The Space in Between
Page 11
His beautiful eyes studied my body as I held my arms up in the air. He picked up my towel and wrapped it around my body. Enclosing his arms around me, I led him to my bedroom. We lay there in the darkness next to one another for what seemed like forever. “I should go,” he whispered into my ear as I was almost asleep.
“It’s late. Stay,” I sighed. His soft kiss to my lower ear and his arms wrapping around me told me what his choice was.
“I was wondering what it would be like, too.”
“What’s that?” I asked, looking into his beautiful eyes. I chose to only blink whenever he did, just so I wouldn’t miss those eyes staring into mine.
“Moving on.” He kissed the tip of my nose and closed his eyes. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t sad anymore. I didn’t have this ever growing numbness to my soul. I wasn’t emptied inside.
I could feel again.
Chapter Twelve
SHE WAS SLEEPING when I woke up next to her. I didn’t want to move. Dammit, she was so stunning. Her arms were wrapped around a pillow and her beautiful body covered with a sheet. Her bare shoulders peeked out at the top of the sheet, and I couldn’t help but allow my lips to travel to them, giving her soft kisses. I watched her legs wrap together and for awhile I just stared at her body rising and falling. Her breaths were even, calm and steady. Hell, she even slept perfectly. If we never left this spot, if she never rolled over to greet me, if our lips never found way to each other again, I would be all right with that. This moment, right here…This was enough.
I remembered her, from when we were younger. She probably didn’t remember me as well. My nine-year-old self actually believed he loved her at one point.
I was a smart kid.
My mind wandered back to my conversation with Kyle; I knew I had to meet with Iris in a little while, but I hadn’t found the strength to move my eyes away from Andrea.
I lightly kissed her nose and watched her wiggle it as she opened her eyes. “Good morning,” I said.
A small grin rested on her face as she closed her eyes. “I’ve been thinking. Eggs and bacon sound good.”
She wanted breakfast. With me. The walls she was so determined to keep up were crumbling, and I felt for the first time, Andrea Evans was finally letting me in. And I was about to crush that smile on her face.
“I can’t. Not today.”
Her eyes reopened, and this time her blues were somewhat embarrassed. Fuck me, I was a terrible person. “No. I was just kidding anyway. Remember? The space in between. Nothing more, nothing less.” She sat up in the bed and pulled the comforter closer to her body. My heart cringed as I watched her toughen up.
“It’s not that. I want to get breakfast…I just need to handle some—” My phone started ringing, so I glanced at it and quickly answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Cooper?” The elderly voice on the phone was familiar to me; it was Ms. Wells from my hometown in South Carolina.
“Ms. Wells, is everything all right?” I turned away from Andrea as I listened, but I knew her eyes were glued to me.
“Oh, everything’s fine. I wanted to update you on your mom. It’s been awhile since I called. She has had a few rough nights this past month, but she seemed to settle down a bit this week.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. I gotta tell you though, she’s been asking for you.”
I felt like such a shitty son that I hadn’t found the time to visit my mom. I glanced at Andrea, who looked concerned. The thought about how I didn’t want to push her away after she was slowly opening up to me filled my mind. My conversation with Iris could wait, but Andrea couldn’t. Maybe if I introduced a small bit of my past to her, she would open even more.
I went back to speaking with Ms. Wells, knowing Andrea was listening to my every word. “Thank you for calling, Ms. Wells. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Hanging up the phone, I ran my hands over my face. This sudden plan of mine could really blow up in my face, but I had to take a risk. Andrea sat up from the bed with worry in her eyes. “What is it?”
“My mom. She’s not doing so well.” I lied. I lied through my teeth and promised myself I would make up for the lie later on. “She’s in South Carolina, and if anything happens to her...I gotta get going.” I knew what I was going to say next sounded insane, but I had to ask. “Will you come with me? I just…I don’t want to do this alone. I would ask someone else but...” I laughed. “There is no one else.”
Her brows lowered. Please say yes. She was in deep thought and she finally spoke.
“Give me a few minutes to pack,” she whispered.
While Andrea packed, I stepped into the hallway and called Kyle to let him know what was up. First, he yelled at me about rescheduling my meeting with Iris. I told him I was going to see my mom. He felt extremely guilty and sent good vibes. He loved my mom like he was her kid. Growing up, my mom made sure to look after him as much as she looked over me. He would always deny it, but I knew he would go visit her when I was on a long photo shoot or filming the reality show, to make sure she wasn’t alone, and I’d thanked him for that. He’d just grumbled, calling me crazy, and delivered me his smart ass smirk which told me all I needed to know.
I wished the meeting with Iris could go without happening, but alas, Kyle went on to plan a new meet-up time. “You ready?” Andrea asked me as she glanced outside her front door into the hallway. I hung up my phone and smiled.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
Chapter Thirteen
I DIDN’T KNOW what I was doing. How did I end up sitting next to Cooper on an airplane to another state? If there was ever a moment to scream the word panda, now would be that time. I knew Roger was going to flip with me missing work, but it seemed Cooper’s wallet would keep Roger quiet as long as needed.
He looked extremely drained as he stared out of the window. I could tell his mind was racing, probably thinking of the worst possible outcome. I knew the look because I had been there all too often.
“What is she like?” I asked. I placed his hand in mine and held on to him tight, letting him know he wasn’t alone.
Cooper turned to me and I watched as his eyes softened from his troubled look. “She’s funny. And artistic. Clever. She bought me this camera.” Cooper looked at the camera around his neck and quickly snapped a photo of me. My lips curved into a smile as he continued. “She also bought me my first camera. She’s the reason I got involved with photography. I remember when she gave it to me, she said...” He paused. He was getting lost in his mind again, but this time with warm memories. I patiently waited for him to share with me.
“She said that an okay photographer could capture a surrounding. A good photographer could capture an expression. And a great photographer—a great photographer could change someone’s destiny for the best. And she leaned in and kissed my forehead and said ‘Son, what are you waiting for? Go save some lives. You are destined to be great.’”
“She was right.”
He shook his head in disagreement. “I photograph weddings and had a reality television show. I sold out my greatness for money.”
“If you could do anything, what would you photograph?”
“Children.” I saw a spark in his eyes as he said this. “I want to work on this one project where I photograph children’s expressions next to the elderly. You would be shocked by how much emotions don’t change throughout life. Happiness is the same in the eyes of a one-year-old and a one-hundred-year-old. It’s a beautiful thing.” I could hear it in his voice—his passion. It was like he wasn’t even speaking to me—he was feeling what he loved.
He went on to tell me how interested he was in human beings as a whole. How complex we were as a species, how much darkness and light lies in each of us. “So if I could showcase any of my work to the public, it would be that. I would showcase us.” He paused and wiggled his nose. “Well not ‘us,’ you and me, but you know. ‘Us’ as a universal whole.” He rested his head against his seat and tucked a piece of hair that had fallen before my eyes behind my ear. “Although I would love to photograph us, too.”
“I think it’s brilliant. You should do it. And for the record, just because you went through a period of time where things were rocky doesn’t mean you still aren’t destined for greatness.”
His crooked smile appeared as he nudged my shoulder. “Ditto.” He lifted the armrest separating us and stared at me. I knew what he was wondering, and it made me smile because I could tell without him even asking.
“A studio. I wanted to open a dance studio.”
“Wanted to?”
I grinned as he ran his fingers through my short hair. “I want to open a studio. My mom says it’s unrealistic and I should really think about going back to school for a more career-focused major. That’s just Mom though. She worries. Daddy says I inspire him to dream big. He’s my biggest fan.” I chuckled to myself, thinking about how heavy-footed Daddy was. “He even took dancing classes for my…” I stopped. My wedding.
Cooper could tell what I was going to say and he rubbed the back of my neck. His eyes told me that he was fully invested in our conversation. He listened without judgment of any kind. I wiggled in my seat, feeling a bit uncomfortable with how relaxed I was becoming around Cooper. But I couldn’t help it. He made it so easy to not be…sad.
“I would love to see you dance.”
“I would love to see your photography. Do you really believe what your mom said about a great photographer? That they could change someone’s destiny?” I asked.
“Definitely.”
I laughed a little. “Maybe you should take my photo.” I yawned and thought of the lack of sleep from the night before. Cooper lightly tugged me closer. I effortlessly curved into his body and rested my head on his shoulder. “Maybe we should change the rules a bit,” I suggested. I bit my bottom lip, unsure of what he would say. All I knew was I liked learning more about who he was. And I liked having someone I could speak to who wasn’t from my small town who knew everything about Derrick and me.
“What are you thinking?”
As he studied my face, I studied his. His perfectly chiseled jaw line made me melt every time I looked his way. “Maybe we should be friends.” It was as if I could feel his grin as he kissed the top of my head.
“I would love to be your friend, Andrea Evans.” He paused and I watched him travel into the depths of his mind, stroking his fingers up and down my arm. “You know what else my mom said when she first gave me my camera?” He asked. I waited for his reply and listened closely as he continued, “She told me the first picture I should take should be of something beautiful and I should allow it to change me.”
“What did you take a picture of?”
His eyes shifted to the window. He stared out into the clouds and his voice softened, “You.”
Chapter Fourteen
I COULD FEEL my heart pounding as we walked into the nursing home. Andrea had no idea about my mom’s condition. She held on to my arm the whole time. I walked over to the front desk and received a warm smile from the old woman sitting, reading a magazine. The old woman was Ms. Wells. Her warm grin welcomed me and her small arms wrapped me in a hug. I bit the tip of my thumb, looking down the hallway in the direction of my mom’s room. “How is she?”
“We had a rough morning. But after her meds this afternoon, so far so good.” Her hand rested on my arm. “How are you, dear?”
I gave her a halfway smile and she nodded in understanding. At least it was nice to know Mom wasn’t at her worse. “What year?”
Ms. Wells escaped into her mind. Searching for the exact detail I was requesting. She ran her hands through her silver hair and I saw her eyes sparkle as she retrieved the information. “2009. It must have been a happy time for her. She hasn’t stopped grinning.”
“It’s late. Stay,” I sighed. His soft kiss to my lower ear and his arms wrapping around me told me what his choice was.
“I was wondering what it would be like, too.”
“What’s that?” I asked, looking into his beautiful eyes. I chose to only blink whenever he did, just so I wouldn’t miss those eyes staring into mine.
“Moving on.” He kissed the tip of my nose and closed his eyes. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t sad anymore. I didn’t have this ever growing numbness to my soul. I wasn’t emptied inside.
I could feel again.
Chapter Twelve
SHE WAS SLEEPING when I woke up next to her. I didn’t want to move. Dammit, she was so stunning. Her arms were wrapped around a pillow and her beautiful body covered with a sheet. Her bare shoulders peeked out at the top of the sheet, and I couldn’t help but allow my lips to travel to them, giving her soft kisses. I watched her legs wrap together and for awhile I just stared at her body rising and falling. Her breaths were even, calm and steady. Hell, she even slept perfectly. If we never left this spot, if she never rolled over to greet me, if our lips never found way to each other again, I would be all right with that. This moment, right here…This was enough.
I remembered her, from when we were younger. She probably didn’t remember me as well. My nine-year-old self actually believed he loved her at one point.
I was a smart kid.
My mind wandered back to my conversation with Kyle; I knew I had to meet with Iris in a little while, but I hadn’t found the strength to move my eyes away from Andrea.
I lightly kissed her nose and watched her wiggle it as she opened her eyes. “Good morning,” I said.
A small grin rested on her face as she closed her eyes. “I’ve been thinking. Eggs and bacon sound good.”
She wanted breakfast. With me. The walls she was so determined to keep up were crumbling, and I felt for the first time, Andrea Evans was finally letting me in. And I was about to crush that smile on her face.
“I can’t. Not today.”
Her eyes reopened, and this time her blues were somewhat embarrassed. Fuck me, I was a terrible person. “No. I was just kidding anyway. Remember? The space in between. Nothing more, nothing less.” She sat up in the bed and pulled the comforter closer to her body. My heart cringed as I watched her toughen up.
“It’s not that. I want to get breakfast…I just need to handle some—” My phone started ringing, so I glanced at it and quickly answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Cooper?” The elderly voice on the phone was familiar to me; it was Ms. Wells from my hometown in South Carolina.
“Ms. Wells, is everything all right?” I turned away from Andrea as I listened, but I knew her eyes were glued to me.
“Oh, everything’s fine. I wanted to update you on your mom. It’s been awhile since I called. She has had a few rough nights this past month, but she seemed to settle down a bit this week.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. I gotta tell you though, she’s been asking for you.”
I felt like such a shitty son that I hadn’t found the time to visit my mom. I glanced at Andrea, who looked concerned. The thought about how I didn’t want to push her away after she was slowly opening up to me filled my mind. My conversation with Iris could wait, but Andrea couldn’t. Maybe if I introduced a small bit of my past to her, she would open even more.
I went back to speaking with Ms. Wells, knowing Andrea was listening to my every word. “Thank you for calling, Ms. Wells. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Hanging up the phone, I ran my hands over my face. This sudden plan of mine could really blow up in my face, but I had to take a risk. Andrea sat up from the bed with worry in her eyes. “What is it?”
“My mom. She’s not doing so well.” I lied. I lied through my teeth and promised myself I would make up for the lie later on. “She’s in South Carolina, and if anything happens to her...I gotta get going.” I knew what I was going to say next sounded insane, but I had to ask. “Will you come with me? I just…I don’t want to do this alone. I would ask someone else but...” I laughed. “There is no one else.”
Her brows lowered. Please say yes. She was in deep thought and she finally spoke.
“Give me a few minutes to pack,” she whispered.
While Andrea packed, I stepped into the hallway and called Kyle to let him know what was up. First, he yelled at me about rescheduling my meeting with Iris. I told him I was going to see my mom. He felt extremely guilty and sent good vibes. He loved my mom like he was her kid. Growing up, my mom made sure to look after him as much as she looked over me. He would always deny it, but I knew he would go visit her when I was on a long photo shoot or filming the reality show, to make sure she wasn’t alone, and I’d thanked him for that. He’d just grumbled, calling me crazy, and delivered me his smart ass smirk which told me all I needed to know.
I wished the meeting with Iris could go without happening, but alas, Kyle went on to plan a new meet-up time. “You ready?” Andrea asked me as she glanced outside her front door into the hallway. I hung up my phone and smiled.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
Chapter Thirteen
I DIDN’T KNOW what I was doing. How did I end up sitting next to Cooper on an airplane to another state? If there was ever a moment to scream the word panda, now would be that time. I knew Roger was going to flip with me missing work, but it seemed Cooper’s wallet would keep Roger quiet as long as needed.
He looked extremely drained as he stared out of the window. I could tell his mind was racing, probably thinking of the worst possible outcome. I knew the look because I had been there all too often.
“What is she like?” I asked. I placed his hand in mine and held on to him tight, letting him know he wasn’t alone.
Cooper turned to me and I watched as his eyes softened from his troubled look. “She’s funny. And artistic. Clever. She bought me this camera.” Cooper looked at the camera around his neck and quickly snapped a photo of me. My lips curved into a smile as he continued. “She also bought me my first camera. She’s the reason I got involved with photography. I remember when she gave it to me, she said...” He paused. He was getting lost in his mind again, but this time with warm memories. I patiently waited for him to share with me.
“She said that an okay photographer could capture a surrounding. A good photographer could capture an expression. And a great photographer—a great photographer could change someone’s destiny for the best. And she leaned in and kissed my forehead and said ‘Son, what are you waiting for? Go save some lives. You are destined to be great.’”
“She was right.”
He shook his head in disagreement. “I photograph weddings and had a reality television show. I sold out my greatness for money.”
“If you could do anything, what would you photograph?”
“Children.” I saw a spark in his eyes as he said this. “I want to work on this one project where I photograph children’s expressions next to the elderly. You would be shocked by how much emotions don’t change throughout life. Happiness is the same in the eyes of a one-year-old and a one-hundred-year-old. It’s a beautiful thing.” I could hear it in his voice—his passion. It was like he wasn’t even speaking to me—he was feeling what he loved.
He went on to tell me how interested he was in human beings as a whole. How complex we were as a species, how much darkness and light lies in each of us. “So if I could showcase any of my work to the public, it would be that. I would showcase us.” He paused and wiggled his nose. “Well not ‘us,’ you and me, but you know. ‘Us’ as a universal whole.” He rested his head against his seat and tucked a piece of hair that had fallen before my eyes behind my ear. “Although I would love to photograph us, too.”
“I think it’s brilliant. You should do it. And for the record, just because you went through a period of time where things were rocky doesn’t mean you still aren’t destined for greatness.”
His crooked smile appeared as he nudged my shoulder. “Ditto.” He lifted the armrest separating us and stared at me. I knew what he was wondering, and it made me smile because I could tell without him even asking.
“A studio. I wanted to open a dance studio.”
“Wanted to?”
I grinned as he ran his fingers through my short hair. “I want to open a studio. My mom says it’s unrealistic and I should really think about going back to school for a more career-focused major. That’s just Mom though. She worries. Daddy says I inspire him to dream big. He’s my biggest fan.” I chuckled to myself, thinking about how heavy-footed Daddy was. “He even took dancing classes for my…” I stopped. My wedding.
Cooper could tell what I was going to say and he rubbed the back of my neck. His eyes told me that he was fully invested in our conversation. He listened without judgment of any kind. I wiggled in my seat, feeling a bit uncomfortable with how relaxed I was becoming around Cooper. But I couldn’t help it. He made it so easy to not be…sad.
“I would love to see you dance.”
“I would love to see your photography. Do you really believe what your mom said about a great photographer? That they could change someone’s destiny?” I asked.
“Definitely.”
I laughed a little. “Maybe you should take my photo.” I yawned and thought of the lack of sleep from the night before. Cooper lightly tugged me closer. I effortlessly curved into his body and rested my head on his shoulder. “Maybe we should change the rules a bit,” I suggested. I bit my bottom lip, unsure of what he would say. All I knew was I liked learning more about who he was. And I liked having someone I could speak to who wasn’t from my small town who knew everything about Derrick and me.
“What are you thinking?”
As he studied my face, I studied his. His perfectly chiseled jaw line made me melt every time I looked his way. “Maybe we should be friends.” It was as if I could feel his grin as he kissed the top of my head.
“I would love to be your friend, Andrea Evans.” He paused and I watched him travel into the depths of his mind, stroking his fingers up and down my arm. “You know what else my mom said when she first gave me my camera?” He asked. I waited for his reply and listened closely as he continued, “She told me the first picture I should take should be of something beautiful and I should allow it to change me.”
“What did you take a picture of?”
His eyes shifted to the window. He stared out into the clouds and his voice softened, “You.”
Chapter Fourteen
I COULD FEEL my heart pounding as we walked into the nursing home. Andrea had no idea about my mom’s condition. She held on to my arm the whole time. I walked over to the front desk and received a warm smile from the old woman sitting, reading a magazine. The old woman was Ms. Wells. Her warm grin welcomed me and her small arms wrapped me in a hug. I bit the tip of my thumb, looking down the hallway in the direction of my mom’s room. “How is she?”
“We had a rough morning. But after her meds this afternoon, so far so good.” Her hand rested on my arm. “How are you, dear?”
I gave her a halfway smile and she nodded in understanding. At least it was nice to know Mom wasn’t at her worse. “What year?”
Ms. Wells escaped into her mind. Searching for the exact detail I was requesting. She ran her hands through her silver hair and I saw her eyes sparkle as she retrieved the information. “2009. It must have been a happy time for her. She hasn’t stopped grinning.”
