Torn
Page 89
My stomach clenched. “How much of your time there do you remember?”
His chest rose with a deep breath. “Not a whole lot after the first day, but enough to have a to-kill list a mile long.”
“Do you . . . do you remember a Breena?” I asked, and then winced, because maybe I shouldn’t have asked about her.
His eyes narrowed. “She’s number two on my to-kill list. The prince is number one. She was a fucking parasite who had serious boundary issues.”
I flinched, knowing what he meant. I wanted to ask him if what Breena claimed was true, if they did things—if she did things to him—but the words died on my tongue. I could be honest with myself. I wasn’t mentally or emotionally ready to hear all of that. So all I said was, “I gouged her eyes out. Well, I tried.”
One side of his mouth curled up. “You did?”
I nodded. “I really did not like her.”
His grin faded as he studied me. Maybe he knew why I’d done it. “What did you—?” He stopped himself with a shake of his head. “You’re being too hard on yourself. That bastard didn’t even make it a day pretending to be me.”
“I should have known.”
Grief settled into the striking lines of his face. “Ivy—”
“He didn’t like beignets. I should’ve known right then that he wasn’t you. And it was the way he talked. It was so formal. He killed Henry. Snapped his neck. Right there, in front of me, for no reason, and I still didn’t realize it wasn’t you. He claimed that Henry knew what I was, and I believed him, even though deep down I knew if Henry or Kyle knew I was the . . . the halfling, they wouldn’t have let me live for any reason. But I . . . I wanted it so badly to be you, for you to be magically okay with what I was,” I explained, wrapping my arms around my knees. “And if Henry hadn’t showed up, I . . .”
“I heard from Brighton that Henry was missing. I figured he was dead. I don’t know the details,” he said after a moment. “What about if Henry hadn’t showed up?”
I closed my eyes, resting my cheek on my knees. Acid churned in my stomach. “I thought he was you,” I whispered.
“I know that. When I saw him, I thought he was me. Total mind fuck. So I get it.” A heartbeat passed. “Did he . . . did he touch you?”
Turning my head so my face was between my knees, I made fists with my hands. “It didn’t get very far.” My voice was muffled and my face burned. “We were at your place. Henry showed up, looking for you. He . . . he interrupted it.”
Silence.
Then Ren growled. “Fuck.”
The bed shook as he rose, and I squeezed my eyes shut until I saw tiny bursts of light. The wanting to crawl out of my skin sensation returned with a vengeance.
“When they let me go, they dumped me down in Little Woods,” he said, and I opened my eyes, thinking holy crap. “I was fucking out of it, but I made it back to my place. It took me hours. The place was a wreck. I found your bag and phone. Found your necklace. Knew you’d been there. Knew he’d gone for you, because he’d told me what he planned to do. It’s all he fucking talked about.” He cursed again, and a knot formed in the back of my throat. “I’m going to fucking kill him. Fucking cut off his dick and fucking feed it to him.”
I raised my head, watching him pace back and forth. He stopped at the foot of the bed, placing his hands on his waist. His head bowed and his jaw was clenched.
“It never . . .” I tried, voice reedy. “He never got to that point. Ever. I got out before . . .”
Ren looked up, and a muscle twitched in his jaw. “That doesn’t change that he did things to you. That he tried. That doesn’t change how fucked up any of that is or that so many goddamn lines have been crossed, or that you didn’t deserve this shit. No one deserves this shit!” he exploded. Turning away, he thrust his hand through his hair. His waves fell in every direction as he twisted back to face me. “He kept you chained. I remember seeing you. I remember you being brought to me with a fucking chain around your neck.”
Oh God.
My hands shook, and I straightened out my legs. I couldn’t do this. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I started to scoot toward the edge of the bed.
“You made a deal with that bastard to set me free,” Ren said, stopping me. I froze as I heard the anger in his voice. “You sacrificed yourself for me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop you from doing it, to stop him from hurting you.”
I opened my mouth, saying nothing as I shook my head. I wasn’t ready for this. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I had to get moving. I stood on weak knees, my thoughts swirling. I walked toward the door, but veered away from it at the last second. Stopping in the center of the room, I stared at the window above the TV and willed my lungs to expand. Then I slowly turned to him.
His eyes shone like glittering emeralds. “You’re the bravest person I know,” he said.
My hands closed into fists. He had no idea and was absolutely crazy. “I’m not brave. I just . . . I couldn’t let him hurt you anymore. I . . .”
“You love me,” he said, voice low. “That’s why.”
Part of me wanted to deny it and save face, but what was the point? I love Ren was practically tattooed across my forehead at this point. “I do, but—”
“I love you, Ivy.”
I blinked once and then twice, thinking I was having auditory hallucinations. “What?”
His chest rose with a deep breath. “Not a whole lot after the first day, but enough to have a to-kill list a mile long.”
“Do you . . . do you remember a Breena?” I asked, and then winced, because maybe I shouldn’t have asked about her.
His eyes narrowed. “She’s number two on my to-kill list. The prince is number one. She was a fucking parasite who had serious boundary issues.”
I flinched, knowing what he meant. I wanted to ask him if what Breena claimed was true, if they did things—if she did things to him—but the words died on my tongue. I could be honest with myself. I wasn’t mentally or emotionally ready to hear all of that. So all I said was, “I gouged her eyes out. Well, I tried.”
One side of his mouth curled up. “You did?”
I nodded. “I really did not like her.”
His grin faded as he studied me. Maybe he knew why I’d done it. “What did you—?” He stopped himself with a shake of his head. “You’re being too hard on yourself. That bastard didn’t even make it a day pretending to be me.”
“I should have known.”
Grief settled into the striking lines of his face. “Ivy—”
“He didn’t like beignets. I should’ve known right then that he wasn’t you. And it was the way he talked. It was so formal. He killed Henry. Snapped his neck. Right there, in front of me, for no reason, and I still didn’t realize it wasn’t you. He claimed that Henry knew what I was, and I believed him, even though deep down I knew if Henry or Kyle knew I was the . . . the halfling, they wouldn’t have let me live for any reason. But I . . . I wanted it so badly to be you, for you to be magically okay with what I was,” I explained, wrapping my arms around my knees. “And if Henry hadn’t showed up, I . . .”
“I heard from Brighton that Henry was missing. I figured he was dead. I don’t know the details,” he said after a moment. “What about if Henry hadn’t showed up?”
I closed my eyes, resting my cheek on my knees. Acid churned in my stomach. “I thought he was you,” I whispered.
“I know that. When I saw him, I thought he was me. Total mind fuck. So I get it.” A heartbeat passed. “Did he . . . did he touch you?”
Turning my head so my face was between my knees, I made fists with my hands. “It didn’t get very far.” My voice was muffled and my face burned. “We were at your place. Henry showed up, looking for you. He . . . he interrupted it.”
Silence.
Then Ren growled. “Fuck.”
The bed shook as he rose, and I squeezed my eyes shut until I saw tiny bursts of light. The wanting to crawl out of my skin sensation returned with a vengeance.
“When they let me go, they dumped me down in Little Woods,” he said, and I opened my eyes, thinking holy crap. “I was fucking out of it, but I made it back to my place. It took me hours. The place was a wreck. I found your bag and phone. Found your necklace. Knew you’d been there. Knew he’d gone for you, because he’d told me what he planned to do. It’s all he fucking talked about.” He cursed again, and a knot formed in the back of my throat. “I’m going to fucking kill him. Fucking cut off his dick and fucking feed it to him.”
I raised my head, watching him pace back and forth. He stopped at the foot of the bed, placing his hands on his waist. His head bowed and his jaw was clenched.
“It never . . .” I tried, voice reedy. “He never got to that point. Ever. I got out before . . .”
Ren looked up, and a muscle twitched in his jaw. “That doesn’t change that he did things to you. That he tried. That doesn’t change how fucked up any of that is or that so many goddamn lines have been crossed, or that you didn’t deserve this shit. No one deserves this shit!” he exploded. Turning away, he thrust his hand through his hair. His waves fell in every direction as he twisted back to face me. “He kept you chained. I remember seeing you. I remember you being brought to me with a fucking chain around your neck.”
Oh God.
My hands shook, and I straightened out my legs. I couldn’t do this. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I started to scoot toward the edge of the bed.
“You made a deal with that bastard to set me free,” Ren said, stopping me. I froze as I heard the anger in his voice. “You sacrificed yourself for me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop you from doing it, to stop him from hurting you.”
I opened my mouth, saying nothing as I shook my head. I wasn’t ready for this. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I had to get moving. I stood on weak knees, my thoughts swirling. I walked toward the door, but veered away from it at the last second. Stopping in the center of the room, I stared at the window above the TV and willed my lungs to expand. Then I slowly turned to him.
His eyes shone like glittering emeralds. “You’re the bravest person I know,” he said.
My hands closed into fists. He had no idea and was absolutely crazy. “I’m not brave. I just . . . I couldn’t let him hurt you anymore. I . . .”
“You love me,” he said, voice low. “That’s why.”
Part of me wanted to deny it and save face, but what was the point? I love Ren was practically tattooed across my forehead at this point. “I do, but—”
“I love you, Ivy.”
I blinked once and then twice, thinking I was having auditory hallucinations. “What?”
