The Heart's Ashes
Page 178
I covered my mouth. Oh my God! Poor David. I never thought of that. A flash of a deathly, bloodied image encased my mind. What Morgaine told me—the repeated rape and torture, then healing and torture of their queen; in the end, Queen Lilith begged for the mercy of death. But if I tell David the truth of what Jason did to me, it makes it real. Then he won’t just imagine—he’ll know. “David…it’s, it’s over, it’s in the past, I—”
“But it’s not,” he cut me off, “I can see it in your eyes, Ara. You know I can heal the pain, but only once you’ve given it to me.”
I lowered my head. “Maybe I wish to keep the pain.”
“Why?” He moved closer. “Why would you want that?”
“As a reminder—that I have to be careful who I trust.”
David shook his head and took my fingertips in his; “That’s why you have me. I’ll tell you who to trust.”
“You trusted Jason.”
“I know.” David looked down again. “We all did.”
“Are you upset—about the spirit bind?”
David shook his head, smiling softly. “You know, Ara, the fact that you are still so in love with me, even though, in your mind, you’re bound to him, it tells me that our love is more true, honest and amazing than any other union I’ve known.” His smile infected mine. “Spirit binds—even if they are only in one’s mind, are inescapable. You don’t move on from them.”
“So, you’re not mad at me?”
“Mad? Ara?” He stood taller. “You had a dream. That was all. It’s not even a real spirit bind. It’s as strong as one, but you were still pure when we first made love.”
“Then why didn’t I get Marked?”
“That, my love, is because you’re Lilithian.”
“Serious?”
“Yes. Regrettably, if we’d made love before I left the Set, I could’ve asked Arthur. He’d have known straight away.”
“Damn.”
“Yes. Damn.” He smiled.
“But I doubt he’d have told you the truth. He knew what I was all along—ever since the masquerade.”
“Yes, I heard that.”
“Why didn’t he tell us?”
“Probably to protect you. If he is on our side, telling you might have put you in danger.”
I nodded, pressing my lips together. “Or we could’ve run away.”
David went quiet behind thoughtful eyes. “Yes. Which is why I suspect Morgaine may be right about him having an agenda of his own.”
“Possibly. I’ll be seeing him in a few days. He’s coming to the manor the day I arrive.”
“I know.” David nodded once. “Be careful with him, Ara. He radiated affection around you, and I’ve seen him like that only once before—with my aunt. He’s trying to get close to you, for what reason, I don’t know.”
“So, his affections aren’t real?”
“Oh, no, they’re real, but his reasons for them are…well, I just feel as though something’s not right. He wants something from you, and I don’t think it’s friendship.”
I smiled. “Are you jealous?”
“Of Arthur? No.” He dropped back on his heels a little. “You and I are in love, and despite my supposed passing, the Arthur I know would not cross those boundaries with you. It’s just not in him.”
“Then why is he so affectionate?”
“Perhaps to gain your heart, use you for his own purposes.” His eyes narrowed, he touched his chin. “Which would void his ethics, rendering my theory that he’d not cross boundaries with you invalid.”
“What, so, like, if I fall for him, he can bend me to his will?”
“Like I said, I don’t know. He may just feel close to you, given that I loved, er, love you so much.” We both smiled. “All I’m saying is be cautious of his affections; think before you act, and don’t, for even one second, allow your guard down, because he will get in there and steal your heart, and you’ll not even know it’s happened until he’s in your bed.”
“David!” I went to slap him, but stopped short of his newly healed skin.
“I’m sorry, my love, but I don’t feel safe about this—about sending you off to the manor alone.”
I slipped my arms along the insides of his jacket, an outfit way too warm for this weather, then snuggled my cheek onto his firm, solid, real chest. “Don’t worry about me, David. Mike will watch over me.”
“But I do worry, my love. It’s my job to worry—you’re my wife.”
My mouth fell open.
“What?” he said.
“You said wife. It sounds so weird—nice weird.”
David looked down at the ground and smiled. “Well, my love, as of this day, we have forever to revel in the joy of our union.”
Slowly, he linked his fingers through mine, and we stood palm to palm, his lips an inch away from my hair. And all around us, the smell of wet soil and watery plants gave the air a breath of summer; a moist kind of heat mingling within it, settling between our skin while the sun sparkled off my diamond ring.
“It was kind of Vicki to send that in the post.” He nodded to my ring.
“Yes, well, if we’d not been pretending to be in Paris, I could’ve had it weeks ago.”
“If we’d not fled our own wedding, you could have had it back the same day.”
I smiled. “I have something for you.”
“Other than a blissfully happy eternity?”
I smiled and pulled a heavy white-gold band from my pocket.
“I wondered what happened to that.” David smiled.
“I keep it with me so I never really feel very far away from you.” As I slid the band back where it belonged, and it touched the base of his finger, my world seemed to stop for one breath, like it clicked into place around me; the cog that winds the hands of time had been reset, and it would never be out of place again.
“I love you, my beautiful wife.”
“And I, you.” My David; the boy I loved for so long, but held for only a heartbeat—now, I will look into those stunning green eyes for every morning that the sun chooses to rise, and touch his skin, feel the warmth of his breath on my neck when he whispers, for always—nothing do us part—not even death.
“But it’s not,” he cut me off, “I can see it in your eyes, Ara. You know I can heal the pain, but only once you’ve given it to me.”
I lowered my head. “Maybe I wish to keep the pain.”
“Why?” He moved closer. “Why would you want that?”
“As a reminder—that I have to be careful who I trust.”
David shook his head and took my fingertips in his; “That’s why you have me. I’ll tell you who to trust.”
“You trusted Jason.”
“I know.” David looked down again. “We all did.”
“Are you upset—about the spirit bind?”
David shook his head, smiling softly. “You know, Ara, the fact that you are still so in love with me, even though, in your mind, you’re bound to him, it tells me that our love is more true, honest and amazing than any other union I’ve known.” His smile infected mine. “Spirit binds—even if they are only in one’s mind, are inescapable. You don’t move on from them.”
“So, you’re not mad at me?”
“Mad? Ara?” He stood taller. “You had a dream. That was all. It’s not even a real spirit bind. It’s as strong as one, but you were still pure when we first made love.”
“Then why didn’t I get Marked?”
“That, my love, is because you’re Lilithian.”
“Serious?”
“Yes. Regrettably, if we’d made love before I left the Set, I could’ve asked Arthur. He’d have known straight away.”
“Damn.”
“Yes. Damn.” He smiled.
“But I doubt he’d have told you the truth. He knew what I was all along—ever since the masquerade.”
“Yes, I heard that.”
“Why didn’t he tell us?”
“Probably to protect you. If he is on our side, telling you might have put you in danger.”
I nodded, pressing my lips together. “Or we could’ve run away.”
David went quiet behind thoughtful eyes. “Yes. Which is why I suspect Morgaine may be right about him having an agenda of his own.”
“Possibly. I’ll be seeing him in a few days. He’s coming to the manor the day I arrive.”
“I know.” David nodded once. “Be careful with him, Ara. He radiated affection around you, and I’ve seen him like that only once before—with my aunt. He’s trying to get close to you, for what reason, I don’t know.”
“So, his affections aren’t real?”
“Oh, no, they’re real, but his reasons for them are…well, I just feel as though something’s not right. He wants something from you, and I don’t think it’s friendship.”
I smiled. “Are you jealous?”
“Of Arthur? No.” He dropped back on his heels a little. “You and I are in love, and despite my supposed passing, the Arthur I know would not cross those boundaries with you. It’s just not in him.”
“Then why is he so affectionate?”
“Perhaps to gain your heart, use you for his own purposes.” His eyes narrowed, he touched his chin. “Which would void his ethics, rendering my theory that he’d not cross boundaries with you invalid.”
“What, so, like, if I fall for him, he can bend me to his will?”
“Like I said, I don’t know. He may just feel close to you, given that I loved, er, love you so much.” We both smiled. “All I’m saying is be cautious of his affections; think before you act, and don’t, for even one second, allow your guard down, because he will get in there and steal your heart, and you’ll not even know it’s happened until he’s in your bed.”
“David!” I went to slap him, but stopped short of his newly healed skin.
“I’m sorry, my love, but I don’t feel safe about this—about sending you off to the manor alone.”
I slipped my arms along the insides of his jacket, an outfit way too warm for this weather, then snuggled my cheek onto his firm, solid, real chest. “Don’t worry about me, David. Mike will watch over me.”
“But I do worry, my love. It’s my job to worry—you’re my wife.”
My mouth fell open.
“What?” he said.
“You said wife. It sounds so weird—nice weird.”
David looked down at the ground and smiled. “Well, my love, as of this day, we have forever to revel in the joy of our union.”
Slowly, he linked his fingers through mine, and we stood palm to palm, his lips an inch away from my hair. And all around us, the smell of wet soil and watery plants gave the air a breath of summer; a moist kind of heat mingling within it, settling between our skin while the sun sparkled off my diamond ring.
“It was kind of Vicki to send that in the post.” He nodded to my ring.
“Yes, well, if we’d not been pretending to be in Paris, I could’ve had it weeks ago.”
“If we’d not fled our own wedding, you could have had it back the same day.”
I smiled. “I have something for you.”
“Other than a blissfully happy eternity?”
I smiled and pulled a heavy white-gold band from my pocket.
“I wondered what happened to that.” David smiled.
“I keep it with me so I never really feel very far away from you.” As I slid the band back where it belonged, and it touched the base of his finger, my world seemed to stop for one breath, like it clicked into place around me; the cog that winds the hands of time had been reset, and it would never be out of place again.
“I love you, my beautiful wife.”
“And I, you.” My David; the boy I loved for so long, but held for only a heartbeat—now, I will look into those stunning green eyes for every morning that the sun chooses to rise, and touch his skin, feel the warmth of his breath on my neck when he whispers, for always—nothing do us part—not even death.
