The Heart's Ashes
Page 158
“I thought he was dead. I thought I killed him—took our forever away. I—” I looked up at the body; supple, still fleshy, not burned to a stiff carcass, but melted like plastic when it’s still warm. “I’m so happy he’s alive. Is that selfish of me?”
Emily shook her head and smiled. “He feels the same, Ara, for what it’s worth, okay, and he’s not in too much pain, right now. I know he looks bad, but I’ve injected him with horse-grade tranquilisers and a few other dangerous substances. He’s pretty high right now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Does he know I’m here? Can he hear me?”
“If he can, I can’t tell. He has so many other emotions and feelings going on right now. I’m not sure what’s what,” Emily said, then, like the sun warming the room inch by inch, her smile spread across her face. “Okay, looks like he does know you’re here.”
“David?” I knelt beside him, my hand hovering over the places I wished I could touch.
“I think he’s wondering where you’ve been,” Emily said.
“I didn’t know you were alive, David. I…I thought I killed you.”
Emily placed her hand on my shoulder. “Okay, that’s enough, Ara. You know what he’s like. What do you think him worrying about your emotional well-being is going to do for his recovery?”
“See? This is why I didn’t want her in here,” Morgaine said. “But you don’t listen to me.”
“Come on.” Em helped me stand. “I need to give him another blood bath. I don’t think you should be here for that. Go get some rest and a coffee, and I’ll let you come back later today.”
“Okay.” I wanted to kiss him so badly and tell him everything would be all right. “I love you, David. Please don’t forget that. I love you, and I’m so sorry I—” do I say didn’t or couldn’t help you. The fact is, I didn’t know I could.
“Ara,” Emily’s tone became urgent, “just go. Mike?” She looked at him. “Just get her out of here, please—I think David can read her thoughts.”
Mike tugged my arm, and I backed out of the room, not taking my eyes from the miracle of life in agony before them. “I love you, David.”
The door slammed shut behind us, leaving Mike and I alone in the early morning darkness. “Ara. I don’t know what to say, baby. I’m so sorry, we—”
“He’s alive.” I stared at the empty space of everything around me. “Mike. It’s okay. I’m just so glad he’s alive.”
“Well, I know everything’s well in the world according to Ara, baby, but we still have the problem of Arthur.”
“What about it?”
“He can’t know David’s alive.”
“Why?”
“Remember what I said about Drake and the prophecy?”
“Uh—”
“Drake’s weak. He won’t attack or come after you right now—it should give us time to get you strong and the throne. But if Drake finds out David’s alive, he’ll attack now. Arthur may be digging to see if David’s really dead, I mean, we have no idea what he’s up to, Ara.”
“It could be nothing.” I leaned on the wall. “What if he genuinely wants to help?”
“Yeah,” Mike scoffed, “And what? Jason genuinely tried to help you?” Mike studied my stiffening posture. “Yeah, thought you might feel that way. So—Arthur knowing about David? No. Got it?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Right. Now, come on, it’s still dark outside—you can get a few more hours’ sleep before the sun comes up.” He wrapped his arm over my shoulder and nudged me away from the wall.
“Will you stay with me, Mike?” I snuggled into the heavy warmth of his arm. “I—I just don’t wanna be alone.”
“Sure, kid.” He nodded. “Might get busted by Em, but—”
“Oh. Really? Would she mind?”
“Right now?” He shrugged. “After what you’ve been through, and what I went through worrying about you? I don’t care.”
In the time it took for David and I to get married, be kidnapped and tortured, and come home again, the lake caught the scent of spring, and banished the ice to another year. I perched on the park bench, tucking my knees up to my chest, looking out from the place Jason and I first talked after he saved me from evil-candy-floss-lady at Karnivale.
The dreams I had, or the mind-links, kept playing in my head, showing me a side of my torturer that didn’t match what he’d done to me—a side I wished was real. In that world, I loved him and he loved me, and it was okay; it held no bearing out here in reality, where I loved David. And that was the worst thing about it, because, while my actions, my betrayal to David seemed separate from life, like falling in love with characters in a book, the heartbreak for Jason’s betrayal, for loving me then torturing me, was something that did extend out here. And it hurt more than the torture.
The sun thawed my face, golden and warm, like sitting in front of a fireplace. With my eyes closed, I revelled in the sensation of open air—freedom, sunshine, colour; things I never thought I’d see again.
“Amara?” A tall man walked toward me slowly, his dark suit outlined by the glow of the sun.
“Arthur?” I stood up to greet him. The short white beard and kind, crinkled eyes I’d always imagined David’s uncle to have blurred, showing the truth of a young man, no older than thirty, standing before me with eyes like my husband, but blue as the sky, and a smile so similar I caught my breath.
“My dear, sweet, Amara.” He smiled warmly, cupping my hand then kissing it.
I remembered him then—not just his voice, but his face—the one who studied me carefully at my hearing; the one who sat at the right hand of Drake.
I pulled my hand away.
“I understand your aversion to me,” he said softly, lowering his arms. “After all, you couldn’t know how I fought for you, both before and after you were captured.”
“It wouldn’t change things, even if I did.”
He bowed his head.
“And, what do you mean by before? Did Jason tell you about me?”
Emily shook her head and smiled. “He feels the same, Ara, for what it’s worth, okay, and he’s not in too much pain, right now. I know he looks bad, but I’ve injected him with horse-grade tranquilisers and a few other dangerous substances. He’s pretty high right now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Does he know I’m here? Can he hear me?”
“If he can, I can’t tell. He has so many other emotions and feelings going on right now. I’m not sure what’s what,” Emily said, then, like the sun warming the room inch by inch, her smile spread across her face. “Okay, looks like he does know you’re here.”
“David?” I knelt beside him, my hand hovering over the places I wished I could touch.
“I think he’s wondering where you’ve been,” Emily said.
“I didn’t know you were alive, David. I…I thought I killed you.”
Emily placed her hand on my shoulder. “Okay, that’s enough, Ara. You know what he’s like. What do you think him worrying about your emotional well-being is going to do for his recovery?”
“See? This is why I didn’t want her in here,” Morgaine said. “But you don’t listen to me.”
“Come on.” Em helped me stand. “I need to give him another blood bath. I don’t think you should be here for that. Go get some rest and a coffee, and I’ll let you come back later today.”
“Okay.” I wanted to kiss him so badly and tell him everything would be all right. “I love you, David. Please don’t forget that. I love you, and I’m so sorry I—” do I say didn’t or couldn’t help you. The fact is, I didn’t know I could.
“Ara,” Emily’s tone became urgent, “just go. Mike?” She looked at him. “Just get her out of here, please—I think David can read her thoughts.”
Mike tugged my arm, and I backed out of the room, not taking my eyes from the miracle of life in agony before them. “I love you, David.”
The door slammed shut behind us, leaving Mike and I alone in the early morning darkness. “Ara. I don’t know what to say, baby. I’m so sorry, we—”
“He’s alive.” I stared at the empty space of everything around me. “Mike. It’s okay. I’m just so glad he’s alive.”
“Well, I know everything’s well in the world according to Ara, baby, but we still have the problem of Arthur.”
“What about it?”
“He can’t know David’s alive.”
“Why?”
“Remember what I said about Drake and the prophecy?”
“Uh—”
“Drake’s weak. He won’t attack or come after you right now—it should give us time to get you strong and the throne. But if Drake finds out David’s alive, he’ll attack now. Arthur may be digging to see if David’s really dead, I mean, we have no idea what he’s up to, Ara.”
“It could be nothing.” I leaned on the wall. “What if he genuinely wants to help?”
“Yeah,” Mike scoffed, “And what? Jason genuinely tried to help you?” Mike studied my stiffening posture. “Yeah, thought you might feel that way. So—Arthur knowing about David? No. Got it?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Right. Now, come on, it’s still dark outside—you can get a few more hours’ sleep before the sun comes up.” He wrapped his arm over my shoulder and nudged me away from the wall.
“Will you stay with me, Mike?” I snuggled into the heavy warmth of his arm. “I—I just don’t wanna be alone.”
“Sure, kid.” He nodded. “Might get busted by Em, but—”
“Oh. Really? Would she mind?”
“Right now?” He shrugged. “After what you’ve been through, and what I went through worrying about you? I don’t care.”
In the time it took for David and I to get married, be kidnapped and tortured, and come home again, the lake caught the scent of spring, and banished the ice to another year. I perched on the park bench, tucking my knees up to my chest, looking out from the place Jason and I first talked after he saved me from evil-candy-floss-lady at Karnivale.
The dreams I had, or the mind-links, kept playing in my head, showing me a side of my torturer that didn’t match what he’d done to me—a side I wished was real. In that world, I loved him and he loved me, and it was okay; it held no bearing out here in reality, where I loved David. And that was the worst thing about it, because, while my actions, my betrayal to David seemed separate from life, like falling in love with characters in a book, the heartbreak for Jason’s betrayal, for loving me then torturing me, was something that did extend out here. And it hurt more than the torture.
The sun thawed my face, golden and warm, like sitting in front of a fireplace. With my eyes closed, I revelled in the sensation of open air—freedom, sunshine, colour; things I never thought I’d see again.
“Amara?” A tall man walked toward me slowly, his dark suit outlined by the glow of the sun.
“Arthur?” I stood up to greet him. The short white beard and kind, crinkled eyes I’d always imagined David’s uncle to have blurred, showing the truth of a young man, no older than thirty, standing before me with eyes like my husband, but blue as the sky, and a smile so similar I caught my breath.
“My dear, sweet, Amara.” He smiled warmly, cupping my hand then kissing it.
I remembered him then—not just his voice, but his face—the one who studied me carefully at my hearing; the one who sat at the right hand of Drake.
I pulled my hand away.
“I understand your aversion to me,” he said softly, lowering his arms. “After all, you couldn’t know how I fought for you, both before and after you were captured.”
“It wouldn’t change things, even if I did.”
He bowed his head.
“And, what do you mean by before? Did Jason tell you about me?”
