The Space in Between
Page 28
My eyes started to tear up when I heard him ask. I was breaking. We switched partners. I glided by Rachel and she looked at me with concern. She turned towards me. “You found out?”
Wow, the gossip queens got around fast. I nodded to her as we moved around the group again. Once again, I was the main talk of the town. As I danced past Rachel again, she said, “It only happened a few times after you went to college.”
My eyes froze on her as she flowed around again. I curtseyed towards Bobby, and kept moving with my eyes on Rachel. When she came back around I had a knot in my stomach and listened to her say, “And after you two got engaged it only happened once after that. We felt it was wrong.”
No. I couldn’t dance anymore. I couldn’t move any longer. The shocked look on my face made Rachel realize I hadn’t had any idea about her and Derrick. I thought Cooper had been lying, being spiteful in the moment of our argument. No way…
I looked to Steve for conformation. His eyes told me Rachel wasn’t lying. I needed air. No. Not my Derrick. Derrick never would have done something like that. We were committed to one another. We had our promises we made to each other. Til death do us part…
I couldn’t dance anymore. I stopped moving and the whole room began to spin. My eyes locked with Cooper’s. He stepped towards me and I put up my hand to stop him. I couldn’t do this. I was breaking. I was shattering. Memories started flooding back into my mind as the dreadful truth settled in.
My eyes widened with excitement. I loved when he wrote songs about me. I bit my bottom lip and looked up to my baby. “He loves me, huh?”
Steve cleared his throat and nodded, chugging his drink. “The best way he knows how.”
The best way he knows how? Stop…I was going to be sick. Everything was hitting me at full speed and I couldn’t bring it to a standstill. My heart was trying to escape from my chest, pounding for a way out, begging for an escape route to make the hurt stop. I could hear Derrick’s voice echoing through my head.
“What if I’m not enough for you? What if I end up f**king all of this up? Screwing us up?”
Sweat was painting my face; I could feel everyone’s eyes. I could hear their thoughts. Poor lonely Andrea. Her dead fiancé cheated on her. How could she be so blind? What did it even mean?
How was I supposed to process this? I had to leave. Forcing my feet to relocate, I rushed out of the room, trying to get away. Ladasha began to follow after me and I shouted for her to leave me alone. I wanted everyone to leave me alone.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I WATCHED HER storm out. When Ladasha came back from chasing her, my heart cringed as I heard Mrs. Rivers mumble that if it weren’t for that black girl, Andrea wouldn’t be such a mess. Ms. Jacobson joined in. “I bet she’s a stripper and prostitute, too. I’m sure she dragged Andrea into it.”
“What did you say?” Eric’s eyes widened as he walked over to the women. Ladasha looked worried.
“Eric, don’t,” she said softly, not wanting to start trouble.
“No, what did you two just say?” He was angry. With good reason. What those two were saying was out of line.
“So she is a stripper, isn’t she?” Betty asked her son. She looked so disappointed. Crushed.
“Yeah, Okay, Mom? She’s a stripper. But so what? Big deal. She's also a brilliant classical dancer. She has an insane knowledge of movies and she also has feelings. Okay? Is everyone happy?” No one said a word. Michelle looked towards Eric with confusion in her eyes, but he didn’t notice. He kept talking. “And so what if Ladasha does something a little different for her night job? I mean, haven't we all made mistakes in our lives? Haven't our kites all been torn before?
“The truth is, Ladasha can do anything she sets her mind to. She's a beautiful woman who I am falling in love with.” As those words came out, the whole room gasped. Even Eric gasped after he said them, as if it were the first time he’d realized his feelings. He turned towards Michelle, who had tears in her eyes as Bobby wrapped an arm around her. “Michelle, I’m so sorry. It’s just…”
I had a feeling Michelle was going to be okay with what happened. I was almost positive that if she was ever going to announce the secret relationship that I was pretty sure was happening with Bobby, right now would be the best time. Hell, everyone else was telling their secrets tonight. She might as well join in. “I’m a lesbian.”
Oh. I hadn’t seen that coming.
“I’m sorry, what?” A shocked Eric swallowed hard as he looked at not-so-much-his-fiancée.
“Bobby has been trying to get me to talk to you and tell you…and I was going to before Thanksgiving but you proposed and…” She looked over to her parents and Eric’s parents. “Everyone was there and happy, and after what happened with Derrick…it seemed like everyone could use some good news.”
Eric laughed. “You’re a lesbian?”
Ladasha giggled out loud. “Oh my gosh! That explains all of the touchy-feely hugging!” Her hands covered her mouth. “Oh wait. So when you said you would kill for my curves…you actually meant you wanted my curves…?”
Michelle blushed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that…You’re so sexy and funny and…”
“…Off the market.” Eric chuckled defensively.
It was clear the night was over. I walked towards the back of the house to head to the coach house and pack my stuff. There was nothing left for me in good ol’ Wisconsin and it was time for me to get back to my world.
“Are you leaving, Cooper?” I followed the sound of the voice as I walked past a study. Looking inside, I saw Walter sitting there, working on building a ship in a bottle. I paused, turned towards him, and stood in the doorway.
“Mr. Evans. Yeah, I’m on my way out.”
“Have a seat, son.”
I obeyed.
“As a father, you worry. You start to wonder what’s going on when you call to the restaurants your daughter says she’s working at out in New York, and they say they never heard of her. But you patiently wait, hoping she will come to you when she sees fit. And then...” He leaned forward against the desk, and clasped his hands together. “And then you show up, Mr. Davidson. And I see a light in her I hadn’t seen in a long time. You’re making her better.”
I shook my head. “She won’t let me in.”
“Anders will never say it…but she’s like her mom in so many ways. She’s not as dramatic as Betty, but she is as passionate. Stubborn like no other. And I’m sure she said some awful things to you.”
“I deserved it,” I promised. I couldn’t imagine what was going through Andrea’s head with not only a pregnancy scare, but also dealing with the paparazzi, the tabloids, Derrick. I was surprised she wasn’t completely insane yet.
“If she’s as much like her mother as I believe, you didn’t.”
Biting the tip of my thumb, I sat back in the chair, wondering what to do next. “I’ve never dealt with something like this. Someone like her.”
Walter nodded in understanding and sat back in his chair. Picking up his ship in the bottle, he held it out to me. I took it, studying it as he spoke to me. “The time and commitment it took to make this was excruciating. I’d almost completed the ship. Then with one mistake, one quick movement, the sail fell over. But I didn’t give up—I tried again. And now we have a complete ship that is ready to sail. I’m so glad I took the time to fix it.”
“How do I fix something that doesn’t want to be anywhere near me?” I asked.
His crooked smile and kind eyes paired well with his soft tone. “I’m not saying it will be easy, and I’m not saying it will happen overnight. Whatever demons eating at her have to be dealt with. But if you care for her as much as I think you do…you’ll do anything. Even if that means loving her from a distance.”
Another secret from Walter Evans. Not a secret to a successful marriage—yet more of a secret to holding on to an Evans female.
“WHY WON’T YOU stop? Can’t you tell it’s over?” she hissed as she turned to see me standing in her doorway. She was packing her bags to escape again. I stepped into the room and approached her. “Cooper, I’m serious,” she warned, dropping a few t-shirts into her luggage.
I didn’t say a word. The closer I stepped, the more she tensed up. I reached out for her and she shoved me away. Hard. I stepped closer. “Panda!” she hollered, pushing me again. Her face was angry, but her eyes were dry. There were no tears to be found. She started swatting at me, kicking, screaming for me to go away. She screamed panda over and over. I didn’t leave.
I pulled her into a tight hug and held her close to me. I could feel her body trying to revolt. Trying to yank itself away from me and her hands slapping me hard against my chest, but I didn’t care. The hits became fewer in frequency, and the screams got quieter. She began to sob. Her body trembled in my arms as her legs gave out and she slid to the floor. I glided her down, not letting her go.
“Panda…” she whispered, tears unable to stop themselves from falling. I held on tighter as she wrapped her arms and legs around me.
“I know…Panda, I know…” I spoke softly against her ear as I felt her pulling on my shirt, holding me even closer as she cried.
It wasn’t long before I noticed Ladasha and Eric standing in the doorway, watching their loved one fall apart. I nodded them in, and they slowly entered. I released my grip from Andrea and replaced it with the arms of her best friend and brother. They covered her with their love as I stood up and walked towards the doorframe. Andrea’s eyes looked up, blue as ever, and locked with mine. We both knew it would be a long while before we saw each other again.
I understood what Walter was telling me. Knowing when to step away, and knowing how to say goodbye. I had to trust my gut. And right now, my gut was telling me Andrea didn’t need me around her to bring more confusion into her life. My heart was breaking as I tore away my eye contact with her and left to the sounds of her tears. But I didn’t care about my heart. I cared about hers having the time to heal.
And to tell the truth, I hadn’t given myself the time to let my heart heal—from my parents, the miscarriages, from the cheating, the failed marriage.
We could both take the time to heal our bodies, minds, and spirits.
Together.
From a distance.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
HE WAS GONE. Waking up the next morning and knowing he wouldn’t be there stung me. Waking up the next week and Cooper still not being there was almost unbearable. Christmas came. New Years went. And I kept myself busy. Eric kept up his word that he would help with paying for our apartment in New York while I pulled myself together in Wisconsin.
I told him that he didn’t have to, but he informed me that Michelle had insisted. She went out of her way to allow Eric, Ladasha, and I to stay at the mansion while I collected myself. I secretly thought it was because she still had a semi-crush on Ladasha. Who could blame her? My best friend was beautiful. Smart. Funny.
After I scolded my mom for the way she treated Ladasha, she realized how much of a disappointment she had been.
“Andrea Mae…I…” Her head lowered as I sat on my parents’ living room couch, Ladasha next to me. My mom turned to my friend, “Ladasha Marie. I am so sorry for the way I have treated you.”
Ladasha smiled, revealing her dimples and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s all right, Mrs. Evans. I’ve come to learn that people treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. I should have stood up for myself.”
Mom placed her hand on Dasha’s knee and shook her head. “You should have never had to. And Anders has told me how good you have been to her. Watching after her. I want you to know, if you ever need anything…know that my family welcomes you with open arms.”
Wow, the gossip queens got around fast. I nodded to her as we moved around the group again. Once again, I was the main talk of the town. As I danced past Rachel again, she said, “It only happened a few times after you went to college.”
My eyes froze on her as she flowed around again. I curtseyed towards Bobby, and kept moving with my eyes on Rachel. When she came back around I had a knot in my stomach and listened to her say, “And after you two got engaged it only happened once after that. We felt it was wrong.”
No. I couldn’t dance anymore. I couldn’t move any longer. The shocked look on my face made Rachel realize I hadn’t had any idea about her and Derrick. I thought Cooper had been lying, being spiteful in the moment of our argument. No way…
I looked to Steve for conformation. His eyes told me Rachel wasn’t lying. I needed air. No. Not my Derrick. Derrick never would have done something like that. We were committed to one another. We had our promises we made to each other. Til death do us part…
I couldn’t dance anymore. I stopped moving and the whole room began to spin. My eyes locked with Cooper’s. He stepped towards me and I put up my hand to stop him. I couldn’t do this. I was breaking. I was shattering. Memories started flooding back into my mind as the dreadful truth settled in.
My eyes widened with excitement. I loved when he wrote songs about me. I bit my bottom lip and looked up to my baby. “He loves me, huh?”
Steve cleared his throat and nodded, chugging his drink. “The best way he knows how.”
The best way he knows how? Stop…I was going to be sick. Everything was hitting me at full speed and I couldn’t bring it to a standstill. My heart was trying to escape from my chest, pounding for a way out, begging for an escape route to make the hurt stop. I could hear Derrick’s voice echoing through my head.
“What if I’m not enough for you? What if I end up f**king all of this up? Screwing us up?”
Sweat was painting my face; I could feel everyone’s eyes. I could hear their thoughts. Poor lonely Andrea. Her dead fiancé cheated on her. How could she be so blind? What did it even mean?
How was I supposed to process this? I had to leave. Forcing my feet to relocate, I rushed out of the room, trying to get away. Ladasha began to follow after me and I shouted for her to leave me alone. I wanted everyone to leave me alone.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I WATCHED HER storm out. When Ladasha came back from chasing her, my heart cringed as I heard Mrs. Rivers mumble that if it weren’t for that black girl, Andrea wouldn’t be such a mess. Ms. Jacobson joined in. “I bet she’s a stripper and prostitute, too. I’m sure she dragged Andrea into it.”
“What did you say?” Eric’s eyes widened as he walked over to the women. Ladasha looked worried.
“Eric, don’t,” she said softly, not wanting to start trouble.
“No, what did you two just say?” He was angry. With good reason. What those two were saying was out of line.
“So she is a stripper, isn’t she?” Betty asked her son. She looked so disappointed. Crushed.
“Yeah, Okay, Mom? She’s a stripper. But so what? Big deal. She's also a brilliant classical dancer. She has an insane knowledge of movies and she also has feelings. Okay? Is everyone happy?” No one said a word. Michelle looked towards Eric with confusion in her eyes, but he didn’t notice. He kept talking. “And so what if Ladasha does something a little different for her night job? I mean, haven't we all made mistakes in our lives? Haven't our kites all been torn before?
“The truth is, Ladasha can do anything she sets her mind to. She's a beautiful woman who I am falling in love with.” As those words came out, the whole room gasped. Even Eric gasped after he said them, as if it were the first time he’d realized his feelings. He turned towards Michelle, who had tears in her eyes as Bobby wrapped an arm around her. “Michelle, I’m so sorry. It’s just…”
I had a feeling Michelle was going to be okay with what happened. I was almost positive that if she was ever going to announce the secret relationship that I was pretty sure was happening with Bobby, right now would be the best time. Hell, everyone else was telling their secrets tonight. She might as well join in. “I’m a lesbian.”
Oh. I hadn’t seen that coming.
“I’m sorry, what?” A shocked Eric swallowed hard as he looked at not-so-much-his-fiancée.
“Bobby has been trying to get me to talk to you and tell you…and I was going to before Thanksgiving but you proposed and…” She looked over to her parents and Eric’s parents. “Everyone was there and happy, and after what happened with Derrick…it seemed like everyone could use some good news.”
Eric laughed. “You’re a lesbian?”
Ladasha giggled out loud. “Oh my gosh! That explains all of the touchy-feely hugging!” Her hands covered her mouth. “Oh wait. So when you said you would kill for my curves…you actually meant you wanted my curves…?”
Michelle blushed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that…You’re so sexy and funny and…”
“…Off the market.” Eric chuckled defensively.
It was clear the night was over. I walked towards the back of the house to head to the coach house and pack my stuff. There was nothing left for me in good ol’ Wisconsin and it was time for me to get back to my world.
“Are you leaving, Cooper?” I followed the sound of the voice as I walked past a study. Looking inside, I saw Walter sitting there, working on building a ship in a bottle. I paused, turned towards him, and stood in the doorway.
“Mr. Evans. Yeah, I’m on my way out.”
“Have a seat, son.”
I obeyed.
“As a father, you worry. You start to wonder what’s going on when you call to the restaurants your daughter says she’s working at out in New York, and they say they never heard of her. But you patiently wait, hoping she will come to you when she sees fit. And then...” He leaned forward against the desk, and clasped his hands together. “And then you show up, Mr. Davidson. And I see a light in her I hadn’t seen in a long time. You’re making her better.”
I shook my head. “She won’t let me in.”
“Anders will never say it…but she’s like her mom in so many ways. She’s not as dramatic as Betty, but she is as passionate. Stubborn like no other. And I’m sure she said some awful things to you.”
“I deserved it,” I promised. I couldn’t imagine what was going through Andrea’s head with not only a pregnancy scare, but also dealing with the paparazzi, the tabloids, Derrick. I was surprised she wasn’t completely insane yet.
“If she’s as much like her mother as I believe, you didn’t.”
Biting the tip of my thumb, I sat back in the chair, wondering what to do next. “I’ve never dealt with something like this. Someone like her.”
Walter nodded in understanding and sat back in his chair. Picking up his ship in the bottle, he held it out to me. I took it, studying it as he spoke to me. “The time and commitment it took to make this was excruciating. I’d almost completed the ship. Then with one mistake, one quick movement, the sail fell over. But I didn’t give up—I tried again. And now we have a complete ship that is ready to sail. I’m so glad I took the time to fix it.”
“How do I fix something that doesn’t want to be anywhere near me?” I asked.
His crooked smile and kind eyes paired well with his soft tone. “I’m not saying it will be easy, and I’m not saying it will happen overnight. Whatever demons eating at her have to be dealt with. But if you care for her as much as I think you do…you’ll do anything. Even if that means loving her from a distance.”
Another secret from Walter Evans. Not a secret to a successful marriage—yet more of a secret to holding on to an Evans female.
“WHY WON’T YOU stop? Can’t you tell it’s over?” she hissed as she turned to see me standing in her doorway. She was packing her bags to escape again. I stepped into the room and approached her. “Cooper, I’m serious,” she warned, dropping a few t-shirts into her luggage.
I didn’t say a word. The closer I stepped, the more she tensed up. I reached out for her and she shoved me away. Hard. I stepped closer. “Panda!” she hollered, pushing me again. Her face was angry, but her eyes were dry. There were no tears to be found. She started swatting at me, kicking, screaming for me to go away. She screamed panda over and over. I didn’t leave.
I pulled her into a tight hug and held her close to me. I could feel her body trying to revolt. Trying to yank itself away from me and her hands slapping me hard against my chest, but I didn’t care. The hits became fewer in frequency, and the screams got quieter. She began to sob. Her body trembled in my arms as her legs gave out and she slid to the floor. I glided her down, not letting her go.
“Panda…” she whispered, tears unable to stop themselves from falling. I held on tighter as she wrapped her arms and legs around me.
“I know…Panda, I know…” I spoke softly against her ear as I felt her pulling on my shirt, holding me even closer as she cried.
It wasn’t long before I noticed Ladasha and Eric standing in the doorway, watching their loved one fall apart. I nodded them in, and they slowly entered. I released my grip from Andrea and replaced it with the arms of her best friend and brother. They covered her with their love as I stood up and walked towards the doorframe. Andrea’s eyes looked up, blue as ever, and locked with mine. We both knew it would be a long while before we saw each other again.
I understood what Walter was telling me. Knowing when to step away, and knowing how to say goodbye. I had to trust my gut. And right now, my gut was telling me Andrea didn’t need me around her to bring more confusion into her life. My heart was breaking as I tore away my eye contact with her and left to the sounds of her tears. But I didn’t care about my heart. I cared about hers having the time to heal.
And to tell the truth, I hadn’t given myself the time to let my heart heal—from my parents, the miscarriages, from the cheating, the failed marriage.
We could both take the time to heal our bodies, minds, and spirits.
Together.
From a distance.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
HE WAS GONE. Waking up the next morning and knowing he wouldn’t be there stung me. Waking up the next week and Cooper still not being there was almost unbearable. Christmas came. New Years went. And I kept myself busy. Eric kept up his word that he would help with paying for our apartment in New York while I pulled myself together in Wisconsin.
I told him that he didn’t have to, but he informed me that Michelle had insisted. She went out of her way to allow Eric, Ladasha, and I to stay at the mansion while I collected myself. I secretly thought it was because she still had a semi-crush on Ladasha. Who could blame her? My best friend was beautiful. Smart. Funny.
After I scolded my mom for the way she treated Ladasha, she realized how much of a disappointment she had been.
“Andrea Mae…I…” Her head lowered as I sat on my parents’ living room couch, Ladasha next to me. My mom turned to my friend, “Ladasha Marie. I am so sorry for the way I have treated you.”
Ladasha smiled, revealing her dimples and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s all right, Mrs. Evans. I’ve come to learn that people treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. I should have stood up for myself.”
Mom placed her hand on Dasha’s knee and shook her head. “You should have never had to. And Anders has told me how good you have been to her. Watching after her. I want you to know, if you ever need anything…know that my family welcomes you with open arms.”
