The Other Side of Love
Page 20
“Take your time.” She turned away from me and opened the fridge and I walked back to the stairs slowly. I felt like a fraud going back upstairs to Robin, pretending everything was the same as it had been just minutes ago. I felt nauseous walking up the stairs. Last night had been one of the best nights of my life. Making love to Robin had awakened something in me that I didn’t know existed. I had felt truly alive for the first time in my life, but now I would never be able to explore that connection.
“Hey,” Robin looked up at me as I opened the door. She was sitting on my bed, wrapped in a white towel and she was combing her hair. “I thought you went missing.”
“Sorry, had a call and then had a chat with Zane.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah,” I walked over to the closet so that I could avoid looking at her. A part of me was already aching as I stared at her. “He’s fine.”
“I suppose that must have been a super big shock for him. I couldn’t imagine finding out that my mother wasn’t really my mother and that my real mother was dead.”
“Yeah.” I pulled out a shirt and jeans. “Life can be a bitch sometimes.”
“That’s true.” Her voice was soft and I looked back at her. She was staring into space with a thoughtful look on her face.
“What about you? Where are your parents?”
“Not sure.” She looked over at me with a wry smile. “My foster parents are in Ohio, but I have no idea where my real parents are.”
“I didn’t realize you were adopted.”
“I wasn’t adopted.” She made a face. “Just fostered. Went through five different families until I hit thirteen and then stayed with the same family until I aged out of the system.”
“That must have been hard.” I walked over to her and sat on the bed next to her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” She shrugged. “The older I get the more I realize just how shitty some families can be. So maybe I got lucky. One of my foster fathers told me that my father used to beat my mother and then she killed him. I don’t know if that is true, but I’m sure it’s true for someone out there.”
“I don’t understand people sometimes.” I clenched my fists. “Or men that hit women and children. Or women that hurt children.”
“Abuse is horrible.” Robin nodded and I looked at her quickly. “And no, I was lucky enough to have never been abused.”
“Thank God.”
“Yeah, I’m lucky that my last foster family was made up of two parents who really cared. They weren’t just in it for the paycheck.”
“Do you consider them your family?”
“Yeah.” She paused and then looked at me with wet eyes. “They loved me. They supported me. They took care of me. It doesn’t matter to me that they aren’t my blood. I still love them with all my heart.”
“Love isn’t about what family you’re born into.” I pulled her into me. “Sometimes we form families with people we would never expect to.”
“Have you ever—” She started to talk, but I leaned down and kissed her, not wanting to think about anything else. All that mattered right now was that we were together and we were bonding. All I wanted was to feel her lips under mine as I kissed her. I listened to her low moan and sigh and I couldn’t stop myself from pulling her towel off and slipping my boxer briefs off at the same time.
“Oh, Noah,” she moaned as my hand cupped her breast and squeezed. I pulled her down with me to the bed and allowed my body to enjoy the feel of her na**d skin against mine. “We have to go to breakfast.”
“I need you.” I groaned as I continued to kiss and caress her. “I need to feel myself inside of you.”
“You were inside of me all last night and this morning as well.”
“Well, my body needs to feel you again. I’m thirsty and only you can quench my need.”
“Oh, Noah,” she giggled.
“Don’t you want me as well?”
“Yes, I want you.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to feel you inside of me, heating me up internally. I want to feel our two bodies become one,” she whispered into my ear, and I pushed my erection up next to her, so that she could feel the urgency of my need.
“I want to f**k you, Robin. I want to make you mine,” I groaned as she pushed her br**sts up to my chest and pulled me down on top of her, spreading her legs and wrapping them around my waist.
“Take me, Noah. Take me.” She moaned and then screamed as I entered her roughly. I thrust into her hard and fast. This wasn’t a romantic f**k to show her how much I appreciated her body. This was a hard, rough, primal f**k to allow us both to connect and release our passions together. This was to let her know what my words couldn’t tell her. This was for her to remember when I was no longer here. It was selfish of me, but I wanted my face to be the one she thought of when she was alone in her bed. I wanted her to remember the feel of me sliding in and out of her when she was ready to come. I needed to make sure she never forgot me.
***
“You guys took a while. I’m starving.” Lucky gave me a look as we finally descended the stairs.
“Sorry, Robin was helping me scratch my back.”
“Sure she was.” Zane frowned at me and walked towards the front door. “Let’s go eat.”
“He okay?” Robin mouthed at me as we walked hand-in-hand to the door.
“He’s always grumpy when he’s hungry.” I smiled at her and tried to ignore the feelings of guilt that had crept into my stomach.
“Will you spend the night at my place?” Robin looked up at me with an anticipatory look. “I know it may seems a bit fast, but I was hoping you could come over tonight, so you could see my place.”
“I, uh, I’m not …” I stammered not knowing what to say.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to.” She looked disappointed. “You can always come over some other time.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to.” We got into the car and she shifted away from me in the backseat. “I had something I was supposed to do tonight, but I can cancel and come over tonight.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Her eyes lit up, but she still looked a bit uncertain. “I understand if you can’t make it.”
“No, no. I want to come.” I scooted over to her, so that I could feel her warmth against me. “It will be fun. Plus, I will get to christen a new bed.”
“That’s why you want to come over?” She laughed, but I could see that she was happy that I was coming over. What are you doing, Noah? I screamed at myself inside. I had no idea why I was continuing to develop this relationship when I was likely going to be leaving Los Angeles forever in a couple of days. I didn’t want to perpetuate a lie or have Robin hate me, but I didn’t how to say no to her. Not when all I wanted to do was to see her smile and have her next to me.
“You guys okay with a pancake place?” Lucky looked back at me and her eyes were disapproving.
“Sounds good to me.” I nodded and Robin licked her lips. “I think Robin’s okay with it as well.”
“Oh, remind me to give you back your phone when we get there.” Lucky mentioned casually and I saw Zane giving her a quick look.
“Yeah.” My stomach turned as I thought about the last phone call and everything that I was planning to do came crashing back down on me. “Did Sidney call at all?” I looked at Lucky and she shook her head. I looked out the window and panic suddenly filled me. All of a sudden I felt very alone and I wasn’t sure who I could turn to or talk to. It hit me that I was making a mistake that could end up getting me imprisoned but then the other possibility was that something really bad could happen to Skylar. Maybe next time it wouldn’t just be a broken or fractured arm. Maybe next time she would be even more seriously injured. I just couldn’t take the risk. She meant too much to me. Skylar was a part of my heart, and when you loved someone, you never let them go.
“Hey, Noah. What you thinking about?” Robin squeezed my knee and I turned towards her slowly.
“You.” I lied.
“Liar,” she laughed and shook her head.
“You can read me already.” I played with her hair.
“It’s not hard. Your face is an open book.” She snuggled into me. “It’s one of the reasons I like you so much.”
“You like me, huh?”
“Kinda, sorta.” She grinned up at me. “I did invite you to my place, didn’t I?”
“Kinda, sorta, huh? That’s it?” I kissed her cheek and she shifted her face so that I was kissing her lips.
“Well, maybe a bit more than that.” She grinned as she pulled away from me. “And maybe that bit isn’t so little.”
“Great.” I grinned back at her and sat back feeling dazed. Part of me was excited that Robin was falling for me, really falling for me. But the other part of me wanted to scratch my eyes out for leading her on when I knew that nothing good could come out of our relationship. I closed my eyes to try and stop the guilt from spreading through my body.
“I can’t wait until tonight,” Sshe whispered in my ear, and I opened my eyes and turned to her.
“I can’t wait as well.” I held her hands as I stared into her eyes, trying to memorize her face. I was going to be selfish and spend one more night with her. And then I was going to leave. I had already decided that there was only one answer to the pain in my heart. I had to go to Palm Bonita and I had to take Skylar and we had to disappear. And I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone my plan. Not if I wanted to keep Sklylar safe. If everything went as planned, we’d have to disappear off the face of the earth. I stared at Lucky and Zane chatting in the front seat and then at Robin as she sat next to me with a happy smile on her face. I should have been happy. I was finally surrounded by love and happiness. But I wasn’t. I was sad. I was sad because I knew that this future, this life would forever elude me. I was not destined for the happily ever after like Zane was. I was destined to save a life. And if her safety meant giving up everything, it was something I had to do. I was Skylar’s everything. I couldn’t be the next in the long line of people to let her down and fail her forever. Walking away had already broken her heart. I couldn’t allow her spirit to be broken forever as well.
“Hello,” Lucky grabbed her phone as soon as it rang. “Yes, I called earlier and left a voicemail.” Her voice was low as she spoke and I saw her look at me quickly before turning back to the front. “Can I call you back in about ten minutes please? A different number? Sure, hold on.” She grabbed a pen and piece of paper from her bag. “Ready.” She scribbled something down and then pushed paper back in her bag. “Got it, thanks. I’ll call you back on the other number.” She hung up the phone and pushed it into her bag.”
“Who was that?” I asked her curiously.
“Oh, no one.” She looked at me with a quick smile, as her face turned red. “Someone about a class I wanted to take at UCLA.”
“I see.” I didn’t push the conversation, even though I was sure she was lying.
“I’m super hungry.” Lucky changed the subject. “I could eat about ten pancakes.” She laughed and Zane joined and laughed with her. I was about to say something else when Robin whispered in my ear. “I’d rather be eating big Noah.”
I turned to her with a shocked expression and she grinned at me. “Maybe I’ll get to eat him tonight.”
Chapter 12
“Zane, why did Mom leave?” I whispered into the darkness of his room as I opened the door.
“I’m sleeping, Noah. Go to bed.”
“Okay.” I continued my walk into his room and sat down on his bed. “I was thinking she might be lost.”
Zane remained silent and rolled over away from me, so I grabbed his shoulder and shook it excitedly. “I was thinking that maybe we should draw a map so she can find her way home again.”
“Noah, if she can’t find us, how are we going to give her a map?”
“We can post them in the grocery stores and on street lamps. We can put one on every corner.”
“She’s not going to see them and that’s not going to work.” Zane sat up and turned on his nightlight. “Just go to bed, Noah.”
“I don’t want to go to bed.” I shook my head and snuggled in next to him. “And the maps will work. Those posters work to find missing kids, why can’t it work to find Mom?”
“Mom isn’t a missing kid,” he sighed, exasperated.
“But she’s lost and wants to come home.” I whispered tightly. “We need to do everything that we can.”
“I’m too tired to draw.” He reached over and turned the light off. “You can sleep in my room tonight, but you have to be quiet.”
“If I went missing, would you draw a map for me?” I whispered out aloud to the ceiling. “Would you look for me or would you go to sleep?”
There was more silence, and for a moment I thought Zane had fallen asleep. I felt sad and cold and I wanted to cry.
“Noah,” Zane finally spoke and he turned around to face me. “If you went missing, I would search heaven and earth to find you. You’re my brother. I will always be here to protect you and to love you. There is nowhere you could go and nothing you could do to stop me from loving you and being here for you. Absolutely nothing. If you went missing, my life would never be the same and I’d have to go missing as well, just so I could have a chance to find you.”
“Hey,” Robin looked up at me as I opened the door. She was sitting on my bed, wrapped in a white towel and she was combing her hair. “I thought you went missing.”
“Sorry, had a call and then had a chat with Zane.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah,” I walked over to the closet so that I could avoid looking at her. A part of me was already aching as I stared at her. “He’s fine.”
“I suppose that must have been a super big shock for him. I couldn’t imagine finding out that my mother wasn’t really my mother and that my real mother was dead.”
“Yeah.” I pulled out a shirt and jeans. “Life can be a bitch sometimes.”
“That’s true.” Her voice was soft and I looked back at her. She was staring into space with a thoughtful look on her face.
“What about you? Where are your parents?”
“Not sure.” She looked over at me with a wry smile. “My foster parents are in Ohio, but I have no idea where my real parents are.”
“I didn’t realize you were adopted.”
“I wasn’t adopted.” She made a face. “Just fostered. Went through five different families until I hit thirteen and then stayed with the same family until I aged out of the system.”
“That must have been hard.” I walked over to her and sat on the bed next to her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” She shrugged. “The older I get the more I realize just how shitty some families can be. So maybe I got lucky. One of my foster fathers told me that my father used to beat my mother and then she killed him. I don’t know if that is true, but I’m sure it’s true for someone out there.”
“I don’t understand people sometimes.” I clenched my fists. “Or men that hit women and children. Or women that hurt children.”
“Abuse is horrible.” Robin nodded and I looked at her quickly. “And no, I was lucky enough to have never been abused.”
“Thank God.”
“Yeah, I’m lucky that my last foster family was made up of two parents who really cared. They weren’t just in it for the paycheck.”
“Do you consider them your family?”
“Yeah.” She paused and then looked at me with wet eyes. “They loved me. They supported me. They took care of me. It doesn’t matter to me that they aren’t my blood. I still love them with all my heart.”
“Love isn’t about what family you’re born into.” I pulled her into me. “Sometimes we form families with people we would never expect to.”
“Have you ever—” She started to talk, but I leaned down and kissed her, not wanting to think about anything else. All that mattered right now was that we were together and we were bonding. All I wanted was to feel her lips under mine as I kissed her. I listened to her low moan and sigh and I couldn’t stop myself from pulling her towel off and slipping my boxer briefs off at the same time.
“Oh, Noah,” she moaned as my hand cupped her breast and squeezed. I pulled her down with me to the bed and allowed my body to enjoy the feel of her na**d skin against mine. “We have to go to breakfast.”
“I need you.” I groaned as I continued to kiss and caress her. “I need to feel myself inside of you.”
“You were inside of me all last night and this morning as well.”
“Well, my body needs to feel you again. I’m thirsty and only you can quench my need.”
“Oh, Noah,” she giggled.
“Don’t you want me as well?”
“Yes, I want you.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to feel you inside of me, heating me up internally. I want to feel our two bodies become one,” she whispered into my ear, and I pushed my erection up next to her, so that she could feel the urgency of my need.
“I want to f**k you, Robin. I want to make you mine,” I groaned as she pushed her br**sts up to my chest and pulled me down on top of her, spreading her legs and wrapping them around my waist.
“Take me, Noah. Take me.” She moaned and then screamed as I entered her roughly. I thrust into her hard and fast. This wasn’t a romantic f**k to show her how much I appreciated her body. This was a hard, rough, primal f**k to allow us both to connect and release our passions together. This was to let her know what my words couldn’t tell her. This was for her to remember when I was no longer here. It was selfish of me, but I wanted my face to be the one she thought of when she was alone in her bed. I wanted her to remember the feel of me sliding in and out of her when she was ready to come. I needed to make sure she never forgot me.
***
“You guys took a while. I’m starving.” Lucky gave me a look as we finally descended the stairs.
“Sorry, Robin was helping me scratch my back.”
“Sure she was.” Zane frowned at me and walked towards the front door. “Let’s go eat.”
“He okay?” Robin mouthed at me as we walked hand-in-hand to the door.
“He’s always grumpy when he’s hungry.” I smiled at her and tried to ignore the feelings of guilt that had crept into my stomach.
“Will you spend the night at my place?” Robin looked up at me with an anticipatory look. “I know it may seems a bit fast, but I was hoping you could come over tonight, so you could see my place.”
“I, uh, I’m not …” I stammered not knowing what to say.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to.” She looked disappointed. “You can always come over some other time.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to.” We got into the car and she shifted away from me in the backseat. “I had something I was supposed to do tonight, but I can cancel and come over tonight.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Her eyes lit up, but she still looked a bit uncertain. “I understand if you can’t make it.”
“No, no. I want to come.” I scooted over to her, so that I could feel her warmth against me. “It will be fun. Plus, I will get to christen a new bed.”
“That’s why you want to come over?” She laughed, but I could see that she was happy that I was coming over. What are you doing, Noah? I screamed at myself inside. I had no idea why I was continuing to develop this relationship when I was likely going to be leaving Los Angeles forever in a couple of days. I didn’t want to perpetuate a lie or have Robin hate me, but I didn’t how to say no to her. Not when all I wanted to do was to see her smile and have her next to me.
“You guys okay with a pancake place?” Lucky looked back at me and her eyes were disapproving.
“Sounds good to me.” I nodded and Robin licked her lips. “I think Robin’s okay with it as well.”
“Oh, remind me to give you back your phone when we get there.” Lucky mentioned casually and I saw Zane giving her a quick look.
“Yeah.” My stomach turned as I thought about the last phone call and everything that I was planning to do came crashing back down on me. “Did Sidney call at all?” I looked at Lucky and she shook her head. I looked out the window and panic suddenly filled me. All of a sudden I felt very alone and I wasn’t sure who I could turn to or talk to. It hit me that I was making a mistake that could end up getting me imprisoned but then the other possibility was that something really bad could happen to Skylar. Maybe next time it wouldn’t just be a broken or fractured arm. Maybe next time she would be even more seriously injured. I just couldn’t take the risk. She meant too much to me. Skylar was a part of my heart, and when you loved someone, you never let them go.
“Hey, Noah. What you thinking about?” Robin squeezed my knee and I turned towards her slowly.
“You.” I lied.
“Liar,” she laughed and shook her head.
“You can read me already.” I played with her hair.
“It’s not hard. Your face is an open book.” She snuggled into me. “It’s one of the reasons I like you so much.”
“You like me, huh?”
“Kinda, sorta.” She grinned up at me. “I did invite you to my place, didn’t I?”
“Kinda, sorta, huh? That’s it?” I kissed her cheek and she shifted her face so that I was kissing her lips.
“Well, maybe a bit more than that.” She grinned as she pulled away from me. “And maybe that bit isn’t so little.”
“Great.” I grinned back at her and sat back feeling dazed. Part of me was excited that Robin was falling for me, really falling for me. But the other part of me wanted to scratch my eyes out for leading her on when I knew that nothing good could come out of our relationship. I closed my eyes to try and stop the guilt from spreading through my body.
“I can’t wait until tonight,” Sshe whispered in my ear, and I opened my eyes and turned to her.
“I can’t wait as well.” I held her hands as I stared into her eyes, trying to memorize her face. I was going to be selfish and spend one more night with her. And then I was going to leave. I had already decided that there was only one answer to the pain in my heart. I had to go to Palm Bonita and I had to take Skylar and we had to disappear. And I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone my plan. Not if I wanted to keep Sklylar safe. If everything went as planned, we’d have to disappear off the face of the earth. I stared at Lucky and Zane chatting in the front seat and then at Robin as she sat next to me with a happy smile on her face. I should have been happy. I was finally surrounded by love and happiness. But I wasn’t. I was sad. I was sad because I knew that this future, this life would forever elude me. I was not destined for the happily ever after like Zane was. I was destined to save a life. And if her safety meant giving up everything, it was something I had to do. I was Skylar’s everything. I couldn’t be the next in the long line of people to let her down and fail her forever. Walking away had already broken her heart. I couldn’t allow her spirit to be broken forever as well.
“Hello,” Lucky grabbed her phone as soon as it rang. “Yes, I called earlier and left a voicemail.” Her voice was low as she spoke and I saw her look at me quickly before turning back to the front. “Can I call you back in about ten minutes please? A different number? Sure, hold on.” She grabbed a pen and piece of paper from her bag. “Ready.” She scribbled something down and then pushed paper back in her bag. “Got it, thanks. I’ll call you back on the other number.” She hung up the phone and pushed it into her bag.”
“Who was that?” I asked her curiously.
“Oh, no one.” She looked at me with a quick smile, as her face turned red. “Someone about a class I wanted to take at UCLA.”
“I see.” I didn’t push the conversation, even though I was sure she was lying.
“I’m super hungry.” Lucky changed the subject. “I could eat about ten pancakes.” She laughed and Zane joined and laughed with her. I was about to say something else when Robin whispered in my ear. “I’d rather be eating big Noah.”
I turned to her with a shocked expression and she grinned at me. “Maybe I’ll get to eat him tonight.”
Chapter 12
“Zane, why did Mom leave?” I whispered into the darkness of his room as I opened the door.
“I’m sleeping, Noah. Go to bed.”
“Okay.” I continued my walk into his room and sat down on his bed. “I was thinking she might be lost.”
Zane remained silent and rolled over away from me, so I grabbed his shoulder and shook it excitedly. “I was thinking that maybe we should draw a map so she can find her way home again.”
“Noah, if she can’t find us, how are we going to give her a map?”
“We can post them in the grocery stores and on street lamps. We can put one on every corner.”
“She’s not going to see them and that’s not going to work.” Zane sat up and turned on his nightlight. “Just go to bed, Noah.”
“I don’t want to go to bed.” I shook my head and snuggled in next to him. “And the maps will work. Those posters work to find missing kids, why can’t it work to find Mom?”
“Mom isn’t a missing kid,” he sighed, exasperated.
“But she’s lost and wants to come home.” I whispered tightly. “We need to do everything that we can.”
“I’m too tired to draw.” He reached over and turned the light off. “You can sleep in my room tonight, but you have to be quiet.”
“If I went missing, would you draw a map for me?” I whispered out aloud to the ceiling. “Would you look for me or would you go to sleep?”
There was more silence, and for a moment I thought Zane had fallen asleep. I felt sad and cold and I wanted to cry.
“Noah,” Zane finally spoke and he turned around to face me. “If you went missing, I would search heaven and earth to find you. You’re my brother. I will always be here to protect you and to love you. There is nowhere you could go and nothing you could do to stop me from loving you and being here for you. Absolutely nothing. If you went missing, my life would never be the same and I’d have to go missing as well, just so I could have a chance to find you.”
