The Things I Do for You
Page 67
* * * * *
RAINA MIXED THE cupcake batter, watching with obsessive interest as the butter and sugar blended into the flour mixture. She turned the speed up on the electric mixer a little and then stopped it. She’d already prepared the cupcake pan with colorful pink and blue liners.
After swiping a bit of stray mix from the edge of the bowl with her finger for a taste, she poured the mixture into the cupcake pan. She was careful to leave room for them to expand at the top.
She’d learned her lesson about that the hard way.
A giggle bubbled up as she remembered the look on Nick’s face when he’d seen her monster muffins. Just as quickly, her smile faded. Her anger at Nick had disappeared over the the last few days.
Or maybe she just missed him so much that she didn’t care about being mad anymore.
It was only eight o’clock and she was already on her third batch of cupcakes. The past few days she hadn’t gone out or responded to calls or emails. Sam respected her privacy and left her to stew, only bothering her to make sure she ate her three meals a day.
If it hadn’t smacked of desperation, she would have asked him to hang out with her. He wouldn’t mind, he’d even said so. But every time she was about to ask him she changed her mind. He was her security chief, not one of the girls. He shouldn’t have to navigate her hormonal surges or placate her in the midst of her depression.
Maybe you deserve to be depressed.
Every time she thought about how she’d treated Nick, she wondered if her feelings were just what she deserved. She’d accused Nick of being selfish but most of the time they’d been together, Nick had put her needs before his own. He’d rearranged his schedule and habits to try to help her get pregnant. He’d stopped riding his motorcycle because it scared her. Would a selfish guy do that?
Over and over again, he’d put her needs first. She’d accused him of using her for his own gain but how could he when he’d never even asked her for anything? He admitted he’d thought about it, but he’d never done anything to draw attention to himself or play off her fame while they were together. He’d had many opportunities to do that if he’d wanted to. But he’d been at home with her every night, cooking her dinner and making her laugh.
Raina stood in the middle of her kitchen, looking around at the mess she’d made as if seeing it for the first time. Nick had been wrong about a lot of things, but he’d been right about her.
I don’t make it easy for people to love me.
Hadn’t she reached for the phone several times that day to call Ridley, only to stop herself before she could dial? She’d reasoned that her sister was finally happy with Jackson and didn’t need to be dragged down with Raina’s problems. But those were just excuses.
Excuses not to reach out.
Before she could change her mind, she picked up her cell phone and hit the second speed dial.
“Raina! I’m so glad you called. I’ve been so worried about you. I’ve been calling and calling and no one picked up.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been dodging everyone’s calls.”
“Are you all right?”
“No. I’m not. I think I’m not. I need you, Ri.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m coming over right now. See you in a minute.”
Ten minutes later, Ridley knocked on the door. Raina pulled it open and gestured for her sister to come inside. “Hey. Sorry about calling you out of the blue like that. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”
Ridley gave her a quick hug. “No, I needed to get out of there. It’s poker night so there was way too much testosterone at my house.”
They walked into the kitchen. Raina had forgotten that quickly how much of a disaster it still was. “Let me just clean up a bit.” She moved some of the baking cups she’d used and the bag of flour from the kitchen island so Ridley could sit down.
“Um, Ray. What happened in here?”
Raina couldn’t think of anything to say so she just blurted, “I’m making cupcakes.”
“You are? I didn’t know you could bake.”
“I can’t. Not really.”
Ridley walked over to the oven. The timer only had a few minutes left. “They smell really good. I’m hungry, too.”
“They’re chocolate cupcakes. I have milk, too.”
Ridley bumped her arm affectionately. “I’m really glad you called me. I feel like I’m always calling you and dumping my problems on you. It’s nice to know you need me, too.”
Raina laced her arm through her sister’s and lay her head on Ridley’s shoulder. “Of course I need you. I know I’m not the easiest person to love, but thanks for never giving up on me. I’m going to do better. I’m finally learning that it’s okay to need help sometimes.”
The timer went off and Raina jumped.
“I’ve got it.” Ridley stuck her hand in the oven mitt Raina had left on the counter and pulled the oven open. She pulled the cupcake pan out carefully and placed it on the stove.
“They look perfect,” Ridley remarked. “Just like the ones you see in the bakery. I can’t believe you made these. I’m so proud of you, Ray.”
“I finally got them right.”
In the days since Nick had moved out, she hadn’t been twiddling her thumbs. She’d organized her cupboards and annoyed Sam with her obsessive cleaning. Nesting, it was called. Whatever the case, she hadn’t been sitting around crying. She’d been strong. But in that moment, bonding with her sister over cupcakes, Raina started to cry.
RAINA MIXED THE cupcake batter, watching with obsessive interest as the butter and sugar blended into the flour mixture. She turned the speed up on the electric mixer a little and then stopped it. She’d already prepared the cupcake pan with colorful pink and blue liners.
After swiping a bit of stray mix from the edge of the bowl with her finger for a taste, she poured the mixture into the cupcake pan. She was careful to leave room for them to expand at the top.
She’d learned her lesson about that the hard way.
A giggle bubbled up as she remembered the look on Nick’s face when he’d seen her monster muffins. Just as quickly, her smile faded. Her anger at Nick had disappeared over the the last few days.
Or maybe she just missed him so much that she didn’t care about being mad anymore.
It was only eight o’clock and she was already on her third batch of cupcakes. The past few days she hadn’t gone out or responded to calls or emails. Sam respected her privacy and left her to stew, only bothering her to make sure she ate her three meals a day.
If it hadn’t smacked of desperation, she would have asked him to hang out with her. He wouldn’t mind, he’d even said so. But every time she was about to ask him she changed her mind. He was her security chief, not one of the girls. He shouldn’t have to navigate her hormonal surges or placate her in the midst of her depression.
Maybe you deserve to be depressed.
Every time she thought about how she’d treated Nick, she wondered if her feelings were just what she deserved. She’d accused Nick of being selfish but most of the time they’d been together, Nick had put her needs before his own. He’d rearranged his schedule and habits to try to help her get pregnant. He’d stopped riding his motorcycle because it scared her. Would a selfish guy do that?
Over and over again, he’d put her needs first. She’d accused him of using her for his own gain but how could he when he’d never even asked her for anything? He admitted he’d thought about it, but he’d never done anything to draw attention to himself or play off her fame while they were together. He’d had many opportunities to do that if he’d wanted to. But he’d been at home with her every night, cooking her dinner and making her laugh.
Raina stood in the middle of her kitchen, looking around at the mess she’d made as if seeing it for the first time. Nick had been wrong about a lot of things, but he’d been right about her.
I don’t make it easy for people to love me.
Hadn’t she reached for the phone several times that day to call Ridley, only to stop herself before she could dial? She’d reasoned that her sister was finally happy with Jackson and didn’t need to be dragged down with Raina’s problems. But those were just excuses.
Excuses not to reach out.
Before she could change her mind, she picked up her cell phone and hit the second speed dial.
“Raina! I’m so glad you called. I’ve been so worried about you. I’ve been calling and calling and no one picked up.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been dodging everyone’s calls.”
“Are you all right?”
“No. I’m not. I think I’m not. I need you, Ri.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m coming over right now. See you in a minute.”
Ten minutes later, Ridley knocked on the door. Raina pulled it open and gestured for her sister to come inside. “Hey. Sorry about calling you out of the blue like that. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”
Ridley gave her a quick hug. “No, I needed to get out of there. It’s poker night so there was way too much testosterone at my house.”
They walked into the kitchen. Raina had forgotten that quickly how much of a disaster it still was. “Let me just clean up a bit.” She moved some of the baking cups she’d used and the bag of flour from the kitchen island so Ridley could sit down.
“Um, Ray. What happened in here?”
Raina couldn’t think of anything to say so she just blurted, “I’m making cupcakes.”
“You are? I didn’t know you could bake.”
“I can’t. Not really.”
Ridley walked over to the oven. The timer only had a few minutes left. “They smell really good. I’m hungry, too.”
“They’re chocolate cupcakes. I have milk, too.”
Ridley bumped her arm affectionately. “I’m really glad you called me. I feel like I’m always calling you and dumping my problems on you. It’s nice to know you need me, too.”
Raina laced her arm through her sister’s and lay her head on Ridley’s shoulder. “Of course I need you. I know I’m not the easiest person to love, but thanks for never giving up on me. I’m going to do better. I’m finally learning that it’s okay to need help sometimes.”
The timer went off and Raina jumped.
“I’ve got it.” Ridley stuck her hand in the oven mitt Raina had left on the counter and pulled the oven open. She pulled the cupcake pan out carefully and placed it on the stove.
“They look perfect,” Ridley remarked. “Just like the ones you see in the bakery. I can’t believe you made these. I’m so proud of you, Ray.”
“I finally got them right.”
In the days since Nick had moved out, she hadn’t been twiddling her thumbs. She’d organized her cupboards and annoyed Sam with her obsessive cleaning. Nesting, it was called. Whatever the case, she hadn’t been sitting around crying. She’d been strong. But in that moment, bonding with her sister over cupcakes, Raina started to cry.
