Trailer Park Heart
Page 31
He hadn’t exactly answered my question, but I didn’t want to pry either. “I accept your apology,” I told him, even though he hadn’t given me one. “Although, you didn’t have to hunt me down. I wouldn’t let RJ near your balls. They’re safe with me.” I slapped a hand over my mouth at the same time he tossed his head back and laughed loudly. “Not what I meant!”
He winked at me. “Good to know, Dawson. I’ll let RJ know that my balls are safe in your hands.”
I punched him playfully on the shoulder, my fist meeting a rock-hard boulder instead of flesh and bone. “Don’t be gross.”
He grabbed my wrist and tugged me closer. “Have dinner with me, Ruby. Let me at least get you out of my system.”
I blinked at him, two parts completely irritated, one part flustered and breathless. “No, thank you?”
His gaze moved over my face, drinking me in, settling on my lips. I tugged at my arm, not wanting to weird Max out. Levi and I weren’t especially close. It was more casual flirtation than an aggressively sexual overture. But still, I didn’t want Max to get any unrealistic ideas or ask questions that I couldn’t answer.
“You’ve been in my bones since we were kids, Dawson. I get that our lives have gone in different directions, but don’t you think you should at least give us a shot?”
Licking dry lips, I said the words that would shut this down forever… words I had to drag out of my soul and force into the air between us. “Are you ready to be a dad, Levi? Because it’s not just supper for me. And it’s not just me you would get. We come as a pair. And not only that, he will always be first for me, always be the most important thing in my life. You wouldn’t even be getting a fair deal. It’s not that I don’t want to have dinner with you. It’s that I can’t have dinner with you. I can’t even entertain the thought of having dinner with anyone unless I know they can be serious about my son.” I took a step back and pulled my arm out of his grasp. “You’ve turned out well, Levi. I see that you’re a catch. Any girl would be lucky to have dinner with you. Me included. And you’re right… there was something there, in that kiss, all those years ago. But it’s too late for this… for dinner and casual flirting and strutting in front of my house hoping I notice you. It’s too late for you and me.”
Before Levi could respond, Max swung his pretend sword through the air aggressively—actually, so aggressively his feet kicked out from underneath him and he landed on his butt in a heap. I lunged forward but his loud laughter stopped me from helicopter-momming all over him.
“Ow!” he laughed harder. “My butt!”
“Are you okay?” I asked him, panting with worry.
He raised the stick still clasped in his hand and pointed it at me. The sun sunk lower over the horizon casting him in a warm glow, lighting his dark hair with sun-shadowed highlights. “My butt hurts.” He laughed some more.
Levi cursed under his breath and took a step toward him. “Fuck me,” he hissed, the gasping tone of his voice drawing my immediate attention. I didn’t think Max heard the whispered word, but it made me look twice at Levi, since I had no idea where the anger had suddenly come from.
“Let me help you, little dude,” Levi offered, walking over to Max and offering his hand. He was staring at my son all over again, turning into a real creeper apparently.
“Thanks,” Max grunted as Levi pulled him to his feet.
When Max was standing, I expected Levi to let go of Max’s hand and release him back into the wild, but he just stood there, staring at my son.
Max, only six, stared back, thinking they were playing a game. Eventually, Levi let go of his hand and stepped back, his hands falling to his hips, his biceps flexed and hard.
“Let’s go, Max,” I called out, desperate to end the strange staring contest. “We should go get a start on dinner. Tell the weird man goodbye.”
Levi seemed to blink out of his stupor, turning his attention to me. “I’ll walk you home,” he offered.
“That’s okay,” I said quickly. “We’re good.”
“I insist,” he pushed, not giving any room for an argument. “I’ll feel better about myself.”
“Oh, good. I was hoping Max and I could help you feel better about yourself today. I know you struggle with that.”
His gaze flickered to mine for just a second before returning to Max. He didn’t acknowledge my sarcasm. “Thank you for understanding.”
Wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible, I decided to stop arguing and just let him have his way. Bickering with him would only raise more red flags. There had to be a way to navigate a relationship with Levi that erased his suspicions and curiosity. Fighting with him about everything was only going to make him more stubborn. I needed to reverse-psychology this situation into letting Levi feel like he’d won and that he had all the available information.
Grabbing Max’s hand, I let Levi trail after us. I braced myself for more probing questions, but he remained uncharacteristically quiet.
That was okay with me. I wasn’t really in a hurry to continue our conversation. Besides, Max filled in the blanks and had enough to talk about for the both of us. He asked me approximately thirty questions about supper and a hundred more about what we were doing tomorrow and when did school start again and what was the name of the light saber movie and could we watch it for real?
At the entrance to the mobile home park, I turned around and settled my hand on Levi’s chest. His heart pounded beneath my fingertips and I decided he might have truly overdone it today. Maybe his run had been hours long. Maybe he should have just figured out how to text me like a normal human being.
I couldn’t explain why I felt the need to touch him again or why so intimately. But there was a spirit inside me, pushing me to feel his skin, to let some part of my body rest against the most important part of his.
He was so hot and cold. He’d always been like this. One second ruining my life, the next rushing in to save me. I shouldn’t have expected him to change, even after all this time. But I had. I had assumed he’d forgotten about me. Or that he was no longer so interested in me. I had expected this sparking something to fade over time and that the birth of Max meant the death of that thing that had always existed between us, good or bad.
And yet, now that he was back, it was stronger and more electrified than ever. Max hadn’t severed the cord between us, he’d somehow made it stronger, tied us together in a more permanent way.
But it wasn’t a good thing.
Just like in high school, we were a catastrophe waiting to happen. I needed to let Levi go, for good this time. Only it was harder to think about that than I wanted to admit.
“Thanks, Levi. We can manage from here.”
His hand rested on mine for a minute. “Get RJ to lift the Rosie’s ban?”
I frowned but knew it had been silly of RJ to threaten him in the first place. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Instead of a thank you, like a polite person, Levi tilted his head toward Max and asked, “Hey, what’s his middle name?”
“His middle name?”
“Yeah. It concerns me you named him after your mom. Give me hope you didn’t completely lose your mind.”
“Be nice to my mom.”
He shrugged. Again. “Is it Maxine, Ruby? Max Maxine.”
He winked at me. “Good to know, Dawson. I’ll let RJ know that my balls are safe in your hands.”
I punched him playfully on the shoulder, my fist meeting a rock-hard boulder instead of flesh and bone. “Don’t be gross.”
He grabbed my wrist and tugged me closer. “Have dinner with me, Ruby. Let me at least get you out of my system.”
I blinked at him, two parts completely irritated, one part flustered and breathless. “No, thank you?”
His gaze moved over my face, drinking me in, settling on my lips. I tugged at my arm, not wanting to weird Max out. Levi and I weren’t especially close. It was more casual flirtation than an aggressively sexual overture. But still, I didn’t want Max to get any unrealistic ideas or ask questions that I couldn’t answer.
“You’ve been in my bones since we were kids, Dawson. I get that our lives have gone in different directions, but don’t you think you should at least give us a shot?”
Licking dry lips, I said the words that would shut this down forever… words I had to drag out of my soul and force into the air between us. “Are you ready to be a dad, Levi? Because it’s not just supper for me. And it’s not just me you would get. We come as a pair. And not only that, he will always be first for me, always be the most important thing in my life. You wouldn’t even be getting a fair deal. It’s not that I don’t want to have dinner with you. It’s that I can’t have dinner with you. I can’t even entertain the thought of having dinner with anyone unless I know they can be serious about my son.” I took a step back and pulled my arm out of his grasp. “You’ve turned out well, Levi. I see that you’re a catch. Any girl would be lucky to have dinner with you. Me included. And you’re right… there was something there, in that kiss, all those years ago. But it’s too late for this… for dinner and casual flirting and strutting in front of my house hoping I notice you. It’s too late for you and me.”
Before Levi could respond, Max swung his pretend sword through the air aggressively—actually, so aggressively his feet kicked out from underneath him and he landed on his butt in a heap. I lunged forward but his loud laughter stopped me from helicopter-momming all over him.
“Ow!” he laughed harder. “My butt!”
“Are you okay?” I asked him, panting with worry.
He raised the stick still clasped in his hand and pointed it at me. The sun sunk lower over the horizon casting him in a warm glow, lighting his dark hair with sun-shadowed highlights. “My butt hurts.” He laughed some more.
Levi cursed under his breath and took a step toward him. “Fuck me,” he hissed, the gasping tone of his voice drawing my immediate attention. I didn’t think Max heard the whispered word, but it made me look twice at Levi, since I had no idea where the anger had suddenly come from.
“Let me help you, little dude,” Levi offered, walking over to Max and offering his hand. He was staring at my son all over again, turning into a real creeper apparently.
“Thanks,” Max grunted as Levi pulled him to his feet.
When Max was standing, I expected Levi to let go of Max’s hand and release him back into the wild, but he just stood there, staring at my son.
Max, only six, stared back, thinking they were playing a game. Eventually, Levi let go of his hand and stepped back, his hands falling to his hips, his biceps flexed and hard.
“Let’s go, Max,” I called out, desperate to end the strange staring contest. “We should go get a start on dinner. Tell the weird man goodbye.”
Levi seemed to blink out of his stupor, turning his attention to me. “I’ll walk you home,” he offered.
“That’s okay,” I said quickly. “We’re good.”
“I insist,” he pushed, not giving any room for an argument. “I’ll feel better about myself.”
“Oh, good. I was hoping Max and I could help you feel better about yourself today. I know you struggle with that.”
His gaze flickered to mine for just a second before returning to Max. He didn’t acknowledge my sarcasm. “Thank you for understanding.”
Wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible, I decided to stop arguing and just let him have his way. Bickering with him would only raise more red flags. There had to be a way to navigate a relationship with Levi that erased his suspicions and curiosity. Fighting with him about everything was only going to make him more stubborn. I needed to reverse-psychology this situation into letting Levi feel like he’d won and that he had all the available information.
Grabbing Max’s hand, I let Levi trail after us. I braced myself for more probing questions, but he remained uncharacteristically quiet.
That was okay with me. I wasn’t really in a hurry to continue our conversation. Besides, Max filled in the blanks and had enough to talk about for the both of us. He asked me approximately thirty questions about supper and a hundred more about what we were doing tomorrow and when did school start again and what was the name of the light saber movie and could we watch it for real?
At the entrance to the mobile home park, I turned around and settled my hand on Levi’s chest. His heart pounded beneath my fingertips and I decided he might have truly overdone it today. Maybe his run had been hours long. Maybe he should have just figured out how to text me like a normal human being.
I couldn’t explain why I felt the need to touch him again or why so intimately. But there was a spirit inside me, pushing me to feel his skin, to let some part of my body rest against the most important part of his.
He was so hot and cold. He’d always been like this. One second ruining my life, the next rushing in to save me. I shouldn’t have expected him to change, even after all this time. But I had. I had assumed he’d forgotten about me. Or that he was no longer so interested in me. I had expected this sparking something to fade over time and that the birth of Max meant the death of that thing that had always existed between us, good or bad.
And yet, now that he was back, it was stronger and more electrified than ever. Max hadn’t severed the cord between us, he’d somehow made it stronger, tied us together in a more permanent way.
But it wasn’t a good thing.
Just like in high school, we were a catastrophe waiting to happen. I needed to let Levi go, for good this time. Only it was harder to think about that than I wanted to admit.
“Thanks, Levi. We can manage from here.”
His hand rested on mine for a minute. “Get RJ to lift the Rosie’s ban?”
I frowned but knew it had been silly of RJ to threaten him in the first place. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Instead of a thank you, like a polite person, Levi tilted his head toward Max and asked, “Hey, what’s his middle name?”
“His middle name?”
“Yeah. It concerns me you named him after your mom. Give me hope you didn’t completely lose your mind.”
“Be nice to my mom.”
He shrugged. Again. “Is it Maxine, Ruby? Max Maxine.”
