The Other Side of Love
Page 11
“Why not? You’re the brother who always wanted to find her. Why haven’t you set up a big family reunion already to show me that you were right all along and dear old Mummy was back?”
“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was best for us not to find her.” I stared into his eyes, willing him to see and understand where I was coming from. “She doesn’t know the meaning of right and wrong, Zane. She doesn’t know what true love is. We were better off without her. We still have each other.”
“Well, she clearly wants you and her new son. What am I? Pig fat?” He walked towards the front door. “I can’t do this right now. I’m going out.”
“Wait.” I touched his shoulder. “Don’t be like that.”
“Why not?” He glared at me and brushed my hand off of him. “You’re clearly not in a talking mood.”
“I’m sorry.” I took a big breath. “And I’m really confused right now. I could really use your support right now.”
“What’s wrong?” He froze and looked at me with a worried expression. “Are you sick, Noah?”
I shook my head, unable to speak, as he stared at me with extreme love and concern. My heart swelled for the man who was my brother and best friend. The man who looked out for me even when he was hurt inside. The man I knew would do anything for me; actually, had done everything for me. And I knew that I couldn’t take the easy way out. I knew that the easy way out might make it better for me, but it would break his heart and I couldn’t do that.
“Are you gay?” He continued. “Is that why you’re confused? You know I will love you no matter what, right? I told Lucky not to push you into getting a girlfriend. I’m so sorry, bro, I never meant for you to—”
“Zane, I’m not gay.” I laughed and shook my head in amusement. “Though, I do appreciate your support if I was.”
“I was about to say, my gaydar is totally off.” He laughed along with me, and for a few moments we had an easy camaraderie.
“I met someone in Palm Bonita. I told you that already.” I paused. “But it’s a lot more complicated than I told you about.”
“Oh, shit.” Zane’s eyes widened. “Did you get her pregnant?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes. “And to be fair, that’s a bit of a funny question coming from you.”
“Huh?” He looked at me blankly and then laughed. “Well, you know. I’m the older brother. It’s okay if I make mistakes.”
“I heard that, Zane.” Lucky’s voice called out from behind us. “It’s nice to know our babies are your mistake.”
“I didn’t mean that.” Zane made a face at me and then looked at Lucky with pleading eyes. “You know I love you and our babies.” He continued and Lucky groaned, and smiled at me.
“Uh huh.”
“That was just a foot-in-mouth moment.”
“You mean it was a that-shouldn’t-have-been-heard-by-the-fiancée moment!” She walked over to him and socked him in the shoulder. “You’re lucky that I’m not going to get mad at that comment.”
“You’re not?” He grinned at her happily.
“No,” She smiled at me. “But only because Noah is trying to tell you something and you haven’t given him the opportunity to get it out.”
“But you’re the one that keeps talking.” He frowned at her. “Not me.”
“You’re talking right now.”
“But you’re talking right now as well.”
“But you just continued talking, even though you know Noah is waiting.”
“So did you.” He stuck his tongue out at her and she leaned in to kiss him. “Don’t start something you can’t continue.” He whispered as his arms circled her and I groaned at them.
“You two need to get a room.” I shook my head and Lucky disentangled herself from Zane and walked over to me.
“Not right now, we don’t. You guys need to go and talk about whatever’s bothering you.” She pushed me towards Zane. “Go in the living room. I’ll get dinner ready.”
“But what about the salad?”
“You’ll make it next time.” She smiled at me gently. “And trust me, I’ll hold you to that.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” She smiled again before walking back towards the kitchen and my heart filled with even more love for her. It was weird that I had only known her for a few weeks, because she already felt like my family.
“Wait.” I called out to her and she turned around with a surprised look.
“Yes?”
“I want you to come in the living room as well. I want to tell you both what I have to say.” I looked at them back and forth and felt waves of happiness and jealousy wash over me as I saw Lucky and Zane exchange a look of love and joy.
“Really? Are you sure? You don’t have to tell me.”
“You’re my family now, Lucky. I want you to know. Plus, I’m sure Zane would tell you anyways.”
“No, he would never break your confidence,” Lucky protested, but I held up my hand to stop her.
“I don’t mind if he does. Not with you. You’re the woman he loves, the mother of his unborn children, shoot, you’re the mother of my niece and nephew. I want him to tell you. You shouldn’t have secrets. Not with the one you love. Not with your life partner.”
“You sound like you’re talking from experience, bro,” Zane questioned me and I sighed as I walked to the living room with them and we all sat down. I took a deep breath before beginning. I held up my phone and started, “The phone call I got just now was from a girl named Skylar. She’s a girl that I met in Palm Bonita. She’s the girl I can’t stop thinking about. The girl who makes me wish I could move mountains.” I paused and gave them a rueful smile. “She’s the girl who made me realize that love and family isn’t based on bloodlines and that it isn’t always pretty. She’s also the girl who hates me with all her heart.” I looked at the floor then and took a deep breath. My heart was beating so quickly that I thought that I was going to have a heart attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and that the pain in my chest might end my life before I had a chance to do anything meaningful.
“What happened in Palm Bonita, Noah?” Zane’s expression was as soft as his tone and I wondered at how he was able to go from angry to caring in mere minutes.
“When I arrived in Palm Bonita, I met a girl. She was exciting and carefree and we got into a relationship pretty quickly.” I sighed. “It wasn’t something I had planned or wanted, but I was angry at the situation I was in, and I was missing you and my life. I needed something to take the time and pain away. She offered me solace, in and out of the bed. And I jumped at the chance to get away, mentally and physically, from everything that was going on.” I paused to make sure that I wasn’t going too fast. “But she wasn’t who I thought she was.”
“She wasn’t?” Lucky prodded after a long silence.
“No.” I shook my head.
“How so?” Lucky’s eyes were wide.
“For one, she was married.” I saw Lucky’s mouth drop open and Zane gave me an amused look. “She wasn’t living with the husband or anything. She was actually in Palm Bonita because she wanted to get away from him.”
“That’s not so bad, then.” Lucky gave me an encouraging look. “If you thought she was going to get divorced.”
“I didn’t even know she was married until the end.” I shrugged. “Though all the signs were there.”
“Is that why you broke up?” Lucky asked again and then bit her lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that …”
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “But no, that’s not why we broke up. I realized she wasn’t the person I thought she was.”
“Because she lied to you about being married?”
“No. You would think that would be it, right?” I chortled to myself, not believing that I was actually talking about everything.
“So what was it?” Zane’s voice was impatient and I held back a laugh. Trust my brother to want to get to the meaty part of the story right away.
“There was this girl, another girl in town. Well, she and I became friendly. More than friendly, and I developed feelings for her.” I paused, not sure how to continue with the story. “Well, the girl I was dating didn’t like that. And she treated the new girl badly.” I knew that I was being vague, but for some reason I didn’t want to tell them everything about our relationship. It was too close to home and too painful.
“So you cheated on your girlfriend?” Lucky looked at me in disappointment.
“He can’t cheat if she’s married.” Zane gave her a look and I felt a surge of love toward him for sticking up for me.
“I didn’t cheat.” I said emphatically. “In fact, we continued dating. I thought I could convince her to treat the other girl better. But it backfired. And I found out that I had ruined everything.” I closed my eyes as I thought about the bleakness in Skylar’s eyes as she realized that I wasn’t going to be her savior. That no matter how much I wanted to be the one to save her from her life, I couldn’t. I think both of our hearts broke that day. And there was nothing either one of us could do to change the facts. It was harder for her to accept because she still had faith and believed in miracles. But I knew that there wasn’t going to be a miracle; there would be no parting of the Red Sea. I was no Moses.
“Are you okay, Noah?” Lucky’s voice sounded worried, and I opened my eyes slowly. I stared at the two of them on the couch, snuggled into each other’s arms, and I envied them. I envied how perfect their life was and how lucky they were to have found each other. How simple everything had been for them. It was what I thought my life was going to be like.
“I can still remember the day that I realized I loved Skylar.” I talked without making eye contact with either of them. “We’d gone to the park and she wanted to go to the swings, and of course she wanted me to actually swing as well. I’d laughed, of course, because there were a bunch of little kids and I felt like a creep taking over one of the swings, but the joy on her face dissipated any feelings of worry or concern. Of course, I only stayed on the swing for a few minutes since I still felt slightly self-conscious. A grown man swinging on a swing in the middle of the day is not cute.”
“It sounds pretty adorable to me.” Lucky grinned and I smiled back at her before I continued talking.
“So, I decided to push her, so that she could go higher and higher. And she started laughing in delight. And she let go of the handles and put her hands in the air and she squealed out that she felt like she was flying. And I laughed and told her that I wished that I could fly. And she looked back at me and said, ‘Every time I’m with you, I feel like I’m flying.’”
I stopped talking as my throat grew dry. I could still picture the open joy and honesty in her eyes as she grinned at me, a purely happy smile full of love and trust. “And I told her that every time I was with her, I felt like I could fly.” I stopped talking as emotions overtook me. “It was a perfect moment and I realized that love can hit you in the most unexpected ways.”
“If you still love Skylar, maybe you can try and date her still.” Lucky sounded hopeful.
“What?” I looked at her in confusion. “I don’t think you understand. Skylar is—”
“Don’t push him, Lucky.” Zane interrupted me. “He obviously wants to move on from what went down in Palm Bonita. I’m not trying to be rude, but it seems to me like that relationship was a rollercoaster ride and a bumpy one at that.”
“But true love only comes around once in a lifetime.” Lucky glared at him and shifted away from him in her seat.
“Says who?” Zane shook his head. “He’s obviously trying to move on. Maybe you should—”
“I’m still here, guys.” I cleared my throat, not wanting to talk about it anymore. I didn’t have the energy to explain to them that they had misunderstood what I was saying. “But, yeah, the point of telling you guys all that is to explain why I’m still a bit emotional about everything. Especially getting Skylar’s call.”
“Do you still want to have the dinner tonight? With Robin?” Lucky jumped up and walked over to me. “You can cancel and blame it on me if you want.”
“No.” I jumped up. “I still want her to come over. You guys are right. I need to move on. I need to refocus.”
“Yeah, please do. I want some answers sometime this year.” Zane stared at me as he walked over to Lucky and rubbed her shoulder. She glared at him and he gave her an apologetic smile; within a few seconds they were holding hands.
“Give it a rest, Zane.” Lucky sighed.
“I’m trying.” He sighed as well, and I looked over at them both with a rueful smile.
“You guys are lucky to have each other. Always remember that.”
“You hear that, Lucky?” Zane grinned at her and pulled her into his arms. “You’re lucky to have me.” He kissed her forehead as she rolled her eyes at him. “But really I’m the fortunate one. I’m the real winner. I found you, somehow tricked you into falling in love with me, and now you’re stuck with me forever.”
“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was best for us not to find her.” I stared into his eyes, willing him to see and understand where I was coming from. “She doesn’t know the meaning of right and wrong, Zane. She doesn’t know what true love is. We were better off without her. We still have each other.”
“Well, she clearly wants you and her new son. What am I? Pig fat?” He walked towards the front door. “I can’t do this right now. I’m going out.”
“Wait.” I touched his shoulder. “Don’t be like that.”
“Why not?” He glared at me and brushed my hand off of him. “You’re clearly not in a talking mood.”
“I’m sorry.” I took a big breath. “And I’m really confused right now. I could really use your support right now.”
“What’s wrong?” He froze and looked at me with a worried expression. “Are you sick, Noah?”
I shook my head, unable to speak, as he stared at me with extreme love and concern. My heart swelled for the man who was my brother and best friend. The man who looked out for me even when he was hurt inside. The man I knew would do anything for me; actually, had done everything for me. And I knew that I couldn’t take the easy way out. I knew that the easy way out might make it better for me, but it would break his heart and I couldn’t do that.
“Are you gay?” He continued. “Is that why you’re confused? You know I will love you no matter what, right? I told Lucky not to push you into getting a girlfriend. I’m so sorry, bro, I never meant for you to—”
“Zane, I’m not gay.” I laughed and shook my head in amusement. “Though, I do appreciate your support if I was.”
“I was about to say, my gaydar is totally off.” He laughed along with me, and for a few moments we had an easy camaraderie.
“I met someone in Palm Bonita. I told you that already.” I paused. “But it’s a lot more complicated than I told you about.”
“Oh, shit.” Zane’s eyes widened. “Did you get her pregnant?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes. “And to be fair, that’s a bit of a funny question coming from you.”
“Huh?” He looked at me blankly and then laughed. “Well, you know. I’m the older brother. It’s okay if I make mistakes.”
“I heard that, Zane.” Lucky’s voice called out from behind us. “It’s nice to know our babies are your mistake.”
“I didn’t mean that.” Zane made a face at me and then looked at Lucky with pleading eyes. “You know I love you and our babies.” He continued and Lucky groaned, and smiled at me.
“Uh huh.”
“That was just a foot-in-mouth moment.”
“You mean it was a that-shouldn’t-have-been-heard-by-the-fiancée moment!” She walked over to him and socked him in the shoulder. “You’re lucky that I’m not going to get mad at that comment.”
“You’re not?” He grinned at her happily.
“No,” She smiled at me. “But only because Noah is trying to tell you something and you haven’t given him the opportunity to get it out.”
“But you’re the one that keeps talking.” He frowned at her. “Not me.”
“You’re talking right now.”
“But you’re talking right now as well.”
“But you just continued talking, even though you know Noah is waiting.”
“So did you.” He stuck his tongue out at her and she leaned in to kiss him. “Don’t start something you can’t continue.” He whispered as his arms circled her and I groaned at them.
“You two need to get a room.” I shook my head and Lucky disentangled herself from Zane and walked over to me.
“Not right now, we don’t. You guys need to go and talk about whatever’s bothering you.” She pushed me towards Zane. “Go in the living room. I’ll get dinner ready.”
“But what about the salad?”
“You’ll make it next time.” She smiled at me gently. “And trust me, I’ll hold you to that.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” She smiled again before walking back towards the kitchen and my heart filled with even more love for her. It was weird that I had only known her for a few weeks, because she already felt like my family.
“Wait.” I called out to her and she turned around with a surprised look.
“Yes?”
“I want you to come in the living room as well. I want to tell you both what I have to say.” I looked at them back and forth and felt waves of happiness and jealousy wash over me as I saw Lucky and Zane exchange a look of love and joy.
“Really? Are you sure? You don’t have to tell me.”
“You’re my family now, Lucky. I want you to know. Plus, I’m sure Zane would tell you anyways.”
“No, he would never break your confidence,” Lucky protested, but I held up my hand to stop her.
“I don’t mind if he does. Not with you. You’re the woman he loves, the mother of his unborn children, shoot, you’re the mother of my niece and nephew. I want him to tell you. You shouldn’t have secrets. Not with the one you love. Not with your life partner.”
“You sound like you’re talking from experience, bro,” Zane questioned me and I sighed as I walked to the living room with them and we all sat down. I took a deep breath before beginning. I held up my phone and started, “The phone call I got just now was from a girl named Skylar. She’s a girl that I met in Palm Bonita. She’s the girl I can’t stop thinking about. The girl who makes me wish I could move mountains.” I paused and gave them a rueful smile. “She’s the girl who made me realize that love and family isn’t based on bloodlines and that it isn’t always pretty. She’s also the girl who hates me with all her heart.” I looked at the floor then and took a deep breath. My heart was beating so quickly that I thought that I was going to have a heart attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and that the pain in my chest might end my life before I had a chance to do anything meaningful.
“What happened in Palm Bonita, Noah?” Zane’s expression was as soft as his tone and I wondered at how he was able to go from angry to caring in mere minutes.
“When I arrived in Palm Bonita, I met a girl. She was exciting and carefree and we got into a relationship pretty quickly.” I sighed. “It wasn’t something I had planned or wanted, but I was angry at the situation I was in, and I was missing you and my life. I needed something to take the time and pain away. She offered me solace, in and out of the bed. And I jumped at the chance to get away, mentally and physically, from everything that was going on.” I paused to make sure that I wasn’t going too fast. “But she wasn’t who I thought she was.”
“She wasn’t?” Lucky prodded after a long silence.
“No.” I shook my head.
“How so?” Lucky’s eyes were wide.
“For one, she was married.” I saw Lucky’s mouth drop open and Zane gave me an amused look. “She wasn’t living with the husband or anything. She was actually in Palm Bonita because she wanted to get away from him.”
“That’s not so bad, then.” Lucky gave me an encouraging look. “If you thought she was going to get divorced.”
“I didn’t even know she was married until the end.” I shrugged. “Though all the signs were there.”
“Is that why you broke up?” Lucky asked again and then bit her lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that …”
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “But no, that’s not why we broke up. I realized she wasn’t the person I thought she was.”
“Because she lied to you about being married?”
“No. You would think that would be it, right?” I chortled to myself, not believing that I was actually talking about everything.
“So what was it?” Zane’s voice was impatient and I held back a laugh. Trust my brother to want to get to the meaty part of the story right away.
“There was this girl, another girl in town. Well, she and I became friendly. More than friendly, and I developed feelings for her.” I paused, not sure how to continue with the story. “Well, the girl I was dating didn’t like that. And she treated the new girl badly.” I knew that I was being vague, but for some reason I didn’t want to tell them everything about our relationship. It was too close to home and too painful.
“So you cheated on your girlfriend?” Lucky looked at me in disappointment.
“He can’t cheat if she’s married.” Zane gave her a look and I felt a surge of love toward him for sticking up for me.
“I didn’t cheat.” I said emphatically. “In fact, we continued dating. I thought I could convince her to treat the other girl better. But it backfired. And I found out that I had ruined everything.” I closed my eyes as I thought about the bleakness in Skylar’s eyes as she realized that I wasn’t going to be her savior. That no matter how much I wanted to be the one to save her from her life, I couldn’t. I think both of our hearts broke that day. And there was nothing either one of us could do to change the facts. It was harder for her to accept because she still had faith and believed in miracles. But I knew that there wasn’t going to be a miracle; there would be no parting of the Red Sea. I was no Moses.
“Are you okay, Noah?” Lucky’s voice sounded worried, and I opened my eyes slowly. I stared at the two of them on the couch, snuggled into each other’s arms, and I envied them. I envied how perfect their life was and how lucky they were to have found each other. How simple everything had been for them. It was what I thought my life was going to be like.
“I can still remember the day that I realized I loved Skylar.” I talked without making eye contact with either of them. “We’d gone to the park and she wanted to go to the swings, and of course she wanted me to actually swing as well. I’d laughed, of course, because there were a bunch of little kids and I felt like a creep taking over one of the swings, but the joy on her face dissipated any feelings of worry or concern. Of course, I only stayed on the swing for a few minutes since I still felt slightly self-conscious. A grown man swinging on a swing in the middle of the day is not cute.”
“It sounds pretty adorable to me.” Lucky grinned and I smiled back at her before I continued talking.
“So, I decided to push her, so that she could go higher and higher. And she started laughing in delight. And she let go of the handles and put her hands in the air and she squealed out that she felt like she was flying. And I laughed and told her that I wished that I could fly. And she looked back at me and said, ‘Every time I’m with you, I feel like I’m flying.’”
I stopped talking as my throat grew dry. I could still picture the open joy and honesty in her eyes as she grinned at me, a purely happy smile full of love and trust. “And I told her that every time I was with her, I felt like I could fly.” I stopped talking as emotions overtook me. “It was a perfect moment and I realized that love can hit you in the most unexpected ways.”
“If you still love Skylar, maybe you can try and date her still.” Lucky sounded hopeful.
“What?” I looked at her in confusion. “I don’t think you understand. Skylar is—”
“Don’t push him, Lucky.” Zane interrupted me. “He obviously wants to move on from what went down in Palm Bonita. I’m not trying to be rude, but it seems to me like that relationship was a rollercoaster ride and a bumpy one at that.”
“But true love only comes around once in a lifetime.” Lucky glared at him and shifted away from him in her seat.
“Says who?” Zane shook his head. “He’s obviously trying to move on. Maybe you should—”
“I’m still here, guys.” I cleared my throat, not wanting to talk about it anymore. I didn’t have the energy to explain to them that they had misunderstood what I was saying. “But, yeah, the point of telling you guys all that is to explain why I’m still a bit emotional about everything. Especially getting Skylar’s call.”
“Do you still want to have the dinner tonight? With Robin?” Lucky jumped up and walked over to me. “You can cancel and blame it on me if you want.”
“No.” I jumped up. “I still want her to come over. You guys are right. I need to move on. I need to refocus.”
“Yeah, please do. I want some answers sometime this year.” Zane stared at me as he walked over to Lucky and rubbed her shoulder. She glared at him and he gave her an apologetic smile; within a few seconds they were holding hands.
“Give it a rest, Zane.” Lucky sighed.
“I’m trying.” He sighed as well, and I looked over at them both with a rueful smile.
“You guys are lucky to have each other. Always remember that.”
“You hear that, Lucky?” Zane grinned at her and pulled her into his arms. “You’re lucky to have me.” He kissed her forehead as she rolled her eyes at him. “But really I’m the fortunate one. I’m the real winner. I found you, somehow tricked you into falling in love with me, and now you’re stuck with me forever.”
