms tightly. “We thought you were upset about the fire.”
“He’s alive?”
“I didn’t realise you thought he was dead, baby, he’s immune to Lilithian venom. I thought you’d realise that—you’ve bitten him before.”
“You…” My words came out laced with white shock. “You…thought I was that upset because he burned?”
“Yes, because he burned—alive.”
Chills encased my soulless carcass, my eyes growing larger with every breath of fight that grew in me. Like a rocket had been tied to my feet, I launched from the bed.
Mike grabbed my waist as I reached the door, then pinned me to the wall. “Ara, baby, listen to me.”
“No! Let me go!” I yelled, pushing his big confining hands away. “Let me go to him. I have to see him, Mike. Let me go.”
“Baby, I’ll let you go, just calm down, okay, I just need you to calm down.”
“No, he’s alive. He’s alive.” I took a jagged breath, which slowed my heart as my eyes widened again. “He’s—he burned. He felt that! He felt that when…when…”
“Yes.” Mike closed his eyes.
“Oh God.” My knees buckled and I slid down the wall; Mike held me up by the hips. “Oh, Mike. I was there. I was right in front of him, and I—” I replayed the image of his fingers on the tiles—just out of reach. “I could’ve helped him. I—”
“No. Ara, you couldn’t, baby.” He bundled me into his arms, squeezing me against his chest. “There’s no way you could’ve helped him. Jason was too strong—he would’ve hurt you more.”
“You—” I looked up at him. “How could you do this to me? How could you let me believe I killed my husband?”
“We didn’t know, Amara,” Morgaine piped up. “We thought you were—”
“You should’ve known.” I pointed at her. “You—with all you’re ‘getting people’ bull crap. You should have felt it in my soul. How can you have been so ignorant? Do you know what I’ve been suffering? You’re monsters,” I yelled. “All of you. I hate you.”
Mike squeezed me tighter, whispering something in my ear as I screamed—pushing out from his chest.
“I hate you. I hate you. Get off me. Let me go to him. Let me—”
“What’s going on!” Emily burst through the door and covered her mouth. “Ara. What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Ara thought David was dead all this time, Em,” Mike said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind as I folded over and kicked against him. “She just found out he’s alive.”
