Torn
Page 90
“I love you. I’m fucking in love with you.” Ren took a step forward. “I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with you, but it was probably that night you flipped me onto my back, straddled me, and held a dagger to my throat. If it wasn’t that night, it was the first time you let me get close to you, let me see the real you under everything.”
“You’re crazy,” I whispered.
“Crazy in love with you.”
I started to laugh, but stopped myself because it wasn’t going to be a good, jolly belly kind of laugh. “I’m a halfling, Ren.”
“I know,” he said, taking another slow step toward me. “I know what you are.”
“Apparently not,” I croaked out. “I’m not completely human. I’m part fae. I’m—”
“You’re Ivy Morgan.” He was breathing rapidly. “You’re this beautiful, wild, and brave woman. You’re incredibly loyal, and I don’t deserve your love, but I’ll take it. I’ll keep it close to me and I’ll never regret a damn second of doing so. You just also happen to be a halfling. That doesn’t change who I fell in love with.”
Tiny pinpricks of light illuminated my insides, whipping over the cold darkness. I wanted to believe what he was saying. I wanted to so badly, but it made no sense. “When I told you, you walked away from me. I told you I was the halfling and that I loved you, and you walked away from me.”
“And that is something I regret with every breath I take.”
“No. No.” I closed my eyes and scrubbed my hand down my face. “You shouldn’t regret that. I caught you off-guard. I get why you needed time.”
Ren was inching closer. “I knew I cared deeply about you the moment I had you under me and I was in you,” he said, and my body flushed hot at the reminder. I was kind of pleased to realize all that seemed to be functioning normally. He took a shallow breath. “I didn’t know it was love then. I’d never felt for anyone the way I did about you, but I also had never been in love before. But when I was sitting in that damn room, before my head got all foggy, all I could think about was you. Getting out of that place and getting back to you. Being with you, keeping you safe. I didn’t give two shits that you were the halfling.”
“You were sent here to find and kill me,” I reminded him.
His jaw hardened. “Fuck that. Fuck why I came here. I would never lay a damn finger on you that you didn’t want there.”
“You can’t feel this way,” I protested, backing up. “Remember what happened to Noah? He was your best friend and you had—”
“I remember what I had to do, and now I know I did the wrong damn thing,” he said. “But this has nothing to do with Noah.”
“You can’t go through that again,” I told him.
“I don’t plan to. And I don’t care what you are. Trust me, when I was taken—when you were taken—I got real one on one with the way I felt about you. Those weeks you were there and I couldn’t get to you? Yeah, I figured out real fucking fast what I cared about and what I didn’t,” he told me, his eyes flashing a deep forest green. “I love you, Ivy. You aren’t going to talk me out of that.”
“But you . . .” He didn’t know all the things I’d done. He had no idea. I dragged my hand down my face again. “He—the prince—he made me do things, Ren. I don’t think you would feel the same way if you knew.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and then reopened them. “I can’t imagine what he made you do, but I want to know everything—everything you’re comfortable sharing with me, whenever you want. But I’m telling you right now, it’s not going to change the way I feel about you. It’s only going to make me want to kill him even more.”
My stomach dipped. It wasn’t unpleasant, but my thoughts were. “You don’t know that, Ren. You don’t.”
“I do.” His voice was hard. “I love you. That’s not going to change. I love—”
“He made me feed on people!” I shouted.
Ren drew up short, his face paling.
“You see? You can’t love someone who did that. You can’t be with me, knowing what I am, knowing what I’ve done!” Tears burned my throat and eyes. “I hurt a woman. I know I did. I might’ve—oh God, I might’ve even killed her. I don’t know. I didn’t even know I could do that, but I did. I did it, and I hurt her and she tried to make me stop, and I couldn’t. And I could do it to you.”
Something flickered over his face, an emotion that was damn near feral. “You would never do that to me.”
I fisted the side of my robe. “You don’t know that.”
“Did you feed of your own free will or did he manipulate you into doing it?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes!” he shouted. “That fucking matters, Ivy.”
Looking away, I bit down on my lip. “He forced me.”
“Son of a bitch!” he exploded again, and I turned to him. His hands were in fists at his sides. “He forced you to feed. He fucked your head up. That’s totally understandable, but he forced you, Ivy. You didn’t have a choice, and the Ivy I know, the Ivy I first found sexy as hell every time she told me off, and the Ivy I grew to respect and fucking admire—the Ivy I fell head over fucking ass in love with would never do that without being forced. So don’t put that on you. Don’t wear that kind of guilt.”
“You’re crazy,” I whispered.
“Crazy in love with you.”
I started to laugh, but stopped myself because it wasn’t going to be a good, jolly belly kind of laugh. “I’m a halfling, Ren.”
“I know,” he said, taking another slow step toward me. “I know what you are.”
“Apparently not,” I croaked out. “I’m not completely human. I’m part fae. I’m—”
“You’re Ivy Morgan.” He was breathing rapidly. “You’re this beautiful, wild, and brave woman. You’re incredibly loyal, and I don’t deserve your love, but I’ll take it. I’ll keep it close to me and I’ll never regret a damn second of doing so. You just also happen to be a halfling. That doesn’t change who I fell in love with.”
Tiny pinpricks of light illuminated my insides, whipping over the cold darkness. I wanted to believe what he was saying. I wanted to so badly, but it made no sense. “When I told you, you walked away from me. I told you I was the halfling and that I loved you, and you walked away from me.”
“And that is something I regret with every breath I take.”
“No. No.” I closed my eyes and scrubbed my hand down my face. “You shouldn’t regret that. I caught you off-guard. I get why you needed time.”
Ren was inching closer. “I knew I cared deeply about you the moment I had you under me and I was in you,” he said, and my body flushed hot at the reminder. I was kind of pleased to realize all that seemed to be functioning normally. He took a shallow breath. “I didn’t know it was love then. I’d never felt for anyone the way I did about you, but I also had never been in love before. But when I was sitting in that damn room, before my head got all foggy, all I could think about was you. Getting out of that place and getting back to you. Being with you, keeping you safe. I didn’t give two shits that you were the halfling.”
“You were sent here to find and kill me,” I reminded him.
His jaw hardened. “Fuck that. Fuck why I came here. I would never lay a damn finger on you that you didn’t want there.”
“You can’t feel this way,” I protested, backing up. “Remember what happened to Noah? He was your best friend and you had—”
“I remember what I had to do, and now I know I did the wrong damn thing,” he said. “But this has nothing to do with Noah.”
“You can’t go through that again,” I told him.
“I don’t plan to. And I don’t care what you are. Trust me, when I was taken—when you were taken—I got real one on one with the way I felt about you. Those weeks you were there and I couldn’t get to you? Yeah, I figured out real fucking fast what I cared about and what I didn’t,” he told me, his eyes flashing a deep forest green. “I love you, Ivy. You aren’t going to talk me out of that.”
“But you . . .” He didn’t know all the things I’d done. He had no idea. I dragged my hand down my face again. “He—the prince—he made me do things, Ren. I don’t think you would feel the same way if you knew.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and then reopened them. “I can’t imagine what he made you do, but I want to know everything—everything you’re comfortable sharing with me, whenever you want. But I’m telling you right now, it’s not going to change the way I feel about you. It’s only going to make me want to kill him even more.”
My stomach dipped. It wasn’t unpleasant, but my thoughts were. “You don’t know that, Ren. You don’t.”
“I do.” His voice was hard. “I love you. That’s not going to change. I love—”
“He made me feed on people!” I shouted.
Ren drew up short, his face paling.
“You see? You can’t love someone who did that. You can’t be with me, knowing what I am, knowing what I’ve done!” Tears burned my throat and eyes. “I hurt a woman. I know I did. I might’ve—oh God, I might’ve even killed her. I don’t know. I didn’t even know I could do that, but I did. I did it, and I hurt her and she tried to make me stop, and I couldn’t. And I could do it to you.”
Something flickered over his face, an emotion that was damn near feral. “You would never do that to me.”
I fisted the side of my robe. “You don’t know that.”
“Did you feed of your own free will or did he manipulate you into doing it?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes!” he shouted. “That fucking matters, Ivy.”
Looking away, I bit down on my lip. “He forced me.”
“Son of a bitch!” he exploded again, and I turned to him. His hands were in fists at his sides. “He forced you to feed. He fucked your head up. That’s totally understandable, but he forced you, Ivy. You didn’t have a choice, and the Ivy I know, the Ivy I first found sexy as hell every time she told me off, and the Ivy I grew to respect and fucking admire—the Ivy I fell head over fucking ass in love with would never do that without being forced. So don’t put that on you. Don’t wear that kind of guilt.”
