The Heart's Ashes
Page 87
“You drink blood.”
He stepped closer, looking down at me, holding me in place with a firm grasp on my arms. “It’s not the blood I need, Ara—it’s the kill, the bite. I crave it—”
“David stop!” I looked away from his eyes, brushing my fringe from my lip. “I can’t listen to you talk like that.”
A sudden, unnerving silence forced me to look back up; his eyes became dark and intense, his jaw stiffened. “You just don’t get it, do you? You’re never going to get it.”
“Get what? That you enjoy murder, that you enjoy taking lives?”
“Yes!” he said. “That’s exactly what I enjoy, Ara—and do you know why?”
I didn’t answer.
“Because I’m a vampire.” His eyes widened, sarcasm festering in the fake smile. “You know, guys with fangs and blood lust? Ara, I need the kill. I need the bite.”
“Stop saying that!” I pushed his hands off me and took a step back. “If that’s how you feel, then—”
“Then what, Ara?” He rolled his shoulders back, making his spine straight. “What? You want me to leave? You want me to choose between you and my nature—I can’t do that. I shouldn’t have to do that.”
“I’m not asking you to, I—”
“You accepted me. You wanted me to stay, now you want me to change?”
“No. I accepted you as a murderer because there was no other way. But there is now. You can survive on this.” I held my wrist out. “You don’t need to kill.”
“Yes. I do, Ara—don’t you see?” He pushed my wrist down. “It’s not enough. It’s never going to be enough. The urge, it gets stronger every minute. I can’t fight it. It’s taking over like a shadow on the day.”
The world became winter all around; the floor, the air, my lips, everything grew cold. David stood before me, the two of us frozen souls, trapped in a moment of awareness. “I don’t want you to kill, David. I couldn’t take it if you were to go out there right now and…I…I don’t want to look at you when you get home, knowing you just took a life.” I sat on the couch, staring into the emptiness of my own fears. “I can’t do that.”
“Then you can’t be with a vampire.”
My head fell in my hands. How has it come to this? I thought we were past this. “I’m sorry, David, but I—” I looked up; he was gone. “David!” I got to my feet quickly, panic rising in me like vomit. “David!”
He’s gone; he’s really gone.
The sudden emptiness in the room felt like the death of a friend. I sunk down, falling to the floor, hugging my knees.
What have I done?
“Ara?” Mike knelt beside me. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“He—he left. He just left me here.”
“Who?”
“David.” I felt the anger rise then. “How could he just leave like that? I didn’t even get to finish what I was saying.”
“What happened, did you have a fight?”
“He’s gone to kill. I can’t bear it. I just can’t bear it that he’s out there right now—taking a life, for the thrill, for the...lust.” My shoulders hunched and I sobbed harder, losing my voice. “It’s just so clear to me now. I mean less to him than his drug. He’ll break my heart to get what he wants; to satiate his thirst for blood—for death. And it hurts. It really hurts.”
“Amara?” Eric appeared out of nowhere, pulling me in my ball-sized heap onto his lap. “What happened, beautiful girl?”
Mike stood up and said “This is your field, mate” then walked away.
Eric looked down at me, smoothing the tears that had fallen onto my thighs, slipping down just past the rim of my denim skirt. “Tell me why you’re crying. I’ll make it all better.”
“It’s Da—” I sobbed, “David. He’s…”
“He’s what? What did he do?”
“He’s gone to kill. He—we had a fight. He left—he’s gone to kill.”
“Amara?” Eric laughed once, his brow pinching in the middle. “What’s wrong with that? He’s a vampire.”
“He—he’s been drinking my blood. I thought the killing was over, that maybe he could—”
“Oh, no, no, no, princess.” He tucked me into his chest, resting his cheek to my brow. “Amara, it’s never over. Never. It’s what he is, girl. He has to kill—you know that.”
“No, he’s been fine. He hasn’t needed it.”
“Ha! I’m telling you now, there is no way he’s been fine. Trust me.” He wiped another trail of tears from my leg. “If he’s been fine, it’s because he’s been playing it fine—for you.”
“What? Really?”
“Yes. Amara, he’ll never be free of it. It’s a curse. You can’t just turn it off. It’s not like a drink of water—where it quenches your thirst if you buy the bottled stuff. He would have been in agony trying to control the desire.”
“Desire? But he had blood, so…”
“No.” Eric shook his head. “It’s not the blood—it’s the bite, the death. We crave that, too, kiddo.”
“But?”
“But what? You thought we were all good—deep inside.” Eric rolled his head back and laughed. “No such thing. He’s as much a vampire as any bloodsucker. You’re being unfair by placing that pressure on him.”
“Pressure? To stop murdering people?”
Eric just shook his head and stood us both up, taking my hand. “Come on, you need to see something.”
I was accustomed to Eric taking me to tremendously unsuitable places, but this was going a little too far. I tucked my hands under my elbows and wandered behind him through the thick crowd of sweaty bodies, all layered in skimpy, glittery fabrics, arms raised as if to hold the roof up; their skin glossy, turning white and blue intermittently under the strobe. The room was so packed I felt like a sock in a washing machine, shoved and tossed about, jostled by ribs and elbows and other body parts I’d never planned to have touch me.
“C’mon.” He reached back, impatient, and grabbed my hand.
He stepped closer, looking down at me, holding me in place with a firm grasp on my arms. “It’s not the blood I need, Ara—it’s the kill, the bite. I crave it—”
“David stop!” I looked away from his eyes, brushing my fringe from my lip. “I can’t listen to you talk like that.”
A sudden, unnerving silence forced me to look back up; his eyes became dark and intense, his jaw stiffened. “You just don’t get it, do you? You’re never going to get it.”
“Get what? That you enjoy murder, that you enjoy taking lives?”
“Yes!” he said. “That’s exactly what I enjoy, Ara—and do you know why?”
I didn’t answer.
“Because I’m a vampire.” His eyes widened, sarcasm festering in the fake smile. “You know, guys with fangs and blood lust? Ara, I need the kill. I need the bite.”
“Stop saying that!” I pushed his hands off me and took a step back. “If that’s how you feel, then—”
“Then what, Ara?” He rolled his shoulders back, making his spine straight. “What? You want me to leave? You want me to choose between you and my nature—I can’t do that. I shouldn’t have to do that.”
“I’m not asking you to, I—”
“You accepted me. You wanted me to stay, now you want me to change?”
“No. I accepted you as a murderer because there was no other way. But there is now. You can survive on this.” I held my wrist out. “You don’t need to kill.”
“Yes. I do, Ara—don’t you see?” He pushed my wrist down. “It’s not enough. It’s never going to be enough. The urge, it gets stronger every minute. I can’t fight it. It’s taking over like a shadow on the day.”
The world became winter all around; the floor, the air, my lips, everything grew cold. David stood before me, the two of us frozen souls, trapped in a moment of awareness. “I don’t want you to kill, David. I couldn’t take it if you were to go out there right now and…I…I don’t want to look at you when you get home, knowing you just took a life.” I sat on the couch, staring into the emptiness of my own fears. “I can’t do that.”
“Then you can’t be with a vampire.”
My head fell in my hands. How has it come to this? I thought we were past this. “I’m sorry, David, but I—” I looked up; he was gone. “David!” I got to my feet quickly, panic rising in me like vomit. “David!”
He’s gone; he’s really gone.
The sudden emptiness in the room felt like the death of a friend. I sunk down, falling to the floor, hugging my knees.
What have I done?
“Ara?” Mike knelt beside me. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“He—he left. He just left me here.”
“Who?”
“David.” I felt the anger rise then. “How could he just leave like that? I didn’t even get to finish what I was saying.”
“What happened, did you have a fight?”
“He’s gone to kill. I can’t bear it. I just can’t bear it that he’s out there right now—taking a life, for the thrill, for the...lust.” My shoulders hunched and I sobbed harder, losing my voice. “It’s just so clear to me now. I mean less to him than his drug. He’ll break my heart to get what he wants; to satiate his thirst for blood—for death. And it hurts. It really hurts.”
“Amara?” Eric appeared out of nowhere, pulling me in my ball-sized heap onto his lap. “What happened, beautiful girl?”
Mike stood up and said “This is your field, mate” then walked away.
Eric looked down at me, smoothing the tears that had fallen onto my thighs, slipping down just past the rim of my denim skirt. “Tell me why you’re crying. I’ll make it all better.”
“It’s Da—” I sobbed, “David. He’s…”
“He’s what? What did he do?”
“He’s gone to kill. He—we had a fight. He left—he’s gone to kill.”
“Amara?” Eric laughed once, his brow pinching in the middle. “What’s wrong with that? He’s a vampire.”
“He—he’s been drinking my blood. I thought the killing was over, that maybe he could—”
“Oh, no, no, no, princess.” He tucked me into his chest, resting his cheek to my brow. “Amara, it’s never over. Never. It’s what he is, girl. He has to kill—you know that.”
“No, he’s been fine. He hasn’t needed it.”
“Ha! I’m telling you now, there is no way he’s been fine. Trust me.” He wiped another trail of tears from my leg. “If he’s been fine, it’s because he’s been playing it fine—for you.”
“What? Really?”
“Yes. Amara, he’ll never be free of it. It’s a curse. You can’t just turn it off. It’s not like a drink of water—where it quenches your thirst if you buy the bottled stuff. He would have been in agony trying to control the desire.”
“Desire? But he had blood, so…”
“No.” Eric shook his head. “It’s not the blood—it’s the bite, the death. We crave that, too, kiddo.”
“But?”
“But what? You thought we were all good—deep inside.” Eric rolled his head back and laughed. “No such thing. He’s as much a vampire as any bloodsucker. You’re being unfair by placing that pressure on him.”
“Pressure? To stop murdering people?”
Eric just shook his head and stood us both up, taking my hand. “Come on, you need to see something.”
I was accustomed to Eric taking me to tremendously unsuitable places, but this was going a little too far. I tucked my hands under my elbows and wandered behind him through the thick crowd of sweaty bodies, all layered in skimpy, glittery fabrics, arms raised as if to hold the roof up; their skin glossy, turning white and blue intermittently under the strobe. The room was so packed I felt like a sock in a washing machine, shoved and tossed about, jostled by ribs and elbows and other body parts I’d never planned to have touch me.
“C’mon.” He reached back, impatient, and grabbed my hand.
