The Space in Between
Page 9
I opened my eyes to find the driver speaking to me. What was he talking about? He was looking at me through his rearview mirror, eyes filled with worry. He motioned to my eyes which had tears falling. Crap. I quickly wiped them and gazed at his identification at the front of the car. His name was Joe, and he was a complete stranger, asking me what was wrong. Did I really look that broken?
“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to pry. It’s just…You’re such a young girl. No need to look so sad.”
He had no clue. I gave him a short smile, informing him that I was fine. It turned out I was a liar.
“I’ve been there before, too. A dark place. You wonder how things are ever going to be all right, ya know? But they will be. You gotta trust in the process. No one can be sad forever. Not even you.”
I wished I could believe that. But sitting in the taxi, I was growing sick, watching the amount of money add up on the clock. When Joe pulled up to my apartment building, I sighed. I was five dollars short. I would have to run upstairs to borrow some cash from Ladasha.
I stepped out and went to hand him the money, telling him I would be right back with the rest. He pushed the cash back to me. “Keep it. Take care of yourself, all right? And if you ever need a ride, give your ol' buddy Joe a call. I know how easy it is to get lost in the Big Apple, and I'm pretty good at helping people find their way home.” He handed me his card, delivered me a warm grin, and pulled off.
After that night, Joe became my official driver for my nightly flings with Cooper. He never charged me, which was sweet, but he also never judged me, which was even sweeter. He spoke to me about his wife, how much he loved her, how much she cared for him. He spoke of their struggles and how they worked through the issues no matter what. They had been married for almost forty years, and he prayed for forty more.
I wondered sometimes if I would ever get married.
DERRICK STOOD ON stage in front of the microphone, looking handsome as ever. When he performed he became the song, transforming into the lyrics, fully committing to the words. I just turned twenty-one, so I was filled with excitement to see him perform for the first time in a bar. He was so amazing up there. Such a natural.
A few of his friends filed in and surrounded me, looking as proud as I was to see him up there. His best friend Steve slugged me in the arm and before I could smack him, he pulled me into a hug.
“Welcome back home, soon to be Mrs. Stevens.” Steve said as he sat down next to me.
“Thanks. Good to be back, as always.” My eyes looked up to Derrick who was grinning in my direction and I turned to Steve, “Does he ever talk about how he misses me?”
Steve picked up his beer and rolled his eyes. “Don’t do that Andie. I’m not your messenger boy.” I fed Steve my best puppy dog eyes and whimpered. “He wrote you a new song.”
My eyes widened with excitement. I loved when he wrote songs about me. I bit my bottom lip and looked up to my baby. “He loves me, huh?”
Steve cleared his throat and nodded, chugging his drink. “The best way he knows how.”
Derrick finished his song and spoke into his mic. “A big thanks to everyone coming out tonight for your love and support. Now I’m gonna take a small break and go have a drink with my future wife.”
He slid in next to me and kissed my neck. “You did amazing.” I beamed with pride.
“I’m so happy you’re here. I called you earlier, but it went to voicemail. Figured you weren’t going to make it.” He smiled and picked up my cell phone.
“Of course I was going to make it, don’t be dumb.” I warned him. Kissing my nose, he went searching through my phone. “What are you doing?” I wondered out loud.
He held up his finger to me and began speaking into my cell phone. “Hey! You have reached the voicemail of the soon-to-be Mrs. Andie Stevens. She cannot get to the phone right now, but leave her a message and she’ll call you back! Bye!”
I smirked at his corniness and grabbed my cell phone back from him.
Mrs. Stevens. I could get used to that.
I SAT ON the couch, looking at all the missed calls on my cell phone from my mom. Seven. It had been awhile since I’d spoken with her, but I couldn’t listen to her sob on the telephone anymore. I looked at the number of voicemails on my phone, which was exactly seven, too. Rolling my eyes I prepared to listen to my mom beg me to come home.
“Hi, Anders, it's your mother. I was just calling to see how you are doing. I haven't heard from you in a while. I wanted to see if you were able to make it to Thanksgiving. I know you said you were busy with your jobs…but…we would really love to have you. We’ve never had a Thanksgiving without you…”
I placed the collar of my shirt into my mouth and bit down on it, as if to hold back my tears. “It’s already sad enough that Derrick’s family won’t be joining us. His mom is pretty lost. But to not have you at the table…” Her sniffles were heard. Geez Mom…
“We all miss you. Whenever I say I want to call you at work your dad refuses to let me. Says it’s not that kind of job. Daddy says he loves you and is keeping you in his prayers. I love you, too. Call me when you can. And honey, you should really change your voicemail.”
I closed my cell phone and glanced at the coffee table in front of me. Ladasha always left her cell phone out for me to use for one reason and one reason only. As I lifted it, a level of shame washed over me. I began to dial my cell phone and listened to my voicemail. The moment I heard Derrick’s voice speak to me through the telephone, my heart skipped a few beats.
“Hey! You have reached the voicemail of the soon-to-be Mrs. Andie Stevens. She cannot get to the phone right now, but leave her a message and she’ll call you back! Bye!”
I ended the call, bit my bottom lip, and dialed again. This went on as long as I could allow it to until I picked up my cell and texted for a beverage of sorts.
Chapter Ten
IT’S AS IF I was slowly breaking through with Andrea. Each night we met, the closer we grew. Each night we met, the softer her eyes became. Each night we met, our bodies stayed intertwined for longer periods before she or I ventured home. We never spoke about the past, and we never spoke of the future. Hell, that was good enough for me. It turned out you could learn the most about a person by lying next to them each night, listening to their breaths, watching what made them grow nervous or happy or angry.
I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t slowly falling for Andrea, but I couldn’t let her know. Because I was pretty damn certain she would run the other way. I would be slow with my actions, slow with my approaches, and give her the time she needed to find Order. To find me.
Yet today Kyle found the need to drop a huge damn bomb on me when I showed up to his office. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. Iris had lost her mind if she thought she could blackmail me into meeting with her. “I’m not doing it,” I promised. I wasn’t going to play her nasty games as she tried to get me back.
“She’s been talking to the press about your dad,” he said, staring directly at me. He wasn’t focused on one hundred other things like always, which meant it was serious.
“He wasn’t my dad.”
“Cooper, you know what I mean. Listen, Iris has clearly lost her f**king mind and is talking about selling the stories. And I mean all of the stories.”
“She’s bullshitting. She wouldn’t do that.” She had to be. She wasn’t evil; she was just a pregnant, cheating whore.
“Do you really want to take that chance?” Kyle pounded his fists against one another, his brows lowered. “Hold off on the divorce papers. Talk to her. Find out what it is she is after exactly. She wants a few pictures of you two together, happy in front of the paparazzi.”
“That’s crazy.”
“That’s Iris. Just do it, Coop. And one day this will all blow over.” I wanted to believe him, but the stress filling his eyes told me he didn’t even believe it. He’d been saying that for weeks now. And nothing had blown over. If anything, it was getting more complicated.
“ALL PACKED?” MOM asked, strolling over to me. I was heading off to Wisconsin to spend my third summer at my cousins and I was finishing off an important project to take with me.
“What’s this?” she questioned, picking up the book I crafted.
“Nothin’,” I said, trying to grab it back from her. “Mom, come on, stop.”
Her eyes started to tear up as I gagged at her overreaction to the book. “Who is she?”
“A friend.” I wanted her to be more though, and I was hoping the book would help her notice me more. It was filled with pictures I had taken of Andrea and me over the past two summers. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever known and I was prepared to ask her to be mine once my plane touched down in Wisconsin that evening.
My eyes shifted to my mom and I noticed a fresh batch of bruises on her wrists. “Mom, what happened?”
She smiled and shook her head, ignoring my question. “She’ll love it, honey.”
My heart broke whenever I saw my Mom hurt. My voice cracked as I tossed a marker across the floor. “I don’t see why you stay with him…He’s an asshole!”
“Cooper Michael! Watch your tongue!”She scolded me. She wrapped her hands around my face and kissed the top of my head. “You may want to add a little more ribbon.”
On the plane ride, I sat next to the window, murmuring to myself, trying to create the perfect words to ask Andrea to be mine. The old man sitting next to me smiled and nudged my shoulder.
“Let me hear it, son,” he said, and his wife looked over to me and grinned, nodding in agreement.
I was wary at first, but could use someone’s help. I cleared my throat and sat up straight. “Andrea. I know we have only known each other for two summers. But if you think about it, we have only experienced about ten summers in our lifetime, so two summers together is actually a lot. And, I think you’re pretty. Like pretty, pretty. So I mean, if you would like to date me, I would like to date you. And if we held hands, I promise I would never let go.”
The old lady looked over to me and placed her hands on top of mine and grinned. “Perfect.”
Perfect. I was ready, I would call her my girlfriend and I would kiss her cheek if she wanted me to. My heart was in my throat as I headed over to Andrea’s house with Michelle. Michelle was yapping away as always, but I couldn’t pay attention. I held the book close to my chest, excited for what Andrea would say.
It didn’t matter. None of it mattered because by the time I reached her house, I saw another boy making her laugh. Hugging her. Holding her hand. I looked to my cousin and asked who he was.
“Derrick Stevens. He moved here in December.”
December. He’d claimed her during the winter all because I was stupid and waited until the summertime..
Chapter Eleven
LADASHA WALKED INTO the apartment to find me laid out on the couch and jumped on my legs with her jacket still on. She smelled the air and looked alarmed. “It doesn’t smell like Derrick today.” It didn’t. I didn’t spray his cologne into the air—I forgot. I guess I was too busy thinking about…
…Coop…
There was something about that guy that made me feel as if someday, I could be happy again. Then I would look to my engagement ring and hate myself a little bit more.
She didn’t question the smell any longer. Her face was grinning ear to ear as she looked at me. “I tracked down my mom,” she said effortlessly. I shot up from my laying position and stared at her, shocked. Ladasha never spoke of her mom, and as far as I knew she didn’t have a mom.
“What?”
“That’s why I came to New York,” She explained, “To find my mom. My grandma said she was over this way and after long nights of finding people who knew her, I found her.”
“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to pry. It’s just…You’re such a young girl. No need to look so sad.”
He had no clue. I gave him a short smile, informing him that I was fine. It turned out I was a liar.
“I’ve been there before, too. A dark place. You wonder how things are ever going to be all right, ya know? But they will be. You gotta trust in the process. No one can be sad forever. Not even you.”
I wished I could believe that. But sitting in the taxi, I was growing sick, watching the amount of money add up on the clock. When Joe pulled up to my apartment building, I sighed. I was five dollars short. I would have to run upstairs to borrow some cash from Ladasha.
I stepped out and went to hand him the money, telling him I would be right back with the rest. He pushed the cash back to me. “Keep it. Take care of yourself, all right? And if you ever need a ride, give your ol' buddy Joe a call. I know how easy it is to get lost in the Big Apple, and I'm pretty good at helping people find their way home.” He handed me his card, delivered me a warm grin, and pulled off.
After that night, Joe became my official driver for my nightly flings with Cooper. He never charged me, which was sweet, but he also never judged me, which was even sweeter. He spoke to me about his wife, how much he loved her, how much she cared for him. He spoke of their struggles and how they worked through the issues no matter what. They had been married for almost forty years, and he prayed for forty more.
I wondered sometimes if I would ever get married.
DERRICK STOOD ON stage in front of the microphone, looking handsome as ever. When he performed he became the song, transforming into the lyrics, fully committing to the words. I just turned twenty-one, so I was filled with excitement to see him perform for the first time in a bar. He was so amazing up there. Such a natural.
A few of his friends filed in and surrounded me, looking as proud as I was to see him up there. His best friend Steve slugged me in the arm and before I could smack him, he pulled me into a hug.
“Welcome back home, soon to be Mrs. Stevens.” Steve said as he sat down next to me.
“Thanks. Good to be back, as always.” My eyes looked up to Derrick who was grinning in my direction and I turned to Steve, “Does he ever talk about how he misses me?”
Steve picked up his beer and rolled his eyes. “Don’t do that Andie. I’m not your messenger boy.” I fed Steve my best puppy dog eyes and whimpered. “He wrote you a new song.”
My eyes widened with excitement. I loved when he wrote songs about me. I bit my bottom lip and looked up to my baby. “He loves me, huh?”
Steve cleared his throat and nodded, chugging his drink. “The best way he knows how.”
Derrick finished his song and spoke into his mic. “A big thanks to everyone coming out tonight for your love and support. Now I’m gonna take a small break and go have a drink with my future wife.”
He slid in next to me and kissed my neck. “You did amazing.” I beamed with pride.
“I’m so happy you’re here. I called you earlier, but it went to voicemail. Figured you weren’t going to make it.” He smiled and picked up my cell phone.
“Of course I was going to make it, don’t be dumb.” I warned him. Kissing my nose, he went searching through my phone. “What are you doing?” I wondered out loud.
He held up his finger to me and began speaking into my cell phone. “Hey! You have reached the voicemail of the soon-to-be Mrs. Andie Stevens. She cannot get to the phone right now, but leave her a message and she’ll call you back! Bye!”
I smirked at his corniness and grabbed my cell phone back from him.
Mrs. Stevens. I could get used to that.
I SAT ON the couch, looking at all the missed calls on my cell phone from my mom. Seven. It had been awhile since I’d spoken with her, but I couldn’t listen to her sob on the telephone anymore. I looked at the number of voicemails on my phone, which was exactly seven, too. Rolling my eyes I prepared to listen to my mom beg me to come home.
“Hi, Anders, it's your mother. I was just calling to see how you are doing. I haven't heard from you in a while. I wanted to see if you were able to make it to Thanksgiving. I know you said you were busy with your jobs…but…we would really love to have you. We’ve never had a Thanksgiving without you…”
I placed the collar of my shirt into my mouth and bit down on it, as if to hold back my tears. “It’s already sad enough that Derrick’s family won’t be joining us. His mom is pretty lost. But to not have you at the table…” Her sniffles were heard. Geez Mom…
“We all miss you. Whenever I say I want to call you at work your dad refuses to let me. Says it’s not that kind of job. Daddy says he loves you and is keeping you in his prayers. I love you, too. Call me when you can. And honey, you should really change your voicemail.”
I closed my cell phone and glanced at the coffee table in front of me. Ladasha always left her cell phone out for me to use for one reason and one reason only. As I lifted it, a level of shame washed over me. I began to dial my cell phone and listened to my voicemail. The moment I heard Derrick’s voice speak to me through the telephone, my heart skipped a few beats.
“Hey! You have reached the voicemail of the soon-to-be Mrs. Andie Stevens. She cannot get to the phone right now, but leave her a message and she’ll call you back! Bye!”
I ended the call, bit my bottom lip, and dialed again. This went on as long as I could allow it to until I picked up my cell and texted for a beverage of sorts.
Chapter Ten
IT’S AS IF I was slowly breaking through with Andrea. Each night we met, the closer we grew. Each night we met, the softer her eyes became. Each night we met, our bodies stayed intertwined for longer periods before she or I ventured home. We never spoke about the past, and we never spoke of the future. Hell, that was good enough for me. It turned out you could learn the most about a person by lying next to them each night, listening to their breaths, watching what made them grow nervous or happy or angry.
I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t slowly falling for Andrea, but I couldn’t let her know. Because I was pretty damn certain she would run the other way. I would be slow with my actions, slow with my approaches, and give her the time she needed to find Order. To find me.
Yet today Kyle found the need to drop a huge damn bomb on me when I showed up to his office. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. Iris had lost her mind if she thought she could blackmail me into meeting with her. “I’m not doing it,” I promised. I wasn’t going to play her nasty games as she tried to get me back.
“She’s been talking to the press about your dad,” he said, staring directly at me. He wasn’t focused on one hundred other things like always, which meant it was serious.
“He wasn’t my dad.”
“Cooper, you know what I mean. Listen, Iris has clearly lost her f**king mind and is talking about selling the stories. And I mean all of the stories.”
“She’s bullshitting. She wouldn’t do that.” She had to be. She wasn’t evil; she was just a pregnant, cheating whore.
“Do you really want to take that chance?” Kyle pounded his fists against one another, his brows lowered. “Hold off on the divorce papers. Talk to her. Find out what it is she is after exactly. She wants a few pictures of you two together, happy in front of the paparazzi.”
“That’s crazy.”
“That’s Iris. Just do it, Coop. And one day this will all blow over.” I wanted to believe him, but the stress filling his eyes told me he didn’t even believe it. He’d been saying that for weeks now. And nothing had blown over. If anything, it was getting more complicated.
“ALL PACKED?” MOM asked, strolling over to me. I was heading off to Wisconsin to spend my third summer at my cousins and I was finishing off an important project to take with me.
“What’s this?” she questioned, picking up the book I crafted.
“Nothin’,” I said, trying to grab it back from her. “Mom, come on, stop.”
Her eyes started to tear up as I gagged at her overreaction to the book. “Who is she?”
“A friend.” I wanted her to be more though, and I was hoping the book would help her notice me more. It was filled with pictures I had taken of Andrea and me over the past two summers. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever known and I was prepared to ask her to be mine once my plane touched down in Wisconsin that evening.
My eyes shifted to my mom and I noticed a fresh batch of bruises on her wrists. “Mom, what happened?”
She smiled and shook her head, ignoring my question. “She’ll love it, honey.”
My heart broke whenever I saw my Mom hurt. My voice cracked as I tossed a marker across the floor. “I don’t see why you stay with him…He’s an asshole!”
“Cooper Michael! Watch your tongue!”She scolded me. She wrapped her hands around my face and kissed the top of my head. “You may want to add a little more ribbon.”
On the plane ride, I sat next to the window, murmuring to myself, trying to create the perfect words to ask Andrea to be mine. The old man sitting next to me smiled and nudged my shoulder.
“Let me hear it, son,” he said, and his wife looked over to me and grinned, nodding in agreement.
I was wary at first, but could use someone’s help. I cleared my throat and sat up straight. “Andrea. I know we have only known each other for two summers. But if you think about it, we have only experienced about ten summers in our lifetime, so two summers together is actually a lot. And, I think you’re pretty. Like pretty, pretty. So I mean, if you would like to date me, I would like to date you. And if we held hands, I promise I would never let go.”
The old lady looked over to me and placed her hands on top of mine and grinned. “Perfect.”
Perfect. I was ready, I would call her my girlfriend and I would kiss her cheek if she wanted me to. My heart was in my throat as I headed over to Andrea’s house with Michelle. Michelle was yapping away as always, but I couldn’t pay attention. I held the book close to my chest, excited for what Andrea would say.
It didn’t matter. None of it mattered because by the time I reached her house, I saw another boy making her laugh. Hugging her. Holding her hand. I looked to my cousin and asked who he was.
“Derrick Stevens. He moved here in December.”
December. He’d claimed her during the winter all because I was stupid and waited until the summertime..
Chapter Eleven
LADASHA WALKED INTO the apartment to find me laid out on the couch and jumped on my legs with her jacket still on. She smelled the air and looked alarmed. “It doesn’t smell like Derrick today.” It didn’t. I didn’t spray his cologne into the air—I forgot. I guess I was too busy thinking about…
…Coop…
There was something about that guy that made me feel as if someday, I could be happy again. Then I would look to my engagement ring and hate myself a little bit more.
She didn’t question the smell any longer. Her face was grinning ear to ear as she looked at me. “I tracked down my mom,” she said effortlessly. I shot up from my laying position and stared at her, shocked. Ladasha never spoke of her mom, and as far as I knew she didn’t have a mom.
“What?”
“That’s why I came to New York,” She explained, “To find my mom. My grandma said she was over this way and after long nights of finding people who knew her, I found her.”
