Torn
Page 22
“Dahl, you won’t give me the time or the place.”
“Because I have nothing else to say to you.”
His eyes seem to have been taking in the room since he arrived and when they settle on the large black-and-white picture of River and his band hung over the sofa he asks, “Why him? Is it because he’s famous?”
I narrow my eyes and look at him. “Fuck you, Ben Covington. Get the hell out of my house!”
Ignoring me, he motions around the house. “I need to know. Did you know him while we were together?”
“Dahlia, you wanted me,” Bell says as she walks up and stands next to me.
Her eyes flash to Ben and she gasps. I turn to look at her—she stares wide-eyed with her hand over her mouth. All the color seems to have drained from her face.
“Bell, are you okay?” I ask.
“S’belle?” I hear Ben question as he, too, stares and I instantly make the connection. Their reaction to each other and their body language tells me I’m right. My head starts to spin as a vivid memory flashes through my mind—
The e-mail. The words reply to: S’belle, later tonight, green eyes, touch, copper, and your apartment in an e-mail on Ben’s computer. Ben hitting the delete button before I could read the whole message. Knowing he was making plans with another girl—plans that weren’t platonic. Our breakup and path to reconciliation. River’s sister is S’belle. Ben and Bell!
The bile rises up my throat as I run to the bedroom and open the door. I slam it and flatten my back against it. Another memory flashes before my eyes—River taking the broken frame from my hand, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the picture for a long while. Recognition flashed across his face, maybe even pain, when he asked, “Is this him?” Me turning to face him when I hoarsely answered, “Yes. That’s Ben.” River knew about his sister and Ben. This whole time, he’s been keeping that from me.
At the sliding glass doors, I open the curtains and look for him on the pool deck. He’s sitting there with Ellie sitting next to him, laughing and drawing something with her finger on the table. Then I see her lift his hand and do the same. I want to yell for him to come up here now, but I’m not going to make a scene. So I stand frozen, anticipating the words I’ll hear next—the words I don’t want to hear from him because that will only confirm he knew.
My bedroom door opens and I immediately turn. Ben’s standing there, his face pale. He looks around and then walks into the room, closing the door behind him.
“Dahl, how do you know her?”
Confusion sets in as I try to figure out what he’s asking me, but then I realize he has no idea who she is. “Bell is River’s sister.”
“Bell?”
“S’belle,” I hiss.
“His sister?” He, too, looks like he might be sick.
He walks across the room and stands in front of me.
“Who you had your inappropriate relationship with in college is irrelevant right now, Ben. You need to leave.”
With a huge sigh he reaches and takes my chin in his hand, saying, “Dahl, what do I have to do so you’ll forgive me? Talk to me. Tell me.”
The adrenaline starts to pump through my body as I realize all he has brought me is more pain. I step back but he follows and I can’t help but scream, “Get the f**k out, Ben—now!”
He reaches for me again and this time tries to pull me to him. Just then the door abruptly opens and bounces off the wall. River stands there—his eyes narrowed on me. “Am I interrupting?”
He walks closer and his eyes flash to Ben. My heart racing, I take a step back. I am seething mad and he’s not going to turn this around on me. Pointing outside I say, “Funny, I thought I might be interrupting you. I’m so glad you managed to pull yourself away.”
He ignores me. “What the f**k are you doing in my room with my girl?”
“Your girl? I’ve already told you a substitute is not a replacement—they’re never as good as the real thing.”
My head snaps to Ben and I warn him, “You need to leave. Get out now.”
But he ignores me and continues his taunting. “Oh, and another thing—she may be in your bed now, but she was f**king me in my bed for a hell of a lot longer and I bet she’s still thinking about it.”
Willing down a wave of nausea I scream, “Shut up, Ben. Just shut the hell up!” I can’t believe he could be so crude.
River storms over to Ben. His eyes filled with rage, his jaw tight, and his fists clenched, he throws a hard punch at Ben’s head before Ben even sees it coming.
Ben stumbles back yelling, “Is the truth hard to take?”
“Fuck you! You don’t even know the truth,” River yells back.
Ben grabs River’s leg before scrambling to his feet and slamming a punch into his stomach. Still, Ben doesn’t let up. “Dahl, come on. Tell him what we were like.”
I’m motionless, suspended in time, watching like I’m somewhere else.
A fury like I’ve never seen crosses River’s face as he lunges for Ben, grabbing his arm and jerking it behind his back. He slams Ben to the ground, shoving his knee against his spine, wrenching his arm back. River gives it another jerk and Ben grunts, “Son of a bitch.”
“River, stop!” I scream.
Snatching his other wrist, he pulls it behind Ben’s back and seethes, “By the time I’m done with you, you’re gonna wish you would’ve stayed dead.”
I can hear how high and thin my voice is when I scream out again, “Stop it!” He doesn’t seem to hear me. He’s lost in the fight. His normally gleaming green eyes are shadowed in a way I’ve never seen before.
When Ben winces in pain, River leans down and whispers something in his ear, but doesn’t let him go. My hand flies to my mouth and my tears are running down my cheeks—I just want this to end.
In a blur of movement, Xander pulls River off Ben and Caleb drags Ben from the room as he yells, “This isn’t over!”
River frees himself from Xander’s hold and heads for the door, but Xander blocks him and shoves him to the bed. “That’s enough, River! Enough! You need to get a handle on this.”
Xander attempts to calm River and I’m trying to contain my own rage. “Xander, can you tell everyone the party is over?”
He nods and then drops down to his brother’s eye level. “River, look at me. You need to do what we talked about. Do you hear me?”
River looked up at him for a moment before dropping his head back down again. Xander pats him on the shoulder and says, “Now.” Then his eyes land on me. “I’ll clear everyone out so you two can talk.”
He closes the door behind him and River and I are left alone. I stand there for a minute thinking about what Xander’s just said to River and I know that it’s about their sister. Relief and fear burst through me—I’m relieved Ben is gone and fearful of what we are about to discuss.
“I saw the two of you,” he says as he rises to his feet and heads for the door.
I hastily navigate around the bed and dash there first. Standing in front of it, literally blocking his way, I force him to stop right in front of me.
“Well, I don’t know what you think you saw, but whatever it is, I can tell you, you’re wrong.”
He takes a step back, eyeing me, and then turns to walk toward the glass doors. “Why was he in here, Dahlia? In our bedroom?”
Once again, I dash in front of him. I am not going to allow any space between us and he’s not going to walk out of this room until we talk. “Why was she holding your hand?”
“Come on, Dahl, you really want to talk about Ellie right now?”
I grab his face knowing exactly what he’s inferring by calling me by that nickname. “River, listen to me. I’m going to say this again—I am not interested in being with Ben. I am not in love with Ben. Whatever you think you saw, he wanted to talk to me about your sister. And I know you know what I mean. I just heard Xander tell you to tell me.”
I stare into his green eyes, searching for any sign of confusion. But when his mouth drops open and he says nothing, I know for sure that he knew about them. From there, my irritation only builds. I jab my finger into his chest. “Yeah, like I thought, you knew the whole time and again you didn’t tell me something.”
He tries to reach for my hands, but I jerk away. I stare at him, my irritation flaring as I cross to the other side of the room. My rage mixes with hurt as I’m once again left wondering if I can trust him.
Grabbing my wrist, he swings me around to face him. “Stop walking away from me. Let me explain.”
Shaking my head, I try to free myself of his grasp. “Oh now you want to talk. It was okay, though, when you were the one walking away!”
His lip turns into a sneer. “That was different.”
I laugh a little, now completely enraged. “The only thing different is that I was doing nothing wrong,” my voice cracks.
His eyes close, and when he reopens them all I see is pain. He leans closer to me, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I was only protecting you. Because I wanted to save you from a heartbreak you didn’t need to experience.”
“River, I already knew that he came close to cheating on me. You were saving yourself from having to deal with how Bell and I would take it. I saw her face tonight when she looked at him. She clearly didn’t know, either.”
He sighs deeply. “I don’t care how any of this affects me, you know that. I didn’t want to dredge up sad memories for you or for my sister.”
I stare at him and his grip loosens and moves to catch my hand.
I yank my hand from his. “River!”
“What?” He looks genuinely sympathetic.
I move back, frowning, and cross my arms over my chest. “You don’t have to pity me. That part of my life was long ago. Ben can’t hurt me anymore. It really doesn’t matter to me who the girl was. But what does matter is that I have to be able to trust you.”
He shoots me a look I don’t understand. “You can trust me, we’ve been through that.”
“You’re not making it easy on me. Is there anything else I should know about?”
River’s stare is unwavering as he looks deep into my eyes, but says nothing.
I need to escape this small space. I feel like I’m being torn apart from indecision—believe, don’t believe, trust, don’t trust. My stomach twists over his silence. Not knowing if he doesn’t want to talk about his sister anymore or if maybe he’s too drunk to talk at all, I head toward the door. But this time he gets there first. He cups the back of my neck and pulls me to him. My mouth is already open to say something, to scream at him to just talk to me, but he stops me with his lips. He flattens his mouth hard against mine, and for a few moments I allow it—letting the physical sensations block everything else out.
But then I stop kissing him and step back. We stand there so close, but so far apart. When his gaze flickers down my body, I can feel the heat between us. He grabs my elbows and steps into me. Again I don’t resist. But this time, as soon as his mouth is on mine, I know where this is leading.
I whisper, “Please don’t. You need to talk to me.”
He licks his lips and swallows. “No, what I need is you,” he says as he drops his hands to my waist and yanks me to him.
I put both of my hands on his chest and shove him back. “Stop it!”
His face twists and his eyes narrow. He lets out a sound of frustration and the smell of alcohol is evident on his breath. He leans into me and through clenched teeth he whispers, “Why? Are you thinking about him?”
Understanding he’s drunk and doesn’t mean what he’s saying I calmly respond, “No River, I’m not. You know that. It’s just we can’t avoid talking by using sex this time. You need to help me trust you—talk to me, tell me what’s eating away at you. Is there something else you’re not telling me?”
He shakes his head in disbelief, his anger flaring. “There’s nothing we need to discuss right now.”
“I think there is.”
“Fine, Dahlia, have it your way,” he mutters, then he opens the door and slams it behind him.
My heart is in my throat and I can’t catch my breath. Looking down, I see the red ribbon lying on the floor and suddenly I can’t feel my own legs. I fall against the door, using it for support to help me stand. I suck in a breath and try to will away the tears. But when I hear the smashing of glass from the kitchen, I fall to the ground and cover my ears as the tears finally fall and my sobs escape me.
Chapter 17
Everywhere
Relationships are made up of so many different emotions, but the one thing that keeps a relationship strong is love. Can doubt weaken such a strong bond? Not if two people don’t let it—right?
I understand that River wants to protect me, but at what cost? I am trying so hard to keep my trust in him, even through all the hurt his secrets have caused me. But hiding things, keeping things from me, has strained our relationship. He didn’t tell me about his sister getting in an accident the night we first met, then he didn’t tell me that he knew who attacked me, and last night I found out he knew about his sister and Ben. For our relationship to work, I need to make him understand that he can’t keep hiding things from me in this way. What’s strange is I know I should doubt his intentions right now, but deep down in my soul, my faith in him is unwavering and to me, that means our love is still strong.
My relationship with Bell has been amazing. We instantly became friends after our very first introduction. Over the past year, we’ve grown so close, so finding out that she’s the girl Ben was communicating with behind my back in college was shocking—not only for me but it had to have upset her as well. I know I have to talk to her, but I’m not quite ready.
“Because I have nothing else to say to you.”
His eyes seem to have been taking in the room since he arrived and when they settle on the large black-and-white picture of River and his band hung over the sofa he asks, “Why him? Is it because he’s famous?”
I narrow my eyes and look at him. “Fuck you, Ben Covington. Get the hell out of my house!”
Ignoring me, he motions around the house. “I need to know. Did you know him while we were together?”
“Dahlia, you wanted me,” Bell says as she walks up and stands next to me.
Her eyes flash to Ben and she gasps. I turn to look at her—she stares wide-eyed with her hand over her mouth. All the color seems to have drained from her face.
“Bell, are you okay?” I ask.
“S’belle?” I hear Ben question as he, too, stares and I instantly make the connection. Their reaction to each other and their body language tells me I’m right. My head starts to spin as a vivid memory flashes through my mind—
The e-mail. The words reply to: S’belle, later tonight, green eyes, touch, copper, and your apartment in an e-mail on Ben’s computer. Ben hitting the delete button before I could read the whole message. Knowing he was making plans with another girl—plans that weren’t platonic. Our breakup and path to reconciliation. River’s sister is S’belle. Ben and Bell!
The bile rises up my throat as I run to the bedroom and open the door. I slam it and flatten my back against it. Another memory flashes before my eyes—River taking the broken frame from my hand, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the picture for a long while. Recognition flashed across his face, maybe even pain, when he asked, “Is this him?” Me turning to face him when I hoarsely answered, “Yes. That’s Ben.” River knew about his sister and Ben. This whole time, he’s been keeping that from me.
At the sliding glass doors, I open the curtains and look for him on the pool deck. He’s sitting there with Ellie sitting next to him, laughing and drawing something with her finger on the table. Then I see her lift his hand and do the same. I want to yell for him to come up here now, but I’m not going to make a scene. So I stand frozen, anticipating the words I’ll hear next—the words I don’t want to hear from him because that will only confirm he knew.
My bedroom door opens and I immediately turn. Ben’s standing there, his face pale. He looks around and then walks into the room, closing the door behind him.
“Dahl, how do you know her?”
Confusion sets in as I try to figure out what he’s asking me, but then I realize he has no idea who she is. “Bell is River’s sister.”
“Bell?”
“S’belle,” I hiss.
“His sister?” He, too, looks like he might be sick.
He walks across the room and stands in front of me.
“Who you had your inappropriate relationship with in college is irrelevant right now, Ben. You need to leave.”
With a huge sigh he reaches and takes my chin in his hand, saying, “Dahl, what do I have to do so you’ll forgive me? Talk to me. Tell me.”
The adrenaline starts to pump through my body as I realize all he has brought me is more pain. I step back but he follows and I can’t help but scream, “Get the f**k out, Ben—now!”
He reaches for me again and this time tries to pull me to him. Just then the door abruptly opens and bounces off the wall. River stands there—his eyes narrowed on me. “Am I interrupting?”
He walks closer and his eyes flash to Ben. My heart racing, I take a step back. I am seething mad and he’s not going to turn this around on me. Pointing outside I say, “Funny, I thought I might be interrupting you. I’m so glad you managed to pull yourself away.”
He ignores me. “What the f**k are you doing in my room with my girl?”
“Your girl? I’ve already told you a substitute is not a replacement—they’re never as good as the real thing.”
My head snaps to Ben and I warn him, “You need to leave. Get out now.”
But he ignores me and continues his taunting. “Oh, and another thing—she may be in your bed now, but she was f**king me in my bed for a hell of a lot longer and I bet she’s still thinking about it.”
Willing down a wave of nausea I scream, “Shut up, Ben. Just shut the hell up!” I can’t believe he could be so crude.
River storms over to Ben. His eyes filled with rage, his jaw tight, and his fists clenched, he throws a hard punch at Ben’s head before Ben even sees it coming.
Ben stumbles back yelling, “Is the truth hard to take?”
“Fuck you! You don’t even know the truth,” River yells back.
Ben grabs River’s leg before scrambling to his feet and slamming a punch into his stomach. Still, Ben doesn’t let up. “Dahl, come on. Tell him what we were like.”
I’m motionless, suspended in time, watching like I’m somewhere else.
A fury like I’ve never seen crosses River’s face as he lunges for Ben, grabbing his arm and jerking it behind his back. He slams Ben to the ground, shoving his knee against his spine, wrenching his arm back. River gives it another jerk and Ben grunts, “Son of a bitch.”
“River, stop!” I scream.
Snatching his other wrist, he pulls it behind Ben’s back and seethes, “By the time I’m done with you, you’re gonna wish you would’ve stayed dead.”
I can hear how high and thin my voice is when I scream out again, “Stop it!” He doesn’t seem to hear me. He’s lost in the fight. His normally gleaming green eyes are shadowed in a way I’ve never seen before.
When Ben winces in pain, River leans down and whispers something in his ear, but doesn’t let him go. My hand flies to my mouth and my tears are running down my cheeks—I just want this to end.
In a blur of movement, Xander pulls River off Ben and Caleb drags Ben from the room as he yells, “This isn’t over!”
River frees himself from Xander’s hold and heads for the door, but Xander blocks him and shoves him to the bed. “That’s enough, River! Enough! You need to get a handle on this.”
Xander attempts to calm River and I’m trying to contain my own rage. “Xander, can you tell everyone the party is over?”
He nods and then drops down to his brother’s eye level. “River, look at me. You need to do what we talked about. Do you hear me?”
River looked up at him for a moment before dropping his head back down again. Xander pats him on the shoulder and says, “Now.” Then his eyes land on me. “I’ll clear everyone out so you two can talk.”
He closes the door behind him and River and I are left alone. I stand there for a minute thinking about what Xander’s just said to River and I know that it’s about their sister. Relief and fear burst through me—I’m relieved Ben is gone and fearful of what we are about to discuss.
“I saw the two of you,” he says as he rises to his feet and heads for the door.
I hastily navigate around the bed and dash there first. Standing in front of it, literally blocking his way, I force him to stop right in front of me.
“Well, I don’t know what you think you saw, but whatever it is, I can tell you, you’re wrong.”
He takes a step back, eyeing me, and then turns to walk toward the glass doors. “Why was he in here, Dahlia? In our bedroom?”
Once again, I dash in front of him. I am not going to allow any space between us and he’s not going to walk out of this room until we talk. “Why was she holding your hand?”
“Come on, Dahl, you really want to talk about Ellie right now?”
I grab his face knowing exactly what he’s inferring by calling me by that nickname. “River, listen to me. I’m going to say this again—I am not interested in being with Ben. I am not in love with Ben. Whatever you think you saw, he wanted to talk to me about your sister. And I know you know what I mean. I just heard Xander tell you to tell me.”
I stare into his green eyes, searching for any sign of confusion. But when his mouth drops open and he says nothing, I know for sure that he knew about them. From there, my irritation only builds. I jab my finger into his chest. “Yeah, like I thought, you knew the whole time and again you didn’t tell me something.”
He tries to reach for my hands, but I jerk away. I stare at him, my irritation flaring as I cross to the other side of the room. My rage mixes with hurt as I’m once again left wondering if I can trust him.
Grabbing my wrist, he swings me around to face him. “Stop walking away from me. Let me explain.”
Shaking my head, I try to free myself of his grasp. “Oh now you want to talk. It was okay, though, when you were the one walking away!”
His lip turns into a sneer. “That was different.”
I laugh a little, now completely enraged. “The only thing different is that I was doing nothing wrong,” my voice cracks.
His eyes close, and when he reopens them all I see is pain. He leans closer to me, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I was only protecting you. Because I wanted to save you from a heartbreak you didn’t need to experience.”
“River, I already knew that he came close to cheating on me. You were saving yourself from having to deal with how Bell and I would take it. I saw her face tonight when she looked at him. She clearly didn’t know, either.”
He sighs deeply. “I don’t care how any of this affects me, you know that. I didn’t want to dredge up sad memories for you or for my sister.”
I stare at him and his grip loosens and moves to catch my hand.
I yank my hand from his. “River!”
“What?” He looks genuinely sympathetic.
I move back, frowning, and cross my arms over my chest. “You don’t have to pity me. That part of my life was long ago. Ben can’t hurt me anymore. It really doesn’t matter to me who the girl was. But what does matter is that I have to be able to trust you.”
He shoots me a look I don’t understand. “You can trust me, we’ve been through that.”
“You’re not making it easy on me. Is there anything else I should know about?”
River’s stare is unwavering as he looks deep into my eyes, but says nothing.
I need to escape this small space. I feel like I’m being torn apart from indecision—believe, don’t believe, trust, don’t trust. My stomach twists over his silence. Not knowing if he doesn’t want to talk about his sister anymore or if maybe he’s too drunk to talk at all, I head toward the door. But this time he gets there first. He cups the back of my neck and pulls me to him. My mouth is already open to say something, to scream at him to just talk to me, but he stops me with his lips. He flattens his mouth hard against mine, and for a few moments I allow it—letting the physical sensations block everything else out.
But then I stop kissing him and step back. We stand there so close, but so far apart. When his gaze flickers down my body, I can feel the heat between us. He grabs my elbows and steps into me. Again I don’t resist. But this time, as soon as his mouth is on mine, I know where this is leading.
I whisper, “Please don’t. You need to talk to me.”
He licks his lips and swallows. “No, what I need is you,” he says as he drops his hands to my waist and yanks me to him.
I put both of my hands on his chest and shove him back. “Stop it!”
His face twists and his eyes narrow. He lets out a sound of frustration and the smell of alcohol is evident on his breath. He leans into me and through clenched teeth he whispers, “Why? Are you thinking about him?”
Understanding he’s drunk and doesn’t mean what he’s saying I calmly respond, “No River, I’m not. You know that. It’s just we can’t avoid talking by using sex this time. You need to help me trust you—talk to me, tell me what’s eating away at you. Is there something else you’re not telling me?”
He shakes his head in disbelief, his anger flaring. “There’s nothing we need to discuss right now.”
“I think there is.”
“Fine, Dahlia, have it your way,” he mutters, then he opens the door and slams it behind him.
My heart is in my throat and I can’t catch my breath. Looking down, I see the red ribbon lying on the floor and suddenly I can’t feel my own legs. I fall against the door, using it for support to help me stand. I suck in a breath and try to will away the tears. But when I hear the smashing of glass from the kitchen, I fall to the ground and cover my ears as the tears finally fall and my sobs escape me.
Chapter 17
Everywhere
Relationships are made up of so many different emotions, but the one thing that keeps a relationship strong is love. Can doubt weaken such a strong bond? Not if two people don’t let it—right?
I understand that River wants to protect me, but at what cost? I am trying so hard to keep my trust in him, even through all the hurt his secrets have caused me. But hiding things, keeping things from me, has strained our relationship. He didn’t tell me about his sister getting in an accident the night we first met, then he didn’t tell me that he knew who attacked me, and last night I found out he knew about his sister and Ben. For our relationship to work, I need to make him understand that he can’t keep hiding things from me in this way. What’s strange is I know I should doubt his intentions right now, but deep down in my soul, my faith in him is unwavering and to me, that means our love is still strong.
My relationship with Bell has been amazing. We instantly became friends after our very first introduction. Over the past year, we’ve grown so close, so finding out that she’s the girl Ben was communicating with behind my back in college was shocking—not only for me but it had to have upset her as well. I know I have to talk to her, but I’m not quite ready.
