The Heart's Ashes
Page 60
I knocked his arm down from its point at my room. “I don’t know. I’m not thinking that far ahead.”
“What, twenty-four-hours?”
“Stay out of it, Mike. As if you’re any different! You were kissing me yesterday afternoon, now, all of a sudden, you’re in love with Emily.”
He clicked his tongue. “It wasn’t like that, Ar.”
“Wasn’t it?” I said sarcastically.
“No. Come here.” He patted the spot next to him, and as if moved by the habits of the past, I launched off the table and he swept me into his warm, human embrace. I just wanted to steal a time machine and go back to yesterday, back before Karnivale, and stop it. Stop it all from happening.
But that’d mean I wouldn’t have David.
“You know,” he said, “I always liked Emily—ever since I shook her at school that day. We just...we get along really well; we have more in common than even you and I do, Ara. I just...I don’t know. I get her. And she gets me.”
“More than I do?”
He squeezed me a little tighter. “It’s not like with you and I, and I’ve been thinking that for too long now. I was just too stupid or maybe too scared to admit it to myself.”
“Is that so?”
“I know it’s sudden, baby. It’s sudden for me. But, when you said she’d been sulking over some guy she likes, I knew—” he smiled, closing his eyes for a second, “—I knew it was me. I’m the only guy she’s been hanging out with.”
“How come I didn’t catch on to that?”
“You’ve had other things on your mind.” An irrepressible grin spread across his face. “When you went out with Eric, I sat at the table thinking about it for ages, running it all over in my mind—Emily, liking me. I mean, she lights up my world, Ara. She’s gorgeous and funny and so bubbly—”
“So unlike me.”
“Don’t be like that, baby. You and Emily are two very different people.”
“And that’s the point, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. But, you know me, Ara, I’ve never gone for girls like Emily before.”
“I know. That’s why I felt safe that she’d never steal you.”
“She didn’t steal me. You didn’t want me.”
“That doesn’t make it okay to fall in love with my best friend.”
“It wasn’t planned or deliberate. I just...I sat thinking for so long; thinking about you and what we had or would ever have again; thought about the kiss, the way you left with Eric. Ara, even if David hadn’t come back, there’s no way you’d come back to me. We both know that.”
“No, we don’t. No one can predict the future, Mike.”
“When it comes to you, baby girl, I can.”
“So, what, you just—you just knocked on her door and said hey let’s get it on?”
“No.”
“Then how did you end up in bed with her?”
He paused. “I kissed her. She came out wearing that emerald green sweater I love on her. I smiled, and I could tell from the way she smiled back that it was true—that the guy she’d been sulking over was me. So I walked over, grabbed her face and kissed her.”
“And the rest is history.” I sighed.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, Ara.” Mike took my hand.
“I know. It’s just so surreal, though. How, one minute you were still mine, and the next—”
“I don’t know what to say, baby. I still feel for you—more than you can imagine—more than is right for the way I feel for Emily, too.”
“The heart knows no boundaries, Mike. It feels what it wants to feel.”
“Yes, but as human beings, we know boundaries, and we choose to take the right path—or stray from it. I shouldn’t have done that with Emily until I sorted out my feelings for you.”
“Mm-hm. Just like I shouldn’t have David here while I have unresolved feelings for you. But…here we are.”
Mike nodded, the smile dropping from his face. “Do you think she’ll ever talk to me again?”
“I know she will, Mike. She loves you—she always has.” I looked down. “Give her time. She’s all but lost Jason, all over again. Not to mention she’s just found out that her best friend’s been lying to her and that there’s no such thing as normal in this world anymore. She needs to grieve.”
“Then I should be there with her.”
“You can’t save them all, Mike. Just let her go. She’ll come back when she’s ready.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am. Don’t worry—” I laughed through my nose, almost snorting, “—a girl never forgets her first. Trust me, she’ll be back.”
“Her first?” Mike looked sideways at me.
“Yeah, didn’t you know? Emily was a virgin.”
“What?” Mike dropped his head into his hands. “She never told me that.”
“Ha! Cheeky thing.” I laughed again, holding my belly. It’d been a long time since I used those muscles.
All those stories I told Emily about Mike’s apprehension to take a girl’s virginity, she must have been paying very close attention. At least now I see why she always loved to sit and talk about him.
I found it utterly hilarious, but Mike hadn’t moved since realising he was a cherry-popper. “Mike, you okay?”
“I need to see her.” He jumped up, headed for the front door.
“Mike?” When he turned, a gasp of shock cooled my lips, seeing the obvious distress in his eyes. “Don’t be mad at her, okay? She’s had enough for one day.”
“I’m not mad.” He nodded. “I just need to make her okay again.”
Before I could chase after him, David popped his arm out through my doorway, phone in hand. “Eric wants to talk to you.”
“Eric?” I grabbed my phone, studying the humour behind David’s eyes. “He knows you’re here?”
“Does now.” He smiled once more then walked over and flopped on my bed.
“Hey, Eric?”
“Hey kiddo.”
“What’s up?”
“What, twenty-four-hours?”
“Stay out of it, Mike. As if you’re any different! You were kissing me yesterday afternoon, now, all of a sudden, you’re in love with Emily.”
He clicked his tongue. “It wasn’t like that, Ar.”
“Wasn’t it?” I said sarcastically.
“No. Come here.” He patted the spot next to him, and as if moved by the habits of the past, I launched off the table and he swept me into his warm, human embrace. I just wanted to steal a time machine and go back to yesterday, back before Karnivale, and stop it. Stop it all from happening.
But that’d mean I wouldn’t have David.
“You know,” he said, “I always liked Emily—ever since I shook her at school that day. We just...we get along really well; we have more in common than even you and I do, Ara. I just...I don’t know. I get her. And she gets me.”
“More than I do?”
He squeezed me a little tighter. “It’s not like with you and I, and I’ve been thinking that for too long now. I was just too stupid or maybe too scared to admit it to myself.”
“Is that so?”
“I know it’s sudden, baby. It’s sudden for me. But, when you said she’d been sulking over some guy she likes, I knew—” he smiled, closing his eyes for a second, “—I knew it was me. I’m the only guy she’s been hanging out with.”
“How come I didn’t catch on to that?”
“You’ve had other things on your mind.” An irrepressible grin spread across his face. “When you went out with Eric, I sat at the table thinking about it for ages, running it all over in my mind—Emily, liking me. I mean, she lights up my world, Ara. She’s gorgeous and funny and so bubbly—”
“So unlike me.”
“Don’t be like that, baby. You and Emily are two very different people.”
“And that’s the point, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. But, you know me, Ara, I’ve never gone for girls like Emily before.”
“I know. That’s why I felt safe that she’d never steal you.”
“She didn’t steal me. You didn’t want me.”
“That doesn’t make it okay to fall in love with my best friend.”
“It wasn’t planned or deliberate. I just...I sat thinking for so long; thinking about you and what we had or would ever have again; thought about the kiss, the way you left with Eric. Ara, even if David hadn’t come back, there’s no way you’d come back to me. We both know that.”
“No, we don’t. No one can predict the future, Mike.”
“When it comes to you, baby girl, I can.”
“So, what, you just—you just knocked on her door and said hey let’s get it on?”
“No.”
“Then how did you end up in bed with her?”
He paused. “I kissed her. She came out wearing that emerald green sweater I love on her. I smiled, and I could tell from the way she smiled back that it was true—that the guy she’d been sulking over was me. So I walked over, grabbed her face and kissed her.”
“And the rest is history.” I sighed.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, Ara.” Mike took my hand.
“I know. It’s just so surreal, though. How, one minute you were still mine, and the next—”
“I don’t know what to say, baby. I still feel for you—more than you can imagine—more than is right for the way I feel for Emily, too.”
“The heart knows no boundaries, Mike. It feels what it wants to feel.”
“Yes, but as human beings, we know boundaries, and we choose to take the right path—or stray from it. I shouldn’t have done that with Emily until I sorted out my feelings for you.”
“Mm-hm. Just like I shouldn’t have David here while I have unresolved feelings for you. But…here we are.”
Mike nodded, the smile dropping from his face. “Do you think she’ll ever talk to me again?”
“I know she will, Mike. She loves you—she always has.” I looked down. “Give her time. She’s all but lost Jason, all over again. Not to mention she’s just found out that her best friend’s been lying to her and that there’s no such thing as normal in this world anymore. She needs to grieve.”
“Then I should be there with her.”
“You can’t save them all, Mike. Just let her go. She’ll come back when she’s ready.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am. Don’t worry—” I laughed through my nose, almost snorting, “—a girl never forgets her first. Trust me, she’ll be back.”
“Her first?” Mike looked sideways at me.
“Yeah, didn’t you know? Emily was a virgin.”
“What?” Mike dropped his head into his hands. “She never told me that.”
“Ha! Cheeky thing.” I laughed again, holding my belly. It’d been a long time since I used those muscles.
All those stories I told Emily about Mike’s apprehension to take a girl’s virginity, she must have been paying very close attention. At least now I see why she always loved to sit and talk about him.
I found it utterly hilarious, but Mike hadn’t moved since realising he was a cherry-popper. “Mike, you okay?”
“I need to see her.” He jumped up, headed for the front door.
“Mike?” When he turned, a gasp of shock cooled my lips, seeing the obvious distress in his eyes. “Don’t be mad at her, okay? She’s had enough for one day.”
“I’m not mad.” He nodded. “I just need to make her okay again.”
Before I could chase after him, David popped his arm out through my doorway, phone in hand. “Eric wants to talk to you.”
“Eric?” I grabbed my phone, studying the humour behind David’s eyes. “He knows you’re here?”
“Does now.” He smiled once more then walked over and flopped on my bed.
“Hey, Eric?”
“Hey kiddo.”
“What’s up?”
