Trailer Park Heart
Page 33
“Hi,” I said, distinctly less enthusiastically. True to her word, Jamie had invited us over to work on party favors and crafts for the Halloween party at the end of the month.
Jamie was taking her role as room mom seriously. She was determined to give the kids the “best party experience they’ll have their entire elementary career.” It felt a little extreme to me, but I wanted a fun party for Max and I was too much of a pushover to suggest putting on the brakes.
To be totally honest, I was also hunting for some gossip. It had been two weeks since Levi had come out to my neck of the woods looking for trouble. Okay, maybe he hadn’t been looking for trouble per se. But he’d caused plenty anyway.
I’d been so worked up over his unsaid accusations that I was having legitimate panic attacks by Monday. And then he’d strolled into the diner that morning, giving RJ and me the stink eye and his back. But all of that was apparently for naught. Chrissy, another waitress, had ended up waiting on him and he hadn’t bothered me once. Or since.
Okay, that’s not entirely true. I had been doing my best to ignore him. But other than a few refills of coffee, he hadn’t suggested dinner or rekindling a stupid old nonexistent flame or Max’s middle name.
Two days ago, I nearly ran into him at the Piggly Wiggly, but I’d ducked into the frozen foods section and stocked up on corn and peas. When I left, I saw him sitting in his truck and as I walked by, I caught his eye. For a second it looked like he was going to jump down and come talk to me, but he didn’t.
I’d managed to load my groceries in my car and drive away. There had been a weird pain in my heart and a nauseous flip in my stomach, but I chalked up all those ridiculous emotions to fear.
Jamie had texted last night to ask if I’d like to get together this afternoon. It was Saturday and Max and I didn’t have any exciting plans, so I hoped this would take my mind off obsessing about Levi Cole and his silent allegations.
Or maybe Jamie would have something interesting to share.
God, I wanted to slap my hand to my forehead and groan. I was like an addict.
I blamed this town. And the environment I was brought up in. It wasn’t my fault I was like this.
I cleared my throat, annoyed at my internal self. “Thanks for having us over,” I told Jamie, pushing past the mental issue mountains in my head and focusing on the present.
“Of course!” she beamed. “Jason has a bunch of guys over for the game. Harper and I needed more estrogen to balance things out.”
“Oh, I hope we’re not interrupting.”
She waved me into her opulent foyer. Trendy tile and an iron chandelier overhead accented her soft gray walls decorated with a mixture of pictures of their beautiful family and interesting art pieces. It was like stepping into a magazine ad for Restoration Hardware. “Don’t even worry about them. They’re in the basement with all the finger foods they could want. We have a wet bar down there and Jason ordered a keg. I doubt any of them will surface before dark.”
I laughed. “That sounds amazing.”
She nodded somberly. “Oh, to be male and spoiled rotten.” She winked at me and I felt genuine kindness for this girl I had previously judged so hard. Maybe she wasn’t the faded beauty queen I’d pegged her as. She led me into the kitchen where a gigantic island was covered in orange and black Halloween supplies with fuzzy purple piles thrown in sporadically. It was such a shocking contradiction from her perfectly styled foyer that I tripped a little and kicked Max in his heel. “Sorry for the mess,” she murmured. “I went a little overboard.”
That was an understatement. It looked like Halloween had thrown up in here. I laughed nervously. “It’ll be good. Better to have too much.” Not that I had ever known what too much looked like. Or what we would do with all of the craft supplies. It was just one party, for one classroom. Unless she planned to decorate the entire school building, we wouldn’t need half of these things.
She gave me a wobbly smile. “Sure.” She turned to Harper and said, “Why don’t you take Max in the back yard and show him the playset.”
Max looked at me, making sure it was okay. In our neighborhood he wasn’t allowed to play outside unless I was with him. I ruffled his hair and smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay, buddy. Go ahead.”
Harper took Max’s hand and tugged him after her. “Come on!” she ordered.
I watched after him as he weaved his way through their nice house, afraid he was going to bump into a coffee table or something and I would have to figure out how to pay for a three-hundred-dollar knickknack.
“It’s fenced,” Jamie offered quickly, sensing my discomfort. “They can’t get out. Jason just finished building the playset. It’s a little extravagant if you ask me, but he got a deal on lumber and built it himself, so he wanted to do it right.” She rolled her eyes, but there was a sweetness to it. “He can’t help himself. When it comes to Harper, he wants to give her the entire world.”
A pain burst through my chest and I rubbed absently at the aching spot over my breastbone. I didn’t miss Logan in the obvious sense of the word. It wasn’t like I thought I’d lost this great love of my life. But for Max’s sake, sometimes it was hard to stomach his absence.
He would have been a good dad.
It wasn’t fair to Max that all he had was me. Logan could have given him things like backyard playsets and homes with fences. I would never be able to afford that stuff.
And at the same time I missed Logan, I was also glad he wasn’t in the picture. As hard as it was to be a single parent, I couldn’t imagine sharing Max with anyone. I couldn’t imagine losing him to the Cole world and having to explain why they lived like that and I lived like… I did.
It was another reason I’d never said anything, why I’d always held this secret so close to the vest.
What if Max went over to their side and never wanted to come back?
“That’s sweet,” I managed to say to Jamie.
She smiled dreamily beyond my head and then seemed to snap out of it. “Should we get started?”
I frowned at the mess on the kitchen island again. “I’m afraid.”
She tipped her head back and laughed at my joke. “Me too.”
Two hours later, my back hurt and my neck had a serious crick in it, but I’d managed to recreate cartoonish versions of Frankenstein, a witch, a pumpkin, a mummy, a ghost, a black cat and a zombie on thirty different soup cans. Plus, I’d painted a pumpkin pyramid on the bean bag toss board. They weren’t half bad.
“I didn’t know you were such an artist,” Jamie said, admiring my work. “These look awesome!”
I brushed hair out of my eyes with the back of my hand, still wielding my paintbrush. “Yeah, they turned out okay. I used to paint a lot in high school, I just haven’t had time since Max.”
I expected her to say something about my teen pregnancy, but she smiled in empathy instead. “I know what you mean. Harper is constant. I don’t even remember what I like to do that doesn’t involve Disney princesses or playing Barbies.”
“Right? Or apps. I think I spend half my life navigating all the different free games he downloads on my phone.”
“I was just saying that to Jason! I told him, we just need to hand over our credit card and let Harper pay for apps that aren’t crap. Anything to end the madness.”
Jamie was taking her role as room mom seriously. She was determined to give the kids the “best party experience they’ll have their entire elementary career.” It felt a little extreme to me, but I wanted a fun party for Max and I was too much of a pushover to suggest putting on the brakes.
To be totally honest, I was also hunting for some gossip. It had been two weeks since Levi had come out to my neck of the woods looking for trouble. Okay, maybe he hadn’t been looking for trouble per se. But he’d caused plenty anyway.
I’d been so worked up over his unsaid accusations that I was having legitimate panic attacks by Monday. And then he’d strolled into the diner that morning, giving RJ and me the stink eye and his back. But all of that was apparently for naught. Chrissy, another waitress, had ended up waiting on him and he hadn’t bothered me once. Or since.
Okay, that’s not entirely true. I had been doing my best to ignore him. But other than a few refills of coffee, he hadn’t suggested dinner or rekindling a stupid old nonexistent flame or Max’s middle name.
Two days ago, I nearly ran into him at the Piggly Wiggly, but I’d ducked into the frozen foods section and stocked up on corn and peas. When I left, I saw him sitting in his truck and as I walked by, I caught his eye. For a second it looked like he was going to jump down and come talk to me, but he didn’t.
I’d managed to load my groceries in my car and drive away. There had been a weird pain in my heart and a nauseous flip in my stomach, but I chalked up all those ridiculous emotions to fear.
Jamie had texted last night to ask if I’d like to get together this afternoon. It was Saturday and Max and I didn’t have any exciting plans, so I hoped this would take my mind off obsessing about Levi Cole and his silent allegations.
Or maybe Jamie would have something interesting to share.
God, I wanted to slap my hand to my forehead and groan. I was like an addict.
I blamed this town. And the environment I was brought up in. It wasn’t my fault I was like this.
I cleared my throat, annoyed at my internal self. “Thanks for having us over,” I told Jamie, pushing past the mental issue mountains in my head and focusing on the present.
“Of course!” she beamed. “Jason has a bunch of guys over for the game. Harper and I needed more estrogen to balance things out.”
“Oh, I hope we’re not interrupting.”
She waved me into her opulent foyer. Trendy tile and an iron chandelier overhead accented her soft gray walls decorated with a mixture of pictures of their beautiful family and interesting art pieces. It was like stepping into a magazine ad for Restoration Hardware. “Don’t even worry about them. They’re in the basement with all the finger foods they could want. We have a wet bar down there and Jason ordered a keg. I doubt any of them will surface before dark.”
I laughed. “That sounds amazing.”
She nodded somberly. “Oh, to be male and spoiled rotten.” She winked at me and I felt genuine kindness for this girl I had previously judged so hard. Maybe she wasn’t the faded beauty queen I’d pegged her as. She led me into the kitchen where a gigantic island was covered in orange and black Halloween supplies with fuzzy purple piles thrown in sporadically. It was such a shocking contradiction from her perfectly styled foyer that I tripped a little and kicked Max in his heel. “Sorry for the mess,” she murmured. “I went a little overboard.”
That was an understatement. It looked like Halloween had thrown up in here. I laughed nervously. “It’ll be good. Better to have too much.” Not that I had ever known what too much looked like. Or what we would do with all of the craft supplies. It was just one party, for one classroom. Unless she planned to decorate the entire school building, we wouldn’t need half of these things.
She gave me a wobbly smile. “Sure.” She turned to Harper and said, “Why don’t you take Max in the back yard and show him the playset.”
Max looked at me, making sure it was okay. In our neighborhood he wasn’t allowed to play outside unless I was with him. I ruffled his hair and smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay, buddy. Go ahead.”
Harper took Max’s hand and tugged him after her. “Come on!” she ordered.
I watched after him as he weaved his way through their nice house, afraid he was going to bump into a coffee table or something and I would have to figure out how to pay for a three-hundred-dollar knickknack.
“It’s fenced,” Jamie offered quickly, sensing my discomfort. “They can’t get out. Jason just finished building the playset. It’s a little extravagant if you ask me, but he got a deal on lumber and built it himself, so he wanted to do it right.” She rolled her eyes, but there was a sweetness to it. “He can’t help himself. When it comes to Harper, he wants to give her the entire world.”
A pain burst through my chest and I rubbed absently at the aching spot over my breastbone. I didn’t miss Logan in the obvious sense of the word. It wasn’t like I thought I’d lost this great love of my life. But for Max’s sake, sometimes it was hard to stomach his absence.
He would have been a good dad.
It wasn’t fair to Max that all he had was me. Logan could have given him things like backyard playsets and homes with fences. I would never be able to afford that stuff.
And at the same time I missed Logan, I was also glad he wasn’t in the picture. As hard as it was to be a single parent, I couldn’t imagine sharing Max with anyone. I couldn’t imagine losing him to the Cole world and having to explain why they lived like that and I lived like… I did.
It was another reason I’d never said anything, why I’d always held this secret so close to the vest.
What if Max went over to their side and never wanted to come back?
“That’s sweet,” I managed to say to Jamie.
She smiled dreamily beyond my head and then seemed to snap out of it. “Should we get started?”
I frowned at the mess on the kitchen island again. “I’m afraid.”
She tipped her head back and laughed at my joke. “Me too.”
Two hours later, my back hurt and my neck had a serious crick in it, but I’d managed to recreate cartoonish versions of Frankenstein, a witch, a pumpkin, a mummy, a ghost, a black cat and a zombie on thirty different soup cans. Plus, I’d painted a pumpkin pyramid on the bean bag toss board. They weren’t half bad.
“I didn’t know you were such an artist,” Jamie said, admiring my work. “These look awesome!”
I brushed hair out of my eyes with the back of my hand, still wielding my paintbrush. “Yeah, they turned out okay. I used to paint a lot in high school, I just haven’t had time since Max.”
I expected her to say something about my teen pregnancy, but she smiled in empathy instead. “I know what you mean. Harper is constant. I don’t even remember what I like to do that doesn’t involve Disney princesses or playing Barbies.”
“Right? Or apps. I think I spend half my life navigating all the different free games he downloads on my phone.”
“I was just saying that to Jason! I told him, we just need to hand over our credit card and let Harper pay for apps that aren’t crap. Anything to end the madness.”
