This Regret
Page 84
She has had to grow up and be the parent just like Adric did, most of her life. Everyone deserves to be taken care of at some point in their life.
Originally, no sex was intended. I tried blocking out my feelings and pushing them away, but again, I couldn't. She has some kind of hold on my heart that doesn't allow me to think straight when it comes to her. All I want to do is be close to her. To be touching her in any way possible. Thanks to my f**king weakness, now I've f**ked things up even more. She even said she loved me. Fuck! Now, I am going to have to do damage control. I would be lying though, if I said I didn't love hearing it from her. How that messed with my heart. I swear I felt it break apart and shatter in my chest. Did she mean it? I don't know. Did she mean it in the romantic or platonic way? Fuck, I hope the former. I shouldn't, but I do.
She stirs in my arms, but doesn't wake up. I run my hand over her face, just above her cheek, before I lean in and gently kiss her. Seeing her so peaceful, forms something inside me that I can't understand. I have never slept with a girl in my arms and sure as hell have never had sex with a woman without a condom. Feeling her that way, awoke an uncontrollable desire within me to make me want her as mine and only mine. I can't help but to wonder if anyone else has been inside her that way. Fuck, that thought kills me. I don't want to think about that. I will murder someone. Shit!
Needing to get up to piss, I try my best to wriggle my way out of her grip without waking her. It's almost afternoon, but I get the feeling she needed the extra sleep. She's tough. She always has been, but even the toughest need rest. I can't even imagine what she's going through with her family and with Kade right now. That little dick better not be giving her a hard time. I love my brother with everything in me and I would do anything to protect him, but something tells me I would do more to protect this woman in my arms. The only woman that has made me feel anything besides the pain that consumes me.
I manage to slip out of bed with just a groan from her and make my way to the bathroom. When I'm done, I go to the kitchen and start on breakfast. Yes, still naked. Like I said. My body is hers to do what she wants with. I would never do this for another woman. With anyone else, I've only ever stayed naked long enough to have sex and get them dressed. I have respect for women, don't get me wrong, but no one has ever made me want more until . . . her.
I walk into my bedroom and set the tray of food on the dresser. I look down at her, barely tangled up in my silk sheets and smile. I want to keep her here as long as I can. I have a feeling, I don't have much time before I get a visit from Cape's inbreeds again. Those sorry ass, low life mother f**kers are nothing but a waste of space. I can't even believe they still do that ass**le's dirty work. They're the ones that ran me out eight years ago. Cape didn't have enough balls to take me on himself. Always hiding behind his goons. I guess after what I did to his brother, I did sort of sign my death wish. Blood is always thicker than water. As bad as it sounds, that son of a bitch deserved every last bit of it. He should have just told me what I wanted instead of talking down on Adric. He's lucky he's still breathing after the shit he said.
When they realized the thought of them killing me off didn't do shit to break me down, they took it as far as they could. They went and threatened my loved ones. My mother f**king family. No one threatens my family. There is no doubt in my mind that I would kill for them. I had two options. Stay and watch my family's lives slowly crumble as they picked them off one by one, or get the f**k out of town and never come back. I fought a battle within myself, somewhat believing I could protect them if I stayed, but deep down, I knew it was bullshit. There was no way I could protect them all at the same time. These son of a bitches are smart. They lurk in the shadows until they catch you alone and at a disadvantage. I couldn't risk my family getting hurt because of me. I couldn't even protect Adric and he was only one person. In the end, he let them get to him. No matter how hard I tried to keep him away from Cape and those damn pills he concocted, he still managed to find someone to go between them. Who that person is, I have yet to find out . . . but when I do, I will personally rip them apart limb by mother f**king limb.
Adric had an illness he couldn't control. His head was so f**ked up from depression and dealing with his family life, that those pills were his only escape. They became his crutch, his coping mechanism. No one knew what were in the pills, they were a combination of meds and drugs, supposedly for the purpose of making you believe you were happy and everything in the world was fine and f**king dandy, but I think it did the opposite for Adric. I could tell when he was on a high from those pills, because he would get that distant look in his eyes and his hands would shake uncontrollably. He would keep on talking about how f**ked up his life was and that he would never amount to anything. He would doubt his music, his art work, even doubt our friendship and that is what hurt the most.
Eventually, I started hiding his stash from him or flushing them down the toilet because I couldn't handle seeing him that way. I even spent most of my time with him to be sure he couldn't set up any plans to meet up with any of Cape's men. Still, somehow he got past me and got more pills. The sad part was, that after he came off his high, he couldn't even remember what he did or said. In my opinion, I think him not being able to remember was enough for him. It took him away for a while. That night that he died was not an accident. He gave himself a choice and made the wrong decision.
"What's that delicious smell?" Phoenix sits up and stretches, while holding the sheet over her br**sts with one arm. "Did you cook me breakfast?" She beams and my chest twinges.
I walk over to stand next to the bed and reach for her hand, kissing it. "I guess you can still call it that." I trail kisses up her arm, to her shoulder, then to her neck. I smile against her flushed skin and laugh. "It's pretty much lunch time. I guess I wore you out last night." At least, I hope I wore her out. We only had sex about four times during the middle of the night. She brought it on three out of those four. Damn, she worked me in. "Or should I say, you wore me out. You f**king animal."
Tilting her neck, she kisses my head and tangles her hands in my hair. "Well . . . you did say your body was mine for the night," she says in a whisper. "How am I supposed to control myself knowing that? Limitations were not mentioned."
I grab her face and softly press my lips against hers. Holy hell, those lips are soft. It's going to take every bit of my energy not to jump on top of her and slip between those sexy thighs. I'm trying to behave. She deserves to be treated with respect. I find myself wanting to be sweet, wanting to take care of her. It's a foreign feeling to me. For a woman that I've slept with, but she's not just any woman to me. She's Phoenix Winters, my best friend's little sister and the girl I grew up protecting. At first, I wanted to treat her like any other girl, having rough sex and then letting us both go our separate ways. Ninety nine percent of the time, I don't want more than one time with a girl. I knew when I touched her, I was in over my head. Instead of getting my fill, she fed my drive. Each time I take her I only want her more. Even me trying to be rough with her, didn't stop me from developing feelings for her. Looking into those big, gray eyes, I know now, just how impossible that was. I want more with her. I want this feeling every night.
Originally, no sex was intended. I tried blocking out my feelings and pushing them away, but again, I couldn't. She has some kind of hold on my heart that doesn't allow me to think straight when it comes to her. All I want to do is be close to her. To be touching her in any way possible. Thanks to my f**king weakness, now I've f**ked things up even more. She even said she loved me. Fuck! Now, I am going to have to do damage control. I would be lying though, if I said I didn't love hearing it from her. How that messed with my heart. I swear I felt it break apart and shatter in my chest. Did she mean it? I don't know. Did she mean it in the romantic or platonic way? Fuck, I hope the former. I shouldn't, but I do.
She stirs in my arms, but doesn't wake up. I run my hand over her face, just above her cheek, before I lean in and gently kiss her. Seeing her so peaceful, forms something inside me that I can't understand. I have never slept with a girl in my arms and sure as hell have never had sex with a woman without a condom. Feeling her that way, awoke an uncontrollable desire within me to make me want her as mine and only mine. I can't help but to wonder if anyone else has been inside her that way. Fuck, that thought kills me. I don't want to think about that. I will murder someone. Shit!
Needing to get up to piss, I try my best to wriggle my way out of her grip without waking her. It's almost afternoon, but I get the feeling she needed the extra sleep. She's tough. She always has been, but even the toughest need rest. I can't even imagine what she's going through with her family and with Kade right now. That little dick better not be giving her a hard time. I love my brother with everything in me and I would do anything to protect him, but something tells me I would do more to protect this woman in my arms. The only woman that has made me feel anything besides the pain that consumes me.
I manage to slip out of bed with just a groan from her and make my way to the bathroom. When I'm done, I go to the kitchen and start on breakfast. Yes, still naked. Like I said. My body is hers to do what she wants with. I would never do this for another woman. With anyone else, I've only ever stayed naked long enough to have sex and get them dressed. I have respect for women, don't get me wrong, but no one has ever made me want more until . . . her.
I walk into my bedroom and set the tray of food on the dresser. I look down at her, barely tangled up in my silk sheets and smile. I want to keep her here as long as I can. I have a feeling, I don't have much time before I get a visit from Cape's inbreeds again. Those sorry ass, low life mother f**kers are nothing but a waste of space. I can't even believe they still do that ass**le's dirty work. They're the ones that ran me out eight years ago. Cape didn't have enough balls to take me on himself. Always hiding behind his goons. I guess after what I did to his brother, I did sort of sign my death wish. Blood is always thicker than water. As bad as it sounds, that son of a bitch deserved every last bit of it. He should have just told me what I wanted instead of talking down on Adric. He's lucky he's still breathing after the shit he said.
When they realized the thought of them killing me off didn't do shit to break me down, they took it as far as they could. They went and threatened my loved ones. My mother f**king family. No one threatens my family. There is no doubt in my mind that I would kill for them. I had two options. Stay and watch my family's lives slowly crumble as they picked them off one by one, or get the f**k out of town and never come back. I fought a battle within myself, somewhat believing I could protect them if I stayed, but deep down, I knew it was bullshit. There was no way I could protect them all at the same time. These son of a bitches are smart. They lurk in the shadows until they catch you alone and at a disadvantage. I couldn't risk my family getting hurt because of me. I couldn't even protect Adric and he was only one person. In the end, he let them get to him. No matter how hard I tried to keep him away from Cape and those damn pills he concocted, he still managed to find someone to go between them. Who that person is, I have yet to find out . . . but when I do, I will personally rip them apart limb by mother f**king limb.
Adric had an illness he couldn't control. His head was so f**ked up from depression and dealing with his family life, that those pills were his only escape. They became his crutch, his coping mechanism. No one knew what were in the pills, they were a combination of meds and drugs, supposedly for the purpose of making you believe you were happy and everything in the world was fine and f**king dandy, but I think it did the opposite for Adric. I could tell when he was on a high from those pills, because he would get that distant look in his eyes and his hands would shake uncontrollably. He would keep on talking about how f**ked up his life was and that he would never amount to anything. He would doubt his music, his art work, even doubt our friendship and that is what hurt the most.
Eventually, I started hiding his stash from him or flushing them down the toilet because I couldn't handle seeing him that way. I even spent most of my time with him to be sure he couldn't set up any plans to meet up with any of Cape's men. Still, somehow he got past me and got more pills. The sad part was, that after he came off his high, he couldn't even remember what he did or said. In my opinion, I think him not being able to remember was enough for him. It took him away for a while. That night that he died was not an accident. He gave himself a choice and made the wrong decision.
"What's that delicious smell?" Phoenix sits up and stretches, while holding the sheet over her br**sts with one arm. "Did you cook me breakfast?" She beams and my chest twinges.
I walk over to stand next to the bed and reach for her hand, kissing it. "I guess you can still call it that." I trail kisses up her arm, to her shoulder, then to her neck. I smile against her flushed skin and laugh. "It's pretty much lunch time. I guess I wore you out last night." At least, I hope I wore her out. We only had sex about four times during the middle of the night. She brought it on three out of those four. Damn, she worked me in. "Or should I say, you wore me out. You f**king animal."
Tilting her neck, she kisses my head and tangles her hands in my hair. "Well . . . you did say your body was mine for the night," she says in a whisper. "How am I supposed to control myself knowing that? Limitations were not mentioned."
I grab her face and softly press my lips against hers. Holy hell, those lips are soft. It's going to take every bit of my energy not to jump on top of her and slip between those sexy thighs. I'm trying to behave. She deserves to be treated with respect. I find myself wanting to be sweet, wanting to take care of her. It's a foreign feeling to me. For a woman that I've slept with, but she's not just any woman to me. She's Phoenix Winters, my best friend's little sister and the girl I grew up protecting. At first, I wanted to treat her like any other girl, having rough sex and then letting us both go our separate ways. Ninety nine percent of the time, I don't want more than one time with a girl. I knew when I touched her, I was in over my head. Instead of getting my fill, she fed my drive. Each time I take her I only want her more. Even me trying to be rough with her, didn't stop me from developing feelings for her. Looking into those big, gray eyes, I know now, just how impossible that was. I want more with her. I want this feeling every night.
