The Heart's Ashes
Page 38
“So, what you’re saying is…that David—” I swallowed the lump in my throat, “—has given himself over to the monster?”
“That’s what I heard.” He shrugged. “Even if he came back—which he won’t—he won’t be the same David; he’ll be more like—”
“Jason.”
“Jason? God, no. Jason’s not li—” His words cut short, his hand shifting me back as a flaming wall of heated colour brushed past my face, receding an inch before catching my hair. “Watch it, dick head.” A mime in black and white went tumbling to the ground by force of Eric. “I like mine raw.”
I looked up at him, eyes wide.
Eric just grinned. “Sorry—inside joke.”
“Not funny.”
“Was to me.”
I folded my arms tightly and walked past the mime-turned-carpet.
“Aw, don’t be so sensitive, Amara. If you wanna hang out with a vampire, get used to the way we live.”
“Used to it? What, you want me to accept that you kill people—that you like them raw?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s sick.”
He groaned. “We don’t see it that way.”
“No. You don’t see it as a waste—you don’t see it for the sick, sadistic and horrific act it is.”
“It’s not like the horror movies, Amara. It’s a beautiful death.”
“Spoken like a vampire.”
“Come here.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the edge of a circus tent, then lifted the heavy fabric wall. “Look, this is normal for us—it’s not for a human, but you can’t class yourself as a human when you hang out with me.”
I peered into the darkness and instead of recoiling, merely watched as a girl on a round bed, at the centre of the room, laid at the mercy of a devilishly handsome man. He caressed her breasts under the torn remnants of her clothing, making her moan loudly, rolling her spine to force her flesh against his lips.
“Does she look scared to you?”
I shook my head, unable to look away. As the vampire’s kisses led him to the purlieu of her inner thigh, he stopped and looked over at us just before sinking his teeth into her leg. The girl gripped the pillow and cried out—a cry of pleasure.
I looked away, faced with my own nightmarish memories of the same kind of scene—but without the enjoyment.
“Don’t do that.” Eric turned my face back and pointed. “She’s enjoying it.”
“Until she dies.”
“She won’t know.” Eric rolled his eyes. “The venom numbs the skin—she’ll be in ecstasy until she passes.”
“It didn’t numb mine.”
“I know.” He nodded softly. “That’s because it was an attack. If it’d been a lustful kill, like it’s supposed to be, you wouldn’t have felt it.”
“Really? So venom only numbs when there’s lust?”
“That’s what we assume. We’re not human, so it’s hard to say.”
“Why the thigh?”
“Huh?”
“Why is he biting her there?” I looked back at the tent.
“Oh, it’s a, well, it’s a sweet spot—the bloods warmest there, and it tastes sweeter than anywhere else. It’s also close to the va—”
“Eh. Enough said.” I raised my palms.
Eric just laughed, then swept his arm out in a bowing gesture toward the carousel. “Shall we then?”
“Sure.” And we walked, and strangely, what I just saw didn’t upset me or disturb me. I could accept it as a part of who Eric is. I wasn’t sure it’d be the same if it were David, but this creepy, sadistic side, seemed to fit well with Eric. It didn’t change who he was to me. I still wanted to be around him. But I wondered if that made me as sick as him, if maybe I was turning into a monster—like, perhaps, Jason’s venom left some kind of evil in me.
Eric paid the toll, exchanging a grunt with the pass over of money when the carousel attendant licked his lips in my direction, grinning eagerly. “Some people are so rude.” I folded my arms in objection.
“If you look at it from his perspective,” he said, lifting me onto a black and red pony, “you’re being rude by walking around all alive and pulsing with blood.”
I looked up to protest, but stopped, seeing Eric’s perfect skin and the humoured smile lit by the yellow lights of the carousel. He was only joking—this time.
Beside me, mirrors lined with tiny globes reflected the scenes of vampires positioning their humans on ponies all around, then standing beside them, close, as if to hold them in place, just like my vampire escort. It was funny to see myself that way—in the mirror, with a blond vampire taking charge of my hips, pinning me to a ride that’s designed for children. I looked like a child against him, small, with the round eyes of innocence that always made people underestimate me.
“Hold on tight.” My escort handed me the small leather reins and held the gold, winding pole in front of me. In the shadows, as the ride started to spin, Eric looked somewhat menacing. I could almost see how a person might fear him, but to me, he still looked gorgeous—vampirish. I let him wrap his hands around me again. “You okay?” he said.
My smile came back down from elated; I nodded and said loudly over the out-of-tune carnival music, “Yeah, I just didn’t know this would go so fast.”
“Well, we like speed.”
“I can’t lift my arms.”
Eric grinned and raised his fingers to my cheek with ease, stroking the skin softly. “It’s no problem for me.”
“I’m sure the vampire strength helps.” I smiled as he dropped his hand. “So, why does it go backward?”
“Now that I don’t know.” He laughed aloud, rolling his head back.
I loved the way that, even though he was from a different world, with different views and opinions, he could still sound so human when he laughed. It made me like him more.
Eric studied me studying him, and my heart raced. I felt safe, closed in by the wash of colour—the way the lights all merged together to form a seal of illuminated lines around us. I never thought I’d find another guy to make me feel safe the way Mike and David did, and I never thought I could ever like someone else. Kind of like losing your favourite old teddy and just believing to your core that nothing will ever replace it—until something does. Liking Eric made me forget about David for a while, in a place where it should be easiest to remember him.
“That’s what I heard.” He shrugged. “Even if he came back—which he won’t—he won’t be the same David; he’ll be more like—”
“Jason.”
“Jason? God, no. Jason’s not li—” His words cut short, his hand shifting me back as a flaming wall of heated colour brushed past my face, receding an inch before catching my hair. “Watch it, dick head.” A mime in black and white went tumbling to the ground by force of Eric. “I like mine raw.”
I looked up at him, eyes wide.
Eric just grinned. “Sorry—inside joke.”
“Not funny.”
“Was to me.”
I folded my arms tightly and walked past the mime-turned-carpet.
“Aw, don’t be so sensitive, Amara. If you wanna hang out with a vampire, get used to the way we live.”
“Used to it? What, you want me to accept that you kill people—that you like them raw?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s sick.”
He groaned. “We don’t see it that way.”
“No. You don’t see it as a waste—you don’t see it for the sick, sadistic and horrific act it is.”
“It’s not like the horror movies, Amara. It’s a beautiful death.”
“Spoken like a vampire.”
“Come here.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the edge of a circus tent, then lifted the heavy fabric wall. “Look, this is normal for us—it’s not for a human, but you can’t class yourself as a human when you hang out with me.”
I peered into the darkness and instead of recoiling, merely watched as a girl on a round bed, at the centre of the room, laid at the mercy of a devilishly handsome man. He caressed her breasts under the torn remnants of her clothing, making her moan loudly, rolling her spine to force her flesh against his lips.
“Does she look scared to you?”
I shook my head, unable to look away. As the vampire’s kisses led him to the purlieu of her inner thigh, he stopped and looked over at us just before sinking his teeth into her leg. The girl gripped the pillow and cried out—a cry of pleasure.
I looked away, faced with my own nightmarish memories of the same kind of scene—but without the enjoyment.
“Don’t do that.” Eric turned my face back and pointed. “She’s enjoying it.”
“Until she dies.”
“She won’t know.” Eric rolled his eyes. “The venom numbs the skin—she’ll be in ecstasy until she passes.”
“It didn’t numb mine.”
“I know.” He nodded softly. “That’s because it was an attack. If it’d been a lustful kill, like it’s supposed to be, you wouldn’t have felt it.”
“Really? So venom only numbs when there’s lust?”
“That’s what we assume. We’re not human, so it’s hard to say.”
“Why the thigh?”
“Huh?”
“Why is he biting her there?” I looked back at the tent.
“Oh, it’s a, well, it’s a sweet spot—the bloods warmest there, and it tastes sweeter than anywhere else. It’s also close to the va—”
“Eh. Enough said.” I raised my palms.
Eric just laughed, then swept his arm out in a bowing gesture toward the carousel. “Shall we then?”
“Sure.” And we walked, and strangely, what I just saw didn’t upset me or disturb me. I could accept it as a part of who Eric is. I wasn’t sure it’d be the same if it were David, but this creepy, sadistic side, seemed to fit well with Eric. It didn’t change who he was to me. I still wanted to be around him. But I wondered if that made me as sick as him, if maybe I was turning into a monster—like, perhaps, Jason’s venom left some kind of evil in me.
Eric paid the toll, exchanging a grunt with the pass over of money when the carousel attendant licked his lips in my direction, grinning eagerly. “Some people are so rude.” I folded my arms in objection.
“If you look at it from his perspective,” he said, lifting me onto a black and red pony, “you’re being rude by walking around all alive and pulsing with blood.”
I looked up to protest, but stopped, seeing Eric’s perfect skin and the humoured smile lit by the yellow lights of the carousel. He was only joking—this time.
Beside me, mirrors lined with tiny globes reflected the scenes of vampires positioning their humans on ponies all around, then standing beside them, close, as if to hold them in place, just like my vampire escort. It was funny to see myself that way—in the mirror, with a blond vampire taking charge of my hips, pinning me to a ride that’s designed for children. I looked like a child against him, small, with the round eyes of innocence that always made people underestimate me.
“Hold on tight.” My escort handed me the small leather reins and held the gold, winding pole in front of me. In the shadows, as the ride started to spin, Eric looked somewhat menacing. I could almost see how a person might fear him, but to me, he still looked gorgeous—vampirish. I let him wrap his hands around me again. “You okay?” he said.
My smile came back down from elated; I nodded and said loudly over the out-of-tune carnival music, “Yeah, I just didn’t know this would go so fast.”
“Well, we like speed.”
“I can’t lift my arms.”
Eric grinned and raised his fingers to my cheek with ease, stroking the skin softly. “It’s no problem for me.”
“I’m sure the vampire strength helps.” I smiled as he dropped his hand. “So, why does it go backward?”
“Now that I don’t know.” He laughed aloud, rolling his head back.
I loved the way that, even though he was from a different world, with different views and opinions, he could still sound so human when he laughed. It made me like him more.
Eric studied me studying him, and my heart raced. I felt safe, closed in by the wash of colour—the way the lights all merged together to form a seal of illuminated lines around us. I never thought I’d find another guy to make me feel safe the way Mike and David did, and I never thought I could ever like someone else. Kind of like losing your favourite old teddy and just believing to your core that nothing will ever replace it—until something does. Liking Eric made me forget about David for a while, in a place where it should be easiest to remember him.
